The BLTS Archive - Un series
#2: Unbelievable
by Kiff (Kiff47@yahoo.com)

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I don't know what's gotten into me lately.

Wait.  That's the problem.  *Nothing* has.  What I need is a good fuck.
 I don't even care which end I get it in.

If I jerk off much more, I'll end up with repetitive motion disorder,
or whatever the Doctor calls it, in my wrist.  I haven't been laid in
almost two years, or at least that's what my notes tell me.  I think
her name was Kellin.  

Whoever she was, I bet she didn't look anything like Tom Paris.  I can
pretty much guarantee that *he's* got something bigger in his pants.  

Like right now.  Look at him.  Guy can almost read my mind.

No laughing, Chakotay.  Not in the middle of the staff meeting.  But I
can't stop a quirky little smile from landing on my face.  

On my left, B'Elanna is droning on about some modifications she wants
to make to the Delta Flyer.  That ship is Tom's baby, and he's not even
hearing a word his ex is saying.  I know it.  I recognize another
raging libido in the room.

If I can start thinking with my big head instead of my little one, I'll
remember that Tom Paris is irresponsible, disrespectful, and a good ten
years younger than I am.  He's a damn good pilot, but he ignores
protocol, and he's got a big mouth.

Hmmmm...I consider *that* implication for a moment.

"Mr. Paris?"  That's Kathryn.

Tom is flustered.  Damn, blonds get *so* red when they're embarrassed. 
My heart speeds up a little in sympathy.

"Uh, what was that, Captain?"

"The modifications B'Elanna was outlining for us.  How do you think
they'll work?"

He's squirming in his chair, glancing nervously at Seven next to him. 
As if a Borg would understand.  "Captain, I apologize.  I wasn't
listening."

Kathryn isn't pleased.  "Well, I don't think we have time to go into
this any further.  B'Elanna will just have to brief you later on."

Torres glares at Tom.  Nothing new.  Even when they were together, she
frequently looked as though she was ready to carve him up into targ
meat.

I decide to interject here.  "Captain, if I may..."

She nods, gesturing with her left hand.  "Commander."

"As defacto ship's counselor, and acting on the advice of Mr.
Neelix..."  I pause and nod in his direction.  "I recommend that we go
to a reduced staffing pattern for the time being.  I'm noting some
increased tension among the crew, and I think some downtime is in
order.  Perhaps some R&R on the holodeck will help."

"I have no objection," said the captain.  "Work up a revised duty
roster and bring it to me by the end of the day."

Do I have an ulterior motive here?  Of course, but I'm also speaking
the truth.  We haven't been able to take shore leave in months, and
people are getting bored.  Let the ship take care of itself for awhile.

I glance at Tom again, and he looks like he's about to be sick.  But he
doesn't need a doctor.  Far from it.

"Any other business?" asks Kathryn.  There is none, so she dismisses
us, with another curious stare at Tom, who is very reluctant to leave
his seat.  A dead give-away.  Again, I'm trying very hard not to laugh.

He should jerk off like I do.  It takes away the edge.

As Harry Kim passes by, he says something to Tom.  Paris almost takes
his head off.

I'm enjoying the show, so I sit for a minute and pretend to pick up my
reports.  Tom stares uneasily about him, trying to avoid my eyes.  Then
he gets up, slowly.  I can't help it.  I look at the front of his
pants.

Well, he's got more self-control than I thought.  

He leaves, almost hugging the wall as he scoots out of the room.  But I
do get a nice peek at his ass.

Talk about violating protocol.  Kathryn would skin me alive if she
could read my thoughts right now.  A commander and an ensign?

But no one else would need to know.  And we'd get what we wanted.

Okay.  I'd better leave, or I'll have a hard problem of my own to
solve.

Is Paris burning?  I know I am.

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The End