The BLTS Archive - Answer to Gethsemane by Kiff (Kiff47@yahoo.com) --- Disclaimer: Paramount owns these characters. I'm simply borrowing them for a while. Archiving: My web page, ASCEM, BLTS. Anyone else, please ask first. Feedback: I appreciate all constructive comments. If you wish to send them privately, --- Chakotay: "We can find another way home. We've waited this long." Janeway: "Long enough. We've waited long enough. I know it's a risk; probably our biggest one yet. But I'm willing to take it. Are you with me?" Chakotay: "Always." -- from "Timeless" --- "Captain, this is delicious." "I think we can dispense with the formalities now, Chakotay. Shop talk is over for the evening. Kathryn, please." "All right. Kathryn, this is delicious. What is it called again?" "Vegetable bityani." "Mmmmm." Chakotay took a second bite. His companion sipped her wine and smiled at him from across the table. The commander chewed for some time before swallowing. "Aren't you eating tonight?" He pointed at her untouched portion. "I was just waiting to see if it passed the test." But she did pick up her fork at last. "So I'm your guinea pig?" "Not at all." She paused to chew her food. "You're a man who is, shall we say, very particular about what he eats." "I'm fussy. That's what you're really saying." He put his fork down and scowled playfully. Kathryn laughed and took another drink of wine. "You are a man of good taste, Commander." He smiled. "Now who's being formal?" "Sorry." She lifted her empty glass to him. "More wine?" "I'd love it." She poured some from the bottle. Chakotay went back to the bityani. They ate silently for a minute or two. "So," Kathryn said at last. "What is the first thing you're going to do when we get back to Earth?" "You're assuming that tomorrow's trip is going to be successful." "Humor me, Chakotay. Let's just pretend for now." "All right." He leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment. "Of course, we're also assuming that Starfleet isn't going to throw me into prison as soon as we hit the Alpha Quadrant." "Assume it," Kathryn said firmly. "I'd go visit my sister in New Mexico. It's been ten, maybe twelve years since I've seen her. Her children might not even remember me." "How old are they?" "Well...Lupe was six or seven, and Paco was around four. They'd be teenagers now." "You never told me about any nieces and nephews." "Lupe and Paco are the only ones. I have many cousins on both sides of my family, but my parents only had two children." He smiled. "So, what will you do if and when we get back?" "I'm going straight to Mother's house in Indiana." "I thought you might say that." "And she'll have hot homemade caramel brownies waiting for me." Kathryn laughed. "I have tried to replicate those brownies time and again, and it never comes out right." Chakotay raised his wine glass. "Here's to families and to hot caramel brownies." "And here's to tomorrow's successful trip." Kathryn clinked her glass with his and drained it in one gulp. "My, this is good wine." She poured more for herself. "Careful there, Cap--Kathryn." "I'm fine. It's still early." She dug back into her meal. Chakotay did as well. Soft music played in the background. They ate slowly, enjoying every bite. Chakotay quietly poured himself more wine. He felt the familiar heaviness beginning in his legs; it was always the first sign that alcohol was taking over. For the moment he did want it to take over. This might be his last dinner with Kathryn if things did not go well tomorrow. He hadn't lied to her. Harry Kim's theory was sound, and there was a fairly good chance that the slipstream drive would take them home within minutes. But so much could go wrong. Phase variances, errors in telemetry, human errors, bad luck -- any of those could doom them. "I know what you're thinking." He looked up from his empty plate. "You're worried about tomorrow." Kathryn sighed. "Well, so am I." She laid down her fork. "I can't eat any more." "I'll clear the table," said Chakotay, getting to his feet. "Thank you. But leave the wine," said the captain. He took the plates and silverware to the recycler, wet a cloth from the sink, and quietly wiped the table. Kathryn watched him, spinning her wine glass around in her hands. "I really don't know what I would have done if you hadn't agreed to join me four years ago." She sounded thoughtful, almost sad. He returned to the table and sat down across from her, saying the first thing that came into his mind. "I don't regret my decision for one minute, Kathryn." She looked up at him and smiled. In the dim light she looked mysterious and beautiful, not at all like the authoritative captain she was on the bridge. Chakotay supposed he was probably the only person on Voyager who ever saw her this way. And he loved what he saw. "We've put a good crew together, Chakotay. I don't want to let them down." "You won't." "I mean...it's my responsibility that we're here in the first place...." Her gaze drifted to the floor. "It is. And that was also the reason I joined you." "Was it?" She pulled her head up. "It was a courageous choice, Kathryn. You didn't take the easy way out. You didn't let the Kazon have their way with the Ocampa. You sacrificed your own convenience in order to save an entire people." "But it wasn't only *my* convenience. I forced everyone else here to share the same fate." "It may have seemed that way in the beginning. But you worked hard to build bridges between the Voyager and Maquis crews. It's been four years, and I don't think there can be a more cohesive crew in Starfleet than ours." "You get some of the credit for that, too." "I'll take it," he said, smiling. Kathryn stood up. "Let's get more comfortable, shall we? I'm going to sit on the couch. Bring the wine." He followed her, glass in one hand and bottle in the other. Kathryn settled herself in one corner of the couch. He took the other, not daring to sit any closer. He refilled each of their glasses, then set the bottle down on the coffee table in front of them. "We have built something good here, haven't we? It would be a shame to throw it all away." "We're not throwing it away, Kathryn. We're taking a risk. If it doesn't work, we'll shut down the drive and try something else." "I'm going to look at Tom's simulations one more time in the morning. I can always call it off." "You're the captain." She looked at him sharply. "I have a feeling that if you were in my position, you would cancel this whole operation." He swallowed. "Sorry, Kathryn. I've just been pointing out the pluses and minuses of this mission as I see them." "As any good first officer should. No, Chakotay, I apologize for snapping at you like that. The fact is...I'm scared." "So am I." They looked at each other. Kathryn's face was flushed with wine as well as embarrassment. Chakotay moved closer to her without realizing he was doing it, as if to protect her. The music ended, and a new piece started. Kathryn smiled. "Bach. He always knows how to settle me down." She reached down for her wine glass. "This is my last glass for the evening. Would you join me for another toast?" He lifted his glass to hers, leaning forward to do so. "To Voyager." "To Voyager," he echoed. "And to our friendship." "Yes," was all he could say, surprised and moved. Their glasses clinked, and he swallowed half of his remaining wine. She drank all of hers with a satisfied sigh. "I'll save the rest for tomorrow night, once we're home." "I'll drink to that," Chakotay said, and drained his glass. He was definitely getting a buzz now. And they had a big day tomorrow. He probably ought to get back to his quarters and get some sleep. The thing was, he didn't want to leave Kathryn like this. "Tell me we're doing the right thing," she said. "We're doing the right thing," he said to his lap. "Look at me when you say that." He lifted his head and looked at her steadily. "We're doing the right thing." She leaned toward him and cupped his cheek in her hand. A thrill went through his body. This was not the same gesture she had made an hour ago, when he had teased her about her cooking. "Chakotay," she whispered. "Yes, Kathryn?" "Would you put your arms around me? Just for a minute?" Was there ever any question? He pressed her to his chest, listening to her quick breathing, smelling the sweet wine on her breath, feeling the ribs inside her small-framed body. She hugged him back fiercely, her strong little hands running over his back and shoulders. A minute ticked by, and when it was over, they were still holding on to each other. Chakotay's right hand wandered up Kathryn's back until it reached her hair. He plunged his fingers inside, stroking her scalp. She gave a little moan, and her own hand found the back of Chakotay's neck. "One more night," she whispered. "It might be our last night." "No," he said. "Any night could be our last night, Chakotay. Do you feel it?" He tightened his arms around her. Yes, he did feel it. It was a dreadful fear. They could be facing death tomorrow. And he wouldn't be at her side, but in the Delta Flyer with Harry, piloting and plotting the course for Voyager through the perilous slipstream. Yet beneath the fear was hope: hope that they would make it home this time, and hope that maybe this was the start of something very special between himself and Kathryn. She was free of obligation and so was he; anything was possible. "I'm here, Kathryn. I won't leave you." He felt her quiver; reaching up, he felt tears on her cheeks. He pulled back a little and looked into her face. "I'm sorry," she said, wiping the tears away. "I shouldn't have had all that wine, I suppose." "It's all right," he said. He put a hand under her chin. "I don't mind." She looked at him steadily. Her right hand came up and traced his tattoo. Chakotay held himself as still as he could. "I've always wanted to do that," she whispered. He caught her hand in his and pressed it to his lips. Her other hand went around his neck, and Chakotay felt his head being pulled toward hers. Their lips met in a soft kiss. Kathryn broke it, but only to bury herself in the commander's arms again. "I've always wanted to do that, too." He held her, stroked her, wondered if there was anything else she had always wanted to do, hoped there was, feared there wasn't, wanting her with all that he was. "The hell with protocol," she said into his neck. "I want you right now, Chakotay. If we die tomorrow, at least we'll have had tonight. Are you with me?" He shut his eyes against the tears that were forming. "Always." --- She led him to her bedroom. They undressed quickly, aware of how short their time was. She pulled back the covers on her bed and lay down. He slid in next to her. They kissed slowly and passionately, her hand at the back of his neck, his cupping her breast. Kathryn rolled onto her back, pulling Chakotay on top of her. His growing erection poked at her thigh, causing her to smile. "You're beautiful," Chakotay whispered, looking down at his captain. Her auburn hair fell across her forehead. She had small, firm breasts, a smooth belly, and thin but shapely thighs. "Love me," she said softly. Chakotay kissed her mouth, then her neck, and made his way down to her breasts. He ran his tongue around the aureole of her right breast and then took the nipple into his mouth and sucked it gently. Kathryn gasped with pleasure. His right hand wandered to her left breast and squeezed it. His fingers played with her right nipple while his mouth tickled the other. After a few minutes, he switched breasts. Kathryn moaned softly as her nipples became fully erect. "Beautiful," he whispered as he kissed her mouth once more. "Beautiful Kathryn." She reached down suddenly and found his swelling cock. She grasped him firmly in her hand. Chakotay grunted and groaned as she stroked him. He was so close. But not yet. He pulled her hand away, brought it to his lips, and kissed it. "Wait," he said. Kathryn smiled. "You know me. I'm not very patient. And I think I'm a little tipsy, besides." "All right, then," he said, releasing her hand and leaning over to plant kisses on the soft skin of her belly. Slowly he made his way down to the top of her pubic hair. Kathryn spread her legs to give him better access. He paused for a moment and looked at her, open and vulnerable. He wanted nothing more than for her to be safe, secure, and happy. He wished he could give her all these things. But all he could give her now was himself, and it would have to be enough. He traced a finger along her labia, causing her to moan and rock her hips. She was very moist and ready for him. He put his finger inside her warmth and wetness, drew it out, and plunged it in again and again. "Oh..." she said, very faintly. He withdrew the finger, bent down, and extended his tongue, flicking it quickly back and forth across her clitoris. Kathryn cried out and writhed under him. Chakotay steadied her by putting one firm hand on each of her hips, his tongue continuing its gentle assault. She thrust against his mouth, seeking out the friction, demanding it. "Oh!!! Oh, God! Chakotay!!" She bucked under him, surprising him with her strength, almost throwing him off. She moaned rhythmically, as if she were in tune with some wild song that her body was playing. Chakotay held on as best he could, thrilled to be sharing this moment with her. Kathryn suddenly pushed his head. "Oh...that's it...please...." He stopped licking her and looked up at her face. Her eyes were closed; her expression rapturous. She grabbed at his shoulders. "Oh, yes," he agreed, bringing his hips up as she did. He entered her smoothly, easily. She wrapped her legs around his back, allowing him maximum penetration. It was too good. He had to slow down and enjoy this. He held his position, eyes closed, body poised, savoring the anticipation. Kathryn rocked her hips underneath him, urging him on. Now he could not hold back. He thrust in and out of her, grunting, then moaning as he approached the point of no return. Crying out, he exploded into Kathryn. He felt her legs grip him, felt her hands reach up to grab his shoulders. He was trapped in a prison of pleasure. At last he was released, and he collapsed on top of his partner, exhausted. She hugged him tightly to her and kissed his neck. "Thank you." "You--you're welcome," he managed to gasp out. They lay that way for a minute or so. Chakotay finally found the energy to roll off of Kathryn. "Sorry about that. I hope I didn't squash you." "Not at all. I enjoyed it." He raised himself on one elbow and looked at her. "I'm glad. I enjoyed it, too." "Makes you wonder why we waited so long, doesn't it?" He chuckled. "I seem to remember someone saying something about protocol." "Who, me?" She laughed, reached over, and cupped his face with her hand. "You don't know how hard it's been to resist you all this time." "How long?" "Since New Earth." He kissed her hand. "It's been about that long for me, too." "No regrets, Commander?" "None at all, Captain." "That's good," she said, and was quiet again. He took her into his arms, and they lay still, listening to Bach and feeling the rise and fall of each other's chests. "What about the crew?" he asked after a while. "Do we have to tell them anything?" "Not tomorrow," she replied. "Maybe--if we succeed." "What if we only succeed partially? What if we get halfway home and have to shut the drive down? We'll still have twenty or thirty years left, theoretically." "That's definitely a possibility," said Kathryn. "I meant...what about us?" "Wait a minute," said Kathryn, lifting her head to look at him. "Are you implying that we only made love tonight because you think we're going to die tomorrow?" "No!" Chakotay said emphatically. "I would have made love with you in any time and in any place, because it's what I've wanted for a long time." "I see," she said. "I'm sorry. I asked *you* that question, and I think I really meant it for myself." Chakotay sat up. "And what's your answer?" She was quiet for a long time before replying. "I think I've finally figured out that any day here in the Delta Quadrant may be my last. That I need to seize the day because it may not come my way a second time." She was crying again. Chakotay put his arms around her. "It's all right, Kathryn." "I don't want to die." "You're not going to die." "You don't know that!" "All right. I don't know that. I do know that I don't want you to die, because I love you." She hugged him fiercely. "I happen to love you, too. God knows why." "It doesn't matter why." "Stay with me tonight, Chakotay." "I'm not going anywhere." "Have breakfast with me. I don't want to let you out of my sight until I have to put you and Harry on the Flyer." "I will, Kathryn." "All right." She let out a long shuddering breath and lay back down on the bed. Chakotay pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. Within a few minutes, her breathing became slow and regular, and Chakotay knew that she had fallen asleep. Before following her into slumber, he said a short prayer to the spirits. --- Kathryn was up at 0600, checking the final status reports from the overnight shift. All seemed to be ready. Chakotay joined her at the monitor. "Mind if I replicate some breakfast?" She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Toast and black coffee for me, please." He frowned. "Not a very complete meal, Captain." "I'll make up for it later, hopefully once we're safe in the Alpha Quadrant. Right now I'm too excited for anything else." "All right." He placed the order, then got some green tea, a banana, and a bran muffin for himself. Kathryn joined him at the table once more. "Well, this is it," she said after a swallow of coffee. "I'm supposed to meet Harry at 0715 for some last-minute checks on the Flyer. I can push that back for a few minutes if you want me to." She touched his cheek. "No, I think we had better make sure that everything checks out. Too much is at stake." She bit into her toast. Chakotay peeled his banana slowly and broke it into pieces before putting one of them into his mouth. "We're going to make it," he said. "One way or another." "I hope you're right." "Kathryn." He put a hand on her arm. "Whatever happens, I will never forget last night." "I won't, either." "I love you." "I love you, too," she sighed. --- She walked him to the Flyer, where Harry waited anxiously. "Take care of us, Ensign. We're counting on you." "Yes, ma'am." She turned to Chakotay. "I'll see you on the other side, wherever it is." "I'll be there, Captain." And with one more probing look, she turned and walked out of the shuttle bay. --- One hour later.... --- The Flyer flew ahead of Voyager. Chakotay, at the smaller ship's helm, checked and double-checked his coordinates with Tom Paris on Voyager. At last he was ready. "Delta Flyer to Voyager. We are prepared to begin." "Acknowledged," came Kathryn's brisk reply. "Bring the slipstream drive on line, Mr. Paris." "Yes, ma'am." There was a pause of several seconds. Chakotay shut his eyes. I am with you, Kathryn. I am with you. Always. Her voice cut into his thoughts. "Engage!" --- The End