The BLTS Archive - The Food series
#1: Food for Thought
by Kiff (Kiff47@yahoo.com)

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Disclaimer: Paramount is God. I am a lowly acolyte. Have mercy.

Archiving: Permission granted to Sileya to archive at TSU. All 
others, ask first, please.

Spoiler Alert: Spoilers for "Thirty Days" and "Mortal Coil."

Feedback: Please send constructive comments.

Dedication: For Amirin, who lit the way.

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Damn, it felt good to stretch out on a real bed again.

Ensign Tom Paris sighed in satisfaction. He had survived thirty days 
in solitary confinement, one whole month of wrestling with his 
personal demons. He had even written a letter to his father.

Perhaps it had been a futile gesture. Voyager was still a long way 
from home. He might have talked into that PADD all that time for 
nothing. Hell, he had stolen the Delta Flyer, tried to blow up the 
Monean refineries that were slowly destroying the fragile water 
planet, and accomplished absolutely nothing, except for getting 
himself busted.

He didn't think he would ever forget the expression on Captain 
Janeway's face as she stripped his rank from him and ordered him to 
the brig. The pain in her voice and in her eyes was palpable. He had 
let her down, as he had let his father down. So many times. But this 
was infinitely worse, because at least he knew the Captain cared 
about him.

Yet, there had been those few moments on the Delta Flyer, on his own 
except for a sympathetic Monean scientist, with Janeway and the 
entire crew of Voyager against him, when he had felt incredibly 
powerful. The ability to save an entire civilization was at his 
fingertips. Perhaps that was something like his father experienced 
the first time *he* commanded a starship. The apple may not have 
fallen far from the tree, after all.

Would he do it again? Damn good question. But hopefully one he would 
not have to confront for a while. The first thing he needed to do was 
see who among the crew would still talk to him.

Well, B'Elanna, for sure. Tom smiled. She had certainly turned out to 
be a good friend. He was glad that it hadn't gone any further with 
her, not that it hadn't been tempting. B'Elanna was a complicated 
woman. He cared deeply for her, but lately he had begun to realize 
that sleeping with her would probably destroy their friendship. They 
were too much alike -- two damaged children in adult bodies.

Harry Kim. Tom frowned slightly. He hadn't seen or talked to him 
since Harry's last visit in the brig. What was that Harry had said? 
"You never finish anything." No, those were Dad's words, spoken in 
Harry's voice.

He'd let Harry stew a little while longer.

Well, who else? The Maquis? They could relate to what he had done. 
Except for Chakotay. Ha. He hardly acted like a Maquis anymore. 
Janeway might as well give him regular Starfleet pips and get it over 
with.

Jenny and Megan Delaney. Both Starfleet to the core. He'd probably 
need to reprogram the Captain Proton simulation and recast their 
parts. Too bad. They'd been doing such a great job as Demonica and 
Malicia.

Seven of Nine might talk to him. Except she'd probably give him some 
kind of useless Borgian advice about the importance of complying with 
the Collective. Scratch her for now.

Tuvok. Vulcan logic. More lectures about the Prime Directive. Don't 
go there. Guess that leaves....

"Neelix to Paris."

Tom sat up. "I'm here, Neelix. Was just wondering if you were still 
speaking to me."

"Of course I am, Tom. I'm the ship's morale officer, after all."

Tom smiled. "So what's up?"

"I have a surprise for you, Lieuten -- er, Ensign. Kind of a 'welcome 
back' present. May I bring it by your quarters?"

"Why don't I just meet you in the mess hall, Neelix? It would save 
you the trip, and besides, I'm hungry for something other than 
prisoner's rations."

There was a brief pause. "Tom? I'd really rather give this to you in 
person. I don't think you'll be disappointed."

"Sounds intriguing. Okay, you've convinced me."

"I'll be there shortly."

Tom got out of bed and went into his living area, picking up stray 
clothes and padds as he went along. It felt better to have his place 
looking neat.

The door chimed. "Come in."

Neelix entered, carrying a covered platter and a bottle. Tom sniffed 
at the unmistakable aroma that accompanied the Talaxian. "It can't 
be. You didn't."

"I did." Neelix set the platter down on a nearby table and removed 
the cover. "A pizza, Mr. Paris, complete with all of the toppings 
you've been pestering me about for months."

Tom's mouth watered. "It smells great, Neelix. Reminds me of a place 
called 'Valeo's' back in San Francisco. So what's in the bottle?"

"I believe it is something called 'root beer.' I tried some earlier 
myself and actually it is quite good."

Tom grinned and clapped the Talaxian on the back. "This is terrific, 
Neelix. You didn't have to go to all this trouble. But I do 
appreciate it."

Neelix shook his head. "It was the least I could do, Ensign. After a 
month of leola root stew, I felt you deserved something special to 
celebrate your release."

Tom retrieved a glass from his cabinet, poured out some of the 
beverage, and sat down at the table. "Mmmm....you even cut it up 
properly." He grabbed a piece of the steaming pie and put it in his 
mouth, shutting his eyes. Neelix watched him anxiously. Tom chewed 
slowly for a few seconds, swallowed, then opened his eyes and smiled. 
"Perfect. The crust is just the way I like it, and the tomato sauce 
is spicy and not overly sweet. Do *not* lose this recipe."

Neelix's eyes crinkled. "I'm glad you like it, Tom."

"Want some yourself?" Tom asked, biting into another slice.

"No, thank you. I just had lunch. But I would like to sit with you 
and share some of your root beer, if that is all right?"

"Please. Help yourself." Tom was glad of the company.

Neelix smiled faintly, poured himself a drink, and pulled another 
chair up to the table.

Tom had not realized how truly hungry he was. He shoved piece after 
piece of pizza into his mouth, savoring the creaminess of the 
cheeses, the spiciness of the sausage, the crunchy green pepper, and 
the sweet onions. Neelix watched him eat, the slight smile remaining 
on his face.

With three quarters of the pizza consumed, Tom sighed and sat back, 
taking one last long drink. "That *may* have been worth going to 
prison for."

"Was it not common on Earth at one time to give a condemned man his 
favorite foods just before executing him?"

Tom was taken aback by the serious tone of Neelix's question. "Uh, 
well, yes, that *was* the tradition, before Earth did away with the 
death penalty."

"One last chance to taste the sweetness of life before the bitterness 
of death befalls you."

Tom frowned. "Neelix, what are you getting at?"

The Talaxian leaned forward. "What did you think about during the 
last thirty days, Tom?"

"You mean, did I think about what I did on the Monean planet?"

"Yes."

Tom sighed. "I could hardly think about anything else. In fact, I 
dictated a long letter to my father about it."

"And what were your conclusions?"

"About what happened?"

Neelix nodded.

Tom stared down at his hands. "I did what I thought was right at the 
time. Those people were destroying their own planet and they weren't 
going to do anything about it until it was too late. Riga agreed to 
help me. I felt I was right to make the attempt."

"The Captain didn't agree."

Tom let out an exasperated breath. "Neelix, she's *Starfleet.* The 
Prime Directive and all that. She's bent the rules before. She could 
have bent them this time."

"She didn't, though. And she's the Captain. You disobeyed direct 
orders. You were almost killed by a torpedo fired from your own ship. 
You *do* realize that, don't you?" Neelix bored his golden eyes into 
Tom's blue ones. "You almost died because you had to do things *your* 
way. Did you ever stop to think about the consequences of your 
actions? How this entire crew was affected by what you did?"

The Talaxian was trembling with anger. "Harry Kim *fired* on you, his 
*best friend.* He could have stood down, but he did his duty as a 
member of this crew. Can you imagine what was going through his head 
as he armed that torpedo?"

Tom swallowed, unable to speak.

"For the last month, whenever I've seen Harry in the mess hall, he's 
sitting completely by himself, just staring into space. He hardly 
eats. He almost killed you, Tom, and he's not going to forget that 
anytime soon."

"Neelix, I...."

"I'm not through, yet, *Ensign.* Harry's not the only person that's 
been affected. I was on the bridge the other day. Commander Chakotay 
was in charge. He gave a routine order to the helmsman on duty and 
used your name automatically. You should have seen the look on his 
face when he realized his mistake."

Tom stared at the floor, feeling his mouth going dry.

"And the Captain. I watch her all the time, Tom. I know her moods, 
perhaps better than almost anyone else on this ship. You hurt her 
deeply. She trusted you, and you let her down. The night after she 
had you locked up, she came into the mess hall very late. I was 
working in the kitchen, but she didn't know I was there. She poured 
herself a cup of coffee, went over to the window, and stared outside 
for nearly a quarter of an hour. She was crying, Tom. *Crying.*"

A choked whisper. "Oh, shit."

"Shall I go on?"

"No." Tom wiped his hand across his eyes. "You've made your point, 
Neelix."

"Good. But I'm not finished yet." Neelix reached over and grasped 
Tom's free hand. "You almost lost your life, Tom. A life that is 
precious to all the rest of us on this ship, if not yourself. And I'm 
not just talking about your piloting skills. I'm talking about Tom 
Paris, a unique and very special individual. A person whom I care 
about deeply."

Tom stared at the Talaxian in amazement.

"You heard me correctly. You are my friend, Tom Paris." Neelix gave 
the ensign's hand a squeeze. "I almost lost you, and I am thankful 
beyond words that you are still with us."

He let Tom's hand go, rose from his seat and walked slowly to the 
window. Tom's eyes followed him. His mind was still trying to process 
what he had just heard.

"Do you remember the shuttle accident that killed me?"

"How could I forget it?" He spoke slowly and carefully.

Neelix, facing away from Tom, clasped his hands behind his back. 
"Seven of Nine used Borg technology to bring me back to life. Captain 
Janeway gave her the order to do it. Did they do the right thing?"

Tom swallowed. "Neelix...I can't..."

"I almost threw it all away, Tom. I was questioning everything I had 
believed in. I felt as if I had no right to be alive. I can tell you 
right now, I would have killed myself if Commander Chakotay hadn't 
intervened when he did. I owe him my life as much as I owe Seven and 
the Captain."

"And Kes."

"Indeed. So many people have sacrificed for me, Tom. You included. 
And it would have been incredibly selfish for me to undo their 
sacrifices."

"Neelix...."

"Let me finish. If I had killed myself, I would have missed so many 
wonderful moments with Naomi. That little girl gave me my first good 
reason to live. As time went on, I found others."

Tom rose from his seat and walked over to the Talaxian. "Neelix, you 
are *so* important to this crew. More than you realize."

"Yes, as Seven says, my function on this ship is diverse." Neelix 
looked up at Tom with an ironic smile. "I have no family but Voyager, 
Tom. I know that my cooking does not please everyone all the time. I 
know that I irritate some of the crew with my personal comments. But 
I also care about every single person on board this ship. I am 
needed. And I need to feel needed. So, I've come to the conclusion 
that Seven and the Captain *were* right to revive me. I'm at peace 
with that decision, finally -- and I am profoundly grateful."

Tom placed his hand on the other man's shoulder. "As am I, Neelix."

The Talaxian turned and grasped Tom's arms. "Then listen to me. Next 
time when you're tempted to break the rules, remember that you are 
*not* alone. You are part of a family. *My* family. What you do 
matters to everyone on this ship."

Neelix pulled Tom into his arms for a fierce hug. "Know that I love 
you, Tom Paris."

Tom's vision blurred as he returned the embrace. "I won't forget."

"Good." Neelix released him with a smile. "Now I must go to Naomi for 
a science lesson. Enjoy the rest of your pizza."

"I will. And thank you, for everything."

Neelix stared at the pilot for a few seconds, then nodded and left 
the room.

Tom watched him go. And suddenly, Tom Paris, who had stoically 
endured his Captain's reprimand, the loss of his rank, and thirty 
days of solitary confinement, found tears streaming down his face.

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The End

(Continued in part two, "Ruminations")