The BLTS Archive- Needs III: Kashyk's Second Story by Kelly (rather_be_reading@yahoo.com) --- Archive: ASC/EM; others please ask Date: June 11, 2000 Disclaimer: The Trek universe belongs to Paramount. Note -- This story was written last August, but for various reasons I never got around to posting it to the newsgroups. I'm getting around to it now. --- The Second Night When the messenger delivered her to my quarters, I at first did not look at her. It was perhaps too obvious a ploy; I should have known I would not gain control so easily. She didn't wait for my notice. Instead, she came over to me and reached directly for my crotch. I moved away. "Kathryn! Don't humans believe in any kind of. . .preliminaries?" "I'd say we've already had the preliminaries. Don't complicate this, Kashyk. We both know why I'm here. So fuck me." "Is that what you want?" She actually laughed. "What *I* want?" She drew my head down to hers and slid her tongue between my lips. In a single motion, her hands released the fastenings on my trousers. The state of my arousal was a silent comment on the notion of wanting. She laughed again, quietly this time. I heard triumph in it. I wanted to pull back, assert myself, but she was on her knees in front of me, sucking gently and then more powerfully. Somewhere I found the strength to push her away. Or maybe she let me. I didn't know anymore, and I felt unstable, as if the floor were suddenly tilting. To give myself time, I buttoned up and moved to the computer. She remained on her knees. I think she was smiling. "Music?" I asked. She lifted one shoulder. "Why not?" Enough. The time had come to take back the lead. This dance would proceed at my tempo. Abandoning the idea of music, I sat on the couch. If she could affect indifference, so could I. "Fine, then. This will just be about fucking. Since that's what you want." Ah. That sparked her. She raised her head, angry. "When has this ever been about what I want? You take my ship, you take my crew, you proposition me in front of my men. Sex in exchange for Voyager. Wasn't that the idea? All right. You proposed; I accepted. I'm for sale. Here I am. What else is it that *you* want?" Of course she couldn't really believe it was that simple. I sat on the floor next to her and touched her hair. "Oh, Kathryn, this isn't for Voyager. And you know it. Once we watched beautiful spirals together. Can you honestly tell me you felt nothing then? That you didn't want me? That you don't want me now?" We stared at each other, unblinking. After an eternity, she looked away. *She* looked away. I expected to feel my own triumph. And I did. I think. But it didn't help. The floor continued to tilt. I took her face in my hands and kissed her slowly. She responded with increasing passion. Somehow our clothes were off. I felt her breasts under my lips, felt her legs open beneath me. I was ready, and so was she. But she had to say it. "Do you want me, Kathryn?" I asked. She moaned and reached for me. "No. Say it. Do you want me?" "Kashyk! Please." "Say it! Say you want me!" She was gasping and whimpering, her hips thrusting against me. But she would not say what we both knew was true. Instead she gathered herself and shoved away from me, moving toward her scattered clothes. All I knew was that I could not let her reach them. I lunged for her, forcing her to her hands and knees in front of me. And I rose up behind her and fucked her hard, the way I know she wants it. She didn't fight me. Afterward, she dressed in silence and moved toward the door. Not until I had called for the guard did she speak. "When we watched those spirals together? We were on Voyager." --- The Third Night Tonight, I began with the mundane. "Coffee?" I offered. She accepted with a nod. It amused me to see us being so civilized, a muted prelude to our inevitable dance. Watch. Circle. Turn. Touch. So subtle, so unutterably arousing. And I felt alive tonight, because I had come to a decision. I have determined that this will not end until she admits that she wants me. I know she does. It has been in her eyes since the first time we were alone in her ready room. It's there in the way her legs open for me, almost of their own volition. It's there in her very defiance. I have overturned my life for her. She will give me this. Our coupling tonight was almost gentle. She was surprised, I think. But she takes strength from ferocity. So I will disarm her with softness; I want to soothe her, stroke her, make her come for me. It almost happened tonight. I know it will happen soon. When I entered her, she wrapped her legs around me, as I have dreamed about. It was as if she were hugging me to her. She wants me. Needs me. But still she will not say it. Yet. --- The Fifth Night We have developed a routine. I summon her; she comes. We don't say much any more. I give her a sign, she undresses, we. . .what? There is no adequate word for it in her language. "Fuck" is what they too often say. So blunt and harsh, so limited. So far, it is the only word she will let herself use with me. But we have moved beyond mere fucking, as I'm sure she realizes. It is more than that for me, and I know that it is more than that for her, too. I feel the hunger of her lips when she kisses me; I see the ecstasy on her face as she approaches the climax she still will not let herself have. I will use her word, if that is what she wants. I understand. She is working hard to convince herself that she sleeps with me only for Voyager. She's a captain, after all. She still believes that she cannot have desires just for herself. But I find myself becoming a trifle angry with her for continuing to resist what I am trying to show her. The time has come for me to change the rhythm of our little waltz. --- The Sixth Night She didn't balk at the restraints. I meant them to be a surprise. I waited until she was moaning on the bed, then roughly jerked her hands above her head and tied them tightly. I needed to reach her, to see her shock again, as I had seen it when I returned to her bridge. She wasn't shocked. She even seemed to be expecting it. Her face was a mask, eyes regarding me steadily. She was just waiting, for whatever I planned to do next. But suddenly I didn't know what to do next. I wanted to beat her, kiss her, hurt her, fuck her, love her. What I did not want to do was to show her any uncertainty. So I took the whip from the drawer and smiled at her. I drew the lash slowly along her naked body, circling it on her breasts and then caressing her thighs. "I could hurt you." "Yes." "Do you want me to?" She was silent for a moment, looking down. Then she met my eyes. "Yes. I want you to." Desire and punishment, then. I had been right the first night. And I was almost wrong. I had actually raised the whip to give her what she seemed to want -- may in fact have wanted -- before I understood what else she was doing. Distracting me. Humoring me. Manipulating me. She came that close to beating me again. "Well played, Captain!" I applauded. "But, Kathryn. I'm disappointed. Did you think I wouldn't recognize the trick? Can you really find me so predictable?" She closed her eyes. I imagine she was not used to being so easily seen through. I continued, "I will never hurt you, Kathryn. Unless you truly ask me to. Not as part of some plot to secure Voyager. Not because you think it is what I need to hear. But you. Asking me. Because you want it and want me." She turned her head to the side, as if to escape my voice. I kissed her eyelids and untied her gently. Then, I surprised myself by making love to her. For what was really the first time. It was an irony she would appreciate. Intending to shock her, I shocked myself. For the first time, I hadn't planned. For the first time, it was not a move in the game, not a step in the dance. It was me. Her. Us. The way I saw we could be. She didn't say so, but I believe she understood. But it is not over yet. She still can't bring herself to admit her own needs. Perhaps she has to hear it from someone whose touch does not set her afire, someone with whom she does not dance. Tomorrow, I will let her own crew tell her. --- The End of Kashyk's Second Story