The BLTS Archive - My Highlander
#4: Consolation
by Karen (CP4Karen@aol.com)

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Disclaimer: Paramount owns them. I imply no copyright infringement.

c1998 Karen

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Chakotay didn't turn at the sound behind him.  A number of people had
quietly entered the observation lounge and had just as quietly exited. 
He appreciated their discretion.

And yet when the strong arms circled his chest and pulled him back to
rest against another, he was pleased at the intrusion.

"How're you doing, Cha?"

A tender Tom Paris.  Something he still marveled at.  Even more
startling was the answering need in his own soul to be comforted in
this fashion.

Still....

"I'm okay."

Tom sighed and placed his chin on the other man's shoulder. "Forgive
me when I say that I am very tired of hearing those two words.  Oh,
and one other phrase-- 'I'm fine'."

There was a gentle kiss on the back of the Commander's neck.

"We're not fine, big guy.  None of us.  And yet, almost everyone has
said that.  Jordi is dead and every one of us is feeling it in some
way, but even Geron tried to tell me that he was 'okay'."

Chakotay frowned and started to pull away.  "I should be there."

Tom just tightened his embrace and gently pushed his armful towards
the corner couch.  The older man found himself surrendering again to
the warmth.  The sensation of Tom's chest against his back was
wonderful. Tilting his head back to rest against a firm shoulder,
Chakotay sighed and then spoke.

"This is nice, but I do need to go to Geron.  He shouldn't be alone."

"He isn't."

"Oh?"

Tom's breath brushed against his ear and he closed his eyes in
pleasure.

"Sam Wildman's with him."  Tom began to rock slowly from side to side. 
Warm dry lips touched Chakotay just below the ear.  "I was hesitant to
leave, but then Sam came and Geron just walked into her arms.  I got
the feeling that it wasn't that unfamiliar a position for the two."

Chakotay turned his head sharply.

"What are you saying?  Jordi and Geron were very happy together. 
Geron wouldn't have cheated on her."

Tom smiled.

"I'm not saying that he did, big guy.  But I know that there were
rumors about Geron and Sam *before* he and Jordi fell in love.  You
never know.  Something like this may just bring the two back together. 
Stranger things have happened."

Chakotay snorted.  "You have a point.  I'd have to say Neelix moving
in with Tuvok is at the top of my list."

Tom laughed.  "I *told* you I saw them together.  And I would imagine
that we are at the top of quite a few lists ourselves."

"Maybe."

There was no more conversation, just the comfort of resting secure in
one another's company.

Chakotay finally stirred, surprised to see that nearly an hour had
passed.  He was even more surprised to find that he was lying on the
couch alone.  He looked over to find Tom at the computer interface.

"What are you doing?"

The younger man turned and smiled.

"Just checking on things.  I knew that when you woke up you'd insist
on checking on Geron, *and* the ship, *and* the Captain--"

Chakotay laughed.  "OK, I get the idea and you're correct."  He sat
up.  "So, Lieutenant, report."

Tom sketched a lazy salute and walked over to sit cross-legged in a
chair.  Propping his chin on a fist, he turned his eyes to the ceiling
briefly as if to gather his thoughts.

"Reporting as ordered, Commander.  I spoke to Sam. She and Naomi are
staying with Geron tonight.  He completed his meditations for Jordi
and seems to be doing--" Tom grimaced, "--OK."

"Good.  The ship and the Captain?"

Tom grinned.

"Everything's ship shape.  We're cruising at warp six in a straight
line in the direction of the Alpha quadrant. Tuvok has the bridge,
Carey has engineering, Ayala has security.  Dinner was Redohrian egg
casserole, Potatoes O'Brien a la Neelix, and an Enshac'jk salad. 
Dessert was rumored to be a pastel green, but unmoving."

"You've omitted the Captain, Lieutenant."

Tom chuckled and sat up straight.

"The Captain is the one that gave me the mess report. She says and I
quote, 'If you have any replicator rations, use'em'."

---

Taking the Captain at her word, the pair had ended up having a quiet
dinner in Tom's cabin.  Chakotay was surprised at its neatness.

Tom smirked.  "Did you think that I just sort of left things wherever
I dropped them?"

Chakotay leaned back from the table.  "No.  Well, to tell you the
truth I'm not sure what I expected.  I don't think I've ever come to
your quarters before and face it, you didn't exactly keep things neat
while you were in the Maquis."

Tom went very still.  "Recovering drunks generally don't." Before
Chakotay could comment, he went on.

"I know you didn't think so at the time and may not know it now, but I
was trying pretty hard back then to do my best to keep it together.  I
stopped drinking and tried to do my share."

Chakotay nodded once.  "It was never your work that bothered me; in
fact you did more than your share.  It was your apparent attitude.  I
felt like you didn't give a shit about anything or anyone.  You gave
me a very strong impression that you were there only for the money."

Tom shook his head ruefully.  "By the time I got to the Maquis, I had
pretty much hit bottom.  My dad had disowned me very publicly, and I
couldn't get a job to save my life.  If I wanted to fly, I had to
prove that I could by giving them past experience and the second any
potential employer heard my name or that I'd been cashiered, that was
it."

Tom stood and gathered their dishes.  Chakotay waited; watching as the
younger man fed their dishes and utensils into the recycler.  The next
softly spoken words made him hurt.

"Unfortunately, the only things that I found that I was good at
besides flying were drinking, pool, and sex. The first doesn't pay,
the second pays only if you can get a good scam going, and I was
praying to God every night that I wouldn't have to resort to the
third."

Tom finally turned to face Chakotay.  "It was close.  The only other
offer for work that I had besides yours involved a bored married
couple that were looking for a 'companion'.  I was scared shitless
that you were going to say never mind, but I couldn't bear to let you
see it."

"Believe me, it was close.  I almost told you to go fuck yourself."

Tom smiled wanly.

"I'm glad you didn't."

Chakotay moved to stand in front of the younger man. "Even though you
ended up in prison?"

Tom closed his eyes and leaned back against the bulkhead.  "Of course,
knowing what I know now, it's tempting to say, yes, it was worth it. 
If you'd somehow asked me that after I had spent a few weeks at
Auckland, you would probably have gotten a different answer."

Eyes still closed, he reached for the other man.  "At least I would
have gotten paid for some of what I had to do."


Chakotay gathered the younger man into his arms.  "I have to admit
that I wondered about certain things regarding your time in prison. 
They wouldn't have allowed Kathryn to take you on the mission if you
were a known trouble maker, no matter how helpful you might have
promised to be."

Tom waited until they were settled on the couch to answer.

"If I hadn't found some others that were in a similar situation, I
probably would have been dead or spent most of my time in solitary. 
As it was there was a group of us that were considered pariahs, even
by the non-'fleet or Maquis cons.  They looked me up shortly after I
got there and explained the 'rules'."  Tom grinned.  "That was
definitely the easiest to live with from the list of alternatives."

"What were some of the others?"

Tom gazed over the older man's shoulder at the stars.  Chakotay had
the feeling that he wasn't looking at anything in the Delta quadrant.

"The usual.  Fighting and losing, and being forced to give them
everything they wanted....Not fighting and being forced to give them
everything that they wanted....Finding a protector and letting just
one man take whatever he wanted."  He paused briefly.

"Or perhaps finding a more permanent way to keep anyone from ever
taking anything from me again."  Tom grinned widely.

"I was really hoping to never have to use that last option."

Chakotay shook his head.  "Don't do that."

Tom looked up in surprise.  "Do what?"

"Use that damn 'Paris' facade to keep me from getting too close."

"I wasn't!"

Chakotay's hands closed over Tom's clenched fists.

"Babe, it's a reflex.  I imagine you've been using it since you were a
kid and half the time don't even realize when you start;  but there is
nothing that you can tell me that is going to drive me away.  I think
we've both grown up enough to finally get past the bull shit." 

Tom sat silently.  Chakotay felt as if the deep blue eyes were going
to bore holes through his forehead any moment.  He almost missed the
quiet remark.

"I'm sorry."

Chakotay smiled and pulled Tom towards him.

"There's nothing to apologize about.  Just don't shut me out."

---

B'Elanna, Seven, Harry and Tom sat quietly in the shadowed mess hall. 
The ceremony had been a beautifully serene affair.

Harry looked up at the quiet murmur from his friend.

"What did you say, Tom?"

"I had no idea what she wanted the program for."

Seven inclined her head in Tom's direction. "The program for Ensign
Santalvo's ceremony was of your creation."

"Yeah.  She came to me about a year ago and said that she needed a
forest scene for an occasion that she was planning." Tom smiled.  "She
and Geron had just gotten together and I thought she was going to
surprise him with a picnic or something."  The smile faded.  "I had no
idea that it was for this."

B'Elanna reached over and squeezed his forearm.  "It was perfect.  I
felt like I was back on Earth for a while."

Seven frowned slightly.  "I was unaware that it was a Terran custom
for the deceased to officiate at their own burials." The others
chuckled.

Harry spoke.  "That *would* be a bit difficult considering that they
are dead, but I know what you mean.  No, this is a rather special
circumstance.  As you know, normally the Captain would have led the
ceremony and then consigned the body to space; but it was Jordi's last
wish that we take her home with us."

Seven raised one elegant eyebrow.  "The sentiment is understandable. 
However, I find the propensity for the ship's crew to speak of this
voyage as 'going home' somewhat confusing."  The young woman looked
around the table.

"You speak of going home and tell me that it holds a special place in
your hearts and yet in the next breath tell me that 'home is where the
heart is'--"  Harry blushed so furiously that Tom knew where that one
had come from and grinned.

"--Then I am told that I hold your heart."  It was B'Elanna's turn to
blush.

"Therefore it would be logical to assume that in actuality the
'emotional' home is a much more important location than the 'physical'
home.  Do you consider this to be accurate?"

Harry and B'Elanna looked at each other and smiled and then clasped
Seven's hands in their own.  Seven nodded briefly and turned to Tom. 
His stomach clenched at the expression she turned on him.

"I have heard you state that the Alpha quadrant holds nothing for you
but bad memories, and recently B'Elanna realigned her emotional ties
to Harry and to me."

Tom took a deep breath and then nodded at Seven, ignoring the pained
looks on the other two faces at the table. 

"How does one function when they no longer have anything to call
home?"

---

"Enter."

Chakotay's gut clenched at the careful non-expression on Tom's
too-pale face.

"Tom?"

"Just hold me, OK?"

Forcing himself to silence, Chakotay simply opened his arms and
gathered the younger man in.

Minutes passed with the only sound in the room being an occasional
harsh gasp as Tom fiercely fought tears.  Gradually the bone-jarring
shudders eased, and Chakotay felt it was safe to ease his desperate
hold on the other man.  Kissing Tom's temple, he edged them towards
the bedroom, calling for reduced lighting.

Stopping at the side of the bed, Chakotay quietly undressed his lover,
revelling in the complete trust in the sad blue eyes before him.  As
he placed a series of delicate kisses across Tom's collarbone, the
younger man roused and began to return the favor.

Chakotay gasped as a hot, moist mouth pressed against the hollow of
his throat.  Slender hands worked their way under his clothing, gently
removing the obstructions and rewarding the flesh beneath with loving
touches.

The older man grinned as he found himself pressed down onto his back
on the bed; all control of the situation had been neatly taken from
him.  At the questioning look in his lover's eyes, he smiled and
nodded and then reached towards the night stand.  The fresh container
of lubricant brought an immense grin.

"Ready for this, were you?"

Chakotay ran a hand up the creamy thigh to massage a warm flank. "I
have been ready for this for weeks, Tom."  The look in his eyes
shouted that this was the truth.

Gently running his hands down Chakotay's inner thighs, Tom pressed
them up and apart.  Kneeling, he placed a thick pillow under his
lover's hips. Catching and keeping the other man's eyes, Tom slowly
bent forward and placed a kiss on the base of the erect flesh before
him.

Chakotay moaned and lifted his hips in an attempt to prolong the
contact. Shaking his head, Tom grinned and ran a finger from the tip
of the older man's cock to the base, over the tight balls and down to
his next target of teasing.  The moan turned into a full-throated
groan.

Pouring a palmful of oil, Tom began a tender massage of Chakotay's
genitals, dipping occasionally to circle his core.  Forming a hot
channel with one fist, he stroked the throbbing shaft centering his
lover's attention on the heated flesh.

Chakotay felt the slick finger as it entered his body, and was
surprised at the lack of pain.  A second finger joined it, and the
pleasant fullness began to border on unpleasant.  Instantly, the
movement stilled, only the gentle caressing of his cock continuing.

Tom felt the muscles around his fingers begin to relax.  Still he
waited, he want this to be just as good for Chakotay as Colin had made
it for him so long ago.  At the thought of the other man, Tom smiled,
convinced that his lover would have been pleased that he had finally
found someone like Cha.

The older man opened his eyes and wondered at the look of utter peace
on the young man's face.  He would find out what had shaken Tom so
badly, but this was what was right for them now.  The time had finally
come.

"You OK, now, Cha?"

Chakotay refocused at the words and smiled his consent.  The fingers
resumed their wonderful massage and were soon joined by another. It
was *impossible* to hold still!

Tom chuckled as Chakotay's hips began to rise to meet his strokes.
Gently pulling out, he laughed again at the frown that formed.

"Patience, big guy...."

"Blessed--" Whatever the older man had been going to say was suddenly
choked off as Tom began his entry.

//Heat, wonderful heat.....so tight....gods, if I don't stroke out
over this it will be a fucking miracle!//

Tom shuddered as all thought shut down.  Forcing himself to slow  his
movements, he carefully eased his way into his lover's body with a
series of small thrusts.  //So fucking tight...//

Chakotay sobbed as the heated fullness grew to unbelievable
proportions. Stretched in a way that he had never thought to be;
filled with a throbbing warmth that sparked an answering heat deep
within his belly.

And then Tom started to thrust.

//Hot, gods, so hot, tight, oh please, can't stop......//

//It hurts....but...good, oh god, so good...//

Wrapping his legs around Tom's hips, Chakotay pulled his lover even
more deeply into his body.  The younger man grunted and his thrusts 
became erratic.  Chakotay watched the almost pained grimace that
crossed Tom's face and then cried aloud as Tom's hand closed around
his all-but-forgotten cock.

Shuddering, moaning, arching, Chakotay came with a ferocity that
stunned him.  He could hear Tom's cries and vaguely wondered what
Tuvok might be thinking next door.

"Cha....you OK?"

Chakotay opened his eyes and looked in the general direction of what
he thought might be the rest of his body.  A pair of bleary blue eyes
met his own.

"I think I may live.  It'll be touch and go though."

Tom grinned and kissed the flushed skin next to his face, causing a
slight stirring of interest down below for both of them.

"I'll ask you again after we take a nap, ‘kay?"

"You got it, Lieutenant."

Clean-up was an interesting affair, filled with a heated shower that
quickly grew into something more.

"That was what is called frottage."

Chakotay grinned.  "You gonna give me pop quizzes on this stuff too?"

Tom pushed him back down on the bed and took the towels over to the
recycler before joining him.  The resulting view was excellent.

"Nah.  I figure you're what we call a wunderkind.  You'll pick all of
this up in no time, and then we'll be able to do research together."

Chakotay pulled his lover into an embrace and smiled as the younger
man happily curled up against his side.

"I certainly have a good teacher."  He raised his head at the burst of
laughter.  "What?"

Tom choked down his giggles and shook his head.

"I was so worried that I wasn't going to do it right."  At the other
man's blank look, he elaborated.

"I've never been on the ‘giving' end of that before."

Chakotay grinned.

"You mean I got topped by a bottom?"

Tom raised his head.  "Where did you hear that?"

The older man grinned again.  "I did some research while I was waiting
for you to decide the time was right."

Both men sobered as they thought of earlier events.

"Babe, what happened earlier?  You were damn near hysterical when you
first got here."

Tom managed to shrug.  "It was stupid, really.  I was talking to
Harry, B'Ela, and Seven; and Seven sort of hit me over the head with
the fact that I had nothing to come home to."

"You have me."  Chakotay was gratified at the tight hug he received in
reply.

"I know, but I also realized that what happened to Jordi could just
have easily happened to you or me.  I wanted to wait.  I wanted it to
be perfect, but we may not have forever, Cha, shit, we may not have
ten minutes--"

Chakotay silenced his lover with a hard kiss.

"That's true, but it's useless to worry about it."

Tom sighed.  "I don't think I was really worrying so much as coming to
the conclusion that we need to treat each other like that.  If we have
a disagreement, we settle it.  No storming out, no silences." He
stroked the older man's cheek.

"We might not get a second chance."

Chakotay smiled.  "You won't get an argument from me, Tom.  As it is,
I feel like I'm already getting my second chance."

Tom rolled so that he was balanced on his lover's chest; the question
obvious in his eyes.  Chakotay ran a gentle hand down his throat to
rest over his heart.

"I first thought of this back when we were in the Maquis.  I had vague
ideas of straightening you out and declaring my intentions even then.
But you never came back from that mission."

Tom smiled softly.  "And when we did meet again, you wanted to kill
me."

Chakotay shook his head.  "No, I was just so damned disappointed. I
felt betrayed, but not only because you were with the ‘Fleet.  I had
wanted you and in my mind you betrayed that too."

"Gods, Cha, no wonder you almost throttled me.  I'm surprised you ever
decided to try trusting me with your heart again."

"Yeah, well, about a year ago I'd realized that trust was a two-way
street.  I had never really given you a reason to trust me with your
heart or friendship, so why should you do the same?"  He kissed the
younger man.

Placing his hand again over his lover's heart, he smiled.

"Trust me."

---

The End