The BLTS Archive - My Highlander
#2: My Highlander
by Karen (CP4Karen@aol.com)

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Disclaimer: Paramount owns them. I imply no  copyright infringement.


c1998 Karen

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"Hey, Paris.  You're awfully quiet.  I would have thought  that you'd
be the first one up with a story."

Tom smiled and looked at B'Elanna Torres.

"Why is that?"

B'Elanna grinned.

"The Playboy of the Delta Quadrant with no first time story,  come on! 
Where are you tonight?  We've heard some very surprising things from
the Captain, Neelix, even the Doc! I expected at least some catcalls
during Harry's 'Libby in  the library' story."

It had been three weeks since the Hirogen had agreed to  depart, and
everyone had worked around the clock to rebuild the many sections that
had been virtually gutted in order to create and maintain the huge
holodecks where they had acted out their 'hunts'.

The Captain had called a late night meeting; and what  had started as
a debriefing to discuss Voyager's status had  eventually developed
into a very pleasant visit over coffee  and cookies.

"Well, who was she?"

Tom looked around the table.  The Captain, Neelix, and the Doctor
seemed legitimately interested, with the same quizzical smile adorning
all three faces.  Harry and B'Elanna were practically leering, and
Tuvok and Seven....well, it was difficult to tell what that pair was
thinking.

And Chakotay....  Tom did his best not to try and analyze anything the
big man said or did anymore.  They were finally getting along, and
even if they would never really be friends,  at least they could be in
the same room without coming to  blows.  It was probably the best that
he could hope for.

Tom sighed. 

"You're not going to give up until I tell you, are you?"

A multi-voiced "No!" rang out.

"OK, but you're wrong , B'Ela.  It wasn't a she..."

Tom's voice softened and it became apparent that his eyes were on
something beyond the mess hall.

"I was seventeen, and on a tour of the castle at Edinborough,
Scotland.  Bored stiff and wondering how a big, cold  building full of
old paintings and what-not could have a  tour guide rhapsodizing for
hours."  Tom smiled ruefully.

"I slowed down to look at a display case of swords and heard a voice
behind me.  Deep, velvety, and obviously a local.  I looked up and saw
the handsomest man I had  ever seen in my life."

"Tall and broad, with beautiful red-gold hair and hazel eyes that
turned green and gold when he smiled.  He asked  if I was interested
in the swords and told me a bit of their  history.  We talked for a
while, and he told me that his name was Colin MacPherson.  He was
twenty and had grown  up in the highlands."

"Eventually, we caught up with my tour and before he left,  he told me
that he was a student at the University in Berkeley,  California.  I
told him that I was from San Francisco, and he just grinned and said
that would cut down on shuttle fees."

"The teachers called us to go out to the shuttle pads and I turned to
say good-bye.  He just handed me a slip with his address and comm
code.  I started to turn to go when he put his hands on my shoulders
and gently pulled me towards him.  He looked at me, as if giving me a
chance to pull away and then dropped a quick kiss on my lips."  Tom
grinned.

"I don't even remember the trip back to school." 

Harry frowned.

"That doesn't exactly qualify as a first time, Tom."

"I'm getting there, Harry.  That night, I sat for a long time and
thought about what had happened.  I was used to having men come on to
me, it had been happening for several years. But, up until that day, I
hadn't paid much attention to the other guys,  and *definitely* not
like that."  A slow smile.  "But, I couldn't  deny that I had liked
the attention he had shown me, and had  really liked the kiss."  Tom
lightly touched a finger to his lips in remembrance.

"It took me a few days, but finally one night while my dad was  at yet
another 'Fleet dinner, I commed Colin.  I halfway hoped  that he
wouldn't answer, and yet I remember being so happy at  the look on his
face when he saw who it was."

"We agreed to get together that Saturday, and fortunately my dad was
away.  The housekeeper didn't give a flying fig what I did, just so
long as it didn't cause her any work."

"I had him meet me a couple of blocks from the house. I wanted  to
keep it a secret that I was going somewhere with a 'guy', as if  it
were written all over us that we were on a date."

"He showed up with a hired ground car and we went out into the country
for a picnic. We talked for hours and ate fruit and cheese and just--" 
Tom sighed, "--had a really nice time. He took me home and we agreed
to meet again the following Saturday."

"I could tell that he was interested in me and although sex hadn't
been mentioned, things had begun to heat up enough that I knew where
this trip would lead."

"I was nervous, and excited, and a little afraid.  I expected that we
would go back to the same area, but this time we ended up at  the
beach.  There was a small cottage, and Colin said that it  belonged to
a friend."

"We swam and walked, and then went up to the cabin to shower  and have
lunch.  I had just stepped out of the shower and started to reach for
my clothes when I felt a warm body against my back."

"I turned and was pulled into a wonderfully intense kiss.  His mouth
was hot and sweet and felt like silk.  I didn't know which  way was up
or down and when he released my lips, I found that I was lying on the
bed with him on top of me.  The feeling of  his skin on mine was
breathtaking."

"He began to stroke my skin and tell me how beautiful I was,  all gold
and cream and pink, like a sunrise. He trailed kisses down my body,
stopping to tell me what pleasure I had brought to his life."

"I felt like I was floating in heat, softness and light, and I 
couldn't believe the sensations that he was drawing from my body."

"He kissed the arches of my feet and then licked a path up to  nip at
my ankles.  He bit and nuzzled the backs of my knees  and mouthed the
insides of my thighs until I was begging for something more."

"Moving back up to lie on top of my body, Colin began to  explain what
he wanted to share with me.  He said that it was very intense and that
not everyone enjoyed it.  He said that he would be very careful and if
it hurt at all, to let him know and he would stop."

"Finally, he stopped speaking and with a gentle kiss, asked if I
wanted to go ahead.  All I could do was nod."

"He placed a pillow under my hips and began to prepare  me.  The
feeling of his hands on me and inside me was exquisite.  I was shaking
with arousal and couldn't believe what I was feeling.  All I knew was
that I wanted to give  my Highlander the same pleasure that I was
feeling."

"He helped me arrange my legs and then asked me if I was sure that I
wanted to go ahead.  He was smiling as he said it; I'm sure that he
knew that I was ready to blow at any moment."

"I just frantically shook my head and then he kissed me, and....." 

Tom closed his eyes, his head slowly dropping back as if in a trance. 
No one spoke, no one could.  The peace on his face demanded silence. 
In a soft voice, he continued.

"It was nothing like what I expected....hell, I don't even know what I
expected.  It was unbelievable, the feeling of sharing with one
another, the connection...the heat.  I looked  into his eyes and a
second connection was made."

"Colin took my hand and laced his fingers with mine.  He leaned
forward and the feeling of him moving in me and  over me was perfect. 
It was if we were made to be together. His hand cupping my cheek, his
thumb running over my  lips, everything working together to build this
incredible heat deep inside us."

"There was no awkwardness to our movements, it was as if we had been
lovers for a life time.  He began to speak  softly to me in some
forgotten tongue.  He told me later  that it was Gaelic."

"We moved; thrusting, sliding, flying higher and higher. When it
finally came, it was such a shock.  I can see why it's called the
little death; it was that intense.  I shook and cried and was stunned
as I felt him pulsing deep inside me. When it finally ended, Colin
slowly slid down to rest his head on my chest."

"I don't know how long we lay there like that, it was like we were
still one being.  Finally, he raised up and lifted me, carried me to
the shower like a child.  We dressed and packed our things and then
sat quietly watching the sunset, before driving back to the city."

"We were together for a year, and then one day I came  home from
school to find a message from his roommate  in Berkeley."

Tom shuddered and a single tear slowly slid down his cheek.  Kathryn
touched his hand.

"What did it say?"

Tom took a deep breath.

"It just said that Colin had been in a shuttle accident on his way
back from Scotland that morning and hadn't survived."

Tom wiped his eyes.

"I hurt so much and I couldn't even tell anyone why. The fact that I
was barely eighteen and that he was a man.....my father  would have
killed me for doing anything that might derail his plans for my
career.  His roommate had been the only one to  know about our love."

"I couldn't go to the funeral.  I couldn't ask for the sweater of  his
that I loved so much.  I couldn't even tell my dad the truth  when he
yelled at me for my grades dropping that quarter. My Highlander had
died and I was alone and all I could think of was the fact that I was
supposed to have been on that shuttle with him, but my father had come
back from his mission early  and I had been forced to stay home."

"My Highlander died without me."

Tom looked up suddenly when a warm hand engulfed his. Chakotay smiled
and squeezed once.

"Did you ever talk to someone?  A counselor?"

Tom shook his head.

"I threw myself into my studies.  I also started dating every girl in
my class."

Harry grinned tearfully.

"Now that's the Tom Paris that I know."

Tom shrugged.

"I couldn't even think about the possibility of dating another man. 
It just didn't seem right.  Lord knows, I was asked out often enough,
but I found myself comparing them to Colin and there just was no
comparison."


They sat in silence for a while.  Finally, Kathryn stood and cleared
her throat.  Running the back of her hand down his cheek, she spoke.

"Tom, I want to thank you for being brave enough to tell us that.  I
know that it can't have been easy."

"No, it's the first time I've ever told anyone.  It hurt but it also
felt good to remember.  It was a wonderful year and if he had lived, I
would probably be married to him."

The group broke up and one by one left the mess hall.  Tom went into
the galley and placed the tray of cups on the counter. A noise behind
him made him whirl.

"Commander!  You startled me."

"I'm sorry.  I just wanted to thank you again for sharing that with
us.  As Kathryn said, that must have been very difficult."

Tom smiled and leaned against the counter, folding his arms.

"I probably should have just made something up. I certainly didn't
mean to make everyone cry.  Well, almost everyone. Tuvok and Seven
appeared unscathed.  But I swear I saw the Doc brush away a tear."

Chakotay grinned. 

"It wasn't your imagination.  Those holographic tears  looked very
real."  He sobered.  "Tom, you said that  you've never been with
another man.  Would...would you consider changing your mind about
that?"

Tom was stunned.  This was something for which he hadn't dared to
hope.

"It's not so much having my mind set against the possibility  as much
as never having found the right one."

Chakotay moved closer.  Running a diffident hand over the arm next to
him; he was pleased to feel a shiver.

"I don't have red-gold hair and my eyes aren't hazel--"

"Chakotay, I'm not looking for a replacement for Colin. That part of
my life is over."

The older man cupped Tom's chin.

"Good.  Because I don't want to have to compete with a ghost.  But I
would like to try and see if we could have something good."

Tom grasped the hand at his cheek and dropped a kiss into the palm.

"Then maybe we should start slow.  Say, dinner tomorrow.   We can talk
and you can tell me about your first time."

"First time with a man or a woman?"

Tom smiled.

"How about with a man?"

Grinning, Chakotay moved closer and leaned over to whisper  in Tom's
ear.

"It hasn't happened yet.  But maybe I can tell you about that one on
our second date."

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The End