The BLTS Archive- Paris Story Five: In The Distance by Karen (CP4Karen@aol.com) ---- Disclaimer: Paramount owns them. I imply no copyright infringement. c1998 Karen --- I gave him away again today. Oh, not that I ever had him, but it still hurts. The funny thing is that I'm lying in bed next to the most gorgeous woman on the ship and all I'd have to do is ask. But she's not Tom. It's not the first time that I've given him away; B'Elanna was the first to kill me in that way. But I think that it's the last. The look on the Commander's face when I told him that there was nothing between Tom and Seven and myself, well....I guess incandescence would best fit. I don't think that he even said thank you, good-bye or go to hell; he was just gone. And so is my chance with Tom. Seven asked me why I did it. I think she was actually a little pissed. I saw it in those big, blue eyes of hers every time we were with Tom. Arousal. Arousal, and a kind of wonder at the feeling. Now that would be a pair. If anyone could handle introducing Seven to sex, it would be Tom Paris, and I don't mean that in a nasty way. I think that having one's first time be with someone like Tom would be.....god, this sounds crazy, but it would be fun. Oh, it would be good, but I can just *see* the tender, funny, compassionate, crazy and oh-so-beautiful Tom Paris showing someone the ultimate pleasure. Gods! Seven is looking at me. I know that she knows what I'm thinking about. Gods know that we discussed it enough tonight. A menage a trois? Please, they would have left me inside of a month. Not many people know it, but there is a passion in Seven that very few see, and I've been around Tom enough to know that he could more than match it. And me? I've heard the rumors. The laughter at the fact that Tom and I are best friends. They don't see what we could possibly have in common. They don't understand. Oh, little by little, Tom has become one of the hearts of this ship. There are several; the Captain and Chakotay being two more. Kes was one.... In truth, Tom is one of the most decent men I have ever met in my life. God knows that he can hide it the best I've ever seen, but he is a good man. And I've loved him from the first time I saw him. But then, there was Libby. By the time that I started to accept that I had lost her, we had gone to that vacation wonderland-- Akriteria. Tom is the only one who knows what really happened there. And even so, if he had asked I think I would have gone to him. But he had seen what Zio had reduced me to and with his infinite understanding due to New Zealand; he stayed just my friend. By the time that I stopped waking up at night screaming, Tom had turned to B'Elanna as a friend. He didn't abandon me; we just became a trio. Vorik and his hormones didn't help. Almost dying together in the vacuum of space finished the job. They stood teetering on the edge. B'Elanna had confided in me what she had said to Tom out there, and I could see in Tom's eyes that it would take just a nudge from me to get him to go to her. I'm a fool. That night, I almost told him. I almost destroyed mine and B'Elanna's friendship because down deep I knew what Tom really wanted. Really needed. And now Chakotay is going to be blessed with that pleasure. I'm a fool. I watched all four of them play their games, and then I watched as the awareness slowly grew between the Captain and B'Elanna. Hell, everyone did. None of us could believe what was happening. I mean, here were two strong women and their men, and all of a sudden, here were two strong women. Period. Another night that I had the chance to tell him what I felt and I let him slip away. I didn't want to hurt Seven. I know that I'm hurting her now. I know that I should just accept what I have done, and go on. Seven isn't the only one hurting. She's still looking at me and as I turn to look into her eyes, she takes me into her arms. We kiss, and she places my hand on her breast. She's not Tom. --- The End