The BLTS Archive - Unloved
#8: Unloved
by Karahkwa (karahkwa@startrekmail.com)

---

Chakotay sat on his couch and contemplated the next twenty-four
hours. By that time he and Harry would be married.

He was excited but at the same time relieved. They'd had such a hard
time deciding on a ceremony and which customs they would honor and
which they wouldn't. Just this morning, they'd had a disagreement
about the music at the reception. But now they were in a home stretch…
all decisions made and finalized. Nothing to do but spend their last
night apart.

Harry was having a bachelor party. Tom had wanted to throw one for his
best friend and Harry couldn't tell him no. Since they'd decided to
spend the night apart, Chakotay had sent Greg and Gerron to chaperone.

Chakotay sighed. He didn't really know what he was going to do
tonight. He hadn't made any plans but he knew he wouldn't be able to
sleep. He supposed he could rearrange the place. Harry had moved in
some of his stuff but a large portion of his things still needed to be
moved.

Rising, he looked around. He'd been messy these last few days. He
might as well put everything away before he got to rearranging too
much. He picked up dirty clothes and stuffed them in the refresher. He
organized various PADDs but realized he was missing one.

Chakotay headed over for the couch and got on his hands and knees. His
hand reached as far back as he could. Moving it in a wide arch, his
hand connected with something solid. He grabbed and pulled it out.

It was his medicine bundle. He ran his hand lovingly over the rawhide.
He hadn't meditated since he'd started dating Harry. He hadn't wanted
to see his spirit guide turn away from him. He squeezed his eyes shut.
He so wanted to touch her again, but…

*Bree-Broop

Chakotay jerked. Most of his friends were at Harry's party. He'd told
them he wanted to be alone tonight and they'd accepted that. So who
could it be?

"Enter."

Huritt Rowtag stepped through the door. He took one look at Chakotay's
position on the floor and stopped. "I'm sorry, Commander. You're
meditating. I can come back later."

"No. No, it's all right. Come in." Chakotay rose and gestured towards
the couch. "I hadn't decided about meditating or not tonight."

Huritt took a seat. He looked at Chakotay curiously. "Why wouldn't you
meditate tonight? Don't you want to go into you marriage with an eased
spirit?"

Chakotay looked again at the medicine bundle. "I haven't visited with
my spirit guide since Harry and I started dating. I'm afraid she'll
turn away from me."

Huritt nodded. They'd both been raised to believe that gays were
against the ways of the Spirits. No one had ever said if those who
lived outside of The Way would still be able to contact their spirit
guides.

"Why are you here, Huritt?"

He smiled. "I came to see if you were okay. I was told you were
spending the night alone and I wanted to come see if you needed
someone to talk to who… well, would understand if you were having any…
reservations."

Chakotay sighed. "How did you know? Harry doesn't even know that I'm
worried."

"I've known you a long time, Chakotay. We both grew up with the same…
prejudices being preached to us. Harry may know of them but he doesn't
understand them."

Chakotay nodded. He would never had thought that his man who he'd only
tolerated for as long as they'd known each other would be the one he
confided in on the night before his wedding.

"You know, you're not the only one who decided to pick happiness over
the teachings."

Chakotay's head came up. "Excuse me?" What he saying he-?

"After you left for the Academy, there was quite a scandal. Seems
several of the boys we grew up with were engaging in… quote wrongful
behavior."

Chakotay smiled. He'd never known that. But then it was something his
family wouldn't have mentioned. "Anyone interesting?"

"My older brother and Andrew Crowmen were the ones they caught but
eventually they found out there was a secret society."

"Andrew Crowmen married Beth RunningDeer."

"Well, after all the boys were subjected to a week in the sweat lodge,
they all settled down and I think all of them married women later."

"I never knew."

"Andrew was expected to be added to the Council when the time came."

Chakotay's mind made the same connection as Huritt's. Maybe he could
talk to his spirit guide after all. "Thank you."

Huritt rose. "It was my pleasure, Chakotay. I'll see you tomorrow." He
left as Chakotay reached once again for the bundle.

---

Greg Ayala sighed as he watched Tom Paris and Gerron dance with a
holographic stripper. How Tom always made Gerron forget his shyness
was beyond him. Still Gerron enjoyed it and Greg was more content to
sit at the table and watch.

Harry was sitting beside him and he didn't seem to be having all that
much fun.

"You okay, Harry?"

"Yeah, Greg, I'm fine. I'm just worried that's all."

"About tomorrow? Every groom gets nervous before his wedding."

Harry smiled softly and shook his head. "No. It's Cha. He's spending
the night alone and I'm afraid he's gonna change his mind."

"Harry, he loves you. He wants this marriage as much as you do.
Besides, if he changes his mind, we'll just change it back."


--- Chakotay sighed with pleasure. He's spirit visions always took
place in a green meadow. Usually there weren't flowers but this time,
the place was alive with brightly colors. It was so beautiful. And all
the smells…. They combined to make the perfect fragrance. Smiling, he
turned in a circle and gazed at the blue-blue sky. Then his eyes
lowered and he froze.

There, not ten meters away from him was his spirit guide. She glanced
up at him for a moment but then turned her attention to what she had
been doing before. For a minute, pain sliced through Chakotay.

But then it vanished. He finally noticed what it was she was doing.
She was frolicking… with a tiger.

Harry's tiger.

How he knew that the animal was Harry's guide, he didn't know but it
was some truth he knew in his heart. And with that knowledge came
peace. Their spirit guides rejoiced for their joining.

Chakotay's shout of joy was drowned by the pleased howl of a wolf.


--- The crowd outside the holodeck was getting anxious. They were
waiting for the doors to be open so they could have the wedding.
Nearly the entire crew was invited.

Chakotay and Harry had decided on a traditional Native American
Ceremony. Harry's traditions were to be incorporated into the
reception. But no one really knew what the ceremony would be. No
details had been given out except for the four guardians. They had
been selected by the grooms before the ceremony to be the guardians of
the four winds and guardians of their marriage.

Finally the doors opened and a desert scene was revealed. It was
sunset and the place was ablaze with reds and golds.

Kathryn Janeway stepped into the doorway before anyone could come in.

"Chakotay and Harry have chosen a traditional ceremony. I will lead.
Then Ensign Paris, Lieutentant Torres, Lieutenant Ayala, and Crewman
Gerron as the Four guardians will follow. Then you may enter. You will
form a single line. You will circle us counter clockwise and form a
circle. You will leave a hole by Gerron. That is all."

With in the holodeck a fire suddenly blazed to life. Then a soft drum
beating began. Kathryn turned and walked toward the fire. She circled
counterclockwise and stopped at so that she was facing what would be
south.

Then Tom lead B'Elanna, Greg, and Gerron. They too circled the fire
counterclockwise. Their circle was wider than Kathryn's and they
stopped when Tom was at the North, B'Elanna at the East, Greg at the
South, and Gerron at the West.

For a moment the crowd hesitated. As they did, Tom lit two of the
three candles that sat on tall stands just north of the fire.

Then Tuvok stepped forward and lead the guests into the holodeck to
form the Sacred Circle. They left the hole to the west. When the
circle was formed, the drumming stopped.

The crowd held its breath for a moment. Then a soft flute began to
play and Harry and Chakotay walked up to the hole and entered the
circle. They came to stand facing Janeway with the fire between them.

Each was dressed in traditional Korean attire. They wore a loose pair
of stacks fastened at the waist and ankles with sashes, a loose jacket
underneath a relatively close-fitting vest, and a top jacket worn over
the vest and the ribbon-fastened jacket. Chakotay's pants and vest
were a soft green. His shirt was as white as could be. His coat a deep
gold. Harry's pants were that same gold and his coat was a dark red.
His vest had swirls of both colors. This out-fit shirt shone bright
against his skin.

The flute continued for a moment before coming to a halt.

Then Tuvok's voice broke the silence.

"Great Spirit of Light, come to me out of the East (red) with the
power of the rising sun. Let there be light in my words, let there be
light on my path that I walk. Let me remember always that you give the
gift of a new day. And never let me be burdened with sorrow by not
starting over again.  "Great Spirit of Love, come to me with the power
of the North (white). Make me courageous when the cold wind falls upon
me. Give me strength and endurance for everything that is harsh,
everything that hurts, everything that makes me squint. Let me move
through life ready to take what comes from the north.

"Great Life-Giving Spirit, I face the West (black), the direction of
sundown. Let me remember everyday that the moment will come when my
sun will go down. Never let me forget that I must fade into you. Give
me a beautiful color, give me a great sky for setting, so that when it
is my time to meet you, I can come with glory.

"Great Spirit of Creation, send me the warm and soothing winds from
the South (yellow). Comfort me and caress me when I am tired and cold.
Unfold me like the gentle breezes that unfold the leaves on the trees.
As you give to all the earth your warm, moving wind, give to me, so
that I may grow close to you in warmth."

A moment of silence passed as a breeze that seemed to come from all
directions flowed over the crowd.

Then Kathryn spoke, "Chakotay and Harry have come together, in the
presence of their friends, their family, and the Great Spirit to share
their joy and happiness as they proclaim their eternal love for each
other. In the Shamanic tradition, this marriage is truly a union of
the heart and of spirit -two souls united becoming one eternal flame.

"True marriage is always entered into thoughtfully, lovingly, and
happily, with a deep understanding of the sacredness of such a
relationship. True marriage is of the spirit, and reflects the oneness
of the Universal Spirit and ourselves.

"True marriage means to be a friend and partner, to be open with each
other, to trust and reveal yourselves to each other, as the budding
rose opens to reveal its beauty and fragrance.

"Listen to each other... hear not only words, but also the language of
tone, mood and expression, listen to understand.

"Respect each other's rights and allow the other to be an individual,
accept the other as they are, as you would have yourself accepted.

"Provide a refuge and sanctuary for one another. let your marriage be
a real center of peace, harmony and warmth of soul and spirit. Give
each other approval, encourage confidence in the other, and LOVE ONE
ANOTHER. Love is your river of life, the eternal source of re-creating
yourselves.

"Let anyone speak if there is reason that these two souls should not
unit." There was no answer but silence.

"Harry, do you vow to always show love and compassion for Chakotay?"

Harry's smile was audible in his, "Yes, I do."

"Then with your right hand, bring the flame to Chakotay's heart to
seal your vow."

Harry's hand swept a path above the fire and came to land on the
center of Chakotay's chest.

"Chakotay, do you vow to always show love and compassion for Harry?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then with your right hand, bring the flame to Harry's heart to seal
your vow."

Chakotay's hands mimicked Harry's and, too, ended up over his lover's
heart.

"Harry, do you vow to always show love and compassion for yourself?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then, bring the flame to your own heart."

Harry's hand swept out once again and landed on his own chest.

"Chakotay, do you vow to always show love and compassion for
yourself?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then, bring the flame to you own heart."

Chakotay again mimicked Harry.

"Harry, do you vow to work as a healer of the earth?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then, bring the flame to Chakotay's heart to seal your vow."

Harry did as he was commanded. He couldn't keep the huge smile off his
face.

"Chakotay, do you vow to work as a healer of the earth?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then, bring the flame to Harry's heart of seal your vow."

Chakotay's hand wobbled slightly as it swept out. Harry glanced from
the hand to his face. He couldn't help but gasp at the look of pure
joy on his lover's face.

"Harry, do you take Chakotay to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Yes." Harry smiled into Chakotay's eyes and continued with his vows.
"I freely give you my devotion. I give it as a joy, never to burden. I
free you with my loyalty. I love you for what you are, and even more,
for what you mean to me. I give you the shelter of my strength and the
constancy of my friendship. As God have given us love, so do I give to
you."

"Chakotay, do you take Harry to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"Yes." Chakotay's voice was slow and intense as he gave his own vows.
"I want to live with you just as you are. I choose you above all
others to share my life with me, and that is the only evidence there
can be that I love you. I want to love you for yourself in the hope
that you will become all that you can be. I promise to honor this
pledge as long as life and faith endure."

Kathryn cleared her throat. They had picked such lovely vows. Then she
continued with the service. "As a symbol of your love, these rings by
their shape without beginning or end represent a true emblem of the
unity and harmony that shall exist between you. The substance of which
these rings are composed is also a symbol of your love. It tells of
the essential purity and beauty, which shall ever characterize your
minds and hearts in all your relations. Chakotay, place the ring on
Harry's finger as a symbol of your eternal love."

Chakotay took the ring from Kathryn and slowly slipped the ring onto
Harry's left ring finger. He leaned over and then kissed the ring.

"Harry, place the ring on Chakotay's finger as a symbol of your
eternal love."

Harry's hand was the one wobbling this time. But soon the ring was
adorning Chaktoay's left hand. He, too, bent to kiss the hand.

Kathryn smiled. They were coming into the home stretch. "Please join
right hands. As a special blessing for you, I speak the words from an
ancient American Indian wedding ceremony: "Now you will feel no rain
for each of you will be shelter for the other, "Now you will feel no
cold for each of you will be warmth for the other, "Now there is no
more loneliness. "Now you are two persons, but there is only one life
before you. "Go now to your dwelling to enter into your life together
and "May your days be good and long upon the earth.

"Recognizing the authority vested in me by my position of Captain by
the United Federation of Planets, I pronounce you husband and husband.
Kiss each other now, for the first time as a married couple."

Harry smiled at Chakotay and leaned forward. He took his lips in a
sweet kiss, full of love and promise.

When they pulled apart, the each took one of the lighted candles and
together lit the third. They extinguished the two candles, leaving the
one burning.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present to you Commander and
Lieutenant Kim." A cheer rose from Sacred Circle in response but died
down enough to hear the rest of her words. "This concludes our
ceremony and those who would like to come up and wish the couple well
may do so now. Otherwise, a reception is being held in the mess hall."

With those words the soft flute music from before began to play again.

Harry reached up and pulled Chakotay's head down into yet another
kiss. This one was full of lust and love as their tongues mated. They
pulled apart only when the catcalls got so loud they penetrated their
lust-filled minds. Harry rested his forehead against Chakotay's and
sighed.

"I love you so much. I can't wait to eat Kuk soo with you."

Just half an hour later, Chaktoay and Harry entered in the mess hall.
The place was decorated with numerous candles to simulate dusk.
Although they were officially married they still had a few of Harry's
customs to observe.

They sat on opposite sides of a small table that contained one dish of
all the foods on Neelix's buffet across the room. Harry bowed twice to
Chakotay who in return bowed four times.

Chakotay then dished them three spoons of rice, which they shared.
Harry had explained the symbolism of all it to him before. The sharing
of the rice represented all the meals that they would share for the
rest of their lives.

Once the rice was gone, they each reached for the p'yojubak. The two
cups were made from the same gourd. This too was symbol. Two cups from
one gourd, two men from one soul.

And then it was done. All the important rituals had been for the
Korean culture. They were married.

---

Harry burrowed his face into Chakotay's neck. They'd spent the
last two hours opening gifts, receiving well-wishes and observing many
of the classic wedding reception traditions. Only they didn't have a
bouquet to throw.

Now they were, with all the other couples, dancing. The party had been
a lot of fun. They'd gotten a lot of gifts and credits. They had great
friends.

"Cha?"

"Mmm." Chakotay's lips slid down to caress the edge of his ear.

"Do you think we could sneak outta here and onto the holodeck?"

"I certainly hope so. I can't wait to be naked with my husband."

Harry pulled back slightly. Chakotay had been much more affectionate
today then he could ever remember. Sure it was their wedding day but
still…

"What did you do last night?"

Chakotay smiled and leaned in to kiss the tip of his nose. "I visited
with my spirit guide. She likes you a lot. We're going to be happy for
a long time."

Harry nodded. "You're damn right, we will. Assuming we can get out of
here and I can get you out of that get-up. I love you in gold. It
makes me all hot."

Chakotay grabbed Harry's hand and led him towards the door. Many of
the guest noticed and began to call out well-wishes and sexual advice.
Just before the red-faced couple could go through the doorway, Tuvok
stepped in front of them.

"B'Elanna and I will see that your gifts make it back to your
quarters."

"Thank you, Tuvok."

"May I also offer my congratulations?"

"Thanks, Tuvok." He stepped back at those words and they finally
escaped.

---

Chakotay stretched out on the bed. He and Harry had, after much
discussing, decided to spend their one-week honeymoon on the Dorvan
program. They were staying in the only tourist city on the entire
planet.

Harry had insisted. Chakotay didn't care. If he had any say, they'd
barely leave the feather bed he was lying on, let alone their room.

Of course, he was alone right now. Harry'd wanted to use the bathroom
before they went to bed.

"What's taking so long, Harry?"

The door opened and Chakotay was treated to the sight of Harry's
golden skin, a color he couldn't get enough of. But an even better
treat was single item of clothing hiding that beautiful flesh.

Harry was wearing a pair of bright red bikini briefs, which were
becoming tighter and tighter has the moment passed.

"Harry, tell you were wearing them all day."

Harry walked slowly over to the end of the bed. His eyes narrowed in
on Chakotay's bare and growing arousal. "Tell me you've been wearing
just that all day."

Chakotay groaned and squirmed under Harry's intense gaze. A part of
his mind was screaming that this was all a dream and that any minute
he'd wake up alone. But the majority of his brain was too busy take in
the sight and smell of his lover to listen.

Harry smiled and crawled onto the bed. He placed soft kisses on each
of Chakotay's knees and continued up his body. He dropped a quick kiss
to the head of his cock before sliding further up to toy with his
navel.

"Harry…" Chaktoay gasped. "Come up here and kiss me."

"I'd rather stay here," Harry said before licking a spiral around his
stomach to end with his tongue inside his belly button.

Chakotay could only moan as Harry tongued his navel over and over
again. He'd always known he was sensitive there but-

"Oh God, Harry."

Harry raised his head. His gaze traveled up his lover's body. There
was a fine sheen of sweat on all that dark skin. His nipples begged to
be touched and Harry found his hands obeying.

Chaktoay's eyes were open but dazed. They were so dilated Harry
couldn't even see the brown color he so loved. His mouth was open and
he was panting softly.

"You are so beautiful, my Cha. My husband."

"Harry, please." Chakotay arched into his body.

Harry crawled the rest of the way up Chakotay's body and took his
mouth in a hungry kiss. He pressed his tongue between those sweet lips
and caressed everything it could reach. He pulled back breathless and
just stared down at his husband.

After a few moments, Chakotay realized that he wasn't doing anything
and he looked up at him. "Harry."

"I just can't believe you're my husband. I love you so much."

Harry leaned down and kissed him again. This time it was shorter,
hotter and when he finished kissing him, he continued his caresses. He
kissed across his chin, up to nipple and suck on his ear, down his
neck and across his chest to his nipples. He paused there to tongue
each to hardness and suck gently. He traded between each for several
minutes before moving down Chakotay's body some more.

Chakotay's hands caught his hair as he slid past his navel. They had
been stroking his back and arms and shoulders, but this was not a
caress. This was a command to stop.

Harry looked up. "Cha? Let me make love to you. There's one thing we
haven't done yet and I want to do it tonight."

Chakotay shook his head. "No. I don't enjoy that."

Harry smiled. "You don't have to get off on it, Cha. If you really
hate it, I'll stop. Please, Cha, let me suck you."

Chakotay sighed. He had the hardest time saying no to Harry. He had
never enjoyed blow jobs, either giving or getting them. But if Harry
wanted to…

"All right."

Harry smiled brightly and lowered his head to kiss Cha's stomach. He
licked the skin there and then sucked on it for a moment. He finally
felt Chakotay's hands relax and leave his head.

He slid down between Cha's legs. He looked up and saw that Chakotay
had squeezed his eyes shut and had placed his hands on the bed.

Harry smiled and settled into making Chakotay enjoy this. He loved
giving head. It was his second favorite thing to do in bed.

He started slowly. He pressed kisses to each of Chakotay's hips and
then moved to run his tongue along the underside of his cock. He
sucked the head into his mouth for just a moment before pulling back
to lick a path back down and across his balls.

Chakotay moaned and Harry pulled back to see if there is any pain in
his face. But there was not. Only pleasure. So far.

Harry leaned down again and this time takes Chakotay's balls into his
mouth to suck gently. He knew from other encounters that they were
very sensitive so he was careful not to pull too hard on them.

Chakotay's body shifted and Harry released him. Looking up briefly, he
sees the sheets being twisted in his husband's hands. He smiled and
returned to the business of pleasuring him.

Harry took in just the head of Chakotay's erection. His tongue darted
out to tease and caress it. His reward was a hiss of pure pleasure. He
grinned around his mouthful and then slide his mouth down to take even
more.

Chakotay gasped and his hips bucked without control. Harry loosened
his facial muscles and took in as much as Cha seemed to want. He
undulated his tongue against the bottom. He bobbed his head working
more and more of Chakotay's cock into his mouth. Soon, he had all of
that beautiful erection inside of his mouth. The muscles in his throat
worked almost unconsciously as his tongue did its best to caress all
of his lover.

"Harry!" Chakotay's voice was deep and raspy. He panted like he had
run for kilometers. It sounded again as Harry bobbed his head once
more. "Harry, oh, Harry." There was some wonder in his name this time.
Almost as if Chakotay couldn't believe he was actually enjoying this.

Harry could feel the shaking of Chakotay's body and the tightness in
the balls under his chin. Cha was so close to orgasm. It wouldn't take
much to send him over the edge. Just a little.

"Hmmmm?"

The vibrations ran along the enclosed flesh and were echoed throughout
the rest of his body. It echoed most in the strangled cry, "Harry!"
that accompanied the spurts that Harry swallowed eagerly. He keep Cha
in his mouth, sucking until he was sure he was empty and then released
him. He trailed kisses up his body until he was resting his full
length against him.

"I thought you said you didn't like them." Harry couldn't keep the
smirk out of his voice as he took in the sheets Chakotay had ripped in
his pleasure.

The answer was very quiet and thoughtful. "I never have before."

For some reason this made Harry's heart sing. He was Cha's first in
something. He pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Or he attempted to. Chakotay turned his head and captured his lips.
Their tongues mated for a few minutes before Harry pulled back. He
gazed down at his lover for a moment and then pressed his still aching
arousal against Chakotay's thigh.

Chakotay responded by reaching under his pillow and producing a tube
of lube. He then raised his legs.

Harry groaned softly. He still couldn't believe how eager Cha was in
bed. Popping the lid to the tube, he slicked two fingers.

Chakotay moaned as they gently entered him. He immediately began
moving against them. He groaned as a third was added. They twisted and
brushed briefly against his prostate. He gasped and threw his head
back.

Harry chuckled as he saw Chakotay's renewed erection. So responsive
his Cha, his husband.

Then, Harry gasped as Chakotay grabbed the lube and then reached down
to prepare him.

"If I don't have you soon…." Chakotay groaned with need as Harry
lifted his ankles to his shoulders.

Harry slid inside slowly, wanting to savior his first time with his
husband. But Chakotay wanted none of that. He raised his hip to take
more of him in.

"Cha…"

"Please, Harry. More."

Harry groaned. He knew he could deny Cha nothing. He began moving
slowly at first but as his husband responded, he thrust harder and
faster.

Chakotay groaned and did his best to help Harry. But he was so
aroused. Never had so little turned him on so much. He didn't think he
could last much longer.

Harry's eyes opened and met Chakotay's. He smiled at the sight of such
pure pleasure. The grin turned wicked as he changed the angle of his
thrusts to hit the prostate.

"Harry!"

"You like that, Cha?"

Chakotay was too mindless at this point to answer. He was doing his
best to hold on a few more seconds so that he came with Harry.

"So beautiful, my husband." Harry groaned as his thrusts became
erratic.

"Harry…" Chakotay groaned as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"I love you, Cha."

One thrust later, two voices cried out in unison as pleasure ripped
through them.

Chakotay's eyes opened as Harry's arms wrapped around him. He'd never
felt such contentment as he felt right then. His hand slid up to
caress Harry's chest before settling on his heart.

Harry's hand came up to cover it as Chakotay snuggled closer onto his
chest. "I love you," he whispered just before his breathing evened out
in sleep.

Chakotay smiled at the words. A year ago, he'd given up on ever having
love. But now, he knew he'd never go another day unloved.

---

The End