The BLTS Archive - Cold Comfort: D series:
#9: Trepidation
by Kalita Kasar (kalitafic@hotmail.com)

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First Posted: 11/20/2003

Archives permissions: Archers_Enterprise, ReedsArmory, Tim Ruben and
the author's personal site

Beta: none

Series: Follow on to Discursion

Disclaimer: I don't own them, but they're fun toys. ;)

Author's Note: This is a continuation of the "D" series that I wrote a
while back and which ended with the post Extinction story Discursion.
This is not a happy piece, it follows the apparent drifting apart of
Tucker and Reed over subsequent eps post Extinction...has anyone else
noticed they barely talk to each other anymore? This is my take on
why. May be more to follow.

---
Trip
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I've been avoidin' him and we both know it. Since the night we slept
together after he and the others were affected by that weird
mutagen... I haven't had the heart to face him, because I know when I
do I'm gonna have to tell him the truth about me... about us. I'm
gonna have to tell him that I don't think marryin' him is the right
thing to do.

I know he thinks it's because of what happened when he was transformed
into that alien -- thing. I know he thinks I'm havin' issues with
that, but it's not that. I can't stand the pain in his eyes when he
looks at me. But I can't bear the thought of seein' it magnified by
one
hundred the day I tell him; so I put it off and I avoid seein' him.

I'm a coward.

---
Malcolm
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I don't know why he won't look at me anymore. Why he won't speak to
me. I feel sure it must be something I have done, or not done but I
don't know what.

For a while, I thought that it must be because of the mutagen. I know
I wasn't quite myself for a couple of weeks while the last of the
virus left my system. Did I do or say something during that time to
upset him. Did I? I can't recall anything.

I thought I was being as attentive and loving as ever, but maybe I was
somehow different in my response to him. Maybe I frightened him or did
something to put him off. I don't know.

His eyes speak to me of pain and confusion when I meet them. I know
he's not sleeping well, and I know he is still having nightmares of
losing his sister. Dear God have I done something to magnify his pain
and hardship and if I did, why won't he tell me?

If I could talk to him, just for an hour or so, I feel certain we
could work this out, but there is a part of me that holds me back from
going to him lest it only serves to worsen matters between us, so I
work, and I stay away and I wonder.

I'm afraid to face him -- to face whatever is coming between us.

I'm a coward.

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The End