The BLTS Archive- Missing You by Kaala (kaala12@aol.com) --- This small scene takes place during "the Void" before Chakotay comes to visit. It's little sad but it just would not go away until I typed it out. You can tell me what you think at Kaala12 @aol.com. --- She sat in her quarters, peering out into the darkness. The void overwhelmed her. Long buried memories had resurfaced with a vengeance. It had been four weeks since any of the crew had had any real contact with her. The Starfleet training was trying its best to spur her into action but for once, her personal desires and wishes were firmly in control. She wanted to be left alone. Completely alone. She stared at the darkness, letting its emptiness swallow her. Alone. Alone. Even the word seemed to mock her. She could see her reflection in the windows of her quarters. Alone. She was alone in her quarters. Then she saw it. The picture of Mark she kept on her desk. Mark. Mark smiling, his arms casually draped over her shoulders, their shared smiles brilliant for the holocamera. Mark had left her, married to another. Mark had left her alone. Somehow, in all of her planning, hoping, searching for a quick way home she had never considered that Mark might give up on her and move on. Scalding tears ran down her face as she gave into pain held at bay far too long. She loved Mark. Had loved him with all her heart and yet he had moved on to someone else. She had tried to be brave and stoic when she had received the letter from Mark, even telling Chakotay that she had used "Time as some excuse", hinting that there might possibly be some future with him, but that wasn't the case at all. Sure, Chakotay was an attractive man, good listener, good friend, even what she would call a close friend. But he wasn't Mark. If she closed her eyes she feel Mark's warm breath on her neck, smell his cologne, shiver with anticipation at his touch. But then when she opened her eyes, she would see the truth. Mark wasn't here and she was alone. There were many on this ship that were under the impression that she and Chakotay were not a couple because she held a view of protocol that many felt didn't apply out here in the Delta Quadrant. But that wasn't entirely true. Oh, yes, she did feel that relationships among senior staff could and had caused problems throughout Star Fleet but she also was realisitic. Sixty years is a long time and she doubted that Star Fleet had that kind of timeline in mind. She could easily justify any relationship with ANY crewmember. In fact Starfleet would probably be concerned with the fact that Chakotay was an ex-Maquis member and she had made him her second in command more than any thing else. No, the truth was that she still loved Mark and every time she thought she could begin a new step in her relationship with Chakotay she would be overwhelmed with her feelings for Mark. She loved him and each day the pain of his marriage to another would tear a new hole in her soul. Mark had given up and left her alone. She sat in her quarters, peering out into the darkness. --- He stood outside her quarters with a stack of datapadds in his hands. He took a deep breath and tried to center himself. "What to say? How could he reach her? For weeks he had tried to find the answer to that question. He knew that for some reason this "Void" had somehow reached a part of Kathryn that was troubled. It had affected many of the crew similarly, but somehow he had thought Kathryn would be immune. Not so, in fact she seemed to be afffected the most. He didn't know how to reach her. He loved her and yet, there were parts of her that she held so close that if was often a struggle to reach her innermost thoughts. He knew that she was lonely and had often hinted, even suggested that he would be there for her if she would but ask, and there were times when it seemed that she would open the doors just a little and then a faraway look would creep into her eyes and she would shut the door. It couldn't be just protocol. There was more. If only she would let him in and let him ease her pain. He stood outside her quarters with a stack of datapadds in his hands. --- Paris and B'Elanna were on their way to Paris's quarters. As they rounded the corner they saw him standing in the hall with datapadds in his hands. The look of intense sadness stopped them. For once, Paris had no quick words and B'Elanna simply stared. They turned and began to walk in the other direction, neither saying a word. As they reached the turbolift their eyes met, twin mirrors of tears shining brightly. Their hands became tightly entwined. --- He stood outside her quarters with a stack of datapadds in his hands. --- She sat in her quarters, peering out into the darkness. --- The End