The BLTS Archive- One of Two by Captain Kate (captainkate@postmaster.co.uk) --- NOTES: This one got a little out of hand. It started off as a way to calm my indigence at Seven's attitude, but I'd had a glass of wine, and well, this kind of thing usually happens to me then. DISCLAIMER: I don't own these (geez I don't even want this Seven of Nine broad) and I'm earning nothing. WARNING: THIS IS SHAMELESS MIND CANDY. YOU MAY PUKE AT THE NICENESS. You have been warned. --- "You claim to respect my individuality but in fact you are frightened by it." "As you were." She stalked out of the cargo bay, tried to concentrate on unclenching her jaw. She was furious. Her mind was awash with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Usually when she walked away from such a confrontation she would immediately begin to calm -- her job was done, her sense of right affirmed, and the guilty party left chastised, alone to consider their actions. Except this hadn't been an ordinary disciplining of an errant crewman. Seven of Nine had actually condemned the creature to a certain and brutal death, and in doing so had also defied her captain's direct and painfully clear orders. That Borg's rhetoric and word play could not alter the fact that she had acted completely inhumanely and without remorse. Kathryn thought of Seven's defiant posture and felt her jaw clenching again. Nothing she had said to her in the last day had made one iota of difference. She would be in the cargo bay now, still justifying her actions to herself. She stepped into the turbolift and uncurled her fists, extracting her fingernails from her palms. She let out an anguished sigh and flopped against the wall of the lift, allowed her head to roll back. Why did arguing with Seven always make her feel like this? She felt so rotten inside, so wrong. Was she wrong? Was she really expecting Seven to turn out as a carbon copy of herself? No, she wasn't ignorant enough to want that. Seven didn't seem to understand that the values she was attempting to teach her were not just her own, they were the accepted best of what humanity aspired to, and consequently what Kathryn aspired to in herself also. Seven was making it personal, that was what stung. The lift slowed and the door opened, barely giving her time to straighten up. She relaxed again as Chakotay stepped in. "Deck six," he requested, then turned to face her. "You alright?" She smiled mirthlessly, sarcastically. She didn't trust her voice. "You know you should try not to let her rub you up the wrong way. She's just trying to see how far she can go." "Oh I know-" she began and immediately wished she hadn't. She should have trusted her first instinct and kept quiet. Her voice cracked on the last word and her eyes prickled and grew hot. "Computer, halt turbolift. Kathryn?" Kathryn screwed her eyes shut, frowning, willing the tears to go away. Not enough sleep, too much coffee. Always made her over-emotional. Just as she though she was going to be alright she felt Chakotay's hands on her shoulders as he turned her gently towards him. She hung her head but he wouldn't let her. A few tears escaped her eyes and she stepped into his open embrace and allowed herself to be comforted. "Better now?" he asked softly, a smile in his voice. "U-huh." Kathryn stepped back, dabbing at her eyes. "I just - I'm just. Tired I guess. I can usually handle her." "Well, you shouldn't really have to. Look, I have to go to engineering, see if B'Elanna has everything she needs to get the repairs done, but then I'm gonna come around and visit with you for a while OK?" She started to object but found herself nodding. She did need to talk this through and, if she admitted it, she wanted the company. "Ok then." He reached up and wiped a damp smudge from her cheek with the ball of his thumb. "I'll be by in about a half hour." --- "Computer, locate Captain Janeway." Chakotay shook his head, she was not answering her door. |Captain Janeway is in holodeck two.| "Holodeck two, of course. Why didn't I think of that?" He tapped his communicator. "Chakotay to Ms Janeway." Maybe that was too much. "Ms Janeway here." He relaxed as he heard her quiet laugh. "I'm sorry, Commander, I just fancied something to drink. Won't you join me down here?" His eyes narrowed. Something in her tone made his heart flutter and he didn't quite know why. it was true, that since the messages through the network -- since her Dear Janeway from Mark - he had been guiltily hopeful, and a little hope was proving to be a dangerous thing indeed. "On my way." --- He heard her laughter even before he reached the door of the dark little bar. It lifted him somewhat. When he had accosted her in the turbolift earlier she had been white as a sheet, eyes flinty, her mouth a thin slash of colour in the pallor. It has pained him to see the muscle twitch in her jaw, made him want to march down to the cargo bay and try and shake some sense into that damn Borg. These feelings, these vivid feelings had taken him by surprise, and they had taken hold of him only recently. When he thought about his feelings for Kathryn he always thought of the qualities he admired in her, her strength, her formidable courage, her attitude, and the way she kept it all in check to serve her profound sense of fair play. Of course he'd seen the woman in her, but he'd seen the driven, passionate Kathryn. Now he was seeing an entirely different side of her, and he had to admit it was as alluring as every other facet of her. She'd been vulnerable these past few weeks, and he'd been drawn to her. The predatory male in him had stuck close to her, sensing her vulnerability, but had been tempered by the respectful angry warrior. He thanked his spirit guide for this objectivity, knowing it was the only reason she was meeting him tonight and not hiding away from him. "Having fun?" Kathryn shivered and twisted around on the bar stool. She blinked; she'd expected him to be closer, could have sworn she felt his breath on her neck. She couldn't help but smile at his expression. "My quarters felt very empty." She cocked her head to the side. Did he understand? Chakotay saw the shadow pass across her visage and smiled to reassure her. "Well, seeing as we're here, can I get you something to drink?" "Yes, thank you. Shall we get a table?" He picked up the carafe the barkeep had produced, and gestured to an empty corner table. A few crewmen looked up as the pair passed, then resumed their conversations, only darting the occasional curious glance towards this unusually private public appearance of the command team. "I feel like we're under surveillance!" Chakotay leaned in close to whisper as he filled their glasses. She laughed low in her throat, then sighed. "Let them look Chakotay." He caught the inflection on his name, a native pronunciation he had never heard from her before, and looked sharply at her. He found himself ensnared in her intense yet ambiguous gaze. He raised his glass but did not break the eye contact. They watched one another over the rims of their glasses. It was Chakotay who eventually interrupted the strange silence. "So. Feeling any better?" "Yes, much -- thank you. It's such a tonic just to get out here for a while." "You should do it more often." "If I did it as often as I'd like to Chakotay, I'd never be out of here." He started to smile but something in her downcast gaze caused him to stop. Before he could question, she continued, "I've surprised myself by doing a whole lot of this lately," she raised her glass to illustrate her point. "Oh I'm not saying I get drunk every night but it's becoming more of a habit than perhaps it should, you know. Just a glass, but most nights." Chakotay was silenced -- that was an unexpected confession. He usually had to bug her for days before she was even half as forthcoming. He found his voice. "Is it Seven?" She grimaced. "Oh I wont deny she's a big part of it, she's caused me more than enough headaches the past few months." Her voice took on that throaty quality as she forced a smile. "But it's more than just the one thing, you know. It's a general ... malaise. Oh I daresay I'll snap out of I eventually." She smirked to herself. "If I hadn't been consistent with my shots all these years I'd say I felt almost hormonal!" This got a laugh from him. "Kathryn?" She smiled broadly this time. "Oh, you know... I just feel like everything's wrong, but I couldn't tell you one thing that's really bad. I feel whiny and pathetic." She laughed shyly. It was endearing. "You're just going through a low patch." He smiled and reached out over the table to cover her hands with his. "First Mark, and now Seven is playing up." He wondered how she'd react to him bringing that up. "I know." She returned his smile, and he was relieved to see it was a genuine smile. "Thank you, Chakotay." "For what?" "Just for - Being here?" She looked up and straight into his eyes, jet in their dim corner. "You know," he spoke, but the gaze remained unbroken. "I was worried about you when I met you earlier." Her mouth twitched. "I was upset," she confessed. "Seven, as usual, managed to undermine me again. I hate to think of the example this is setting for the crew." "It's Seven they doubt, not you. They admire you for the effort you expend for her benefit, and they don't like seeing it thrown back in your face." "You're saying that it's actually helping me?" "Don't sound so incredulous. This crew -- every one of them, of us, is devoted to you." Their voices had fallen low, and now they fell to silence. Kathryn relaxed into the pleasant buzz of the wine she had drunk, and turned her hands under Chakotay's, linking her fingers through his. Chakotay squeezed her hands reassuringly then detached himself to pour her another glass of wine. --- Kathryn tried to lean her head on Chakotay's shoulder. She was so tired and so relaxed, but it was incredibly uncomfortable while they were still walking. "Hey, are you alright there?" Chakotay patted the hand linked through his arm. A huge yawn silenced her momentarily and she nodded instead. "Well, here we are." Ah, they'd stopped. She rested her head against his shoulder. That was better. "Come on, Kathryn," she heard her door open. "Time for bed." She sighed and allowed herself to be led to her bedroom. At a gentle push, she flopped onto the bed. She felt Chakotay tugging at her boots and sat up. "Chakotay, thank you." "That's alright. You just lie down now." "No, I mean it." She put out a hand and ran it through his hair. "Thank you." Finished with her boots, he put a hand behind her head and tried to ease her back, but she threaded her hands behind his neck and pulled him down with her. "Hmmm," she sighed. Chakotay struggled for control, now laying atop his flushed, dreamy-eyed captain. "Kathryn I-" "No, just hold me, Chakotay," she murmured. "I know I'm a little drunk and, and I'll probably be a little embarrassed in the morning but ... no safety net... " her words trailed off as her eyes drooped shut. Chakotay unlinked her fingers from behind his neck and settled her on the bed. He brushed her hair from her face and plucked her comm-badge from her chest, setting it on the night stand. He looked down at her, and couldn't help himself. He bent and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Goodnight, Kathryn," he murmured, and turned to leave. "Thank you, Chakotay. I love you." He jumped and turned, startled, to see her eyes glittering darkly in the dim light. She smiled softly and then her eyes slid shut as she succumbed to sleep. He let himself quietly out of her quarters, smiling conservatively at some passing Ensigns. They smirked knowingly at one another and Chakotay laughed to himself. Perhaps for once, perhaps at last, their gossip might have something in it. --- The End