The BLTS Archive - Infinity #4: Falling Down Blue by Jesse (chartreux@hotmail.com) --- Archive: Ask me! Disclaimer: Sadly, Paramount is the owner. I am not. But if they would like to hire me for writing, I'm sure the ratings would go up. Comments: Just something I needed to write. --- The Doctor gingerly touched the tricorder on his desk. He trailed his finger along its lines, slowly and softly. Quickly, he jerked back his hand as though the instrument had burned him. Picking it up, he threw it into a drawer. Taking in a shuddering breath, he got up from his chair and made his way to Cargo Bay 2. He kept his eyes to the floor, his arms firmly at his side. Concentrating only on his breathing, he passed dozens of sad-eyed crewmembers without even seeing them. As he approached the Cargo Bay doors, he stopped abruptly. He stared at them. After a few moments, after a heightening fear arose in him, he clenched his hands and pushed himself through the large doors. The room was dark and somewhat warm. He listened closely to the hum of the alcoves, and a wave of anxiety washed over his body. He light-headedly walked towards the flickering computer consoles, and rested his hands on the smooth surface. The alcoves flashed a green light every three seconds, pulsating on and off, on and off. A quiet smell floated through the bay. Vanilla and lavender, he mused. A gift from Tom Paris. Moving stiffly, he treaded up the stairs to the largest of the alcoves. Resting in a small corner, he found several PADDs. Lifting each in turn, he read the information. Pathogen pathology, astrometric data, engineering science.....one on arias, and the last took his breath. He read, slowly and carefully. His "fan letter". She had kept a copy it. Setting the PADDs back on the tiny shelf, he descended the stairs. He let out a deep sigh and rubbed his eyes strongly. He walked to the corner of the Cargo Bay, and opened the trunk that the Captain had packed. A slight shudder of guilt coursed through him - he had been too cowardly to take on such a daunting task. So the Captain had packed up her things. He opened the small trunk, and reached inside, pulling out a mirror. He remembered how she would gaze into the mirror, practicing her smiles. He had told her that she looked lovely when she smiled, so she had taken the time to watch herself perform this maneuver, in order to get it right. To get it perfect. He didn't have the nerve to tell her that it was already perfect. The trunk was mostly filled with data PADDs and other scientific equipment. Her equipment. He rubbed his fingers over the casings, reliving the days when she over-packed. On each trip, each away mission, she always had several barrels with her. A small tear escaped his eyes. Brushing it away, he put everything back in the trunk. One last item remained - it was a long black box, simple in its design. The Doctor opened it, and carefully took out its belongings. He regarded it with a dying happiness. She had kept the rose he had given her on her last birthday. It had been dried, and dust had softly encased it, but it still had the deep glow of red that it had when it was new. He smiled, and gently placed it back in the box. He got up to leave the Cargo Bay, but stopped just before the doors. He turned around, and looked over the Bay. Trembling, he moved back over to the alcoves, and sat beside hers. He rested himself against it, feeling the vibrating hum of the regenerators. The thoughts keep reeling in his mind. He had never told her. And how he wish he had. At that very moment, he wished for so many things. He bit his lip, trying to draw the pain to something more physical, more real. It didn't work that time, like it hadn't before. He let out a hollow breath, and remained in her Bay, not moving, not leaving. He wouldn't leave. He promised her that he would never go. --- The End