The BLTS Archive- Destiny
#3: Decisions
by JanitaMB, a.k.a. Blackcat (janitamb@aol.com, blackcat66@email.com)

---

Disclaimer:  The characters except for Lieutenant Len Chayton
are the property of Paramount.  I just like playing with them
a little.  Neither Paramount nor I are making any money off
of this story.

WARNING:  This story involves male/male relationships and
explicit sexual encounters.  If this doesn't float your boat, don't
read it.  Trust me, I will not be offended.  If you are under the
age of 18, leave now while you still can.

Many thanks to Britta - the one who checks my mistakes,
reminds me of my redundancies, and has given me lots of
encouragement. If you find any errors, they are mine, not hers.

Also, FYI, this is not the last segment; and, there is one small
spoiler for the book "Pathways".

This is the continuation of the "Destiny" Series, which includes
"Destiny" and "The Gift".  This segment may not make since
unless you've read the first two.

As always, feedback is appreciated.

(c) 1999 JanitaMB a.k.a. Blackcat

---

Tom was in a local establishment looking for a gift for Chakotay.
His birthday was coming up and he wanted to surprise him. This
was one of those rare moments since they arrived at Cathesis
when Chakotay wasn't with him, so he wanted to take advantage
of it.

Looking over many offerings, all having some significance of the
diverse culture of the planet's inhabitants, his eyes came across a
small crystal-like item. It sat upright on its own stand, and was
shaped like a sphere. It had an earth tone tint to it and for some
unknown reason, it reminded him of Chakotay.

The clerk noticed his obvious fascination with the small object and
hovered close by, knowing he might ask about it. Her instincts were
right on target.

"What is this?" Tom asked, moving closer to the display.

"It's a serenity crystal," she answered. She picked it up and
placed it in Tom's hands. As he held it, it felt as if it were
warming in his grasp. He looked at it and swirls of light
appeared to be whisking around inside. Then suddenly,
the color changed to a rose tint.

"It's exquisite," he replied, amazed at its beauty. "Why did
it change colors?"

"The appearance of the crystal alters according to the holder's
mood. This color means you feel content," she said, watching
as Tom admired the crystal. "Would you like it?"

"Yes, I would," Tom replied, handing it to the clerk.

She went to the other side of the counter with it and asked, "Is
this for you or is it a gift for someone?"

"A gift for a friend," he replied.

"A very close friend I imagine," she said, smiling at him.
"Probably the reason for your contentment."

Tom couldn't stop the blush from rising, and smiling he said,
"Yes, he is. I love him very much."

"I can add an inscription to it. Would you like to do that?"

"Yes," he said, lifting the crystal from the counter and turning
it over in his hands. "Chakotay will love this."

"Chakotay? As in Commander Chakotay from Voyager?" she
asked.

"Yes. How did you know?" Tom asked, "Has he been in
here?"

"Then you must be Tom Paris," she said, her smile
broadening. "My other half, Anya, told me about you."

"Anya?" Tom asked, just before his memory kicked in. "Oh.
The woman from the Harvest banquet."

"Yes. She told me about two handsome men who were very
much in love. She said she never met two people who were so
right for one another." She gently took the crystal from his
hands. "Now, how would you like the inscription to read?"

---

The crew of Voyager had been visitors of this planet for
almost a month now. Since the Cathesians offered to help
them get home, it was necessary for Voyager to dock at the
space station near the planet so modifications could be made.
A special cloaking device was needed so they could travel
through the Gamma quadrant undetected.

Voyager's crew worked expediently preparing the ship for
their return home. The Cathesians shared all available data
regarding the Dominion war. Unfortunately, things weren't
going well for the Federation. The loss of numerous battles
to the Jem'Hadar was enormous, however, the Cathesians knew
of the one thing the Federation didn't - the exact location of the
Founders' new home world. This information alone could be a
deciding factor in who would actually be victorious.

Captain Janeway's skepticism regarding the Cathesians slowly,
but surely dwindled to nothing. These people were true to
their word, so far. The only downside was the time-consuming
alterations that needed to be made to the ship. But if it would
cut thirty-five years off of their journey, it was worth the wait, not
only to Janeway, but to the rest of the crew. Morale was at an
all time high, as it finally looked as if they would actually
make it home.

---

Chakotay opened his eyes slowly, then looked around the dark
room. Tom was spooned behind him, his arm draped
possessively around his waist. Chakotay settled deeper into
his embrace. He enjoyed mornings with Tom. He loved to
cuddle and so did Chakotay. Many mornings, Chakotay
would wake before Tom and just indulge in the feeling his
lover gave him. Sometimes Chakotay thought this bliss he
now lived in was almost too good to be true - as if he would
wake up one day and it would all be a dream.

Tom stirred slightly then drifted back to sleep. Chakotay was
about to do the same when without warning, he was hit with a
slight wave of nausea. It was the fifth morning in a row he
woke up with an upset stomach. As gently as he could, he
moved Tom's arm, managing not to wake him, and quietly
went to the bathroom.

Getting up seemed to make it worse. He knelt down, leaning
so his head was above the toilet, and waited. Nothing.
Finally the feeling passed and he slumped down on the floor,
resting his head on the cool titanium of the bowl. *I've got to
go see the Doctor,* he thought.

He decided that he'd better get back in bed before Tom missed
him. Slowly pulling himself to a standing position, he walked
back into the bedroom and crawled under the covers. Tom
stretched and circled his arm around Chakotay's waist,
drawing him closer.

"You okay?" Tom murmured sleepily.

"Yeah," he replied. His nausea gone for the moment, sleep
overtook him once more.

Tom and Chakotay were virtually joined at the hip. The first
night after their shore leave was spent in Chakotay's quarters.
After a session of extremely passionate love making, Tom
attempted to leave, only to be deterred by strong arms around
his waist. "Don't go," Chakotay whispered, nuzzling Tom's
cheek, "Stay here with me." Tom couldn't refuse such a
heartfelt request. And to be honest he wanted to stay. After
that, he stayed every night with his lover.

Their days were spent working on the modifications to the
ship, and their evenings were sometimes spent planet side,
usually accompanied by either B'Elanna and Kathryn, or Len
and Harry. Between their busy work schedule and their active
social life, Tom never received the padd that Dalby beamed
into his quarters.

One evening, Tom asked Len to meet him for dinner on the
ship. Chakotay had a late meeting with the Captain, and a few
of the planet's diplomats, and he didn't want to eat alone. Len
entered the mess hall and after getting his meal, scanned the
area for Tom. He finally found him sitting in a corner on the
far side.

"Hey Tom."

"Len, you know Chakotay's birthday is coming up. What do
you think of this?" With barely concealed pride, Tom pulled
the crystal out of the bag he had next to him, showing it to
the young man.

"It's beautiful," Len replied, taking the object from him while
watching it change colors.

"It's a serenity crystal. Do you think Chakotay will like it?"

"I'm sure he will, Tom." Len already knew his father would
love the gift. It sat on the mantel above their fireplace at
home. "So, Tom. You looking forward to going home?"

"Well, yes and no." Tom replied, "I'm anxious to see my
mom and sisters again."

"What about your father?" Len inquired.

"The Admiral?" Tom smirked at first, but after giving it
some thought, replied, "Yeah, I guess I want to see him too,
but I'm not so sure I'm looking forward to it. We didn't
exactly part on friendly terms."

Tom recalled the last time he saw his father. It was the day he
disowned him. "You know, all I ever wanted was for him to
accept me. All my life, I seemed to do everything to keep that
from happening. Now, I have someone special in my life -
someone that my father would never imagine me with, much
less approve of." Tom's eyes lowered to his plate where he
stabbed at a purple blob with his fork.

Len was immediately aware of the meaning behind Tom's
words and attempted to reassure him. "Tom, I think you're
reading more into this than necessary. He's changed. He
never stops talking about how proud he is of you. I doubt that
it will matter to him that your lover is a man."

"Chakotay is more than just my lover, Len," he replied
meaningfully, "He's my soul mate. I never thought I'd find
anyone like him to share my life with. Now, I can't imagine
life without him. Somehow, I doubt my father will
understand." Tom glanced at his unfinished dinner once
more, suddenly losing his appetite.

"I don't think you're giving him enough credit Tom..."

"You don't know him like I do Len," Tom countered, "He's
spoken highly of me to others in the past, but it was just an
act. He would tell me what he really thought later.
Especially if I did something he considered conduct
unbecoming an admiral's son," he said sarcastically.

Len had to really control his reaction to Tom's statement. He
made himself remember that Tom didn't know he was talking to
his son, or that Tom's father was in fact his grandfather - a man
who loved and cherished him even though his birth parent was
a man. "Tom, believe me, he's changed." How he wished his
other father weren't so insecure. It must have been awful for
him as a child. Len knew that Grandpa Owen wished many
times he could change the way he handled Tom. He tried to
make up for it with him.

"Well, I guess I'll know when we get home." Tom said,
unofficially ending the subject. "Anyway, tell me what's
going on with you and Harry these days."

Len face brightened at the thought of Harry. "He's wonderful,
Tom."

"I know that, Len," Tom replied with mild exaggeration, "Tell
me something I don't know - like have you and he...."

"Tom!" Len replied, a sheepish grin and a blush threatening to
appear. "Don't you think that's a little personal?"

"Nope. Now spill it," Tom said, his eyes twinkling with
anticipation.

"Well, no, we haven't," Len admitted.

"Len, you two have been seeing each other for a while now
and you haven't taken your relationship to the next level?
What's the problem?"

"There's no problem, Tom, we're just taking it slow, that's all."
Admitting to Tom his real reason for waiting was not an
available option. How could he explain that he would be
leaving soon and returning to *his* time period in the future?
Besides, he didn't want to corrupt the timeline any more that he
already had.

Shrugging, he grinned saying "You'd better not wait too long. If I
know Harry, he's probably anticipating when you'll finally take
that step."

Len thought that now was a good time to change the subject.
"Tom, you'd better put that gift away before Chakotay
decides to venture down here looking for you."

"Oh, you're right! I'll see you later." Tom got up, disposed
of his tray and left, heading toward his quarters. It would be
easier to hide the gift there instead of where he'd been hiding
it - in the back of Chakotay's closet. Lucky for him, Chakotay
didn't venture back there too often, or else he would have
discovered it already.

Once he arrived and entered, he realized how long it had been
since he'd spent time there. Things were a little scattered, but
not in complete disarray. He put the gift in the closet and
decided to tidy up a bit. Afterward, he grabbed a bag
and threw some personal items in it to take to Chakotay's
quarters. From his desk, he took several padds containing
letters to his family, books and other things. He noticed that
one appeared to have slipped off the desk and without
examining it, grabbed and shoved it into the bag. When he
was satisfied his quarters looked okay, he left.

Standing outside of the First Officer's cabin, Tom keyed in the
entry code and went inside. He found Chakotay on the sofa
snoozing. It seemed to Tom that the Commander napped
more often than usual. He went into the bedroom, dropped his
bag on the floor next to the bed, then came out with a blanket
to spread over his resting lover. He looked so peaceful,
Tom couldn't resist leaning in and kissing him on his forehead
while he slept.

Ordinarily, Chakotay wouldn't have even stirred at the gentle
kiss he received, but with his rapidly changing hormones,
his sleeping pattern had altered to the point that almost
anything would wake him. His eyes fluttered open slowly to
see his lover smiling at him. "Hey baby," he said, stretching.

"Hey yourself," Tom replied quietly. He sat down on the
edge of the sofa, draping his arm across his lover's waist.
"You must be really tired. I haven't known you to take so
many naps.

"I've been exhausted lately. Must be working too hard."
Chakotay gently caressed the hand that rested on his chest as
he spoke. "So what's going on? Anything interesting?"

"Nothing really. I'm off duty tomorrow. Got any ideas on
how we might pass the time?" Tom asked, looking
seductively at the senior officer.

"I have one idea." Chakotay smiled and pulled his lover into
his arms.

Tom moaned as he felt Chakotay's lips on his neck. "Really?
What did you have in mind?"

"C'mon, I'll show you." Chakotay lifted himself off of the
sofa, then gave Tom a hand up, and led him to the bedroom.

---

Once they were inside the room, Tom began removing his
uniform as Chakotay disappeared into the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" Tom asked.

"To brush my teeth," Chakotay replied. His mouth felt like
paste courtesy of his earlier nap.

"You've got my hormones all riled up and then you disappear
on me," Tom teased.

"Don't worry," he called from the bathroom, "I won't be
long." Smiling he looked at himself in the mirror and began
brushing.

Tom removed the gray turtleneck, then toed off his shoes.
"Better not be, or I'll start without you."

Chakotay shut off the water. "I heard that..." he shouted, a
smile in his voice.

"Good!" Tom replied. "So, hurry up." Now completely
nude, he pulled back the covers and stretched out on the bed.

"You are so impatient," Chakotay said as he stepped back in
the room wearing nothing but his robe. He removed it and sat
on the bed admiring his lover's lean, agile body.

"I haven't seen you all day. You shouldn't be surprised," Tom
answered enticingly, his playful banter forgotten.

Tom sat up and slowly began running his fingertips along
Chakotay's powerful arms. He loved his skin, the softest in
the quadrant, bronze and smooth, absolutely delectable. He
gazed into Chakotay's eyes, his own clouded with desire, and
suddenly he was kissing him. It was long, and deep - so
sensual. Chakotay's hand snaked around the back of Tom's
neck, controlling the kiss, sucking his tongue until Tom
moaned his appreciation. He stroked his tongue leisurely
over Tom's lips, then pushed him back on the bed.

Chakotay lay on top of Tom and they kissed lovingly, then
carnally, with Tom's hands threading through the silky black
hair of his lover. With a gentle nudge from Chakotay's knee,
Tom opened his legs allowing him to settle himself between
them. Their erections met. Gasps could be heard from both.
Chakotay looked into his lover's eyes and uttered one word,
"Mine."

"Yes..." Tom whispered as Chakotay sucked gently on his
ear lobe. Tom ran his hands up and down Chakotay's back, not
so lightly applying pressure on the golden skin with his nails.
Those hands went lower and lower, cupping his lover's ass,
gently kneading the flesh, while his nipples were ravished by
Chakotay's lips and tongue.

They moved against each other, the sweet friction making
each want more. "Chakotay," Tom gasped, "Inside me.
Please..."

"Yes," he replied. He moved off of his lover, reaching for the
lubricant on the nightstand. Tom rolled over on his stomach,
his legs spread open, completely submissive to him.
Chakotay prepared his lover for his pleasure, stretching him
until Tom was nearly insane with want.

"Now, Chakotay, please..." he groaned.

Chakotay, his arousal composed only by his own repetitive
mental babble, managed to prepare himself, then moved
behind Tom, gently pulling his rear end up. With extremely
skilled fingers, he parted the fleshy cheeks, then guided his
cock to the entrance of his lover's body. Exhibiting amazing
self-control, he slowly, almost languidly, entered Tom.
The warmth and tightness surrounding him was extreme and
he moaned deeply at the sensation. Tom's muscles resisted
the invasion at first, then gradually relaxed. Chakotay pushed
once, slowly, stopping when he met resistance, then pulled
back and thrust further - over and over until his cock was
deep within his lover.

"Oh my God..." Tom rasped out as he felt Chakotay filling
him, then moving in him. "Oh God yes..."

Chakotay pushed Tom flat against the bed and lay on top of
him. His thighs moved against Tom's as he continued to
plunge in deeply. His hands came up and intertwined
with Tom's giving him something to grip besides the bed
linen.

Tom's body was ablaze with arousal. His cock rubbed against
the sheets with each thrust Chakotay made. Chakotay's breath
was warm against his ear. Never in his life had Tom felt
pleasure such as what Chakotay gave him. He couldn't stop
moaning, as he thought about who was doing this to him.
Chakotay. The man he wanted and lusted after for such a long
time. The man he had fallen totally and completely in love
with. This man was taking him, making him his, and Tom
was in sheer ecstasy. He could feel the familiar tightening
of his scrotum, and just when he thought he would explode,
Chakotay stopped all movement.

For a short time, all that could be heard were the passion filled
gasps from both men. Then Chakotay spoke to his lover.
"You're mine," he whispered in Tom's ear. "Say it."

"I'm yours...all yours," Tom answered breathlessly. Chakotay
lifted his hips and plunged in the luscious body under him
once. Tom let out a low, throaty moan.

"Mine," he repeated, lifting his hips, pushing himself
impossibly further into Tom's tight channel.

"Yes, oh yesssss..." Tom hissed. "Yours." He couldn't
contain it any longer. Tom's orgasm erupted from him,
rippling through his body like an ocean ravished by the impact
of a meteor.

"Yes, Tom. You are mine, always." Chakotay thrust once,
twice, a third time, then exploded inside his beautiful lover.

Chakotay lay on top of Tom for a while longer, kissing the
back of his neck just under the sweat-soaked blond curls, and
gently stroking his smooth, creamy skin. Then, anticipating
that he may become uncomfortable, Chakotay rolled off of him.
Tom immediately moved into his arms.

Together they slept, so content, so peaceful, not aware of the
problems they would soon face.

---

Len woke up holding Harry in his arms. Ordinarily, he would
be alone in his quarters, but after dinner, Harry was
so tired, he told him to spend the night. So he did. As he lay
there, silently admiring Harry's features, he wondered what he
had done to deserve such a gorgeous man in his life.

It was, however, becoming more and more difficult not to be
intimate with him. Len missed making love to him so much.
In the evenings, they were both so exhausted from working
long hours preparing the ship, that neither was too interested
in anything but sleep. Often, Harry would return to his own
quarters. Other times, like now, he would stay with Len.
And it was on those mornings, especially when neither were
on duty right away, that Harry wanted to have sex. Even
though Len would love to indulge in such intimate pleasure
with his lover, he would think of a reason why he shouldn't.

Len knew that Harry was getting impatient, and could
probably see right through his excuses. He also knew that it
was only a matter of time before Harry called him on it. Now,
he had to think of yet another reason to leave. Somehow he
thought this mission would be easier - that he wouldn't
encounter the problems he had, but he was wrong.

In addition to the constant avoidance game he seemed to be
playing with Harry, he also had to continually modify his own
ship so he could justify staying longer, and keep Voyager's
engineers from discovering how much more advanced it was
from their own. The situation was becoming increasingly
stressful. Lucky for him, they thought his ship was a
prototype for exceeding the warp 10 barrier. It made it a little
easier to explain the constant system failures. But something
had to be done soon - he was beginning to run out of ideas.
He had to get back to his own time period.

Harry stirred awake and smiled, looking into Len's eyes. He
gently caressed Len's cheek with his fingers causing his blue
eyes to disappear behind closed eyelids. "You are so beautiful
Len." Harry meant every word. He'd never seen anyone quite
like Len before: thick waves of black hair, golden bronze skin
with azure eyes, and full luscious lips. *Absolutely gorgeous* he
thought.

Clad only in briefs, Harry lifted himself from the bed and
straddled Len, looking appreciatively at his body. His
shoulders were broad, arms extremely muscular. His chest
had fine black hair cascading down the front all the way past
his navel. In that instant, Harry decided he'd waited long
enough. He had to have this man. He wanted to
know what it felt like to take him and be taken by him.

Harry bent down, kissing Len deeply. His tongue gently
caressed Len's lips requesting admittance, and when Harry
entered Len's mouth, he was helpless. The kiss was warm,
wet, and extremely demanding. "Oh Spirits," he whispered
when it ended and Harry licked his way down his chest,
"It's going to happen, isn't it?"

"Yes. No more excuses." Harry replied against the bronze
skin. Then he pulled Len's underwear past his hips and off of
him completely. The sight of a long, thick shaft framed with
silky black curls at the base rewarded Harry. "So beautiful..."
he whispered as he nuzzled the inside of Len's thigh.

Before Len could voice an objection, Harry ran his tongue up
the length of his cock, then swirled it seductively around and
over the tip, before taking him in fully. "Oh my God..." he
breathed as Harry took him deep into his throat.

He threaded his hands through the black mane on his lover's
head as the sensation of Harry's hot mouth washed over him.
It still surprised Len how Harry could make him feel. The
physical stimulation alone was amazing. But this intimate
act was intensified greatly by the love he felt for this
man. He could feel the muscles of his mouth tightening
around him, then the powerful sucking meant to drive him
crazy with want. Harry brought him close - so close to
completion. But, before Len saw stars exploding behind
his eyelids, Harry stopped his actions.

"Len," he said as he slowly kissed his way up his lover's
stomach and chest, continuing once he could gaze into Len's
eyes, "I want you to fuck me."

Harry's words, and the raw desire in his eyes gave Len an
internal shiver of anticipation. He watched as Harry removed
his now constricting briefs, and settled next to him on his
stomach. Len left the bed briefly and returned with some
newly replicated exotic oils, which he placed on the night
stand in a bowl of warm water.

Straddling Harry, he ran his hands slowly up and down his
back, admiring his golden skin and muscled contours. He
kissed a moist trail down Harry's spine, enjoying the sighs
escaping the man beneath him. He kissed and licked pass the
curves of Harry's ass then parted the cheeks to reveal the tight,
pink opening.

Len slipped his finger into his mouth then used it to wet the
cleft, occasionally slipping the tip into his lover's body. Harry
groaned deeply at the teasing, waiting in anticipation for what
would come next. Then, Len ran his tongue around the
sensitive area, causing Harry to gasp and whimper. "Oh
yesssss..." he hissed, as his hips began to gyrate at the feeling.

Len stopped his movements briefly, saying, "Turn over baby."

"No," Harry answered, almost panting, "Take me like this."

Len should have known that even during this earlier period in
Harry's life that he liked to play this little dominance game.
He knew it was Harry's way of testing the waters - to see how
forceful Len was willing to become, even though, for Harry, it
was their first time. It was extremely arousing for both of
them. In the disguise of a gentle caress, he reached under
Harry's chest and flipped him over on his back, pinning him to
the bed with his body. "It wasn't a request, Ensign." Len
kissed Harry deeply, not waiting for a reply.

Harry was pleasantly surprised at Len's reaction. He half
expected Len to concede. The fact that he hadn't, turned
Harry on more than he cared to admit. What was it about
this man? He'd never met anyone so in-tune with him in his
life. Len knew exactly where and how to touch him, kiss
him - make him feel unimaginable pleasure.

Len sat straddled Harry once again, and grabbed the now
warmed oil from the night stand. He squeezed a few drops on
each one of Harry's nipples and gently stroked them, enjoying
the sensation of them hardening under his fingertips. Harry's
eyes closed and his head rolled from side to side as moans he
couldn't keep quiet escaped his lips. After a few moments
of this delicious torture, Len bent over and whispered in
Harry's ear "I want you to caress your nipples now."

Harry looked into Len's blue eyes, his breathing showing
evidence of his own desire, and did as he was instructed.
Slowly touching his own nipples, made extremely sensitive by
the oil, he kept himself aroused as Len moved down the
length of his body and settled between his legs.

Len generously lubricated his fingers and slipped one inside
his lover. Harry's back arched off the bed as the second and
third fingers were added - gently stretching the tight muscles.
Len glanced at Harry and thought he was absolutely beautiful.
His heavy breathing, closed eyes and flushed cheeks spoke
volumes about his current state of arousal. He was so hot,
caressing his own nipples while fingers slowly slid in and out
of his body, his cock jumped and twitched of its own volition.
Now, Len would take him - while the only thing that mattered
were the sensations coursing through his body.

Len positioned himself in front of Harry and draped his legs
over his own thighs. Then in one swift move, he entered him.
Their gasps were the only sound in the room. It was exquisite.
Harry was so warm and tight around his cock, he almost
sobbed in response.

Harry finally found his voice when Len began to move. "Oh
God, Len, so hard in me..." he whispered. Harry gazed into
those sapphire eyes as he wrapped his arms around his lover.

Len thrust into Harry deeply, saying, "You're mine Harry."

"Yes. Yours." Harry agreed, his eyes closing as he felt Len
thrust into him once more and brush his prostate.

"Who do you belong to?" Len asked as he lifted his hips and
plunged deeply once more.

"Oh God...you," he breathed, "I belong to you." Harry opened
his eyes and saw Len gazing deeply at him. "I'm yours, Len."

Len captured Harry's lips once more, thrusting again, and
again, until both reached blessed release.

---

Tom woke before Chakotay. He wasn't on duty, but he
needed to get some of the reports done that he had been
avoiding. Without waking his lover, he got out of bed, went to
the bathroom, then grabbed his bag with the padds in it. He
moved to the living area, replicated himself a cup of coffee,
then sat on the sofa and began perusing through the bag's contents.
Nothing out of the ordinary - some reports and a few letters he
had started to his family. Then he came across one that he
hadn't noticed before. It had the Starfleet insignia on it and
was addressed to him from an "Admiral Owen."

After examining it further, he discovered that B'Elanna had
placed a privacy lock on it, which she knew he could easily
break. Then he noticed the date of the letter. *So B'Elanna
was able to retrieve the letter from the array* he thought. He
wasn't sure he wanted to read it. He had to admit to himself
that he was a little frightened of what his father had to say to
him. It was amazing how his father could still reduce him, a
grown man and a proven Starfleet officer, to a mere child.
Finally, he gathered his courage and began reading.

---

Chakotay woke to an empty bed and a serious wave of nausea.
He didn't think he could make it to the bathroom, it was so
bad. He lay there as the room spun and his stomach slowly
started to turn. Then, deciding he didn't want to have to
change the sheets, he bolted out of bed and ran to the toilet.

It seemed that while reading the letter Tom had tuned out the
entire universe, as he was completely unaware that Chakotay
was heaving in the bathroom. Even he didn't know his father
was capable of such cruelty. His words were emotionally
harsh and extremely threatening. There was no love, only
hatred and disappointment. Finishing it, he lay the padd on
the sofa, breathing deeply while squeezing his eyes shut to
keep the tears from escaping. He needed to get out of there.
He went into the bedroom and noticed that Chakotay was no
longer in bed. He could hear the water running behind the
closed bathroom door and figured he just woke up.

He wasn't ready to face anyone. He quickly threw on some
sweats and left a note for Chakotay. He needed to do some
serious thinking.

Chakotay rinsed his mouth out, and splashed some cool water
on his face. "That's it, I'm going to sick bay." He thought out
loud. He left the bathroom and noticed the padd on the
nightstand. It was from Tom - he went to the holodeck to
work out. *Good, * he thought, *I'll go to sick bay later -
after I get some more sleep*. Instructing the computer
to wake him at 1200, he climbed under his covers, sleep
swiftly claiming him once more.

---

Len lay in bed staring at the ceiling with Harry wrapped
around him like a content cat. Instead of experiencing the
wonderful afterglow most couples feel following passionate
love making, he felt something else entirely - regret and guilt.
He knew he shouldn't have let his hormones control him.
Now what was he going to do?

Harry was remarkably perceptive, and could tell something
was wrong. He could sense the tension in Len's body, as he
lay curled up next to him. Finally he couldn't take in any
longer.

"Len, what's wrong?"

"Nothing baby," he replied trying to sound convincing.

Harry sat up and looked Len right in the eye. "No, something
is wrong. Tell me what it is." Len's behavior was extremely
unsettling. His voice betrayed none of the anxiety he felt
when he asked, "Are you regretting what we just did?"

Harry never was one to mince words. "No, I don't regret it.
Not like that anyway," he admitted.

"Then how?" Harry tried not to look hurt by Len's words, but
he didn't do a very good job at hiding it.

Len gathered him in his arms. "Oh baby, I...it's just that, I
love you so much, I...I wish we had waited. That's all. I
was in no way disappointed with you."

Harry listened to this haphazard explanation and tried to
understand the meaning behind Len's statement, but it wasn't
working. Then, pulling away from Len he asked, "Wait, did
you just say you loved me?"

"Yes, Harry, I do."

"Well that's great! I mean, I love you too. So it doesn't
matter that we didn't wait."

"Um, there's just one problem. When we go home, it may be
a long time before you see me again." Len prepared himself
for Harry's reaction. He wasn't disappointed.

"Len, what are you talking about? Why wouldn't I...wait, do
you have someone in your life? Are you married?"

Len let out a deep sigh at Harry's questions. "Oh my God,
you are married!" Harry said. He immediately got out of bed
and began gathering his clothes.

"No, no...I'm not married. Yet."

"Oh, well that makes me feel much better," Harry quipped.
He was so angry, he actually saw red. "When in hell were
you going to tell me?" As he found his clothes he quickly
began putting them on. He was on the verge of rage and it
was slowly building. "Well it certainly explains your
behavior!" he shouted. "All those long talks and walks, and
the lame excuses why we couldn't make love. Shit, I should
have seen it a mile away!"

*Oh Spirits,* Len thought. How, in the name of all that was
reasonable in the universe, could he have single-handedly
screwed things up so quickly?

"Harry wait. Let me explain..."

"There's nothing to explain, Len. You wanted to have some
fun while you were away from your spouse and I was there. I
hope you enjoyed yourself." He spat, venomously. He
sounded furious, but inside his heart was shattered. He truly
was in love with Len, and he hurt him in the worst way.

Harry finished dressing himself as Len sat trying to think of a
way to fix this impossible situation. He walked to the door
and as it hissed open he turned back to Len. "You know
something, I really love you. And I hate you for doing this to
me." With that, he left Len's quarters without a backward
glance.

"I love you, Harry," Len whispered once the door closed.
Then he closed his eyes in a pained expression, and buried his
face in his hands.

---

Tom had been in the holodeck all morning. He lifted weights,
ran cross-country, swam, did everything he could think of to
clear his mind. He wanted to be numb. Not feel anything ever
again. He just finished a rather brutal battle with some angry
holographic Klingons, and was slumped on the floor, catching
his breath.

As much and as long as he worked out, he still felt the pain -
the sting from his father's words. He couldn't stop the tears
from spilling from his eyes. Then the holodeck doors opened.
Chakotay strode in looking for him. Mentally kicking himself
for not engaging the privacy lock on the holodeck doors, he
quickly wiped his tear-stained face, but not in time for his
lover to notice.

Chakotay was at his side in an instant. "Tom, what's wrong?"
he asked, alarmed at his tears. "What happened?"

"Nothing, Chakotay. Just a hard workout." He didn't want to
tell him the truth - not yet.

"Tom, don't lie to me, tell me what's wrong. Baby, let me
help you." He sat down next to him on the deck and pulled
him into his arms.

Tom didn't think he could hold on to his emotions for much
longer. He knew he'd start bawling if he stayed in his lover's
arms. He had to put some distance between them. Pushing
away from him roughly, he shouted, "Nothing Chakotay!
It's nothing I can't handle, so just drop it!"

Chakotay was absolutely stunned. "Okay Tom," he replied,
lifting his hands in surrender.

Sighing, he felt extremely guilty at taking his anger out on
Chakotay. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled, but it's nothing
really." Changing the subject he asked, "What made you
venture down here?"

"Oh, um, I was on my way to sick bay and since I hadn't seen
you all morning, I thought I'd check on you."

"Why are you going to sick bay? Aren't you feeling well?"
Tom asked, his own pain pushed to the side for now.

"No. I been under the weather for a couple of weeks now.
Probably just a flu bug of some sort."

"What kind of symptoms do you have?"

"Nausea, tiredness. This morning, the nausea was really bad.
And I have the worst taste in my mouth. Like I said, I
probably picked up some weird virus from the planet."
Chakotay rose from the floor and gave Tom a hand up. "I'll
just go see the Doc and he'll fix it right up."

"You want me to come with you?" Tom asked, concerned for
his lover.

"No, you go home and get some rest. I'll be there after I see
the Doctor."

Tom agreed because he didn't want to have to endure more
questions from Chakotay. "Okay. Computer, end program."
The surroundings shimmered and all that was left were the
holodeck grids.

Chakotay pulled the young man in his arms and held him for a
moment. "I love you, Tom."

"Yeah, I know." Tom tightened his embrace around Chakotay.
"I'll see you later."

Chakotay kissed him tenderly, then after reluctantly letting
him go they exited the holodeck.

---

Chakotay arrived in sickbay moments later. It was deserted
except for the Doctor. The hologram was running tests when
he heard the Commander enter. "Yes Commander, what
seems to be the problem?"

Chakotay noted that the Doctor's bedside manner and social
skills appeared to be improving. "I haven't been feeling well
for a few days and I was wondering if you could help me."

"Have a seat on the biobed," the doctor replied. He grabbed a
medical tricorder and began scanning the Commander. "Tell
me about your symptoms," he said dryly.

"Well, like I said, they started a few days ago, two weeks ago
to be exact. Nausea, usually in the mornings, and extreme
tiredness."

The Doctor stopped scanning Chakotay and looked
unbelievingly at the readings. "What?" Chakotay asked.

He scanned Chakotay a second time, then a third, still not
quite comprehending the readings he was getting. "This
tricorder seems to be malfunctioning. Wait here while I get
another one."

Chakotay was beginning to worry. The doctor looked as if he
had discovered a new, lethal and possibly incurable disease.
Finally he returned with a different tricorder, only to get the
same readings he received from the previous scan. "Well,
what is it Doctor?"

"I - uh, well, it appears, Commander, that you are in the first
trimester of pregnancy." He looked at the Commander with
astonishment in his eyes.

Chakotay felt dizzy. Had he just said that he was pregnant?
Him? Pregnant? "Doctor, there must be some mistake..."

"I'm afraid not, Commander. Your body has elevated levels
of estrogen, and has produced what appears to be a pseudo-
womb just in front of your lower intestinal tract, above your
bladder. Inside that womb is a fetus. You, sir, are definitely
pregnant."

"Oh spirits..." Chakotay, before he lost all ability to have
rational thoughts said, "How? How could this have
happened?"

"I don't know. I'll have to run further tests to determine that."

"Well run them! Now!" he demanded.

Chakotay spend the next two hours in sickbay as the Doctor
ran test after test. Finally, after cross-referencing Voyager's
database with that of the Cathesians, he discovered the cause
of the unique situation.

"Commander, it appears you've come in contact with a
foreign element - some sort of herb known as 'Gindala'. It
grows prevalently on the planet surface and is used quite
frequently in drinks. To the Cathesians, it is no more than a
slight aphrodisiac. But to other humanoids, it acts not only as
a sexual stimulant, but a fertility substance as well."

"So you're saying that I may have eaten or drank something
that caused this to happen?" Chakotay asked.

"It would seem so," noted the doctor.

"Well, that could have been anything!" Chakotay shouted.
"We've been planet-side for almost two months now. And if
that's the case, we may have a lot of pregnant officers on the
ship as we speak!"

"Indeed," replied the Doctor. "Anyone that ingests the herb,
if they engage in sexual activity within 24 hours, the
result is pregnancy. And from what I've seen from you, it
doesn't matter if you're two males or a male and a female.
However, anyone on board who's been taking their birth
control injections regularly should be protected." The Doctor
eyed the commander with a knowing look. "Neither you nor
Mr. Paris has been in here to receive your injections lately. In
fact, it's been almost a year for either of you."

"Considering that we're both men, I didn't put it at the top of
my list of things to do," quipped the Commander.

The Doctor ignored Chakotay's remark and re-examined the
specimen he received from the planet through the microscope.
"It's truly a fascinating little herb. This would make having
children, for couples like you and the Lieutenant, quite easy
and painless to do. It has no side effects, other than
pregnancy, and doesn't require surgical alteration of a
person's body to carry the child. And in your case,
Commander, it somehow used your DNA and the
Lieutenant's to create the fetus. Remarkable!"

Chakotay didn't exactly share the Doctor's apparent
enthusiasm. He'd just been hit with the news that what he
thought was a virus, was in fact pregnancy. He always wanted
children, but he didn't expect to be the one actually giving
birth. His head was spinning and he was beginning to feel
nauseous again. "Doc, I think I'm going to be sick," he
warned.

The Doctor quickly prepared a hypospray and pressed it into
Chakotay's neck. "I've given you some vitamin supplements,
and something to ease the nausea for now." He appeared
satisfied that Chakotay seemed to visibly recover after
receiving the injection. "And Commander, you'll need to
decide what you want to do about your situation."

"What do you mean?"

"Whether or not you want to terminate the pregnancy."

Chakotay's hand involuntarily moved over his abdomen as if
to protect the growing fetus. "I don't believe I'll be doing
that Doctor."

"Well, what about how Mr. Paris will feel?"

"Oh, I forgot about Tom. This is his child also, isn't it?"

"According to the tests, it is."

"Of course it is...I'm just a little overwhelmed, that's all."
Chakotay ran his hand through his hair in mild frustration. "I
guess I should talk to Tom."

The Doctor regarded the Commander with as much sympathy
as any hologram could. He knew, no matter what Chakotay's
first reaction would be, that it would be a difficult situation.
"Okay, just let me know what you want to do. If you decide
to terminate the pregnancy, the sooner we do it the better," the
doctor cautioned.

"What would you do in my shoes, Doc?" Chakotay asked out
of sheer curiosity.

"I'm not in the habit of ending lives, no matter how small.
But, the decision is yours to make, so I'll do as you wish."

"I'm not terminating the pregnancy, Doctor. No matter what,
I'm keeping this baby." Chakotay stated this so adamantly
he amazed even the unsurpassable Doctor.

"Very well, Commander. I want to see you tomorrow
morning. We'll schedule regular visits, and I'll also need to
supply you with additional vitamin supplements. Your body
is going through significant changes now. If you intend to
work the hours you do, you'll need to keep up your strength.
And, you'll need to let the Captain know, eventually."

"Yeah, I know. Thank you, Doctor." Chakotay climbed down
from the biobed and exited sickbay, at the same time B'Elanna
entered, holding her stomach and looking as green as any
half-Klingon could.

---

Tom was sleeping fitfully in his quarters. When he first
arrived, he was absolutely exhausted. He took off all his
clothes and crawled between the covers. As soon as his head
hit the pillow, he was out like a light. Even though sleep came
quickly, his dreams were most disturbing.

**He was being led down a hallway by two Starfleet Security
Guards to the courtroom. The day for his judgment and
sentencing had come, and to his utter surprise, his own father,
Admiral Owen Paris, was presiding. "Lieutenant Thomas
Eugene Paris, you have been charged with high treason
against the United Federation of Planets. What do you have to
say for yourself?"

"Dad, I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"You have greatly disappointed me Thomas, as a child and
even now as an adult. You haven't amounted to anything, and
you never will. I want nothing to do with you, or that Maquis
bastard you've been fucking!"

Tom looked, and immediately to his left was Chakotay,
standing between two more guards and in handcuffs. "No Dad,
not Chakotay, please..."

"Both of you will spend the rest of your lives in prison under
my orders! Take them both away!"

"But Dad, please... Dad, DAD!!!"**

Tom forcefully sat up in the bed, abruptly awakened by his
nightmare. He slowly gained his bearings as he looked around
his empty quarters and noted he was on Voyager. Sighing, he
got out of bed and pulled on his clothes.

He was an emotional mess. After receiving the letter from his
father, his world seemed to be crumbling around him. He
didn't want to go home, not now. Knowing that his father
hated him wasn't exactly an incentive to return. But he knew
Chakotay had a deep desire to return to the Alpha quadrant.
Tom wanted to be with him also, but what kind of life would
they have there once he returned? Maybe he could convince
Chakotay to stay with him on the planet. One thing he was
certain of, however. He wasn't going back to the Alpha
quadrant.

With that settled in his mind, he decided to go planet-side,
look for a place to stay and possibly drum up some job
prospects. He'd made friends with some of the locals on the
planet so he didn't see homelessness being a problem. He
wouldn't tell anyone of his plans until his living arrangements
were settled. After that, he would inform the Captain, then try
to convince Chakotay to stay with him.

---

Len had been in his quarters all morning, wallowing in his
own sorrow about his present situation. It had been three
weeks since Harry last spoke to him. He avoided Len at every
turn - even so far as leaving an area when Len arrived, unless
he was on duty. He wouldn't even give Len a chance to
explain himself.

In addition to his problems with Harry, Chakotay had
informed him that he found Tom on the holodeck one
afternoon upset, and trying his best to hide it. Since then, he
hadn't been the same. Chakotay said he seemed to be slowly
reverting to his cocky flyboy attitude again. He was distant -
making up excuses why he didn't have time to spend with
Chakotay, or any of his other friends. And he spent a large
amount of his off duty time planet-side. Len knew this
sudden change in his behavior had something to do with him
not returning to the Alpha quadrant. Thinking he would have
better luck than Chakotay, he tried to talk to Tom, and more or
less received the same response as everyone else.

Len cleaned his quarters to regulation standards, put on his
uniform, even though he wasn't on duty, and attempted to eat
some replicated breakfast. After discovering that was a
complete waste of time, he just sat on the sofa, eyes closed,
pondering his circumstances.

Len realized that he may have made a terrible mistake coming
to this time period. So far he had done absolutely nothing to
prevent Tom's death, and in less than fifteen minutes, lost his
lover before he technically had him. He wondered what his
life would be like when he returned home. Would Tom be
there? No doubt Harry wouldn't. If fate was good to him, he
wouldn't remember what he'd lost in Harry, and remember
being in a loving family with both of his fathers. To be
perfectly honest, he was as confused as anyone about what to do
or how to fix his current predicament. He sat, alone in his
quarters contemplating what to do, when suddenly his
thoughts began to drift into his past. He was a young boy,
about 17 years old. That difficult age of puberty when your body,
raging with hormones has a mind of its own. His father
appeared at the front door to their home that overlooked a
beautiful lake on Dorvan V. Len had been outside enjoying
the gorgeous weather, deep in thought about his present
romantic interest - a person he loved from afar, but was afraid
to approach. He remembered the conversation vividly.

//"Penny for your thoughts son?" Chakotay looked well
rested, and emotionally centered as he peered at his son. Len
looked up at him with azure eyes, and for a brief instant, saw
longing in the brown depths before him. Len knew something
he did - a look or gesture, made Chakotay think of Tom.

"It's nothing Dad," he replied not wanting to tell his father
what lay heavily on his mind.

"Chayton-Len Paris," Chakotay replied, sitting on the step
next to his son, "Don't try to fool me. Something is on your
mind, I can tell. Maybe I can help."

Chakotay had used his full name. He knew his father meant
business, and wouldn't leave him alone until he told him. He
considered making up a story to appease him, but decided the
truth was better. Letting out a huge sigh, he began to speak.
"Okay, Dad. I was just thinking about Justin."

"Justin? Who's he?"

"Justin Wang. He's a senior at my school..."

"Oh." Chakotay recognized the dreamy look in Len's eyes at
the mention of this Justin Wang. He hoped his son wasn't
again pining over some one who was unattainable. "So, what
about him?"

"Nothing," Len let out another sigh, saying "Just that I see
him with more girls than anything else. He's a ladies man.
You know, the type of person that's with a different girl every
week?"

"Yeah, I know the kind," Chakotay said, smiling slightly.

"So you see my problem." Len stood up and began pacing in
front of the step, shaking his head. "I don't think he would be
interested in me."

"Well if you know he wouldn't be interested in you, why are
you contemplating being with him?" Chakotay sat, watching
the play of emotions cross his son's face.

"I don't know, Dad," he said in frustration.

"Len, you always do this."

"Do what?"

"Set your sights on someone you figure you can't have."

"But Dad, Justin is different."

"How, Len?"

"He just is." Len replied, with his teen-aged logic. "I can feel
it."

Chakotay heard this line of reasoning from his son too many
times. Being a teenager is so difficult. A time when you
struggle with everything - your peers, your hormones and
emotions. He felt for his son, remembering what it was like to
be so different from everyone else. Chakotay was nothing like
his brothers. They were typical straight males, who followed
their father in family traditions. Chakotay was the only one
who wanted to be in Starfleet - the only male in his family
who preferred the company of men over women, and his son
was exactly like him in that respect. Things had the probability
of getting worse once he entered into the academy next year.

"You know, I felt that way about Tom. He was the same way
you say Justin is."

Len stopped dead in his tracks. "He was?"

"Surprised? I certainly was." Chakotay gestured for Len to sit
again and continued. "He was after every female officer on
Voyager for a long time. I didn't think he would ever
consider being with me. Later I found out different. You're
living proof of that." He said smiling as he rested a comforting
hand on Len's shoulder. Chakotay observed his son mulling
over this new bit of information, then came to a decision.
"Come inside with me, I want to show you something."//

That was the day Chakotay taught him how to find his animal
guide. He had completely forgot that he could consult her and
maybe find some answers to his problems. He went to his
closet and pulled out his medicine bundle. Within it was his
Akoonah. After setting everything up and calling for a
privacy lock on his quarters, he set off on his vision quest.

//He sat on the beach, just outside of his home on Dorvan V,
overlooking the crystal blue lake. The sun was warm on his
skin and the gentle breezes from the lake made him homesick.
He could hear the gentle waves crashing against the shore and
closed his eyes, enjoying the sound, while he waited. After a
moment, he looked around, becoming impatient when he
couldn't find her. Then he heard her cry out. She circled high
above him three times, finally gliding gracefully down until
she was perched on a stone to his left. An Eagle - a beautiful,
magnificent looking creature with white feathers dawning her
head, golden tan feathers covering the rest of her, and yellow
eyes. She was large, with a wingspan of about 6.5 meters and
looked as if she could carry Len with little or no effort.

*Patience little one...* she projected mentally, as she steadied
herself on the stone. Then she cocked her head to one side as
if in inquiry.

"Did I do the right thing by coming to this time period?" he
asked, hoping against all hope that he hadn't made a fatal
mistake.

"Whether or not it was the right thing to do is irrelevant. You
are here now. You must use your time here wisely," she
answered.

It wasn't exactly the answer he was looking for so he decided on
a different approach. "Tell me, will I save my father?" he asked.

*It is your destiny,* she replied.

"What is my destiny?" Len asked, not fully understanding her
answer.

*Tom.*

"I don't know how to save him. Tell me what to do." He
pleaded, moving closer to the majestic bird.

She expanded one wing, showing its impressive size, as if
she were showing her young how to fly, then drew it to her
side once more replying, *You all ready know what to do.*

"If I knew what to do, I wouldn't be asking you," he said, his
voice laced with annoyance. He hated it when she spoke in
circles, and was also irritated by her nonchalant attitude.

Looking toward the sky, she took off, flying upward,
almost out of Len's sight. "Wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to
offend you! Please, come back!" he shouted. She could
be so temperamental at times.

She circled his head once more descending slowly until she
was once again perched on the rock. *Calm yourself little
one,* she answered. *You will fulfill your destiny.*

Realizing he would get no further explanation about Tom
from her, he asked, "Will I be alone when I get home?
Will Harry be there for me?"

She gazed at him, cocking her head to the side once more,
saying *You are his destiny, little one. You will make him
happy.*

Relief seem to course through him at her thoughts. Smiling at
her, Len gently reached out to stroke the eagle's soft downy
covered breast and she moved closer, enjoying the caress, at
the same time accepting his gesture of gratitude. Then she
once again gazed at the sky, and flew off, this time out of his
sight.//

He opened his eyes and was in his quarters on Voyager. Two
hours had passed during his meditation, and he felt refreshed
and more centered than he had in a long time. She was right -
he knew what he had to do.

---

Modifications to Voyager were almost complete. The ship
was once again in orbit around Cathesis, and testing of the
new technology added had begun. All of the senior officers
were involved in the preliminary test runs. So far, except for
minor details, things seemed to be in order. Voyager was
scheduled to break orbit at 0800 the next day and be on their
way to the Alpha quadrant.

Tom had been distancing himself purposefully from his
friends knowing he wouldn't be returning home with them. In
his misguided way of thinking, he thought it would be easier
on them if he did. All he succeeded in doing was to give them
cause for more concern. Most of them did as he asked,
however, and left him alone.

The Captain noticed Tom's behavior change almost
immediately and it was all too familiar. For the most part,
Tom performed his duties with extreme precision, though he
no longer carried on the sociable banter with friends or fellow
officers, and even his demeanor off duty seemed somewhat
subdued. He acted in the same way he did when he went
undercover to expose Michael Jonas. The only difference,
was that he restrained himself from openly arguing with
Chakotay.

Chakotay seemed to be in some sort of inner turmoil himself.
It was unclear to Janeway, however, if it was because of
Tom's sudden behavior change or something else entirely.
More than once he seemed distant and on more than one
occasion, she found herself repeating orders to him.

Then there was Lieutenant Chayton and Ensign Kim.
Apparently there was trouble in paradise there as well. Harry
had been seen angrily leaving Len's quarters one morning, and
although both men tried to hide their feelings, it was obvious
that they were hurting. Their work hadn't suffered because
of their situation, and Janeway hoped that whatever their
problems were, they would be able to resolve them on their
own.

And last, but certainly not least, there was B'Elanna. Janeway
found that the love she felt for her outweighed that of any of
her past romances. She loved Mark, obviously. After all, she
was going to marry him. But her feelings for him could not
compare to how she felt about B'Elanna. She loved everything
about her - her looks, the ridges on her forehead, her beautiful
brown eyes, her vivacious character, her passion. She was
everything Kathryn ever wanted in a mate. B'Elanna brought
out the animal in Kathryn sexually. She had no inhibitions, and
exhibited no problems expressing what she wanted and needed
from Kathryn intimately. She encouraged Janeway to explore
her own sexuality more throughly, which brought them closer
together.

All appeared to be just fine with her relationship, until
recently. The past few days, B'Elanna hadn't been herself.
She was prone to bouts of her Klingon expressiveness, which
Kathryn found surprisingly endearing at times, but something
had changed. She was unusually irritable, her appetite
deminished considerably, and she was sleeping more
often than Janeway thought possible for her.

As she sat in her office, sipping coffee, she reached a decision.
She didn't feel a need to intervene between Harry and Len, but
with Tom and Chakotay, it seemed necessary. A conference
with both officers was in order - separately, of course. At the
very least she could find out what seemed to be troubling
them. Then after dealing with them, she would speak to her
lover and possibly suggest a trip to sick bay. She just hoped
she wouldn't have to make it an order. "Janeway to Lieutenant
Paris."

"Paris here, Captain."

"Please report to my ready room." She replied.

"On my way. Paris out." *Now what?* he thought as he
boarded the turbolift and called out the destination.

When he entered her office, she was seated casually on her
sofa, with a cup of coffee in her hand. This was obviously a
social visit. He relaxed a bit and sat next to her, then she
handed him a cup of his favorite tea.

"How have you been, Tom?" she asked casually.

"Just fine, Captain." He flashed a smile that didn't quite reach
his eyes, hoping it would be enough to appease her. He took a
sip of the tea, then rested it on his lap.

"Tom, we've known each other for a long time. I'm sure you
know that I consider all of my crew as family." She sipped
her coffee and noted how uneasy Tom was beginning to get.
"I've known something has been bothering you for a while
now, and I'm concerned."

Sighing heavily, Tom said,  "It's nothing I can't handle,
Captain."

"Tom, this isn't a formal meeting. I think we can dispense
with the official titles." She could see that the subtle approach
would not work with Tom. Placing her coffee on the table,
she said, "Your behavior lately is much like it was when I put
you on the undercover assignment four years ago. Now I
know back then, you were acting. But...you're not on special
assignment now. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were
thinking of leaving Voyager." She really didn't want to play
this hand so early in their conversation, but she needed to
know what was going on.

Sometimes Tom thought she was part Betazoid. "Captain, I
knew I would have to tell you eventually, but..."

"No, Tom. Don't say what I think you're..."

"You're right, I am leaving Voyager. I'm not going back to the
Alpha quadrant." *There, I said it*, he thought to himself as
he watch Janeway's expressions change. "I'm sorry, but it's
something I have to do."

"But why? Why would you want to stay here?" She didn't
want it to be true.

"There's nothing for me back there," he replied, suddenly
taking an extreme interest in the cup that rested in his lap.

Janeway didn't know what to say. So many things came to
mind that she just started rambling. "Tom, there's plenty for
you there! The Federation could use the best pilot in the Delta
Quadrant. And if you're worried about the prison charges, no
one, not you or any of the Maquis crewmen will return to
prison. I'll see to it personally." She reached over and took
his hand in her own. "Please, please reconsider?"

Tom felt tears well up in his eyes, and he wished for all the
world the Captain was right - that there was something for
him. But unfortunately, he knew better. Why did his life have
to be so damned difficult? "Kathryn," he began, "You've been
so good to me - getting me out of prison and helping me make
something of myself. You've given me opportunities that I
never thought I would have after my court martial." He
looked down at his hands, noticing how small and delicate her
hand appeared resting over his. Out of sheer will alone, he
held back his tears and looked at Janeway once more. "I'm so
grateful for what you've given me, but I can't return with you.
There's nothing for me there. My father made that clear in his
letter to me."

Captain Janeway was extremely saddened by this. She hoped
beyond all that was reasonable, that for once, her intuition was
wrong. But at the mention of the letter from his father,
obviously a letter from the array, she knew there would be no
changing Tom's mind. "Does Chakotay know?"

"I haven't told him yet." Tom admitted.

"He's going to be upset. He loves you more than anything,
Tom."

"I know." Tom lowered his gaze once more to his lap.

"I wish I could order you to stay, but I know it would be a
futile attempt on my part. Well," she sighed, dispairingly, "You've
been like a son to me, Tom. I'm going to miss you."  Then she
hugged him tightly, unable to stop the tears from spilling over.

"I'll miss you, too," he replied, returning the embrace as the
tears silently cascaded down his cheek.

Captain Janeway was deeply saddened by Tom's decision.
She dismissed Tom and took a few moments to compose
herself. Then as she was about to comm Chakotay, she was
called to Engineering. Her conference with the First Officer
would have to wait.

---

Tom had no intention of telling Chakotay he was leaving. At
first, he wanted his lover to come with him more than
anything. But Chakotay had family and friends in the Alpha
quadrant. Chakotay had a reason to return whereas he didn't.
Tom couldn't deprive him of a chance to return home. When
he arrived at his quarters, he sat at his desk and recorded a
message to Chakotay, then coded it, along with other
messages to his friends, to be delivered the next day.

---

Since the Doctor prescribed the hyposprays to counteract the
nausea, Chakotay was feeling his old self, physically. He
hadn't spoken with Tom about the situation largely due to the
fact that Tom made himself virtually unavailable. When he
was around, he was extremely anti-social. He made excuses
why they couldn't spend time together, and lately limited his
conversations to yes and no answers. It was driving Chakotay
crazy. Whenever he asked Tom what lay so heavily on his
mind, he was met with the same answer "It's nothing I can't
handle." It was absolutely infuriating.

Chakotay'd had enough. This was too important. Tom was too
important. He would make the young man talk to him if he
had to provoke him into a physical altercation, secretly hoping
it wouldn't go that far considering his current condition.  As it
was, he wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for much longer.
His body was already beginning to show the signs of the life
he carried inside.

 He'd extend an invitation to him for dinner and talk to him then.
With his mind made up, he left his quarters and headed for
Tom's. Moments later he was standing in front of the
Lieutenant's quarters, pressing the chime. He received no
answer.  After a few seconds, he keyed in the code and entered.

Chakotay called for lights, then looked around the empty
room. Everything was perfectly in place. Too perfect.
Chakotay's instincts told him something was wrong. He went
into the bedroom, immediately noticing that Tom's comm
badge sat neatly on his night stand. He grabbed it, gazed
unbelievingly at it for an instant, then squeezed it tightly in his
hand out of frustration. That's when he noticed the package.
It sat on the bed, elegantly wrapped in gold paper, with a hand
written note attached. The note said, 'For you my love. I hope
you forgive me. Tom.'

A surge of fear coursed through him. He grabbed the package
and ripped it open, taking no care for the wrapping. He
wanted answers. Inside was the crystal Tom bought for his
birthday. He picked it up and watched it briefly as the colors
swirled and turned blue before him. Then, peering once more
into the box, he noticed a small data disc.

"Computer, did the package in Lieutenant Paris' quarters have
special delivery instructions?" Chakotay inquired.

"Affirmative," answered the computer.

"What are they?"

"The package is to be transported to Commander Chakotay's
quarters at 0730 on Stardate 51999.2."

"That's tomorrow," he said to the empty room. He took
the data disc immediately to the console on Tom's desk and
sat as the message it contained played.

*Hi Chakotay, <sigh> by now you are probably well on your
way to the Alpha Quadrant. I'm so sorry I couldn't come with
you.

I know I've caused you a great deal of concern lately, and for
that I apologize again. I must be the coward my father said I
was. I couldn't bring myself to tell you this face to face.
<nervously runs hand through hair>

I can't tell you why I'm not returning, it would only cause you
problems later. Besides, you have a family and a life back
home and I would just be a hindrance to you. I want you to
enjoy your life, Chakotay. Don't worry about me. I found a
job and a place to live on the planet. I'll be fine.

The gift is a serenity crystal. I hope it reminds you of me
when you see it. Chakotay... I want you to know I love you,
with all my heart. <sniff> Shit, I told myself I wouldn't do this...
<wipes tears from face> Take care of yourself, love. You are
the only real happiness I've known.* <END TRANSMISSION>

He sat there staring at the familiar Starfleet emblem for long
moments. Chakotay couldn't believe it. Tom was gone.
Gone.

---

"Computer, locate Commander Chakotay." The time for
serious action was now. Voyager would break orbit in less
than 24 hours, and he already had it planned how he would
return to his own time period. But he had to fix things here
first.

"Commander Chakotay is in Lieutenant Paris' quarters,"
answered the computer.

*Good*, Len thought, *I can talk to both of them at
once. I just hope they believe me.*

He arrived in front of Tom's quarters and was surprised when
the door automatically opened for him. Cautiously he stepped
inside the semi-darkened quarters and found Chakotay peering
almost catatonically at the view screen on Tom's desk. He'd
never seen his father so distressed in his life.

"Dad, I mean, Commander? Is everything all right?" When
he didn't receive an answer he gently lay his hand on
Chakotay's shoulder to get his attention.

"He's gone!"

"What?" Len asked, his heart almost leaping into his throat.

"Tom! I just played a message from him. I wasn't supposed to
receive it until tomorrow, after we left for the Alpha Quadrant.
He said he can't..." Chakotay's voice trailed in abject
disappointment.

"Damn it!" Len shouted, slamming his fist down on the table
in frustration. *Okay Len, don't panic, * he thought.

"Chakotay, there's still time. We can get him back and you
can convince him to come with you." Len said, a little more
focused.

Chakotay looked at him as if he had grown a second head.
"How? We have no idea where on the planet he is!" he said,
showing him Tom's comm badge, "And even if we did, how
do you propose we talk him into returning with us?" he asked
incredulously.

"You have to tell him about the pregnancy," Len answered.

Chakotay was taken aback. "Wha...how do you know about
that?" Chakotay asked. "Did the Doctor tell you?" Chakotay
in that instant, already planned how he would rearrange the
molecules of the holographic healer if he had.

"No, the Doctor didn't tell me." Len paused for a long
moment trying to figure out a way to tell him. Almost
immediately after that thought, Chakotay noticed Len looked
different. It was the tattoo on his forehead that wasn't there
before. It was exactly like his own.

"Something's not right. Why are you wearing my tribal crest
on your forehead? You told me you were from a different
tribe."

Deciding that the straightforward approach was the best, he
said "I know. I lied. I had to in order to complete my
mission. I'm not who you think I am..."

"What mission?" Chakotay asked incredulously. He
suspected that this had something to do with Tom leaving, and
that thought alone brought him to the verge of a complete
rage. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"I'm your son," Len stated simply.

Chakotay, already at his breaking point, became irrationally
angry and lost complete control. "Bullshit!" he shouted.
Then he stood up, and with lightning flash movements,
grabbed Len by the neck and pinned him bodily against the
bulkhead of the cabin.

The stress of his physical condition, along with the news of his
lover gone forever pushed him over the edge so far, that he
was totally unreasonable. Holding Len against the wall and
barely allowing him the ability to inflate his lungs, he shouted,
"Who the hell are you? Things didn't change for Tom and I
until you got here! Now you're speaking of some mysterious
mission? Tell me who you really are or I'll kill you where
you stand!"

Through a strangled voice Len rasped out, "I....told...you,
I'm...your son! I'm from 25 years...in the future!"

"Yeah, prove it!" he growled, still holding Len in place.

Len thought frantically for an instant, as he made a futile
attempt to pry his father's hands from his neck. Then he
rasped out, "That crystal! Tom gave it to you before I was
born."

Chakotay tightened his grip around the young man's neck
taking great satisfaction in the gagging sound he made. "Tom
could have showed that to you weeks ago!"

"But he...didn't show me...the note that came...with it. It
reads 'For you my love. I hope you forgive me. Tom.'" Len
hoped Chakotay believed him. His voice was barely a
whisper now, and he felt he would lose consciousness at any
moment with the death grip on his throat.

Chakotay's eyes betrayed his surprise, but he still wasn't
convinced. He eased his grip saying, "He could have told you
about that too!"

Then Len remembered something - one thing that happened in
his life that he never told anyone else except for him. "Dad,
years ago on an away trip when you were a Maquis, you killed
a Cardassian with your bare hands, after you had escaped a pit
with a large alien snake-like reptile inside. Then you threw
the dead Cardassian into the pit with it. You told me you
never told anyone about that experience." If telling him about
this didn't work, he felt he would have to fight for his life -
and he didn't want to physically harm his father.

Believing Len, finally, Chakotay abruptly let go of the young
man and turned away. Len fell to his knees coughing and
gasping for air, rubbing at his sore and possibly bruised neck.

"You told me that even though you did what was necessary for
the cause, you hated the fact that you took another person's
life - even if it was a Cardassian," Len said, as he stood
up on shaky legs.

Still unbelievably surprised, Chakotay asked "What are you
doing here?"

"I came here to save Tom. If he doesn't go back with us, I'll
never know him. And I want to grow up with both my fathers,
Dad." He stepped closer to Chakotay, not sure whether or not
he believed him.

"This can't be happening..." Chakotay said, shaking his head in
disbelief. "It must be some sort of trick."

Len grabbed Chakotay by the arms and not so gently shook
him to get him to focus. "Dad, look at me! Really look at me!
Don't you see the similarities? I do every time I look in the
mirror, especially now that I've actually seen Tom. Please...
you have to believe me," he pleaded.

Chakotay did, for the first time since this incredible
conversation began, really look at Len. He had Tom's eyes
and nose, and his own lips, hair and skin color. The tattoo was
an exact replica of his own. Len was definitely their son. "Oh
my God," he whispered as he tentatively reached and touched
Len's cheek with his fingertips, at the same time resting his
other hand on his abdomen. "You look so much like Tom and
me...it's so obvious now."

"Thank the spirits!" Len exclaimed, as he let out a breath he
didn't realize he'd been holding since Chakotay reached to
touch him. "I'm so glad you believe me." He moved over to
the sofa and plopped down, looking very much like a relieved
Tom Paris. "Jeez, Dad, I thought I might have to drop-kick
you across the room if you attacked me again." He sighed
deeply, then looking at Chakotay, shook his head saying, "I'm
surprised you didn't ask for a DNA scan." Then a smile broke
across his face. It felt good to call Chakotay *Dad* again.

Chakotay chuckled in spite of himself and came to rest on the
sofa next to Len. "Now I know you're our son. You know me
well enough to know how suspicious I can be, and you have
Tom's cockiness." He sat and gazed at Len for a long moment
in total awe. "Look at you! You're so good looking and
healthy, the best parts of both of us!"

Len blushed at his father's words. "Dad, stop it! I'll get all
mushy in a minute..." Then he became serious. "We still have
to find him. Do you think he's still on board?"

"I don't know," Chakotay stood up and paced in front of Len
for a few moments, his anxiety renewed. "We have to inform
the Captain."

---

Captain Janeway sat in her ready room, mindlessly reviewing
the final preparations before their departure. Not five minutes
earlier, she had accepted Tom Paris' resignation and watched
him leave, after giving her a heart-wrenching hug. She was
not at all happy. And she knew that his leaving would lower
the morale of all the Senior officers, including Tuvok, even if
he didn't show it, and especially her First Officer. It would be
a long time before that wound would heal.

As she let out a deep sigh, silently wishing for the umpteenth
time that she had a certified counselor on board, Commander
Chakotay and Lieutenant Chayton burst through her ready
room door without even announcing their presence.

"Commander!" she stood, surprised at his explosive entrance.

Forgoing all Starfleet formalities, Chakotay said, "I'm sorry to
burst in here like this Kathryn, but it's Tom. He's gone!"

"Yes, I know," she said sadly. "He's already turned in his
resignation and asked permission to disembark."

"You know?" Chakotay said in disbelief.

"Why yes, didn't he tell you? He told me he did."

"No, he didn't!" he shouted. "We have to stop him! He can't
leave! Not when there are so many reasons for him to stay!
My God, what is the man thinking?"

"Dad, calm down. He may still be on the ship."

Janeway looked between both men as if they were insane. Did
Len just call Chakotay *Dad*? And where did the tattoo
come from?

"Captain, when did he leave here?" Chakotay asked, not the
least bit concerned with the incredulous look he received from
her.

"About five minutes ago..."

"Then there's still time!" Chakotay turned and started quickly
toward the door.

"Wait, Commander. Would someone mind telling me what the
hell is going on? Why did he call you Dad?"

"Len, explain things to her. I have to find Tom." And with
that Chakotay was out the door.

Len looked down at the Captain who stood waiting patiently
for an answer. "Sit down, Aunt Kathryn, it's a long story."

---
Stardate 51998.2


*I have to stop him,* Chakotay thought as he urgently raced
to the transporter room. He had to stop Tom from leaving,
had to try to change his mind somehow. He had to make him
understand, had to let him know what he was leaving
behind...

Chakotay burst into the transporter room just as Tom
dematerialized. "Damn!" he shouted, startling the transporter
chief even more.

"Sir?"

"Lieutenant, beam me down to the planet. Set the exact same
coordinates as you did for Tom Paris," he ordered as he
stepped on the transporter pad.

"Aye, sir."

Within moments, Commander Chakotay materialized on the planet's
surface, just in time to see Tom about to board a ground
transport vehicle.

---

The End