The BLTS Archive - Dead Fish
or
Four Stupid Things Talaxians Do to Mess With Your Mind
by Jackee C. (writerjc@jackeescorner.com)

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Captain's Log: Stardate 5XXXX.X
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Today marked the first wedding onboard Voyager. A couple years ago
the thought of a wedding might have depressed me, especially
among the command staff. I'd have thought it to be detrimental to
morale, as if we were giving up. But now, things are different. The
crew is closer, a family. We all shared in the joy of Tom and
B'Elanna's union. There was no worry of loss of hope. In fact, I
think this wedding may have actually given others impetus. Although
it is my fervent hope that any future weddings proceed more smoothly.

Neelix was the coordinator. Not all together odd, but definitely not
the choice I'd expected B'Elanna to make. When I asked her about
it, she mumbled something about a day of honor before Neelix
interrupted with yet another set of menu items. B'Elanna finally
threw her hands into the air and gave him complete autonomy with the
arrangements.

The ceremony turned out to be a combination of Klingon and old Earth
ritual, beginning with the Klingon 'passing of the fire'. This
tradition is said to ensure the continued passions of the couple.

B'Elanna was a beautiful, if violent bride. And I'd never seen Tom so
nervous. Of course the flame that caught in Neelix's bushy brows
only added a new level of  'passion' to the ceremony. But due to
Seven's quick thinking with the melon balls, our Talaxian friend
wasn't seriously injured.

The glob wine presentation was rather interesting. Neelix must have
gone pretty deep into Klingon lore to come up with that one. And
the gold fish he used to decorate the great barrels of champagne was
a bit... over the top, which is where some of the gold fish went.

Neelix had felt that they'd add a touch of Earth to a Klingon ritual.
But unfortunately, you can put the gold fish in the grog, but you
positively should not put the grog in the gold fish. They were
floating before the meal was served. Poor Neelix was crestfallen,
quite literally since some of the fire had spread to THAT hair too
before Seven had doused it.

The meal itself was surprisingly delicious, as long as one avoided the
items that moved. The situation began to fall apart when the Gagh
began to eat the spam morselettes "in natural gel", although I
suspect many inwardly cheered. Seven, who'd not managed to avoid
Neelix's initial offer of taste test mentioned that she found the
consistency....disturbing.

Neelix did brighten however when Tom and B'Elanna prepared to leave
for their two day "honeymoon" on holodeck 2. He'd prepared a
special surprise for Tom, an old Earth custom. It truly would have
been the course of mercy for someone to have clued him in on the
fact that you are NOT supposed to cook the rice before you throw it.
Fortunately Chakotay and ...

[Treelwreep]

"Come," Kathryn Janeway called as her door chimed. She was
unsurprised to see the subject of her latest sentence enter her
quarters, still dressed in party attire. She gestured him to a seat.

"How's the morale of our morale officer?" she asked, turning in
her chair to face him.

Chakotay grinned as he sank into the proffered seat. "He'll survive.
Although I did have to promise to let him plan *my* wedding," he
added with a devilish grin.

Kathryn laughed. "After the way this one went off, I'd just as
soon elope."

Chakotay's eyes shot to hers with a stunned expression just as
she realized how that might have sounded.

"May I ask if that means you wish to acquire a last name other
than Janeway?" Chakotay asked. "I'd be more than happy to sh--"

"Ahh, Commander," she cut him off with a self conscious laugh.
"That's classified information." Then unable to resist the
question. "What *is* your last name, by the way? The files from Star
Fleet only listed Chakotay."

Chakotay held her gaze for a moment before maneuvering closer.
"The answer to that question depends on what you plan on
doing with the information."

"Oh?" Kathryn asked, not moving away, holding his gaze as well.

"Yes," Chakotay whispered. "If I tell you, I'll have to kiss you...."

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The End