The BLTS Archive - Flame:
And Changes Everything
by Jackee C. (writerjc@jackeescorner.com)

---

Seven turned to Ravin, a mischievous sparkle in her eyes and the
barest hint of a smile on her lips. "How did she respond?"

Ravin clutched his fingers more tightly around hers, and returned the
smile. "Just as you said she would, my love."

"Good," the ex-Borg said, and turned her gaze oceanward. She took a
moment to marvel at the crimson sliver of Sun that remained to settle
into the dim waters of the horizon. She remembered a story Ravin had
once tried to convince her of: that if one listened closely during the
sunset, one could hear the sizzling of the ocean as the hot orb
penetrated its waters. She remembered the event with perfect clarity;
she'd told him the story was false as well as illogical. He'd laughed
and asked if she had any imagination at all. She'd spent the following
24 hours in an attempt to convince him that she did indeed have
imagination. That was one of the things she loved about this man; he
challenged her on a human level, in ways she'd never contemplated.
Suns setting over water would always remind her of that.

She turned to him now, taking in his outline. His eyes were closed,
focused inward. "They would not appreciate our intrusion," she said.
"They are both very private individuals."

A smile spread Ravin's lips before he opened his eyes, shooting her a
sidelong glance. "I'm aware of that. I was simply checking to see if
our work was in vain, feeling them out only. I promise."

Seven returned her gaze to the splendor of the setting sun, satisfied
with his answer.

"You're very protective of them," Ravin observed. His eyes now rested
on her outline.

Seven turned to meet his gaze. "They are important to me," she said.
"I would like them to be happy as we are happy."

Ravin smiled at her words, but remained silent. He felt that there was
something more. He was right. When Seven spoke again, her words were
almost hesitant.

"I overheard a conversation between several of my former shipmates. At
first I did not understand them, and as his words were not spoken with
malice it did not seem appropriate to mention them to Tuvok. As I have
grown in my knowledge of humanity, I have come to understand the
meaning of the crewman's words."

"What did the crewman say?" Ravin asked gently.

"Commander Chakotay was dining alone in the mess hall when one of the
crewmembers questioned another about the status of his and Captain
Janeway's relationship. The crewmember responded that Captain Janeway
no longer had time for Chakotay because she was too busy with baby
Borg."

Ravin winced slightly, seeing the conclusion that Seven had jumped to.
"You're not responsible, Annika."

"Captain Janeway spent a large percentage of time attempting to make
me a part of the Voyager crew. Commander Chakotay assisted only
because she desired it. So in part, I am responsible. I would like to
assist in the repair of their relationship."

"Well, you've taken the first steps by simply getting them together.
The rest is up to them."

"Yes," Seven nodded her agreement, then turned and looked in the
direction of the rock. The light had grown dim, but she could still
make out the outline of the two humans. Logic dictated that talking
would help them to work out their differences. But she knew with
matters of the heart, logic was irrelevant.

---

Chakotay watched Kathryn watching Seven and Ravin moving across
the sand. There were faint lines around her mouth, and she'd allowed
her hair to grow longer. It had been pulled back into a loose knot at
the base of her neck, but a few wisps had escaped and danced in the
breeze that came with the rising of the tide.

She was still Kathryn as he'd remembered her, the same determined line
to her jaw. He knew that she was probably mentally cursing Seven and
Ravin for strong-arming her into this position. When she turned to
face him, the same intelligent blue gaze enveloped him, leaving him
awash in the memories of things that had once been....

---
FIVE YEARS EARLIER
---

The winds along the beach blustered in the brilliant sunlight.
Laughing voices mingled with the smell of salt air and food cooked
over an open fire. Chakotay found the object of his search easily. She
was standing alongside a dark-haired gentlemen, speaking animatedly.
Chakotay was sure he didn't know the man, but he did know the very
intense way the man watched Kathryn. He was surprised when a wave of
jealousy rose within him.

His usual happiness at seeing her in person, devolved into confusion.
Of course he'd known his heart as far as Kathryn Janeway was concerned
for years now, but that it should strike him at this moment threw him
off balance. Perhaps it was because they had been 'home' for more than
a year, and still their relationship had gone no further. Always in
the Delta Quadrant, he could accept the issue of protocol as her
reasoning. And then, after their return, there had been a media frenzy
of epic proportions. Their lives and actions had been probed first by
a Federation anxious for new technology and the priceless information
that had been collected in Voyager's database, and then by a public
whose imagination had been captured by their tale of survival, and
unity. Privacy had been impossible.

Now, most of the crew had resigned, hoping for a return to 'normal'
life. That desire wouldn't be so easily fulfilled for members of the
command staff. It was six months before resignation was even an
option, as Starfleet requested their assistance in accessing and
integrating the incredible new technology they'd developed to get them
home. But that had all ended four months earlier, and he and Kathryn
had kept contact even though he'd resigned, and she remained on a well
deserved leave-of- absence. Still on any given week she could be seen
addressing a group, or being interviewed by some member of the vast
Intergalactic News Agency. It had become a private joke between he and
Kathryn that she was the face of Starfleet.

Turning away from that face, he moved sightlessly, searching for a
means of escape and nearly collided with a smiling young woman and a
plate piled high with an array of roasted foods. Mistaking his
tormented expression for surprise at nearly spilling her plate, she
quickly brushed aside his apology and pushed the plate toward him.

"I'm Sharon Macey. Lt. Jerry Macey is my brother," she explained
quickly, her smile warm and friendly. "Neelix assigned me server's
duties. This is for you."

It was reflex that caused the plate to end up in his fingers, and
before he could offer a word to decline the food, the young woman was
gone. He gazed at the plate a moment, fighting sudden nausea. This
wasn't going to help him. Glancing quickly around, he froze when his
eyes caught Kathryn's. She was waving him over.

Caught, and with no option, he approached. The man was Stuart
Clemmens, and he'd arranged many of the appearances that Starfleet had
'suggested' that Kathryn keep. Clemmens smiled knowingly at Chakotay
when Kathryn introduced him.

"I'm here to keep her sane," Clemmens said, shaking Chakotay's hand.
"And there's absolutely no way I couldn't have recognized you. Your
face is almost as well known as Kathryn's."

"Better, I assure you," Kathryn joked, nudging Clemmens.

"No, no," Clemmens laughed. "You're the 'face of Starfleet'."

Chakotay felt himself still.

Kathryn touched his arm, and smiled up at him. "I told Stuart about
our little joke," she said. "Since he's been tasked with what we both
agree to be the ridiculous assignment of maintaining the image
Starfleet is determined to portray."

Chakotay nodded, and forced a smile. There was a rapport between
Kathryn and Stuart Clemmens which was reminiscent of what he and she
had shared those early years in the Delta Quadrant, especially after
New Earth. This man no doubt worked with her every day, while Chakotay
only spoke to her via comm several times a week when she wasn't
running to one conference or another. They'd been regaining some of
the closeness they'd once shared, taking it slow he'd thought. There
was plenty of time. But now he was beginning to realize that perhaps
he was only fooling himself. The things he hoped for could never be.
That knowledge choked him, made him feel cold. Making quick excuses,
he found a way to slip away from the party.

---

It was a week before he heard from Kathryn again. He had met an old
friend after leaving the beach and had not returned to his apartment
since. During the visit, he'd been offered a position on a long-term
anthropological expedition headed for the Delta Quadrant. It would be
leaving in seven days. He'd gone back to his apartment to pack and end
his lease. A long queue of messages awaited his attention. Several
were from Kathryn.

Her first messages had been mildly probing, subtly questioning his
actions during the reunion. Her subsequent messages were more pointed,
worry seeping in between the almost angry words. Her final message had
stated flatly that she would be in San Francisco for the next week,
should he wish to contact her.

As he sat watching them, Chakotay felt a wave of guilt wash over him.
Though she spoke emotionlessly, hurt was implicit in her tone. What
had he been doing anyway by remaining out of touch? Reactivating the
comm unit, he made a transporter reservation for San Francisco. He'd
planned to announce his departure to her comm unit, but he owed her
more than that. He'd meet her once more, and then he would get on with
his life as she had gotten on with hers.

---

Thirty minutes later, he found himself walking along the path that
lead to the door of Kathryn's apartment. They were part of Starfleet's
Auxiliary San Francisco Complex, and generally reserved for top brass.
Greenery of a dozen varieties decorated the area, scenting the air
with the sweetness associated with spring and rebirth.  The greenery
also served to shield the area from the prying eyes of media types,
still in search of details to their story.

He paused briefly at the door, struggling with a sudden attack of
anxiety. He and Kathryn hadn't worked side by side in months, and
technically, they'd ended their relationship as First Officer and
Captain months before that.  But the momentum had still been there;
they hadn't been able to break the mold that they'd both become
comfortable with. He was about to change all that. He was about to say
good-bye to Kathryn Janeway.

Firmly, before he could talk himself out of it, he reached to activate
the door signal. But before he touched the sensor, the door slid open.

"Oh...I'm sorry," he stumbled over the words. "Did I come at a bad
time?"

"No," Kathryn shook her head. "The auto-attendant notified me that you
were here. Come in?"

Chakotay nodded, and tried at a smile before following her into the
apartment. She turned, glancing over her shoulder and offered him a
drink.

He declined, and took a moment to just look around. The living room
was professionally decorated, its design open and bright. Large
plants, similar to those in the courtyard, also adorned the apartment.
A glass door on one side of the room lead out unto a deck complete
with hot tub. On the other side of the room was a corridor that lead
off to other parts of the dwelling.  He was impressed, and wondered
that he hadn't seen where she lived since their return. Looking
classically elegant in her many appearances, this was the type of
surrounding that suited her.

But there was another Kathryn that he remembered. The one that had
been content to grow tomato plants in a fledgling garden, unconcerned
about the trappings of society. He turned then and faced her, curious
to see if any part of that Kathryn would be there. The expression in
her eyes caught him off guard. She was waiting.

"I'm leaving," the words spilled into the silence of the room
unadorned. "I came to say good-bye."

Her expression collapsed. "What?"

Forcing himself not to think about what he was doing, he repeated the
words. "I'm leaving, Kathryn. I've accepted a long-term
anthropological expedition to the Delta Quadrant."

"But --" Kathryn began, barely above a whisper. Then turning away from
him, her movements echoing her shock, she walked toward one of the
large windows overlooking dense shrubbery. Whatever she'd been
expecting, this clearly wasn't it. "Why --" she started again, waving
a hand in helpless confusion.

"A friend needed some help," he sighed. "He's been after me for a
while..."

"Why, really, Chakotay?" she asked, seeing through the excuse.

"What have I really done since Dorvan? The odd job here and there to
keep busy?" What he didn't say was that he had done that to remain on
earth. Where she was. "I realize that I've been going nowhere, and I
can't do that anymore. My father used to say that life was for living
every day. I need to live."

Kathryn's brow furrowed in confusion, as she studied him. She began
walking toward him as if proximity might give her the answers she
sought. "I'm going to miss you," she said softly when she was only a
foot away.

"Me too," Chakotay nodded, an odd sensation flooding his senses. All
sign of confusion was gone from Kathryn's face, only a hint of
determination and something that he was sure he was misinterpreting
remained.

Gently, she reached a hand to his cheek, all the while her eyes never
leaving his. Her fingers traced gently over his tattoo and up into his
hair. Her fingernails grazed his scalp as her fingers trailed down to
the back of his neck. He couldn't suppress the shiver that coursed
through him as her hand closed around the back of his neck and pulled
his head to her level. The first touch of her lips on his sent shocks
through his system. The smell and feel and taste of her registered on
his senses, and then all thoughts ceased as his arms went convulsively
around her, pulling her up off her feet.

---

6 days, 22 hours and 47 deliriously happy minutes later, the were
playing in the whirlpool when a message came over the comm center.
Having spent the past week simply enjoying one another, with no talk
of protocol or duty or work, they had instructed the computer to save
and store all messages until further notice. Only a priority message
could override that command.

Laughing at his attempts to keep her in the warm water, Kathryn
swatted his hands away and climbed out of the tub.

When Kathryn hadn't returned several minutes later, Chakotay climbed
out of the water and headed off to see what was the matter. He stopped
short as he heard her communicating with someone over the link. He
wasn't sure what the conversation was about, he only knew that top
brass was on its way. He heard Kathryn close the link, and then she
flew by him in a rush, saying something about a shower before
vanishing into the bedroom.

Chakotay sighed and decided to get dressed. After, he began to
straighten up the place, replicated refreshments and otherwise
prepared the apartment for visitors. By the time Kathryn appeared from
the bedroom, dressed formally, everything was in place. She looked so
stiff.

Chakotay had smiled and moved to embrace her, anything to relax her.
But she had been distracted, pushed him away.  "Uh...Chakotay," she
had begun nervously. "Do you mind leaving? I'll contact you later."

"Why?" Chakotay had asked, not overly concerned. He wrapped his arms
around her and began to kiss her neck. "I won't embarrass you I
promise. You trusted me with all those aliens we met. I assure you I
can handle Starfleet."

"No," Kathryn had become more agitated, pushed at his hands. "Please,
Chakotay."

Chakotay frowned, pulling away slightly. "That's it, isn't it?" he
eyed her curiously. "Didn't the past few days mean anything to you?"

Kathryn had pierced him with a steely glare, "Chakotay, I really can't
get into this right now."

"I won't be in your life as a shadow only, Kathryn. I won't hide
behind closed doors as if I'm something shameful. You need to decide
right now whether or not you can accept those terms."

Kathryn had been furious. She'd opened her mouth as if to speak, but
then her door chime had rang. She'd closed her eyes, struggling for
control of her temper. When she opened her eyes a cool mask had fallen
back into place.  "I won't be pushed, Chakotay," she said and turned
to admit her guests. And so Chakotay had left as directed. Out the
back. Slinking away unseen.

---

The sound of the pounding surf brought him back to the present, and he
looked at her once more. There was something in her eyes alongside the
determination.

"How are you, Chakotay?" she asked softly, gesturing that they sit on
the rocks from which she and Ravin had earlier risen. Then drawing her
knees up and wrapping her arms about them, she returned her gaze out
to sea, not waiting for his response.

Chakotay settled alongside her, ensuring her that he was fine and
turned the question back to her.

"I'm fine," she responded in the same manner in which he had and
continued. "I suppose Seven of Nine convinced you to come here?" she
said, more a statement than a question.

Chakotay nodded, wondering at her manner. Deciding not to push her, he
continued the polite, surface conversation. "I don't know if I'll ever
get over the shock of Seven and a Betazoid."

Kathryn smiled a bit at that, shook her head. "Neither will I," she
admitted, turning to face him, her tone not quite right for the words
she'd spoken.  Chakotay thought he saw something akin to pain in her
eyes. When she spoke her words were soft, tortured, barely discernible
over the sounds of the ocean. "Why did you leave?"

Chakotay was so utterly unprepared for the question that he simply
stared. "What?"

"Why did you leave?" she demanded more firmly.  "After everything that
happened. After...us. Why did you just disappear?"

"You asked me to leave, Kathryn. Remember?"

"Yes, I did," she admitted dismisively with a wave of her hand. "But
you never came back. It took me four months just to figure out where
you were!"

 Chakotay hadn't expected that she'd looked for him. He blinked
several times in an attempt to gather his thoughts. For years he'd
only had his side, it had never occurred to him that she might have
viewed things differently. Defensiveness rose within him. "Where I
was? My last words to you were that I couldn't stay in your life only
as a shadow, that I wouldn't be hidden away like something shameful."

"I wasn't ashamed of you," Kathryn shot back, turning again toward the
ocean.

"Not even a little, Kathryn?" Chakotay couldn't resist. "Not even in
some small part of your mind that felt demeaned to be reduced to the
old cliche of a Captain falling in love with her first officer?"

Kathryn turned toward him, surprise written all over her face.

"I knew," Chakotay said. "I was there for all the interviews,
remember? I heard all the insinuations. I *know* you."

"I suppose you do, at that," she looked down at the her hands. "I'd
always prided myself on not giving a damn what people thought. I
always used protocol as a reason for not having a relationship with
you. When protocol was removed, I found that there was something else
preventing me: Fear. Fear of the mold that society would cast me into,
fear of the rumors, fear of proving the polls right..."

"What changed your mind?" Chakotay asked. "If only briefly."

"The realization that not only couldn't I imagine a day without you. I
didn't want to even try to." She smiled sadly in his direction.

"What went wrong, Kathryn?"

"Our relationship was so new Chakotay. I wanted to savor it. And I
didn't want it planned to the letter or spun by a pair of nosey media
relations top brass. "

"Why couldn't you just tell me that then?" Chakotay asked.

"There wasn't time," Kathryn shrugged. "I was scared. I thought I
would have a chance later... I'm so sorry Chakotay."

"The apology is mine," Chakotay said. He looked across at the way her
toes burrowed in the sand, and the way the wind blew at her hair.  "I
should have trusted you more instead of being so concerned about my
own wounded pride."

"We both made mistakes," Kathryn admitted.

Chakotay nodded, struggled for the words that followed. "Nothing has
changed, Kathryn. I don't think I can ever stop loving you." Gesturing
up toward the now starry sky, he continued. "Out there, studying alien
peoples, you were here," he placed a hand over his heart, "beside me."
Chuckling ironically, he went on. "I kind of got into the habit of
talking to you at night, or whenever I found some interesting tidbit
of information. For three and a half years I recorded it all, just for
you. I used to think it was my perverse nature, always yearning for
that which I could not have. But now, I realize that it was more than
that. It was my way of holding on to you."

He reached a hand tentatively toward her. "When I think of all the
wasted time, I can only hope that it is not too late."

Kathryn smiled, a devilish sparkle in her eyes. "When I think of all
the wasted time, all I can think of is catching up." She placed her
hand in his and tugged.

---

Ravin's eyes opened suddenly, and he grabbed Seven's hand. "I think
it's time we leave," he said his voice full of meaning. What he could
detect with his empathic senses, Seven detected with her enhanced
vision. She smiled, satisfied.

"I believe you are correct. "

"So Annika, my dearest, when do you suppose we should tell them that
we are having a *very* traditional Betazoid ceremony?"

---

The End