The BLTS Archive- The Opening Door #6: Manipulation by Isla (islaofhope@aol.com) --- Disclaimer: Star Trek and its characters all belong to Paramount, Viacom, and Rick Berman. I'm just borrowing the characters for a while. Sometimes I'm mean to them, but I usually show them a good time before I bring them back. This is fan fiction. I won't make any money from it. Thanks to T'Aaneli, Kaki, Greywolf, Kaki, Hafital, and Jat Sapphire who took time out from their own wonderful work to beta this. They helped me work out some problems, and told me where I missed the mark. And some of their advice I actually listened to. Okay to archive, but please contact me before archiving anywhere except ASCEM. Please send feedback. I'll even take negative feedback; it gets my creative juices flowing. -- "Anything else, Bones?" I didn't answer immediately. I looked up at the man across from me. He was my commanding officer, but, more importantly, he was my best friend. I've watched him blossom from a brilliant, but far too serious, Starfleet lieutenant into a self-assured starship captain. I've watched him let people into his life, watched him as they've touched him in some way, and then watched him absorb their loss. Loss is a way of life for a starship captain. People assume that Jim Kirk's life has always been perfect. Not true. He's suffered some real pain - some of which I've witnessed but a lot of it that I can only guess at. On the other hand, Jim grew up with a mother and a brother he adored and who adored him back. As a result, even though he'd never admit it in a hundred years, to love and be loved is the food that his soul needs to survive. Yeah, I've watched him fall in love a few times, and I can sense it almost immediately. It isn't really his fault that it never seems to work out. Sometimes his choices are bad but usually it's just the timing that's bad. Sometimes he ends up with another 'old friend' after the romance is over, but lately it seems like every woman he falls in love with ends up dead. He never told me this, but I think at one point he decided he was through falling in love. He had his ship, his few close friends, and he was content. When he came back from shore leave a couple of months ago, I knew right away that he'd done it again. Spock evaded my questions when I asked him if Jim had met anyone during their shore leave. Of course, I didn't expect Spock to tell me anything. After all, I just assumed that darn Vulcan wouldn't have a clue what I was talking about when I told him that Jim was in love. Well, I was wrong about that - which I found out when they told me a couple of weeks later. Just like always when Jim falls in love, I got a little scared waiting for 'the other shoe to drop.' This time I was afraid that I was holding onto that shoe. "I know that look. You've got something to say. It's not like you to hesitate to tell me something. Out with it, Bones." "Can I get you a drink?" "This is personal then? Not ship's business?" He was lounging back in his chair smiling faintly. "Yeah, it's personal, Jim. I think you'll need a drink to hear this." He didn't say anything while I poured us each a healthy shot of scotch from a bottle that I pulled out of my desk drawer. I saw him hesitate before accepting the glass. It was late enough in the ship's evening that there was no reason for him to go back to the bridge. Maybe he thought Spock wouldn't like it if he had a drink. Heck, Spock doesn't care what Jim does - he just wants him to be happy. I frowned into my glass before I took a sip of scotch. If I knew that about Spock - and it's one of those things I know without knowing how I know - why did I have this uneasy feeling? "Just like old times, huh, Bones? We haven't had a drink together in a while." "Yeah." "What's this about?" "It's about you and Spock." "What about Spock and me?" His glass hit my desktop with a clunk and some of the scotch sloshed over the side. Jim sure drinks a lot slower than he used to. A few months before this, he would have already tossed back enough that the mess on my desk wouldn't have been in danger of getting wet. "I trust, Doctor, that you don't have some outmoded prejudice against homosexual relationships." I surprised even myself by chuckling. "Hell, no, Jim! Although I do think that you've been pretty determinedly heterosexual most of your life. I bet you haven't been with a man in all the time that I've known you." Blushing slightly, he picked up his glass, and took another sip. "So what's your problem with Spock and me? You sort of made a joke of it when we told you - at least I think that what you said was only a joke." He frowned over the rim of the glass. "You aren't jealous or anything, are you? I know that I haven't spent as much time with you lately. I admit that I've been preoccupied, but I never expected this to affect our friendship." "No, Jim, I'm not jealous. Yeah, I do miss the fact that we used to spend more time together. But we were friends before Spock, and I know that we'll still be friends after Spock is out of your life." What made me say that? I knew it was a mistake as soon as it came out of my mouth. He replaced his glass on my desk far more gently this time. "You're mistaken if you think that Spock is going anywhere." "Sorry, I didn't mean to say that." "Apology accepted. But only if you get to the point, McCoy," He took an angry gulp of scotch. "Have you ever thought about *why* you're in love with Spock?" He blushed again and then smiled a smile that almost made me blush. "Do you want the top ten reasons or what?" I didn't return his smile. "No, I'm serious. What caused you to fall in love? Because I have a theory. And you won't like it." "Are you sure that I shouldn't call Spock down here for this discussion? You two scientists can discuss your theories. I'm just a starship captain, remember?" "Well, he does have a right to defend himself, but I'd prefer that you have this talk with him. It would be a little awkward coming from me." Suddenly, I felt a little guilty. Maybe I should've talked to Spock about it instead of Jim. Too late now. His expression changed to his 'starship captain requesting information from his chief medical officer' look. "What's your theory, Doctor?" "Do you remember Rayna?" "Rayna? Rayna who? Wasn't that the name of Flint's android? If you're going to make a joke about Spock being an android or an unfeeling computer, it's not very funny." "No, Jim." I wasn't that much of a moron, but for a moment I thought about making that joke just to get out of this conversation. It would be easier than what I was going to say. "Do you honestly not remember that you were 'in love' with Rayna?" He slammed his glass down on the desk again. Good thing that Rigellian crystal is sturdy. "That really isn't funny." "No, it's not." I looked down into my glass. My scotch wasn't disappearing as fast as it usually does either. "I'm serious. You were in love with her, and you were devastated when she died." "Malfunctioned." Only the fact that he was rubbing at his lower lip gave away his nervousness. "I went to see you in your quarters to tell you that the epidemic was under control, and to see if you were okay. You'd been kind of in a daze even while you were helping out in Sickbay. Do you remember that I finally made you go back to your quarters? Anyway, Spock was there, kind of hovering over you, but you were asleep." I chuckled suddenly, remembering the conversation that I'd had with that 'cold, unfeeling' Vulcan. The same one who, for the last month, had been unsuccessfully trying to hide from me that he was as deeply in love with Jim as Jim was with him. "I lectured him on the nature of love, and I told him that I was sorrier for him than I was for you because he would never know the joys and sorrows of love." Jim appeared to forget how to breathe for a moment, but he recovered before I had to administer oxygen. "What are you saying, Bones? You think Spock wiped my memory?" I pulled the bottle out of my drawer to pour myself another scotch. He shook his head when I tilted the bottle toward his glass. "I could never believe that of him." Jim's voice was quiet, and his face lost all expression. "Interfering with someone's mind without permission is a pretty serious thing for Vulcans. Mind rape, I think he would call it." Mind rape? I really hadn't known how serious this was. Why hadn't I just talked to Spock? If it was this serious, there's no way that Spock had done what I was suspecting him of. But I couldn't just let it go now after starting the conversation. "It's worse than that, Jim. What if he not only took her memory out of your brain, but he replaced it with something else?" "With what, Bones?" "Isn't it obvious? I know that you and Spock have always been very close friends, but when did you start feeling differently? You've been heterosexual all of your life. It doesn't make sense that you'd wake up one day and be attracted to Spock. It just doesn't work that way." "Not true." He smiled, but it was a dangerous smile that didn't make it into his eyes. "I've had more than one male lover - you just haven't met any of them." "Youthful experimentation." That was a dumb thing to say, too. I wanted to take back everything that I'd said, but sometimes my mouth runs away with me, and this time I couldn't stop myself. "Maybe I'm all wet, Jim, but how do you explain this thing with Rayna? I really think you should talk to him about this. If I'm jumping to conclusions, you can tell him to come down here and deck me." Yeah, it's not the first time that I've deserved to have Spock knock me down, but maybe he'd understand that I was just concerned about Jim. Me and that Vulcan had that much in common. I tried to take some of the sting out of what I'd said. ""Believe me, I want to be wrong, but if you love him, you have to be able to talk about this." "Are you sure this isn't just some weird form of bigotry? I thought that you and Spock were friends, but I know how much you two argue." My friend was cool, calm, and collected, but I could tell that under the surface he was churning. Actually, he looked like he wanted to throw up. "You know it isn't, Jim." He stood up. "Thanks for the drink." "Are you going to talk to him?" I couldn't leave well enough alone. "Good-bye, Bones. Thank you for your concern." He looked like a starship captain with his ship on red alert. I only hoped that our friendship survived the battle. --- Almost as soon as the door to my quarters closed behind me, I was in his arms. His hot tongue was in my mouth, and he pushed me against the screen divider. I remembered an evening not so long ago that started with a set of handcuffs and ended with my back bearing the unmistakable tattoo of that mesh screen. When his mouth left mine to burn kisses into my neck and throat, I said, "We have to talk, Spock." "Not just now. An hour from now will do as well." I couldn't help smiling. This was the Spockian equivalent of 'I want you now.' I gasped with pleasure as he rubbed his body against mine. I lifted my arms to allow him to pull off my tunic. As he moved his hands over my naked chest and assaulted my mouth with his tongue, I tried to block out my conversation with McCoy. Even though I was aroused and my body was trembling with pleasure, my mind was racing. What if it were true that Spock had somehow planted these feelings in my brain? God, he felt good against me. Deftly, he pulled off my trousers and my briefs, allowing my erection to spring free. A warmer-than-human hand engulfed my cock, and sharp teeth bit down on my right nipple. I cried out at the mix of pain and pleasure, and he silenced me with another kiss. Moments later, he was the one pressed against the screen, and I was on my knees in front of him, taking his hot cock into my mouth. His eyes were closed, he was whispering ancient Vulcan words of love and desire that I just barely understood, and his hands were entangled in my hair. The taste, the smell, and the texture of him were enough to teeter me on the edge of climax, but I was momentarily held still by a sudden realization: I have never felt anything like I do with Spock. Did it really matter where these feelings came from? Did I care if he'd seduced me by altering my mind? After all, I hadn't exactly made the best choices in the past. Spock was the most brilliant man that I'd ever known. Who was I to argue with him for choosing me? He had lit a flame inside of me, and the closer I got to him, the hotter that flame burned. God, yes, I wanted to bond with him. To have his mind inside of mine 'as long as we both lived.' Who wouldn't want that? But I was scared, too. What would it do to me? Would he incinerate my mind and my will as thoroughly as he incinerated my body? Strong, hot hands grasped my shoulders to pull me to my feet. I forgot everything as his mouth came down on mine. --- "What did you wish to talk about, Lasha?" His hot breath tickled my ear. I spooned myself more firmly against him in the narrow bed. His warm arms held me tight. I turned my head to share a slow, thorough kiss before I said, "I love you." He quirked an eyebrow at me. "I was unaware that matter was open to discussion." "You're right. It's not." I felt his erection stirring, warm against my backside. Yes, I wanted to make love to him again, and it was clear that he wanted it, too. My questions about Rayna could wait. "We don't need to talk right now." "Agreed." He rolled me onto my back, and stretched out on top of me before he claimed my mouth again. --- The End --- No one conceals me like No one reveals me like My lover No one can disconnect No one can resurrect Like my lover. My lover makes me weak Gives me breath to speak My lover takes me home Cools the rolling stone My lover's thorny kiss The reason to exist I wonder No one can saturate No one manipulates Like my lover The sensuality It's immortality My lover My lover needs to seize Brings me to my knees Reads me like a prayer Calls the spirit there Secretly inspires Strips me to desire I wonder No one can visualize No one can make me rise Like my lover They dream of paradise They'll never even pay the price My lover 'My Lover' by Melissa Etheridge ---