The BLTS Archive- The Opening Door
#3: Enlightenment
by Isla (islaofhope@aol.com

---

Disclaimer:  Star Trek and its characters all belong to
Paramount, Viacom, and Rick Berman.  I'm just borrowing the
characters for a little shore leave.  Sometimes I'm not so nice to
them, but I'll show them a good time before I bring them back.
This is fan fiction.  I won't make any money from it.  In fact,
it's getting in the way of my gainful employment.

Thanks to T'Aaneli, Kaki, Hafital, and Roisin, my brave beta
readers.  I regret keeping them from their own wonderful
writing, but I'm grateful for their hard work.

Okay to archive, but please contact me before archiving
anywhere except ASCEM.

Oh, yes, please send feedback.  And, hey, I'll even take negative
feedback; it won't hurt my feelings if you have some constructive
criticism.  Whatever doesn't kill me, makes me stronger - I know that
from plenty of recent experience!

---

"Don't think I don't know what you're doing."

I was somewhat startled.  Because he had appeared so relaxed,
I had assumed that he was asleep. "Perhaps you would care to
enlighten me as to what you believe I was doing."

"You're analyzing your reaction to me, Science Officer."

"Indeed?"

"Mmm, my starship captain's instincts never fail me."  He
opened his eyes, and rolled onto his side, presumably to gain a
more comfortable vantage point from which to study me.  It
seemed a precarious move, perched as he was in a hammock.
"And I know you well enough to tell when you're conducting
an observation and analyzing the results."

"Oh, really, Captain?  It should be obvious that this book
occupies my attention."

"Liar."  His smile was equal parts lazy contentment and
seduction.  "You haven't read a word in the last half hour."

"Interesting.  How did you determine this?"

"Simple logic, Mr. Spock.  You haven't turned a page in just
about that long."

He was correct.  Caught in my prevarication, I put the book
aside.  "How did you determine that it was you that occupied
my thoughts?"

He looked pointedly at my groin.  "Of course, I could be
jumping to conclusions, but I hope it was me that you were
thinking of."

"Ah."  I decided to punish him for teasing me.  I willed my
erection to subside and picked up the book.  "Nevertheless, it is
an interesting book."  I mentally prepared myself for the pillow
that I expected to be headed my way shortly.

No pillow and no further comment came my way for several
moments, and I truly was engrossed in the book before he
spoke again.

"Spock?"

I did not look up.  "Is there something that I can I do for you,
Captain?"

"Nothing.  I just want you to look at me."

I complied and felt a sudden shortness of breath.  "Are you
quite certain that is all that you require of me?"

His smile widened.  "Well, I would like it even better if you'd
come over here."

I found it increasingly difficult to resist that smile.  "I am not
certain that would be wise."

"Wise?  Come over here. I won't bite."

I lifted an eyebrow at him.  "Lasha?  Not even if I request it?"

He let out a whoop of laughter and almost fell out of the
hammock.  "Now you really do have to come over here.  Do
you have any idea what you're doing to me?"

It was my turn to look pointedly at his groin.  "Affirmative."

"Come here, Spock."

Difficult as it was to resist him, I found the logistics of joining
him in the hammock somewhat unnerving.   "We would be
more comfortable in the bed."

He shook his head.  "No.  I want you here.  Right now."

"Have you forgotten that we are on shore leave?  I am
somewhat surprised that you would issue orders in this
situation."  Despite my reply, I approached the hammock,
albeit somewhat reluctantly.  His perch looked precarious,
uncomfortable, and undignified.

"Whatever works to get you into the hammock with me.  Don't
look so skeptical.  It's actually quite comfortable.  C'mon, I'll
navigate."  He shifted over fractionally, and patted the webbing
next to him.  "Put your gorgeous ass right here."  I complied.
"And now swing your legs up.  There, that's not so bad, is it?"

The webbing acted as a sort of cocoon, pressing our bodies
together.  He drew my head down onto his shoulder and
stroked his fingers through my hair.  His touch initially was
tender rather than sexual.  He slid one of his hands down to
massage my neck and shoulders, and I could feel his heartbeat
and respiration slow down as he caressed me. "I love you,
Spock."

I realized then that my own heart was racing.  I was
experiencing vertigo.  I was also having some difficulty
breathing.

I was extraordinarily reluctant to tell him that I was ill, but he
sensed my disquiet. "What's wrong?"  He smiled.  "You're not
still nervous about the hammock, are you? Don't you trust me?"

"Captain."  My voice was hoarse.  "Jim, I feel unwell."

He looked down into my eyes, his hand still performing a
soothing massage on my shoulders.  "What is it?"

He appeared to be struggling to hide a smile after I told him
about my pounding heart, my vertigo, and my uneven
breathing.  "Don't worry, I know exactly what to do about
that."  He leaned over to kiss me, and my hand instinctively
strayed to the back of his neck.  I returned the kiss.

My heart rate and my vertigo increased. My breathing became
even more irregular.  "Although I found that quite pleasurable,
it did nothing to ameliorate my symptoms.

A smile spread across his face.  "No, it wasn't intended as a
remedy.  Merely a diagnostic tool."

I lifted an eyebrow.  "I doubt that Dr. McCoy would appreciate
your methods."

"I have no intention of letting McCoy treat you for this."

"Would you care to enlighten me on how precisely you were
planning to treat my illness?"

He ran his hand along my side and rested it on my hip.  "You
wrote the prescription yourself: two weeks on a private beach
with daily applications of Jim Kirk.  We'll up the dosage if we
need to."

"Interesting.  What is your diagnosis of my illness? "

"We humans would diagnose your symptoms as clear signs of
'falling in love.'"

"I see.  Of course, I am a Vulcan."  I combed my fingers
through his hair.

"Maybe it's your human half acting up."

"Perhaps.  Or your diagnosis is faulty."

He started to sit up.  "In that case, I'll have you beamed aboard,
and we'll have McCoy look at you."

I pulled him into a crushing embrace.  "I prefer your diagnosis
as well as your recommended treatment."

---

He laughed again before he kissed me, stroking his hand along
my hip and rubbing his groin against mine.  My arms were
around his neck, and my mouth was against his collarbone.  I
slid a hand down across his right nipple and then inside his
shorts to stroke his erection.

We shared a deep kiss; he was almost breathless, eyes
sparkling when our mouths parted.  "We'd better slow down or
I'm going to come right now."

"Agreed.  I would prefer a more extended session as well."  I
removed my hand from his erection, but continued to stroke his
back and his ribs.  However, when he inserted his hand into my
trousers, I gasped with surprise.  "You are shameless, Lasha."

A soft laugh.  "I know, but you feel too good.  I can't help
myself."

I risked dumping us both out of the hammock when I rolled
him onto his back and covered his body with mine.  More deep
kisses and caresses.  "Let's move inside to the bed," he said.

I kissed his throat.  "I believe that I am becoming used to the
motion of the hammock.  Recommend that we proceed
according to your original suggestion."

His hands massaged their way down my back to squeeze my
buttocks.  "I want to try something different this afternoon, and
I don't think we can do it here in the hammock."

"We are both reasonably flexible and in good physical
condition.  I am certain that we can successfully accomplish
whatever you have in mind."

Another quiet laugh was my reward. "For what I've got in
mind, we really should try it out a few times in more
comfortable surroundings before we christen the hammock."
Another kiss.  His mouth was against my ear, and his voice was
very quiet when he said,  "I want you to fuck me, Spock."

I found it difficult to breathe.  I was extremely aroused by his
scent, his taste, and his touch, and the temptation to give in to
him was extreme.  "T'hy'la.  I cannot."

"Of course, you can."  He grasped my erection and stroked it
firmly.  "You certainly have the right equipment."

"T'hy'la, no, I am sorry - "

"Don't worry about hurting me.  I'm not exactly a virgin, and I
brought lubricant.  I sort of thought we'd get around to this long
before now."

"Naturally, I am reluctant to hurt you, but that is not my entire
reason for refusing you."

"You can't be serious."  He attempted to push himself away
from me, but it was not possible to go far in the cocoon of the
netting.  "You really aren't interested?"

In truth, I wanted him so badly that I frequently found it
difficult to sleep when I held him after making love.  He had
taught me to pleasure him in many ways; our orgasms had
appeared to satisfy him, but I was aware of my own unsatisfied
longings.  How could I explain what I feared?

He continued to caress me.  "It's been a long time for me, but if
we're careful, I know it'll be pleasurable for both of us."

I looked into his eyes, and the desire there filled me with
trepidation.  James Kirk was the most sexual man that I had
ever known.  How had I, with my limited experience, had the
arrogance to assume that I could satisfy him as a lover?

"I wish to please you, but you do not understand what you are
asking."

"Make me understand."

This conversation was necessary; I had been a fool to put it off
so long.  "Perhaps, it would be wise to find a more comfortable
location for our discussion."

"I'm comfortable.  Start talking."  His arms tightened around
me, his embrace belying the annoyance in his tone.

"T'hy'la, no."  I extricated myself from his arms.

He also got out of the hammock.  I felt him standing close
behind me, but not touching me, as I stared at the ocean.  Even
though we were not in physical contact, I felt his confusion and
hurt.  He started to pace, an action that was very familiar to me;
he frequently paced when he wished to dissipate nervous
energy or had a difficult decision to make.

He stopped behind me, still not touching.  "I can't believe that
we're having a fight about this.  It's just another sexual activity.
Considering what we've already done, it's not that big a deal."

"We are not fighting.  And it is not 'just another sexual
activity.'"

The gravity in my tone seemed to finally transmit itself to him.
"Explain."

"It concerns bonding."

Because my voice was so quiet, he stepped closer to me.  "Did
you say bonding?"

"Yes.  There is some evidence that, similar to a mind meld, that
particular sexual activity will trigger a spontaneous bond."

"And a bonding is like a marriage?"

"It is more.  It is permanent.  An attempt to break the bond can
be damaging to both parties."

"So you don't want to risk forming a bond with me?"

"To do so accidentally, without your informed consent, would
be reprehensible."

"That's not what I asked."

"There is nothing in this Universe that I desire more than to
bond with you, t'hy'la."

He placed a hand on the back of my neck.  His touch sent a
tremor through my body.  His voice held gentle amusement
when he said, "Don't you think that you should look at me
when you ask me to marry you?"

I caught my breath, but I carefully pushed aside feelings of
hope and joy.  Clasping my hands behind me, I said, "I am not
asking you to bond with me."

---

I heard his sharp intake of breath, and he jerked his hand away
as though my flesh had burned his.  "Forgive me for
misunderstanding you, Mr. Spock."

Grieved at wounding him, I turned to see the hurt in his eyes
quickly hidden behind a perfect mask of control.  I grasped his
hands, and when he tried to pull away, I held his wrists in a
vice grip.  He winced slightly but he met my eyes calmly.
"Okay, you've proven that you're stronger than I am.  Say what
you have to say."

"T'hy'la, I do wish to bond with you, but it is not something to
be entered into lightly."

His eyes flashed with anger.  "Why do you think I came here
with you?  In spite of my reputation, I don't take what we've
been doing lightly.  I haven't asked you for anything, but I've
given you everything that I am.  If that's not enough for you, I
am sorry."  His eyes bored into mine while he said this; then he
dropped them to my hands.  "Please let go of me.  I need some
distance.  Will you give me that at least?"

Wordlessly, I released his wrists.  He rubbed at the bruises, the
imprints of my fingers silent testimony to my barely controlled
frustration.

"I ask your forgiveness.  It is nothing that is lacking in you.  It
is my own uncertainty.  I have no explanation."

He laughed, but it was a bitter laugh.  "Yeah, I've read about
that old Terran custom - when you break up with someone, you
let them down easy by saying, 'it's not you, it's me.'  Don't
worry: I got your message loud and clear."

I watched him walk away, intending to allow him the 'distance'
that he requested.  However, after he walked into the house, I
considered the likely possibility that his next move would be to
find his communicator.  If he returned to the ship this
afternoon, he would build a wall around himself.  I would lose
all that I had gained, and I would never hold him in my arms or
kiss his mouth again.

My conjecture was accurate.  As I entered the house, he was
opening his communicator.  He did not look at me.

"Captain, are you planning to return to the ship dressed in that
manner?"

When he looked down at his thin shorts, his bare chest and bare
feet, I took my chance.  My arms went around him, my mouth
captured his, and his communicator fell to the floor, to be
shortly joined by his shorts and all of my clothing.

Our lovemaking was rougher and more frantic than ever
before.  Although it was not my intention, I marked his body
with several bruises, but he also left bruises on my body.  In
my desperation, I would have given him anything for which he
asked, but he asked for nothing beyond my kiss and my
embrace.

I felt as though I were drowning in the waves of sensation.
Inexplicably, physical pleasure was replaced by a degree of
confusion.

Afterwards, when I held him in my arms, he appeared to sense
my disquiet.  "I know.  It can feel lonely sometimes after it's
over.  It's as though we're pushing hard against each other's
barriers, but we can only get so close."  He pressed himself
back against me.  "I guess I imagine that's why bonded
lovemaking would be even more satisfying."

I tightened my arms around him.  "I do not know, but it is
logical."

"Logical?  Before last week, I would never have guessed that
'logical' would be a word that could be applied to making
love."  He twisted his head to look into my eyes.  "Are you sure
that you're comfortable talking about this?"

"We have always been able to talk about anything."

"Yes, of course."  He rolled over, so that he could more easily
look at me, but he winced as he experienced some pain in his
rib cage.

I gently touched his ribs to reassure myself; nothing was
broken, but the angry bruises no doubt caused him some
discomfort.  "I am sorry that I hurt you."

"I'm not."  He reached a hand to the back of my head to draw
my mouth closer to share another kiss.  "I was wondering when
you would tell me that the reason you wouldn't mind meld with
me during lovemaking was to avoid a spontaneous bond."

"Your words indicate that you knew my motivation."

"Mmm, I guessed."

"Where did you obtain the information on which your
conjecture is based? "

He raised himself on one elbow, presumably to study my face
more easily.  "I asked your mother about Vulcan bonding."

I shifted somewhat uncomfortably; I did not care to imagine
their conversation.  "How did you explain your interest?"

A grin flitted across his face, but then he looked solemn.  "Did
I tell her that I was interested in bonding with you?  No, I didn't
because when we first talked about it, I had no idea myself.  I
was just concerned about your broken bond with T'Pring and
what it would mean to your seven year cycle.  I'm sorry if it
embarrasses you that I talked to her.  I needed to know how to
keep you from dying next time."

I was uncertain if he was aware of his gesture when his finger
touched the faint lirpa scar on his throat.  I was equally
uncertain what inspired me when I said, "You are unwilling to
offer the same service that you did on the last occasion?"

Amazingly, my words brought a smile to his face.  "No.
Definitely not.  But before I talked to your mother about it, I
didn't know what I would have to do.  Maybe help you find
another bondmate?"  He caught my hand in his and brought it
to his mouth.  "Just for the record, you won't get any help from
me now if you're interested in looking elsewhere for a
bondmate."

"No. I am not."  I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of his lips
on my fingertips.  I opened them again to study his face.
"However, I am surprised that my mother would have given
you information concerning spontaneous bonding.  It is not a
well-known phenomenon."

"No, she didn't, but she gave me some ideas for where to find
the information.  There isn't a lot available, and almost zero for
a non-Vulcan, non-scientist, but I did a lot of my research
when I was on light duty a couple of weeks ago.  I have to
confess that I hacked into your account and looked at some of
the same research that you did."

"You are the most resourceful, intriguing person that I have
ever met."

He settled himself more comfortably against me.  "Yes, I love
you, too."

"I did not say -"

He stopped my words with a kiss.  "You don't have to say it.
And you don't have to tell me that you want to bond with me.
Just be my lover, and be my friend.  We'll just let the future
take care of itself."

"Agreed."  I smoothed his hair back from his brow, and kissed
his right temple.  "T'hy'la, I have never fully discussed pon farr
with you.  I fear that you would be repulsed by the madness
that overtakes Vulcans at that time."

"Mmm.  I read some about that.  Some Vulcans aren't as
reticent as you are."  He laughed softly as he entwined his arms
around my neck and nipped at my collarbone.  "All the more
reason for us to practice as many positions as possible.  If we're
compelled by your pon farr to make love for four days straight,
we'll need some variety."

"As opposed to the variety that we have enjoyed in the last
seven days?"

Another soft laugh before his expression turned serious.  His
hand found mine, and he wound our fingers together.  "Will I
be enough for you?  Can a male 'cool the fire' in the same way
that a female can?"

"I do not doubt that you will be.more than adequate."

His smile returned.  "Then I'm not concerned.  Just give me a
day or two notice and I'm yours for your next pon farr."

I felt a moment of dizziness.  What had I done to deserve this
incredible generosity?  I crushed him in another embrace
before I found my voice.  "The link that bondmates share - "

"I thought that we weren't going to talk about this now.  We're
just going to enjoy each other for a while without worrying
about the future."  He spread his hand against the side of my
face, perhaps looking for the meld points.  "Unless you think
you're ready now - "

"No.  I would prefer to wait.for a time."

"Until your next pon farr?"

"I do not believe that I would wish to wait that long.  If my
schedule is at all reliable, it will not be for another 5 to 6
years."  I turned my head to kiss the palm of the hand resting
against my face.  "There are other benefits to the state of being
bonded than comfort in the time of pon farr."

"Do tell."  A smile played across his face.

"As you said, we do not need to have the discussion at this
time."

"Okay, let's talk about something else."  His hand slid down
my chest, across my belly, and gripped my erection.  I was
once again hard under his caress.  "I was thinking about that
empirical evidence regarding penetrative sex leading to
spontaneous bonding."

His touch inflamed me, but his tone of voice continued to be
level.  "I'll buy the theory about the mind meld leading to a
bond, but I can't believe that any one method of physical
contact would be more likely to lead to a bond than another.

"After all, what you did with your fingers a few minutes ago
was pretty.invasive."  He shivered slightly; a smile that could
easily be described as wicked lit up his eyes.  "I can't imagine
that doing the same thing with.another body part. would
make that much of a difference."  His fingers gently brushed
against my testicles.  "Besides, I wasn't impressed with their
research methods, and I think that the results were inconclusive
at best."

"Are you suggesting that additional research is indicated."  My
own hand was straying over his body.

He grinned seductively.  "I would love to be your test subject."

"Ah?  Suppose I include you in the control group?"

Unfortunately, I was unable to avoid the pillow that descended
on my head.

---

The End