The BLTS Archive - Coming Home
by Christine Goers (christine.goers@gmx.de)

---

Special thanks go to: Saidicam for asking for an English version

T'Sia for giving me a first feedback and gently prompting me to
contact Selek.

Selek for beta- reading the translation. His corrections and
annotations have been extremely helpful!

---

When the secretary came into his office, Sarek looked up sharply and
raised an eyebrow.

The younger Vulcan nodded as if anticipating his superior's next
question. In fact, there was little doubt about it: many people had
been asking for the same information all day long and sometimes at the
oddest of times. "Yes, sir. The hostages have been released and are
due to arrive this evening. We have not been given detailed
information yet, but obviously nobody has been injured seriously."

A barely perceptible expression of relief crossed Sarek's face. In the
blink of an eye, he had re-established his iron control. His voice
sounded perfectly calm and emotionless when he thanked his attachι and
dismissed him.

On same evening, the Vulcan ambassador and most of his co-workers were
waiting in the Embassy's large entrance hall. Sarek's stance was the
usual one – standing very upright, his arms clasped behind his back,
his face's expression seemingly carved in stone, not betraying a hint
of what he might be thinking or feeling. When Starfleet security
guided the hostages in, Sarek was the first one to approach the group.
He took his time; he spoke with everyone, albeit briefly, but
nevertheless reassuringly and not without a certain warmth. He found
the appropriate words with an amazing ease and remained completely
unaffected by the gradually rising unrest.

Later, even those who had initially been against someone as young as
Sarek being appointed ambassador would admit that it had been the
right decision. Only someone observing him closely and knowing him
well might have caught the impression that the diplomat was expecting
someone special. His gaze wandered around searchingly and came to rest
upon a young human female. Standing apart, she seemed to feel a little
lost. Determined, but still without any precipitateness Sarek slowly
made his way through the crowd. Only when he had nearly reached her,
she looked up briefly. The dark rings under her eyes made her graceful
face appear worn and nearly as white as snow. Hesitating, she took a
few steps towards him. Her movements were rigid and wooden as if she
was in shock. Finally, the two of them were facing each other.

"Amanda." His black eyes held the slightest hint of a smile. Obviously
deeply moved, the young woman nodded. Tears were gathering in her
eyes. "I am pleased to see you unharmed." Sarek kept his voice low;
this conversation was not meant to be overheard. Amanda Grayson merely
inclined her head, not trusting her voice to be steady. She struggled
to keep the tears in check.

Sarek watched her attentively, his head bent to one side. As if on
impulse he took another step towards her. And then it happened –
suddenly but not totally unexpectedly. Knowing Amanda and her rather
informal way of addressing people – even the Vulcan ambassador himself
– nobody was too surprised to see her flinging her arms around Sarek.

What did come as a surprise was Sarek's reaction. At first, he gently
took hold of her shoulders and started to ease her away after a short
moment. However, as soon as he realised that she was weeping and
shaking like the proverbial leaf, he tightened his arms around her,
pulling her into a close and tight embrace. For the moment everything
else had lost its meaning.

Still sobbing, Amanda buried her face against his chest. "Oh, my God,
Sarek. I thought it would never end. I was so afraid that I'd never
see you again."

Soothingly Sarek caressed her back and her long hair, resting his chin
on her head. "I am honoured by your sentiment, Amanda. I, too, am
gratified by your presence."

They stood like this for what seemed an eternity, but in reality was
merely a few minutes. Finally, Amanda drew a shuddering breath and
straightened her slim figure. With red-rimmed eyes she looked up. "I'm
sorry, Sarek. I never meant to embarrass you." Although her face
crimsoned into a very bright red and she would not meet Sarek's eyes,
she could not suppress a shy grin.

The Vulcan ambassador permitted himself a nearly invisible smile. "You
did not, Amanda. And even if you did, it would have been the first
time you actually apologized for doing so."

Amanda looked up, suddenly alarmed and self-conscious. Relieved, she
noticed the amused sparkle in his dark eyes. She shrugged her
shoulders. "You're right."

Sarek seemed to have given a sign by releasing the young linguist
completely. Everyone had stood literally stunned by the scene
enfolding before them. Now they moved again; discussions were started
anew. With everybody minding their own business, the two of them were
no longer the centre of general interest.

"You seem to be greatly fatigued. Would you like to go home?" Sarek
placed his hand under the young linguist's elbow as she swayed on her
feet.

It became clear from her vacant expression that she had not understood
a single word. In an attempt to clear it, Amanda shook her head, a
course of action she regretted instantly. Literally all colour drained
from her face. She looked as if she would faint any moment.

"Amanda!" Sarek raised his voice. He was surprised when Amanda
flinched and tried to stumble backwards. Instinctively he tightened
his grip on her to prevent her from falling. When Amanda grimaced as
if in pain, Sarek shifted his hold on her arm. He looked at her. "Are
you injured?"

She shook her head.

Somehow, he was not surprised at her denial. "Amanda. . . " Even
though he did not raise his voice this time, his tone held the hint of
a warning. He could tell she was not being quite truthful.

Sighing, the linguist forced herself to smile. "I'm fine, Sarek. It's
nothing serious. Really. No need to worry."

"Very well, if you say so, Amanda. But in any case you are tired and
should be in bed. Come, I will drive you home."

Without any word of resistance, Amanda let Sarek manoeuvre her to the
exit. In passing Sarek motioned for his aide to join them.

The elder Vulcan approached them and inclined his head. "Dr. Grayson,
it is most fortunate to have you with us again. Ambassador, you wished
to speak to me?" The elder Vulcan watched the unlikely pair with
reserved curiosity. Having spent most of his life on Earth and among
humans, Seluhr did not fit into the picture of a typical Vulcan
anymore. Due to his – according to Vulcan standards – ever cheerful
and cordial behaviour, he was often frowned upon.

Sarek himself, however, owed him a debt of gratitude for his vast
amount of knowledge concerning humans and saw much of a mentor in him.
That might be the reason why he answered in much more detail than he
would have done normally. "Dr. Grayson is exhausted. I will drive her
home and will not return tonight. I trust you will attend to all
matters."

Seluhr bowed his head. "I will see to it. Ambassador, Dr. Grayson."
With that, he turned on his heel.

Amanda could not stop herself from sighing as she sunk deep into the
passenger seat of Sarek's car. Before closing her door, Sarek studied
her for a moment. She was still trembling from head to toe. After a
moment's hesitation he took off his heavy outer robes and spread them
over her. When he moved to brush a loose strain of her hair from her
face, Amanda flinched backwards rather violently. Sarek raised an
eyebrow, but Amanda dropped her gaze and refused to meet his eyes. The
diplomat knew her far too long and far too well to insist on an
answer. He straightened and closed the passenger door. Then he got
into the car and started the engine. Occasionally he cast a glance at
the young woman; there was something amiss, he was sure about it. But
for the moment he decided to let the matter rest and concentrated on
the road before him. Later this evening, there would be plenty of time
to find out.

---

When he stopped the car in front of Amanda's flat half an hour later,
he smiled inwardly. The young woman was fast asleep, not even stirring
as he switched off the engine. He touched her shoulder and gave it a
gentle shake. "Amanda, time to wake up."

Whatever he might have expected, he was unprepared for the young
linguist to cringe from him in fear. Her eyes were staring unseeingly;
she was not aware of her surroundings.

Sarek acted intuitively by taking her small hands in his. "Amanda,
calm down. You are safe here. No one is doing you any harm. Amanda."
He repeated her name again and again, quietly and calmly. Slowly her
breath evened out; gradually she regained some self-control. She gave
his hands a squeeze.

"I do not like the prospect of you being alone in this condition.
Please permit me to stay with you for a while." He had already
intended to do so when he spoke to his aide. Surprisingly, Amanda had
not commented on his remark, but he simply assumed she had been too
exhausted to notice.

By now, however, she was wide awake. Sarek prepared himself for a
somewhat lengthy argument. And indeed the young woman was eying her
companion suspiciously and sternly, but when she answered, a smile
curved the corners of her mouth upwards. "You are not presenting me
with a choice, are you?"

Matching her tone, Sarek responded. "No. Did you anticipate that I
would?"

Too tired to argue, Amanda gestured for the Vulcan to follow her.

Sarek raised an eyebrow. He had not expected her to comply that
easily. The young linguist's reaction – or lack thereof – confirmed
his suspicion; there was something wrong. He fell in behind her,
remaining close enough to steady her, but far enough to notice that
every movement was causing her a great deal of pain. At her front
door, Amanda stopped dead in her tracks. "I've lost my key." For the
second time this evening she was close to tears. Her breath came in
shallow, irregular gasps.

"I still have your spare, Amanda. There is no need to become
agitated."

Earlier this summer, when she had gone to visit some friends, she had
provided Sarek with a key to her flat. She had made Sarek promise to
look after her plants. Being descended from a desert world he was not
the ideal choice for that task. When he had said so, Amanda had smiled
broadly at him, stating she had the utmost trust in his ability to
take care of her plants. Sarek never told her of his odyssey from one
florist to another to replace a particularly rare – and he might add,
expensive – arrangement of flowers the afternoon before she returned.
For some reason or other, she had never claimed the spare back.

Stubbornly she shook her head. Again, she was trembling all over.
Panic had entered her voice. "No, you don't understand. If someone
found it..." Her voice broke.

Sarek narrowed his eyes. Now he was beginning to understand.
Cautiously as not to startle her again, he put a reassuring hand on
her shoulder. He saw no use in maintaining his usual mask of rigid and
strict control. Not after today's events. "If you wish it, I can stay
with you for the night, and I will arrange for your door lock being
changed first thing in the morning."

The ambassador opened the door and led the young woman into the
kitchen. Obediently she sat on the chair he pulled from the table. Her
thoughts had become a disorganized mess. She was only dimly aware of
Sarek making tea and talking to her. She briefly wondered if he
expected her to respond, but decided against it. She was so tired and
so cold. Out of the blue, a steaming mug of green tea appeared in
front of her. Moments later she heard him pull out a chair for
himself.

The tea was hot and very sweet. Amanda smiled. It was a rare occasion
that Sarek did not comment on her free use of sugar without lecturing
her on it being a "refined poison". Slowly she could feel her senses
return. The world regained structure and she no longer felt
disconnected. Although she sensed Sarek contemplating her, she did not
manage to return his gaze. Amanda Grayson was well aware of how
precisely Sarek tended to observe and of how inevitably precise his
conclusions tended to be. Finally, she gathered all her strength and
said, "We both know what you're going to ask, don't we?"

With his characteristic non-smile Sarek nodded. But even as he
answered, his tone became grave and urgent. "And we are both aware
that you will respond, 'I'm fine, don't bother.' Amanda, I can see
that you can hardly move because you are in considerable distress. As
you are afraid of anyone touching you, it is logical to conclude that
you have been mishandled. Let me treat the injuries." Neither a
question nor a request, just a simple statement.

Incapable of speaking Amanda nodded and struggled to stand, but her
legs would not support her. Carefully Sarek put an arm around her and
half carried her to the bathroom.

Amanda swallowed as Sarek helped her undress. She kept her eyes firmly
closed. The small amount of self-control she had been able to muster
vanished into thin air at the prospect of Sarek seeing her in her
misery. During the past few days, she had had plenty of time to think
about what happened. Perhaps it would have been wiser to stay put and
silent, not to argue, but to comply. Perhaps controlling her temper
might have spared her a lot of trouble. What would Sarek think of it?
Would he believe she had gotten what she deserved? Would he dare voice
it aloud?

For a short moment, he tried to see the Amanda Grayson he used to know
in this scared young woman before him – and failed. He held Amanda in
the highest esteem for numerous reasons, not the least because she was
always willing to say and do what she thought best. She had
occasionally embarrassed and sometimes irritated him by her bluntness.
In the long run Sarek had grown accustomed to Amanda telling him in no
uncertain words why, for example, some part of a trading contract
wouldn't work. The first time she had done so, his aides had stood in
stunned silence. No one dared to contradict the ambassador, not in
public, and not like this. But she had been right and frequently her
point of view proved to be inspiring and refreshing. Although Sarek
would never admit it, he felt quite – the human word would be
comfortable – in her presence. Even among his own people, there were
only a very few that understood him so well. It took a while until
Sarek felt comfortable with Amanda reading him so effortlessly no
matter how hard he tried to conceal his thoughts or feelings.
Meanwhile he had come to appreciate it. No need to explain himself, no
need to play a role. And Sarek wanted to believe it worked in reverse
as well.

The Vulcan ambassador paled on seeing the numerous bruises and cuts on
her back. Fortunately, none of them seemed to be serious. "Amanda?
Please turn around." Sarek's voice was barely audible; he sounded
strained. He rested his hand ever so lightly on her shoulder.

Almost in slow motion, Amanda followed his request. She dared open her
eyes. To her utter astonishment, the ambassador was nearly as
embarrassed as she was. Not too long ago, it would have been a welcome
reason to tease him. Those times were gone.

Sarek rubbed his chin. "Who did this to you?" He had no memory of
having been this angry before. As a Vulcan he was supposed to have a
tight reign on his emotions, but this time he found his logic and
control failing him miserably. He saw the blue marks on Amanda's upper
arms, the ones on her thighs and suddenly feared for the worst. May
Surak forbid him from ever laying his hands on the one responsible for
this.

"I don't know. They were wearing masks and never spoke."

"Is that all?" Still the same ice-cold rage in his voice, mixed with
distaste and something she could not decipher.

Amanda never had seen him – the stoic Vulcan – like this. An aura of
barely controlled wrath surrounded him, his voice full of anger. For
the first time she acknowledged he might be not a pleasant man to
cross. It was ridiculous; she knew Sarek would never hurt her. But she
could not help it. Instinctively she stepped backwards. "I'm sorry. I
wish I could be more helpful."

On noticing the effect his harsh reaction had on Amanda, Sarek
immediately regained his self-control. "I apologize. My tone was
uncalled for. Obviously I was expressing myself imprecisely. I was
asking if they . . . " Sarek was, for once, at a loss for words. His
black eyes remained locked on hers. Now she could read the pain he
felt for her clearly written in them. "Have you been... Did anyone
force himself on you?"

Amanda shook her head vehemently, the lump in her throat to big to
speak.

Sarek released a breath he did not realise he was holding. "I will
finish as quickly as I can, then you should go to bed. You require
rest."

The young woman grinned sheepishly. "Do you want to order me around
for the rest of my life?" All the tension left her body; she felt her
knees giving away.

Sarek looked at her, an amused twinkle in his eyes. "Only until you
have sufficiently rested and are capable of standing unaided." He took
hold of her arm and sat her on the edge of the tub. He worked briskly
on her wounds using a regenerator.

A few minutes later, he was done. Amanda sighed; most of the pain was
gone. For the first time in days, she was able to move without
wincing. But all of a sudden she was literally dead on her feet. With
a huge effort, she stood up to dress.

Sarek, observing her quietly, placed a guiding hand under her elbow to
prevent her from tumbling over. "I will attend you in thirty minutes.
By then you should be in your bed, sleeping."

Amanda raised a questioning eyebrow, mischief written clearly in her
eyes. Apparently, she felt well enough to argue. "I seem to remember
you being more charming."

Sarek straightened his already tall form. The effect was almost
palpable; it was not any longer just Sarek standing beside her, but
Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan himself, the personification of dignity. "I
have been informed that I am charming. Incredibly charming in fact.
Now, to bed."

The young linguist rolled her eyes. "Incredibly charming indeed", she
muttered laconically, but surrendered to her fate nevertheless. At
some point during the last hour, they had re-discovered their normal
manner of conversation: trusted, straightforward, and without any room
for misinterpretation. Both of them appreciated it.

---

About half an hour later, Sarek entered Amanda's bedroom. The young
woman had changed into some pyjamas, but sat on the edge of her bed,
unmoving and stiff, staring into empty space. If she noticed Sarek,
she did not react.

Sarek watched her intently. "Amanda, it is illogical for you to sit
like this all night long. You require rest immediately." Sarek kept
his voice calm, his tone light, veiling his concern.

Nothing. Amanda had once again retreated into herself.

"Amanda," Sarek said, softly touching her shoulder.

Wearily she moved to stand. "I guess you're annoyingly right as usual,
Sarek. I can't remember when I last slept. Does your offer still
stand?" She sounded utterly calm and composed, but Sarek recognised a
hint of fright in her voice. Tears were welling in her eyes, but she
simply refused to let them fall.

"Of course. You can rest reassured. No one will harm you."

At his kindness, something in her gave away. The tears she had managed
to keep in check were threatening to spill over. The first one rolled
down her face, then the second. She could neither muster the strength
nor the ability to collect herself. "I'm sorry, Sarek. I vowed to
myself not to cry in front of you. Not again."

"The cause is sufficient. Now go to sleep. I shan't be far." Sarek
pulled back the covers and helped her lie down. He sat next to her,
righting the blankets.

The young woman looked almost pleadingly at him. "Sarek, would you
mind terribly..." She cast her eyes downwards, her cheeks burning with
embarrassment. She bit her lip, not sure if she should continue. At
Sarek's nod, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. Sarek had to
lean forward to hear what she was saying. "Pardon me for intruding
again, and if you feel offended, please just forget about it. But
could you just hold me for a while? Only for a short moment, till I'm
asleep?"

For the first time in his entire life, the formal diplomat did not
bother to hide his smile, nor did he feel the need to do so. "One of
these days..." he murmured. But then, with a gesture of his hand, he
motioned for Amanda to move over a bit and lay down next to her. At
first he held her awkwardly; and yet, when her regular breathing
indicated she was asleep, he remained at her side. Only a few moments
later the Vulcan himself was slumbering soundly.

---

The End