The BLTS Archive - Ways of a Woman
by Francesca (mandelbrotset@my-deja.com)

---

Response to M.E.'s "Spackling Uhura" challenge.

Notes: I thought I was just taking a quick peek at ASC/ASCEM, but I
saw this challenge and my muse grabbed hold of me and wouldn't let me
go back to RL till I wrote this little thing.  It presupposes the
existence of a somewhat less idealistic -- but probably more realistic
-- Starfleet than in canon.   Tell me what you think.

Feedback: Gratefully accepted, especially since I have no beta.  Any
and all levels of detail, too.

Archive: ok.  If it's not ASC, please ask first, though.

---

"Sometimes I hate this damn job!"

Janice Rand jumped, startled at both the exclamation and the tray of
food landing unceremoniously -- and loudly -- in front of her.  This
was followed by Nyota Uhura, her usually lovely black eyes dancing
with aggravation and an uncharacteristic agitation.  Rand fought a
rush of unaccustomed irritation herself.  She had come down to Main
Rec figuring it would be deserted -- after all, it *was* 0400 hours.
The view of the stars outside was always good for deep thoughts, and
she desperately wanted privacy to contemplate hers.  She didn't want
her failures and insecurities to follow her on duty tomorrow, and
right now she felt like she could drown in them.

But privacy clearly wasn't happening now.  Uhura's outburst was
utterly unlike the woman, but the atmosphere on the ship had been
strained ever since the last mission.  Janice sighed and figured she
should have expected it to finally reach Uhura.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Uhura sighed and held up three fingers, punctuating each sentence by
angrily ticking one off.  "Myself -- the men on this damn ship -- and
the entire goddamn Starfleet system, that's all!"

Wow.  Uhura almost never swore.  She must  *really* be upset.
Treading cautiously, Rand suggested, "Well, *some* of the men on this
ship aren't so bad..."

Uhura paused in mid-glare, her mouth twitching unwillingly.  "Yeah,"
she conceded, "that's part of the problem."

Janice waited, but no elaboration followed.  "So, are you going to
tell me, or do I have to pry it out of you?"

Another pause, and then Nyota shrugged.  "I don't know, it's mostly
me, I guess."

"What *about* you?"

"Does this sound familiar?" the communications officer asked, pausing
dramatically.  Accompanied by batting eyelashes and a helpless smile,
she exclaimed in falsetto, "Oh Captain!  I'm so frightened!  Will you
please save my sweet, helpless feminine heart from the evil menace
facing the *Enterprise*?"

Despite herself, Janice giggled.

Nyota smiled back helplessly.  "Pretty funny, isn't it?"

"Nyota, if you're implying that's what you're like as an officer, I
really don't see it.  I've seen you in situations that would have any
number of people blubbering with fear, and you're as calm as they
come."

"Yeah, and then sometimes I'm just as bad as ..." -- she waved a hand
in reference to her previous performance -- "... that."

Rand frowned suspiciously.  "Are you talking about something specific
that just happened?  Care to enlighten your poor ignorant friend
here?"

The other woman frowned for a moment.  "Well, I can't talk about a lot
of details -- they're classified -- and anyway, I guess the specifics
don't matter."

"You can't talk about details?  Not even to fellow *Enterprise* crew?"
Janice interrupted.  Whoa.  Something big must have gone down.  The
captain was withdrawn and replying in monosyllables to everything,
McCoy was holed up with a guilty expression in sickbay, even Mr.
Spock's normally inscrutable exterior had dimmed somewhat...  What
could it have been?  With effort, Rand stopped speculating and
refocused her attention on Uhura, who was looking at her expectantly.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" she asked guiltily, realizing the other
woman was waiting for a response.

"I *said* no, I can't, and anyway all that matters is that during the
course of the mission I came off sounding like a helpless fool."

"Was... whatever it was.. that scary?"

Nyota bit off a short laugh.  "Of course it was frightening, but I've
been in worse situations!  I'm a Starfleet officer -- I was
frightened, but not *incapacitated* frightened, or even *terrified*
frightened. Heck, I bet Scotty felt just the same as I did."

Janice frowned again, puzzled.  "But then why did you .. uh..."

"Emote?"

"Yeah.  Why did you *emote* like that?"

Uhura sighed.  "That's just it... I'm not positive.  All I can think
of is that it was ... habit."

"Habit?  Aren't you, uh, trained *not* to emote like that in the
academy?" For a moment, Janice felt a rush of familiar insecurity.  "I
mean, I know I've never been there, but..."

"Oh, hon, it doesn't matter."  Uhura casually put her hand on top of
Rand's.  "They *say* they're training against that, but not really."

Now she was really confused.  She tried to formulate an intelligent
question, then settled for, "huh?"

The other woman sat forward intently.  "It's the system.  What they
*say* gets rewarded is different from what *really* gets rewarded in
Starfleet."

"What do you mean?"

"Look, it's a matter of the difference between the ideals and the
reality. Starfleet's whole PR thing is that everyone is treated
equally, purely on their merits -- regardless of species, gender,
planet of origin, what-have-you, but the reality falls far short."

Rand frowned. "So are you saying that's all bullshit?"

"Sugar, not on purpose, it's not."  The hand holding Rand's clenched
and withdrew.  "I bet almost everyone in Starfleet, if you asked,
would insist that they fully believe that the fleet should be -- and
is -- blind to gender, species, and all that."  The communications
officer shrugged. "But the actual implementation of these ideas is
pretty problematic."

Rand nodded slowly.  "Like these," she said, gesturing to her lap,
knowing Uhura would realize she was referring to the dreadful
miniskirts that the female crewmembers couldn't stand.

"Yeah, like that.  Or the fact that there has never been a woman -- or
nonhuman, for that matter -- Captain of a starship.  And only three of
* any* ship, since Starfleet was created."

"But I don't get how you're pointing all this out and *then* saying
that it's all unintentional."

Uhura pursed her lips, thinking.  "It's just a matter of unconscious
attitude, I think.  The unconscious attitude of the people who happen
to be in charge, which in the case of Starfleet is mostly human
males."

"Human males are unconsciously discriminating against women and non-
humans, is *that* what you're saying?"

The communications officer shook her head slowly.  "No, I don't even
think it's as strong as discrimination.  It's just that they put us
into a Catch-22 situation we can't get out of."

Rand raised her hands in exasperation.  "Just spell it out, already,
Nyota!" she demanded.  "It's 0400 hours and I am having a little
trouble figuring out what this has to do with you emoting all over the
place."

Uhura grinned.  "Okay, then, in a nutshell:  I realized early on in
the academy that if you were a woman wanting to get into a leadership
position, the cards were stacked against you.  Leaders are supposed to
be assertive, fearless, and dominant, right?"

Janice nodded.

"Well, if you see an attractive, feminine woman who is fearless,
aggressive, and dominant, what do you think?"

Rand thought for a moment, picturing it in her mind's eye, picturing
women she knew who fit that description.  Janice Lester.  Elaan of
Troyius. "Uh... I think, 'she's a bitch,'" she tried uncertainly.

Uhura slammed her palms on the table triumphantly.  "Right!  And so
does every male under her command!"

"But what does that matter?  They'll still follow her orders, and see
her as a competent leader."

Nyota was shaking her head.  "That's ok most of the time, but to truly
get to have, say, a command of your own -- and be successful at it --
you need more than people who will just *follow* your orders.  You
need genuine loyalty, people who honestly love and respect you.
That's what makes Captain Kirk so good, and that's what a woman with
similar characteristics won't have."

Rand shook her head.  "But that's not entirely true.  I've seen
powerful women before, aggressive ones, even.  The first female
captain -- what was her name? -- anyway, *her* reputation was one of
aggressiveness and fearlessness."

Uhura nodded glumly.  "But the only way she managed was by minimizing
her femininity as much as possible, reminding everyone as little as
possible of the fact that she *was* a woman."

"She was a 'good old boy.'"

"Right.  She was a 'buddy.' She didn't upset the unconscious
established order, because the guys -- the people in charge of her
promotions -- could accept her without having to change their outlooks
too much.  They just fit her in more as 'one of the guys' rather than
'woman captain.'"

"I don't see how this relates to you, Nyota.  After all, you're not
exactly what I would call masculine."  Rand smiled, and the other
woman shrugged.

"That's the crux of it.  I realized this back in the academy, but
there was no way I was going to give up my femininity in order to
achieve my goals.  So I figured, it's just a matter of playing the
right game with the right people.  I'll be the calm, fearless,
aggressive officer I know I can be when it's important to be.  But
when I have to, I'll act the way they think typically feminine women
should be.  That way I never get so far outside of the guys' comfort
zone that they dislike me, or are unwilling to follow me."

Rand nodded in admiration.  "That's a pretty insightful plan, if you
want my opinion."

"Actually, I had always figured you had a similar approach, myself."

The other woman held Uhura's gaze for a moment, then looked away.  "I
don't know.  I'm just trying to live up to everyone's expectations, I
guess.  Rock the boat as little as possible."

A touch on the arm.  "You don't have to just do that, you know.  Those
aren't *my* expectations of you."

Janice gave a small, sad smile.  //Unlike you, though, I don't think I
can do any better.//  But no way could she say that out loud.  "So
it's a great plan." she said instead.  "What's the problem?"

The other woman shook her head in frustration.  "The problem is, I
don't think it's working on Captain Kirk or Mr. Spock."

Janice grinned.  "I doubt *any* emotion would work on Mr. Spock."

"I don't know... I think Spock is maybe in some ways as much of a
victim of unconscious stereotypes as we are, if not more.  I think
he's a little more open to emotional approaches -- as long as they are
warranted -- than we think he is."

"Yeah, I guess so.  He's awfully good friends with the Captain, and
the Captain can be a pretty emotional guy when he wants to be."

Nyota nodded.  "And the Captain is pretty good friends with him, which
seems to indicate that he's not all that swayed by stereotypes, even
if they *are* unconscious."

Janice wrinkled her nose.  "Maybe he's not when it comes to Vulcans,
Nyota, but he seems pretty  stereotypical when it comes to women."

"You mean he's of the 'I'll-flex-my-muscles-and
they'll-fall-at-my-feet variety of guy?" Uhura grinned.

Rand giggled.  "Yeah, something like that.  Only with him they
actually * do* fall at his feet."

"Well, that's what I've been figuring also.  But he doesn't seem to be
eating it up the way my other superiors have before."

Janice thought.  "Well, there's the problem that doing the 'I'm
frightened' routine may be all well and good in the lower ranks, but
it makes you look pretty incompetent if you're in line to lead
something serious.  Can't have your captain falling apart on you, you
know."

Uhura sighed.  "Yeah.  But then what options do I have?  I don't think
the Captain does very well with bitches either."

"Nyota, you aren't a bitch.  I don't see you becoming one just because
you drop the 'I'm frightened' line once in a while."

"Easy to say.  I haven't seen many people able to pull it off."

Janice shrugged.  "So maybe you'll be the first.  You can't keep doing
what you are, can you?  Even if the Captain *does* end up thinking
you're a bitch -- which I still doubt -- the alternative is for him to
think you're incompetent."

Nyota looked down at her hands, thinking.  Finally she stood up,
shaking her head.  "I guess it's worth a try.  I don't know.  I'm
going to sleep on it, I think."

Rand nodded.  "Sounds like a good plan, at this time of night."

The communications officer turned to look away, but hesitated and
briefly looked back.  "You should think about it, too, you know.  You
don't have to live up to any expectations other than your own."

Janice gave a small smile in response, and after a while Uhura left in
silence.  She didn't move for hours, but this time her thoughts were
good company.

---

The End