The BLTS Archive - Missing
by Exploded Pen (exploded_pen@hotmail.com)

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Disclaimer, I own nothing. I originally wasn't going to post this, but
a friend liked it so...yeah, anyway, it has unrequited T/R slash
theme, but I suppose you can ignore it/

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Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
---

Everyday I have to see him with her. It hurts so much to know that the
person occupying his thoughts is her, not me.

I have to keep going, I have to keep acting like normal. I have to
remember not to smile too much as I slowly withdraw from him.

---
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
---

By then I’ll be just a memory, a fleeting whisper of a friend you lost
touch with. It’s how I want it, it’s how you want it. I can’t deny
that withdrawing from you was made all the easier by the fact you
withdrew from me.

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You won't cry for my absence, I know - 
You forgot me long ago.
---

We stopped talking, you never noticed. We only came into contact when
working, you never noticed.

---
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
---

I deluded myself with fantasies that would suddenly realise what was
happening; that you would realise and try to stop it.

The sad thing is, in withdrawing from you, withdrawing from the hurt
of seeing you with her, I withdrew from everyone, I regressed to what
I had been in the beginning. I wonder if the others cared?

---
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
---

I thought that by withdrawing from you, it would hurt less. It
doesn’t, seeing you with her. . . seeing you with her so happy. . . I
should be happy. . .

I am happy; you deserve all the good things in life.

Which is why, as I stare out the window of the cell we’re being held
in, I know what I must do. The door opens and I launch my attack.
Together with the others we fight our way through, I bring up the
rear, making sure everyone gets through alright.

---
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
---

You’re at the front, battling through with her. I can see you both and
where once it hurt, it now feels hollow. It is my lot in life to love
but never be loved.

---
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
---

I wish at this moment things had been different, I wish I had never
made friends with you, I wish I’d never let you in.

And I hate myself for what I wish. Yes, I love you. You never knew.
You'll never know.

---
Isn't someone missing me?
---

We are so close to freedom, I can see the shuttlepod dead ahead. But I
can see someone creeping close to her. They will kill her.

I hated her because she had all I wanted, I hated her because she knew
him the way I never could.

And yet, I realised I’m running to save her, I’m running to take the
blow.

---
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
---

I’m too slow, she’s hit, but the hit is deflected because of my
efforts. He gathers her up and runs towards the shuttlepod, to save
her.

---
I know what you do to yourself,
---

He can’t take another death of one so close. I urge him on hoping to
save him from the pain. But the others run on to, can they not see the
enemy? They will never outrun them. They’re leaving me behind.

---
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
---

He’s pulling in the others; I’m still trying to protect them. The
knife went unnoticed by me till it ripped through my stomach. I’ve
failed them. I’ve failed you.

---
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
---

I try and hold them back though the world spins around me. It’s dark,
but I can still see them. My vision fades a moment yet I could swear I
can feel you with me, I’m safe, I’m loved, it’s just me and you before
you had her. It’s bliss, sheer bliss and it numbs the agony of my
wound.

---
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
---

Opening my eyes you aren’t there, the aliens have surrounded me and I
realise I’m going to die. Alone. Desperately I look to the shuttlepod,
it’s taking heavy fire, they have no choice but to leave...

I see you, and finally, you see me.

But it's too late.

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Isn't something missing? Isn't something...
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The End