The BLTS Archive- Scenes from A Marriage 5
For Granted
by Julie Evans (Juli17@aol.com)

---

Disclaimer:  Star Trek and its characters are the property of
Viacom/Paramount.  I am borrowing them for fun only not profit.

Archiving:  Okay to archive to ASC, PT Collective archive, and BLTS.
All others please ask author for permission.

Acknowledgments:  Thanks to PTF and Rdmflt for a lot of interesting
discussion on this episode that crystallized a few thoughts for me. 
Thanks also to Maud for her invaluable assistance in providing Klingon
translation.

Notes:  There were some serious issues left unresolved in "Lineage,"
especially the question of repercussions for B'Elanna's behavior, both
professionally for the numerous violations she committed, and
personally in regards to her marriage.  Realistically, if B'Elanna is
completely responsible for her actions, she should receive some
serious  punishment, perhaps including demotion or temporary removal
as chief  engineer, and mandatory counseling.  There would certainly
also be a  trust issue with her husband.  It seems unlikely that we'll
see any of  these repercussions in upcoming episodes.  So I decided to
keep my own  interpretation of B'Elanna's behavior (including how much
of her  behavior was attributable to her biochemical imbalance) in
line with  what aftereffects we'll be seeing in canon (i.e., none).
Others may of  course view the situation differently ;-)

Author's note:  "tIqoywI'" translates roughly to "my little heart" in
Federation Standard/English.

---

The day after she'd almost made the worst mistake of her life B'Elanna
resumed her regular schedule, with a few alterations.  At six thirty
hours, just as Tom and she were waking, the captain called and ordered
B'Elanna to report to her ready room at seven hundred hours.  B'Elanna
hurried to get ready for the meeting and her shift afterwards, trying
to  ignore her anxiety about what the captain would say, which she
knew  would be well deserved.  She had little time to talk to Tom
beyond a few  quickly exchanged words, but before she rushed out he
gave her a brief,  supportive hug.  At the door she glanced back at
her husband, who stood  still in his boxers and t-shirt, giving her a
reassuring smile.  She  managed a small smile in return before she
left.

The captain's rebuke was sharp and to the point, and B'Elanna
considered herself lucky to get off with no more than a formal
reprimand  in her file and a standing order to follow the doctor's
medical  instructions to the letter.  That included whatever drug,
nutritional and activity regimens he prescribed to regulate her body
chemistry and to maintain a healthy pregnancy, as well as any
counseling he deemed  appropriate--once she restored the subroutine
she'd altered.  At least the captain still trusted her that much.

After she'd dispensed with her official duties, the captain ordered
breakfast for both of them, and then she invited B'Elanna to speak
freely.

The rest of the day was uneventful, though B'Elanna felt curious eyes
on  her several times, both in engineering and in the mess hall when
she  stopped there for lunch.  Only those who'd been directly involved
knew  the facts, but word had gotten around that *something* had
happened in  sickbay the previous evening, and that security measures
had been taken.   She reined in her usual hostile reaction to the
speculative looks, knowing they would be trained somewhere else in a
day or two, and that she'd brought them on herself.

Chakotay joined her in the mess hall during lunch, and his only
reference to the situation was to ask if she was okay.  His gaze was
penetrating, but when she responded in the affirmative, he accepted
her  assurance and didn't address the subject again.

Tom had started his bridge shift later than usual to accommodate the
final diagnostics on the Delta Flyer's navigational refit, a job he'd
been working on for several days, so their lunch breaks didn't
coincide.  But he stopped by engineering early in the afternoon,
ostensibly to return some tools he'd been using in the Flyer, though
she knew he also wanted to check on her and to reassure himself that
she was okay.  Though it usually annoyed her when Tom hovered, this
time she understood his concern and didn't mind it.  Unfortunately
Shaun Mulcahy had a  problem with the warp relays that couldn't wait,
so she had no chance to  have a real conversation with Tom.

Later in the afternoon she visited the doctor in sickbay to apologize
for her actions.  She'd restored the subroutine in his program after
her  breakfast with the captain, so he was back within his normal
parameters,  and surprisingly forgiving.  In a moment of mixed
curiosity and  sentiment she asked to see the projection of her baby
again.  This time  she felt no foreboding, and no churning of dark
emotions inside her as  she looked at the softly defined ridges on her
daughter's forehead.  She  felt only amazement at how beautiful she
was, how perfect in every  way--and the emotion that welled up as she
stared at her daughter was  yearning.

At the end of the day B'Elanna returned home, reflective on the
difference her feelings had undergone in twenty-four hours.  She knew
it  wasn't just the medication the doctor had prescribed to counteract
the  emotional effects of her body's biochemical fluctuations, or the
immense  relief she felt that it was all over and she hadn't done
something she'd  regret forever, or even the sure knowledge that her
daughter really was  perfect exactly the way she was.  She was
genuinely delighted with her  pregnancy, and felt a joy at her good
fortune that she hadn't been able to feel for the past few days--that
she hadn't let herself feel.

She'd always been a little ambivalent about having a baby, not sure if
she had it in her to be a mother.  Certainly she hadn't expected that
she would feel this kind of love already for a tiny little life that
had just started growing inside her.  She wanted to celebrate that
feeling, and she wanted to celebrate Tom's happiness, the happiness
she'd denied him over the past few days.

When Tom walked into their quarters at nineteen twelve hours she was
waiting for him.  He came to a halt just inside the door, and his eyes
widened as he caught sight of the dining table with its red china
settings and lit candles, looking much as he'd arranged it three
nights earlier when their first attempt at celebrating had been
interrupted by the doctor's call.  When they'd returned from sickbay
that evening they'd been too subdued by their visit with the doctor to
continue their  celebration.  By the next day things had become tense
between them,  and celebration had been the last thing on either of
their minds.    B'Elanna intended to make up for what they'd missed.

Tom stared, nonplused for several seconds, and then a slow smile lit
his  face as he slowly walked across the room toward her.

B'Elanna was surprised that she felt a tiny bit nervous.  She knew Tom
wasn't angry with her anymore.  They'd resolved things in sickbay last
night--to a point--though there'd been few words between them
afterwards.  There was more she needed to say, and she knew what she'd
done--had almost done--was still there between them.

Tom remained silent as he stopped in front of her, so B'Elanna spoke
first.  "Since we were interrupted last time, I thought we should try
again.  I know it's old news now, but we didn't have a chance to do it
right--" She paused, and corrected herself.  "I didn't give us a
chance to do it right--"

The pressure of Tom's mouth on hers stopped her words.  He brushed his
lips over hers, then lifted his head and smiled again.  "This is a
great  idea."

B'Elanna waved her hand toward the nearest chair.  "Then sit," she
demanded lightly, and walked around the table to the opposite chair.

Tom sat quickly and rested his arms on the table, watching as she
pulled  out her chair.  "You look beautiful in that dress."

She was wearing her little black dress, the one she'd replicated for
Neelix's first New Year's party on Voyager and had worn dozens of
times since.  Even though she'd had it long before they'd become a
couple, it remained one of Tom's favorites, and he never failed to
compliment her when she wore it.  "I'm not sure how much longer I'll
be  able to wear it," she said as she took her own seat.  "It's pretty
snug."

Tom grinned meaningfully.  "It's always been pretty snug."

B'Elanna smiled.  "It's *more* snug."  In fact the material was pulled
taut across her belly.  She'd noticed a couple of weeks ago that her
clothes were getting a little tight.  Her appetite had increased, and
she'd gained a kilo or two.  She'd been considering having the
computer  devise a restricted diet before her clothes didn't fit
anymore.  She had  never even entertained the thought that she could
be pregnant.  Her lips  quirked and she shook her head.  "It never
occurred to me that *this*  could be why I was gaining weight."

"Now we know," Tom said softly, his tone complacent.

B'Elanna nodded.  She picked up the bottle of Ktaran Merlot she'd
already uncorked and poured some into Tom's glass.  "My uniforms still
fit for the moment, but they won't for much longer."

"Starfleet's uniform code provides for maternity uniforms," Tom said. 
"And I'm sure the captain will allow us some extra replicator rations
for the other clothes you'll need."

B'Elanna watched Tom swirl the wine in his glass and then sniff it
once  before he took a sip.  It was one of those quirky habits of his,
and she  found the unconscious repetition of it both amusing and oddly
comforting.  She poured wine into her own glass.  "I'm sure she will,
even though she's not very happy with me at the moment."

"I'm sorry you got a formal reprimand," Tom said.

B'Elanna shook her head.  "I probably deserved more.  I broke eight
different Starfleet regulations, which the captain outlined for me in
detail.  She let me off easy."

"Because weren't completely responsible, B'Elanna."

"Right, because of a biochemical imbalance," B'Elanna said dryly,
sipping her wine.

"Yes," Tom said evenly.  "Because of your genetically mixed
physiology the biochemical fluctuations in your body are more extreme
and unpredictable.  That contributed to your state of mind.  The
doctor  told us it might happen."

"I don't think this was quite what he expected when he mentioned
behavioral volatility," B'Elanna said ruefully.  "But he did prescribe
something to compensate for the shifting levels of my Klingon and
human hormones, so I will experience fewer emotional side-effects." 
Her lips twitched a little.  "That should be a relief to you."

Tom frowned at her attempted humor.  "I'm only concerned that it's a
relief to you, B'Elanna," he said gently.

"I do feel...steadier," B'Elanna admitted.  Though that wasn't only
because of the doctor's prescription.

Tom nodded, satisfied.  "Good.  Did the doctor say anything else?"

"He said the baby and I are both healthy, and he expects me to have a
normal pregnancy from here on."

Tom smiled.  "That's all that matters."

B'Elanna smiled back.  It was all that mattered.  "He's scheduled me
for  a series of regular appointments every two weeks."  Which she
thought  was too often, but she'd accepted his judgment.  "He also
gave me  prenatal nutritional supplements, dietary guidelines, and a
selection of  music to play for the baby as part of a prenatal
enrichment program,  which he specified should not include any of your
'rock and roll'."

Tom snorted.  "*That's* the doctor we all know and love all right."

"He's also planning childbirth and parenting classes, which he expects
both of us to attend."

"I can't wait," Tom said with complete sincerity.

B'Elanna paused for a moment before she spoke again.  "There was one
other thing I discussed with the doctor.  When I was in sickbay this
afternoon I asked him to be the baby's godfather."

Tom's eyebrows rose.  "You did?"

Several people, including Chakotay and Neelix, had expressed interest
in  the role, though Tom and she hadn't seriously considered the
subject yet. B'Elanna said apologetically, "I know I should have
discussed it with you first, but after what I did, I thought I owed
him.  And whatever his faults, he loves kids.  He's been great with
Naomi.  He's going to be with us through all of this, and he's going
to deliver her.  But if you'd rather someone else--"

"B'Elanna," Tom interrupted her.  "It's fine.  In fact, I think it's a
good idea.  It does mean we'll have to listen to his continual
unsolicited advice on child rearing, but he'd annoy us with that
anyway.  And I can't think of anyone more qualified to take care of
our baby if something--if we're busy on an away mission or having a
private evening on the holodeck."

B'Elanna was sure he'd been about to say "if something happens to us." 
That was the traditional role of a godfather, or godmother, after all.
Life in the Delta quadrant was uncertain, but they'd survived this far
against pretty horrendous odds.  Whatever blind luck followed Voyager,
it was to hard to imagine it ever leaving them now.  "You're sure you
don't mind the doctor being the godfather?"

"I'm sure," Tom said.  "But does this mean I get to pick the
godmother?"

"Fair enough," B'Elanna replied.

Tom looked thoughtful.  "Hmm, I wonder if Seven would be
interested..."

B'Elanna gave Tom a sharp look.  She now managed to maintain a
cordial working relationship with Seven--most of the time--but that
rarely extended to any social interaction.  She didn't actively
dislike  Seven anymore, but the idea of entrusting her daughter--

"I'm kidding, B'Elanna," Tom told her lightly.  He smiled at her
narrow  look.  "I actually thought of Sam Wildman first, but she's got
enough  responsibility with Naomi.  I think I'd like to ask the
captain to do the honors."

The captain was a certainly a strong role model.  She was also very
fond  of children and surprisingly good with them.  B'Elanna nodded.
"I think  she's a perfect choice."

"I'll ask her first chance I get," Tom said, sipping the last of his
wine.

B'Elanna picked up the bottle of wine.  "More?"

Tom looked at his empty glass and shook his head.  "Maybe later."

B'Elanna set the bottle aside without refilling her glass.  Though the
wine was syntheholic, the doctor had told her to limit her synthehol
intake since it had little nutritional value.  "Are you hungry?"

Tom smiled.  "Starving."

B'Elanna stood and moved over to the replicator.  "Computer, two
chopped salads with grilled chicken, and a basket of whole wheat
rolls."

Tom was right behind her as the meal appeared.  "Salads?" he asked as
retrieved one of the bowls and the basket of rolls from the replicator
pad. "I take it we're done with pizza and hot dogs."

"This conforms a little closer to the doctor's nutrition guidelines,"
B'Elanna told him dryly as she picked up her salad.  "With the baby
coming I have to make sure I eat a balanced diet."  And regular meals. 
The doctor had warned her that there would be no more skipping meals
because she was too busy with an engineering project to bother eating. 
She patted Tom's stomach with her free hand as they walked back to the
table.  "Besides it won't hurt you to eat a little healthier too."

Tom pursed his lips at her arch smile.  "I suppose I'll adjust," he
grumbled as he took his seat again.  "If I go through withdrawals, I
can  always cajole Neelix into making me a pizza for lunch."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes at Tom's unrepentant grin.  "No doubt."

"But don't expect me to join you if you get a cravings for pickles and
ice cream," Tom added teasingly.

"Klingons don't get food cravings," B'Elanna said as she forked a bite
of her salad.

"You're half human," Tom reminded her.  "I guess we can expect
anything."  He tore open a roll.  "But we'll handle it."

B'Elanna appreciated Tom's confident tone.  It was all so new to her,
she was still caught by surprise every time she remembered she was
pregnant, even after feeling the baby kick inside her today.  Before
she  could say something about that Tom spoke again.

"The first thing we have to do is set aside a place for the nursery,"
he  said.  He popped a bit of roll into his mouth and surveyed the
room  critically for several moments.  "I was thinking this area might
be a good place.  We could move the dining table to the other side of
the room, closer to the window."

B'Elanna frowned.  "She'll be so far away from us..."

Tom paused with his fork in mid-air, and looked at her curiously.

"I mean, for those two am feedings," B'Elanna reminded him quickly. 
"You'd have to walk so far to get her."

Tom's lips quirked at her allusion to their previous conversation on
that subject.  "We live in pretty close quarters, B'Elanna," he
pointed out.  He gave her a shrewd look and added mildly, "For the
first couple of months we can keep her in a bassinet right by our
bed."

B'Elanna liked that plan.

"We can move her to the crib later," Tom said.  His eyes narrowed
reflectively.  "Besides a crib we'll also need a dressing table and a
chest to store her things.  Plus blankets, diapers, washcloths,
lotions, bottles, and all the clothes she'll need...sleepers,
singlets, jumpers, sweaters, dresses, bonnets, little baby booties--"

"That much?" B'Elanna asked dubiously.

"More," Tom said wryly.  "I have a few cousins who had babies.  The
baby bags they carried around weighed more than a macro tool kit,
believe me."

B'Elanna hadn't been around babies at all as a child, and though she'd
seen Naomi with Sam from time to time during her first year, she'd
never really considered the amount of paraphernalia a baby required.

"We'll have a lot of things to get," Tom said, not sounding concerned
at  all about it.  "I remember one of my cousins telling my sister
that Union Square in San Francisco has several nice baby boutiques.
Maybe we can recreate one of them on the holodeck and go shopping."

B'Elanna swallowed before she spit out her salad.  "You want to go
*shopping*?  In a baby boutique?"

Tom grinned.  "I know it's not my usual thing, but we have to
replicate  the stuff from some source.  And it might be fun."

It was also far from B'Elanna's usual thing.  Whenever Voyager docked
at trading stations she generally went straight to the engine shops in
the bowels of the station.  She preferred rummaging for parts to
shopping in the more frivolous tourist-oriented promenade shops, just
as Tom generally headed straight for the shuttle bays, or to the
holographic center to look for the latest gadgets.  Now, here she was
thinking it might be fun to browse in a shop filled with all kinds of
frilly, lacy baby stuff...

"Unless you'd rather not use the holodeck," Tom said.

Though there was no hint of accusation in his voice, B'Elanna
understood his reference immediately.  "I'm sorry.  I know that was a
cheap shot, when you just wanted to find a place for us to talk."

Tom shrugged.  "I had actually been thinking about that shore path on
Lake Como."

They'd been there several times.  It was a quiet and idyllic spot,
with just the trees, the sand, and the water with little boats bobbing
in the  distance.  It was beautiful and serene, and B'Elanna knew it
wouldn't  have had the least effect on her mood at the time.  She
addressed the  current topic instead.  "I always liked San Francisco's
old Union  Square."  

"So it's a date?" Tom asked.

B'Elanna smiled.  "Sure."

Tom smiled back, satisfied.  "Now, what do you think about going with
an antique crib?  Unless you have something else in mind..."

As they finished their salads they continued to discuss ideas on how
to  furnish the nursery.  Actually Tom came up with most of the ideas. 
B'Elanna nodded or shook her head in response, and threw in an
occasional suggestion or two.  Mostly she just watched Tom's animated
expression as he talked about preparing a place for the baby in their
quarters, and silently reveled in the easy, companionable mood between
them.  It felt good, this open, warm communication after the tenseness
of the past few days, even though she knew they'd never completely
finished addressing the rift she'd caused between them.  But for the
moment she was enjoying the fact that they were both sitting here,
talking contentedly about their future.  The future she'd almost
thrown  away--

"B'Elanna?"

B'Elanna realized that her attention had drifted.  "Sorry, what did
you  say?"

"I was asking you when we should start considering names, but you
were obviously thinking about something else."

There was no annoyance in his voice, just curiosity.  "I was just
thinking that this feels..." she searched for the right word, "Good.
Being relaxed, and sitting here talking about how to prepare for the
baby.  I guess I was just enjoying the mood.  I know that sounds
strange--"

"No, it doesn't," Tom said softly.  The look in his eyes told her he
understood exactly what she was saying.  "It's been a rough few days. 
And we have plenty of time to make decisions.  Right now we don't
have to decide any further than what to do with the rest of our
evening."

"Let's go to bed," B'Elanna said promptly.

Tom's eyebrows rose.  "It's a little early."

"It's been four days," B'Elanna reminded him softly.   Which was in
fact  the longest period so far in their marriage.  "I've missed you."

Tom understood her meaning and his gaze on her intensified.  "I've
missed you too," he said, his voice husky.  "But I need to take a
shower  first."

B'Elanna rose from her chair.  "You go take a shower and I'll put the
dishes in the recycler.  Then I'll meet you in bed."

Tom smiled.  "Deal."  He stood and started to move toward the
bathroom.  Then he turned and strode around the table.  "Thanks for
dinner," he said as he grasped her shoulders lightly and kissed her
soundly on the lips.  "See you in a few minutes."

B'Elanna watched him walk into the bedroom, and then she started to
clear the dishes away, quickly.  It only took her a few minutes to
finish that task and change into her black satin nightgown.  She heard
Tom turn off the shower as she slipped between the sheets.  As she
settled herself she noticed the hand she'd inadvertently placed over
her  abdomen.  Today in engineering she'd caught herself resting her
hand  there twice, and had stared at it in surprise.  It hadn't been
intentional on her part.  Her hand had simply drifted to where her
baby was growing inside her, as if unconsciously moving to protect her
child.  The child she'd almost changed into someone else...

Her hand tensed over her belly at that unwelcome thought, and she felt
the almost imperceptible roundness that she'd barely noticed a few
days  ago.  Her body had been protecting and nurturing her baby for
almost  eight weeks now, though she hadn't known it.  But her body had
known  what to do all along, even if she'd almost violated that safety
and trust.  She would have violated it if Tom hadn't stopped her.  And
she had no idea how she would have lived with herself afterwards, once
she realized what she'd done, or how her marriage could have survived
that kind of betrayal--

"Hey.  You okay?"

B'Elanna looked up at Tom, who was standing by the other side of the
bed in his black silk boxers, his skin still flushed from his shower.
He'd spoken lightly, but she saw the concern in his eyes.  She rubbed
her hand across her belly.  "Fine.  We're both fine."

"Good," Tom said, slipping into bed next to her.  "You
looked...worried."

She heard the wariness in his tone.  "I'm still getting used to all
this," she said quickly.

"I know."  Tom's expression was serious.  "A lot happened at once and
it  was pretty overwhelming at first."  He smiled wryly.  "We should
have  been more prepared, even though we didn't expect it could happen
so  soon..."

"Or so easily," B'Elanna murmured.  Even though they'd both
discontinued their contraceptive boosters when they'd married, they'd
known that her hybrid genetic makeup made conception a long shot for
them.  They'd talked briefly about having kids at some intangible
point  in the future, assuming it might happen sometime down the road
if they  were lucky, or, more likely, that one day when the urge
became too  strong to ignore they'd obtain medical assistance to
conceive.

"You don't have any more regrets, do you?"

B'Elanna shook her head at Tom's soft question.  "No, none at all,"
she  said honestly.  "I'm still adjusting, but I am happy about it.
Very  happy."

Tom smiled and reached over to squeeze her hand.  "So am I.  And I'm
really glad that it happened sooner rather than later.  We may have
been  caught by surprise, but it's a good surprise, and we'll figure
it all out as  we go."

B'Elanna nodded, and returned his smile with a faint one of her own. 
"I'll have to since I don't have any experience at parenting."

"Neither do I," Tom said easily.  "But we'll learn.  And we do have
the  doctor to guide us."

B'Elanna smiled at Tom's sardonic tone.  "Maybe I should talk to
Samantha."

"That's a good idea," Tom said.  "We should pick everybody's brain we
can.  I've already told Tuvok I'll probably be offering to work with
him a lot."

B'Elanna arched an eyebrow.  "Did he faint?"

Tom chuckled.  "Very funny."  Then he sobered a little.  "We may not
have a lot of experience, but we will be good at this, B'Elanna.  I
promise."

"I hope so," B'Elanna murmured.

Tom shifted sideways so he was facing her.  "Now you promise me
something."

"What?" B'Elanna asked.

"Next time something's wrong, you'll tell me what's really bothering
you."

B'Elanna met Tom's serious look and nodded silently.  He turned her
hand over in his and rubbed her wrist gently with his thumb.  She
swallowed a little.  It was the opening she knew she had to take.
She'd  never been very good at apologizing, but he deserved that and
more.   "Tom..."

"I know," Tom interrupted her softly.  His gaze on her was direct and
astute.  "It's over, B'Elanna.  We resolved this last night."

"Last night..." B'Elanna shook her head.  After she'd broken down in
tears during their confrontation in sickbay, Tom had simply held her
for  ten minutes until Tuvok had returned.  Soon after Tom and she had
left  to return to their quarters, both emotionally numbed and
drained.  The  mild relaxant the doctor had administered to perform
the genetic  alterations on the baby had finally hit her system with a
vengeance, and  she'd practically stumbled into their quarters.  She
barely remembered  undressing and getting into bed, but she knew Tom
had done most of it,  practically holding her upright in her
exhaustion, helping her put on her gown, and guiding her to the bed.
He'd joined her there almost  immediately, and she'd fallen asleep
with his arms wrapped around her,  and with his voice murmuring in her
ear, urging her to go to sleep, and  telling her that everything was
okay.

"We didn't exactly talk last night," she reminded him now.

"We were both exhausted," Tom said.

B'Elanna nodded.  "Thank you."

Tom looked confused.  "For what?"

"For...taking care of me," B'Elanna said softly.  It wasn't really so
hard to say.

Tom smiled a little.  "I didn't mind taking care of you, B'Elanna."

She knew that, and she realized it was a nice thing to know.  "We
still  haven't finished this--"

"B'Elanna."  Tom squeezed her hand tighter.  "It's over.  We just go
on  from here."

She knew that wasn't quite good enough.  Tom wouldn't make her say it
for him, but she had to say it for herself.  "I'm sorry, Tom."  She
shook her head when he started to speak.  "I can't just ignore what I
did--what I almost did.  I was...distraught, and maybe part of my
irrationality was because of my biochemical imbalance--"

"It was," Tom said firmly.  "Your judgment was impaired, B'Elanna."

"Maybe," B'Elanna said.  The captain had let her off easy with that
excuse, as had the doctor.  And she knew Tom was willing to do the
same.  "Despite that, I did know what I was doing.  I ignored your
feelings and I lied to you, and I would have--" she broke off that
thought.  "I wronged you, and I am sorry."

"I've wronged you a time or two, B'Elanna," Tom returned softly.

She knew he was being generous.  It wasn't quite the same.  He'd
unintentionally hurt her on occasion--they'd both hurt each other that
way--but he'd never deceived her so deliberately.  "I nearly harmed
our  baby, and you shouldn't--"

"But you didn't harm our baby."

No, she hadn't.  But only because he'd figured out what was going on
soon enough to stop her.  "I need to thank you for that too," B'Elanna
said.  "You stopped me from doing something I would have regretted
forever."

Tom was silent for several moments as their gazes held.  "You're
welcome," he finally said softly.  "And I do understand that weren't
trying to harm her.  You were trying to protect her from the pain you
experienced as a child.  But it really won't be like that for her.
She'll be as happy here as Naomi is, and as adored."  His lips
quirked.  "I've already got a list of people who've volunteered to
babysit her after she's born.  We just might have to institute a
lottery to deal with it."

B'Elanna smiled.  She knew their daughter would be accepted, even
loved on Voyager.  But they wouldn't be on Voyager forever.  She said
reluctantly, "We will get back to the Alpha quadrant someday."

Tom shrugged.  "I can't promise that she'll never run into the kind of
narrow-minded people who judge others based on their appearance or
race.  But most people will judge her for who she is.  She'll also
have the support of her family from Voyager.  And my family--the
Parises may  have their faults, but they will love our daughter."  He
smiled.  "They'll be thrilled when they receive my next letter."

B'Elanna hadn't thought about that.  She'd be sending a letter too.
"So  will my mother," she said.  Whatever her mother's faults, she
wouldn't  reject her granddaughter.  The rest of her Klingon family
would  probably welcome her baby too, if she gave them the
opportunity.

"So whether we're here or in the Alpha quadrant, she'll be surrounded
by  plenty of family, and friends," Tom said.  "But that's all
secondary,  because most of all she'll have *us*."

B'Elanna was surprised when Tom unexpectedly shifted and placed a
hand on her shoulder, his gaze suddenly intent.  "I meant what I said
in  sickbay, B'Elanna.  I'm not going anywhere.  And I'm not your
father.   Whatever his reasons, there wasn't any excuse good enough
for walking  away from his own child.  I'm sorrier than I can say that
he did that to  you, but I won't do that to our daughter."

His eyes flashed a little, and though he tried to control it, B'Elanna
heard the edge of anger that had crept into his voice.  "Tom, I didn't
mean you would--"

"Yes, you did," Tom said quietly.  "But she's *my* daughter too.
She's a part of me as much as she's a part of you.  I won't just love
her for  awhile and then quit because it gets too hard."  He gave her
a wistful  smile that didn't reach his eyes.  "I know I have my
faults, but I have to admit I hoped you knew me better than that."

B'Elanna saw the hurt in his eyes, and heard it in his voice.  She
looked away and pressed her lips together tightly for a moment, and
the  pressure of Tom's hand on her shoulder decreased, though she
doubted  he'd even realized how tightly he was gripping her.

"I shouldn't have said--"

"Yes, you should have."  B'Elanna looked at him.  "You're right.  I
did  prejudge you."  She shook her head, angry with herself for her
unfair  indictment of him, but wanting to explain.  "I don't know if
you can  understand, Tom, but it wasn't *you* I was really seeing.  It
was my  father."  She sighed.  "When we first saw our daughter in
sickbay it was  like I was looking at myself, and all those memories
I'd buried for years and had tried to forget came to the surface.  I
felt like history was repeating itself all over again, and I had to
stop that from happening.  I know it was irrational, and it sounds
like I'm making excuses..."

"It was irrational," Tom agreed softly.  "But maybe it was
understandable."

"I let my past override my judgment, but I do know you better than
that,  Tom," B'Elanna said quietly.  "I know you're not my father.  I
had no  reason to doubt you."

Tom looked at her for several moments, his expression pensive.  "Do
you remember when you told me that I took you for granted?"

B'Elanna was surprised by the question, but she did recall that
evening a few months before they were married.  He'd shown up at her
quarters  over an hour late, though that particular time he'd actually
been tied up with a helm problem.  She'd been irritated about several
things including his tardiness, and she'd deflected his attempted
apology by accusing him of taking her for granted.

"You were right," Tom said before she could answer.  "Sometimes I
didn't appreciate you as much as I should have.  I always assumed
you'd  be there even when I didn't take our relationship seriously
enough, or I  got involved in some project and forgot a date, or I did
something else  wrong."

"You didn't do so many things wrong, Tom," B'Elanna said softly,
because it was true.  And since they'd married he hadn't taken their
relationship lightly at all.  He'd taken his vows to heart, and had
honored his promises to her.  "Certainly no more than I did," she
added ruefully.

Tom nodded and his fingers kneaded her shoulder gently.  "There is
another interpretation of that phrase, you know--to take someone or
something for granted.  It also means that you trust it to always be
there because you know that it's yours unconditionally, and you don't
have to think about ever losing it.  The way children take their
parent's love for granted, for instance."  He paused and added, "Or
*should* be able to take it for granted."

B'Elanna wasn't sure if Tom's regretful tone was just for her broken
relationship with her father, or as much for his strained one with his
father.

"Our daughter will be able to take my love for granted, B'Elanna," Tom
said earnestly.  "It doesn't matter to me how beautiful she is, or how
successful, or how many mistakes she makes.  Whoever she is, and
whatever she does, I'll still be there for her.  And she'll always
know that I love her, no matter what."

B'Elanna touched his cheek.  "I know she will."

He shifted on the bed until he was positioned over her, his hands
braced  on either side of her.  "I also know I don't say it enough,
but I love you, B'Elanna, and that's not going to change either.  I
hope someday you will trust me enough to finally take *that* for
granted too."

B'Elanna met his solemn gaze and brushed her fingers lightly along his
jaw.  "I do trust you, Tom.  I know there's a part of me deep inside
that still gets beset by doubt."  She couldn't deny that.  "But it's
me, not you.  And I know my progress has been...slow, but I will do
better, if you're still willing to forgive me after what I did and
trust me again."

"I forgive you, B'Elanna," Tom said.  "I've made some pretty serious
misjudgments in my life."  His lips twisted wryly.  "And I know that
fear is a hell of a motivator."

B'Elanna nodded.  "I'm not going to let it control me again.  And I
won't shut you out that way again either.  I know saying it doesn't
mean much--"

"It's enough, B'Elanna," Tom said gently.  "I trust you to try your
best."

She couldn't ask more than that.  If he'd chosen not to trust her
anymore, she would have deserved his doubt far more than he had
deserved hers.

"Now it's my turn to apologize."

B'Elanna looked at Tom, nonplused.  "For what?"

"For the other night," Tom said.  "I should have stayed."

B'Elanna knew he meant the night she'd slept here alone.  The night
she  hadn't slept at all.  He'd come back to their quarters earlier in
the evening and had asked point blank if she wanted him to leave,
giving her the opportunity to make the decision.  And she'd said yes.
"I told you to go," she reminded him.

Tom shook his head.  "I shouldn't have left with things so unsettled
between us.  Especially when I knew how upset you were."

"It wouldn't have changed anything if you'd stayed, Tom," B'Elanna
said  softly.  She'd been single-minded in her pursuit by that point.

"Maybe, maybe not," Tom said.  "But from now on, no more leaving. 
Whatever's between us we work it out, even if it takes all night."

"Okay," B'Elanna agreed.  She stroked the soft hair at the nape his
neck.  "I really hated sleeping alone."

"You won't have to again," Tom assured her.

B'Elanna slipped her arms around Tom's neck and pulled him down on
her.  "I think we were about to start something," she murmured right
before their lips met.  She kissed him with relief and happiness, with
the whole spectrum of emotions she felt.  When she let him go again
they  were both practically gasping for breath.

"That's a good start," Tom said between deep breaths.  Then he reached
down and closed his fingers over the hem of her nightgown where it was
bunched around her thighs and pulled it upward.  When his hands found
her breasts B'Elanna moaned softly.  Her breasts had been more
sensitive than usual the past couple of weeks, and now she knew why.
It  was one of the physical changes the doctor had said she'd
experience,  and this one she liked.

Tom replaced his hands with his mouth, and she felt a rush of heat
spread through her as she closed one hand in his hair.  It never took
much for Tom to arouse her, but the desire that coursed through her
now  was more intense than usual, maybe because of the emotional
turmoil  they'd been through together, or because this was the first
time since--

B'Elanna felt something besides the surge of her arousal, and she
stiffened.  Tom felt her tension, and he rose up immediately and
looked  down at her.  "What's wrong?"

B'Elanna shook her head and smiled.  "Nothing.  Nothing at all."  She
took Tom's right hand in hers and guided it down.  Then she pressed
his  palm to her belly where she'd felt the movement inside her.

Tom looked at his hand flattened against her skin, and then at her,
his  expression bewildered.  "B'Elanna, what..."

Tom's voice trailed off and his eyes widened.  He stared at her in
astonishment as the small, barely perceptible sensation rippled
beneath  her skin where his palm was pressed.  "Is that..."

"The baby," B'Elanna finished for him, smiling again at his stunned
expression.  "She's kicking.  She did it for the first time in sickbay
this afternoon."

"Isn't it a little soon?" Tom asked.  His fingers were stroking her
belly now in gentle motions, as if he was trying to caress the baby
through her skin.

B'Elanna nodded.  "But she is part Klingon."

A small satisfied smile touched Tom's lips.  "Yes, she is."

B'Elanna felt the baby move inside her again, and Tom's hand stilled. 
The smile on his face widened into one of pure delight, and she
wondered if she'd had that same look of blissful wonder on her face in
sickbay when she'd first felt the baby kicking.  Then Tom shifted and
moved his hand so he could press a soft kiss to that very spot on her
belly.  And she wondered how she could have doubted, even in the
deepest recesses of her mind, that he would love his daughter with all
his might.  He shifted position again and kissed her gently on the
lips.  "Do you think she'll mind if her mommy and daddy make love
right now?"

B'Elanna's lips quirked.  "She'd better get used to it."

Tom grinned back and moved to kiss her again but she stopped him. 
"Tom..."

He looked at her questioningly.

"I just wanted to tell you that--"

"We're fine, B'Elanna," Tom said before she could finish.  "We're
better  than fine.  It's in the past now and we're moving forward, all
three of us." He smiled.  "We have a lot to look forward to."

She accepted his statement.  Even more, she realized that she believed
it. But she'd had something else on her mind.  "I was just going to
tell you that I love you."

"Oh."

B'Elanna smiled at the appealingly disconcerted look on Tom's face,
and  then she pulled his mouth back down to hers before he could speak
again

They'd made love countless times before and some of those times it had
been gentle, some fierce, some tender, some reckless.  But this time
it  was different than ever before, almost like the first time.  In
fact it was the first time since they'd found out about the baby,
since the course of their lives had been irrevocably altered.  Maybe
it was different because they were different, already changed and made
stronger by the trials of the past few days, and bonded even more
deeply by the life they'd created together.

Whatever the reason, it was very good.

---

Almost two hours later B'Elanna set down the padd she'd been reading
and looked at her husband.  He was sprawled on his side facing her,
one  knee bent and brushing her thigh, one hand splayed over her
abdomen,  sound asleep.  They'd made love--twice--then had lounged
here, too  sated and comfortable to get out of bed.  Tom had made a
brief effort to  read a novel on his padd, but he'd given up and had
settled himself next  to her, resting one hand on her belly, hoping to
feel the baby move  again.  He'd fallen asleep that way while she'd
kept reading through  several more engineering reports, wanting to
catch up after the  interruptions of the past few days.  One thing she
didn't plan to do was  let her pregnancy interfere with her job.  She
could have a baby and run  engineering the same as ever, and if anyone
else doubted that she would  set them straight soon enough.

"Computer, dim lights."

B'Elanna settled a little more comfortably against her pillow as the
computer complied and the room went dark, being careful not to
dislodge Tom's hand.  He didn't respond at all to her movement, and
she  smiled.  She figured that if she slugged him in the arm right now
it  wouldn't wake him.  Which was too bad, since she wouldn't mind
making love one more time.  She wasn't very tired, but last night
she'd  slept the hard, sound sleep of complete exhaustion.  She
realized that she had no idea how Tom had slept last night, or if he'd
slept after all she'd put them both through.

B'Elanna placed her hand gently over Tom's, feeling the warmth of his
skin permeate hers, and stared at the dark ceiling.  The image of her
father and of the camping trip, that had surfaced after so long and
had  haunted her for two days, didn't spontaneously appear in her
mind.  The  memory was still there inside her, but it wasn't buried
anymore, waiting  to pop up like a sneak attack.  Now it was just
another memory--a  painful one that would be with her forever, but one
that no longer had  the power to overwhelm her with an insurmountable
feeling of despair  and loss.  Instead her thoughts were focused on
her own daughter.  Her  daughter, and Tom's....

Though she had known now for over three days, the reality of her
pregnancy hit her squarely once again, as it seemed apt to do
periodically.  There was a small life--a baby--growing inside her.
She  intertwined her fingers with Tom's so she could touch her
fingertips to  her belly.  A thrill went through her, a shiver of
excitement and  anticipation at the thought of holding her daughter in
her arms in just a few months.

"Hey."

B'Elanna's voice was no more than a soft whisper punctuating the
silence of the room.

"The doctor thinks you can already benefit from sounds like music and
oration.  He has an enrichment program planned for you which I'm sorry
to say includes him singing..."

B'Elanna's lips curved wryly.  She was talking to her fetus.  Well,
why  not?  She'd done far more irrational things over the past couple
of days.  Besides, the doctor might be right.  "If the doctor can sing
to you, then I suppose there's no reason I can't talk to you.  Even if
you can't quite process what I'm saying yet, maybe you can understand
in some sense..."

She sighed.  "I'll just say it right away.  I don't have any excuse
for what I almost did.  I wanted to spare you the things that happened
to me as a child, and the pain I felt.  I thought I could make your
life easier, and better.  I know I was wrong to make those
assumptions.  But I hope if you find out about this some day, you'll
understand why I did it.  I wasn't trying to erase *you*, or deny
you..."

B'Elanna winced on a sharp intake of breath, and closed her eyes for a
moment.  She suddenly remembered the times she'd accused her mother
of wanting to make her a Klingon, of denying her human side.  She was
still angry with her father for not accepting her or loving her for
the  person she was, Klingon, *and* human like him.  They'd both
devalued  part of her and had denied her individuality in their own
ways.  And now  she'd tried to do the same to her daughter.  She
wasn't any better than her father, or her mother, or all the people
she'd condemned for rejecting her because she was different, for
treating her as less worthy, for making her feel like a monster...

"I'm sorry," B'Elanna said, her voice breaking a little.  She took a
deep, shaky breath.  "Gods, I'm so sorry.  You're not a monster.
You're perfect exactly the way you are."

She blinked away the moisture in her eyes.  "The doctor showed me the
projection of you again today.  You're going to be beautiful.  You
are."   Her lips curved.  "Your father thought so from the first
second he saw  you.  I heard it in his voice then, and I didn't even
pay attention..."

B'Elanna curled her fingers into her husband's palm and his grip
tightened reflexively.  "He knew you were already perfect the way you
were.  I doubted him, but he never doubted you.

"He certainly can't wait to see you.  He's already planning your
nursery, if we can call it that within the limited confines of our
quarters. Knowing him you'll have everything you could possibly need,
and a lot that you won't need for that matter."  Her lips quirked.
"He tends to go overboard that way.  But I didn't marry him for his
practicality.  I married him because he's a good man."

B'Elanna looked at her sleeping husband, his features just visible in
the darkness.  "He's loyal, and honest.  He doesn't lie to me, and
he's never cheated on me.  I know he never will, because he has too
much integrity.  Your father is..." she searched for the term, then
smiled at the truth of it, "an honorable man."

She snorted with faint amusement.  "Oh, I don't mean to imply that
he's  perfect."  She rubbed her knuckles lightly over her belly.
"*You* may  be perfect, but you're parents certainly aren't.  Your
father has his faults.  He constantly leaves his towel on the bathroom
floor, and he makes a mess with that toaster when he could just use
the replicator.  He's late more often than he's on time, and he snores
even though he insists he doesn't."

B'Elanna glanced at her husband again.  At the moment his mouth was
slightly parted and a low rumbling sound accompanied his breathing. 
Well, at least he wasn't loud about it.  She smiled a little, and
refocused her attention.  "About those gadgets, like the toaster, your
father has a weakness for them, the more impractical the better.
Especially if they're from the twentieth century.  I have to just
about hit him over the head sometimes to get his attention when he
gets too enthralled with his gadgets and hobbies.  Not to mention his
holoprograms.  And his choice of holoprograms can be a little
juvenile..."

B'Elanna smirked.  "Well, maybe not *all* of them.  There are some I
enjoy, but most of those ones I can't really tell you about."  She
cleared her throat slightly.  "But Captain Proton is definitely not a
favorite of mine, though your father loves it.  I'm sure he, and your
Uncle Harry, will introduce you to that one at their first
opportunity.  And you'll probably love it too."

B'Elanna smiled at the sudden image of her daughter going on Captain
Proton adventures with Tom and Harry.  Well, what child wouldn't love
facing down the melodramatically evil Doctor Chaotica with her
father-- Captain Proton himself--there to protect her?  She glanced at
Tom again.   With his face relaxed in sleep he looked like a little
boy.  And that inner little boy was definitely a part of his
personality.

B'Elanna stroked her belly lightly with her fingertips.  "I can
guarantee you'll have fun with your father, since he does understand
and appreciate that concept."  He'd taught her to appreciate it a
little more too.  "He doesn't take much seriously, not on the outside.
He'd rather dismiss a tense moment with a joke, which can be annoying
sometimes.  But he doesn't take every little irritation *too*
seriously either.  We're different in that way, but I guess we
compliment each other.

"We're different in a lot of ways.  You'll find out your parents don't
agree on a lot of things.  But that doesn't mean anything.  We argue
quite a bit, but we always make up quickly."  Except recently.  But
she didn't ever plan on repeating the past few days again.  "We've
actually fought less since we've been married, though I guess that
isn't saying much.  It's just the mix of our personalities.  I have a
quick temper, and your father can be as stubborn as I am..."

B'Elanna paused.  Her own mother's temper and stubbornness had been
unsurpassable, as her father had once noted.  And she was just like
her  mother, as her father had also reminded her.  Unlike Tom, who
gave as  good as he got, her father had rarely fired back when her
mother had  unleashed her temper.  He'd backed down instead of
standing up to her  mother, until he finally backed down for good by
leaving.  He'd had  little stomach or passion for asserting himself,
or for living with  someone as strong-willed as a Klingon.  She was
finally beginning to  understand that her father had taken the easy
way out because he'd been  a weak man, something Tom wasn't.

"You'll probably be as stubborn and strong-willed as your parents,"
B'Elanna said, stroking her belly again.  "And your grandmother."  Her
lips curved a little.  "How can you miss?  But I won't hold it against
you, and neither will your father.  He's not the type to leave just
because things get rough, like my father was.  He's already proven
that.  He's stuck it out through everything I've thrown at him..."

And it had been a lot--all her withdrawals, and her insecurities, and
even her outright rejections.  She'd given him numerous opportunities
to leave for good, from all but telling him to get out of her life
during her depression, to denying his rights as the father of their
child.  But no matter how much she'd pushed him away, he always waited
her out.   And even though he had his own tendency to emotionally
withdraw,  when she'd pressed him to prove his feelings, he'd asked
her to marry  him.  Despite everything they'd been through--and
everything they had  put each other through--he was still here,
sleeping beside her, refusing to give up on her.  Maybe it was time
she started trusting that constancy he'd shown her.

"You don't have to worry that you'll ever chase him away," B'Elanna
said softly.  "And if you make mistakes, he won't love you any less. 
You're father is very forgiving, maybe because he's made some pretty
bad mistakes of his own.  So have I.  But we've learned from them." 
And were still learning.

"I'm sure we'll make more mistakes, especially when it comes to you. 
You are a bit of a surprise to us, but a wonderful surprise.  I wasn't
even sure I wanted to be a mother..."  B'Elanna shook her head in
amazement.  "Now I can't imagine why I doubted it, even though I'm
still a little scared at the thought.  But I'm looking forward to it
too.  I can't promise that I won't make mistakes--I'll probably make a
lot of them--but I can promise that I'll love you.  And I'll accept
you for who you are, not Klingon, or human, or one-quarter Klingon,
but just *you.*"

She looked affectionately at her husband.  "You're part of both of us
after all.  You're going to look like me, but you'll have some of your
father in you too.  Maybe his easygoing nature--"

She paused as the baby picked that moment to deliver a small kick, and
then she chuckled low in her throat.  "Or not.  Maybe you'll have his
heart instead.  Or his sense of humor.  In any case, you're going to
have a good life.  A happy life.  I don't know if or when we'll get
back to the Alpha quadrant, or where we'll end up eventually.  But
whatever  happens, you won't be alone.  We'll always be there with
you."  She  caressed her belly one more time with her fingertips.
"And we'll always  love you," she added softly.  "You can take that
for granted."

B'Elanna let out a huge yawn, and smiled faintly.  "But right now I
think we both need some sleep.  All three of us," she added as she
kissed her husband lightly on the forehead and then turned on her
side, keeping his hand in hers.  Her movement stirred him, and he
automatically shifted his position, spooning himself around her back.
She felt his warm, even breath against her hair, and his arm was
draped over her waist, his hand still caught loosely in hers.

B'Elanna yawned again.  "Goodnight..."

Her voice trailed off, and she realized they'd have to think of a name
for their daughter soon.  Then she remembered what her mother had
called  her when she was small, as she was being tucked into bed,
freshly  bathed and ready to go to sleep once her father had read her
a story.   Funny that she'd rarely recalled the endearment her mother
had often  used, yet she'd always remembered every endearment and pet
name her  father had given her, even though he'd quit using them long
before he  left.  Though they'd probably lost their significance to
him, his departure had rendered them in equal parts more cherished and
more painful in her youthful memory.  But now, as she drifted toward
sleep, she was thinking of none of those hollow endearments of his.

"Goodnight, tIqoywI'," B'Elanna murmured, her voice warm with
affection, and softly slurred with drowsiness.

Moments later she was sound asleep, her hand still over Tom's, and his
hand pressed to her belly where their baby was safely nestled.

---

The End