The BLTS Archive - QP
by Entipy of Nothing (shayna13@gmail.com)

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This is Q's feelings as he thinks about Picard. I have to give
itsjustjm's "A Thousand Years" a lot of credit for inspiring this.
Like I've said, I don't normally take much stock in slash, but this,
really, was influenced majorly by my own feelings for someone. There
are times when I really do not envy Q. . .

Words enclosed by // indicate italics.

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I thought I was beyond humanity. Beyond human concepts of gender and
sex—I wonder how I stand it, and how I will stand it when he is gone,
day after day, century after century. . .

I could grant him power, immortality—but I only desire his happiness.

It was only a game, in the beginning. Only something to take my mind
off the endless boredom of omnipotence. But he had courage, Picard,
and I grew to value his friendship. . .

How can I, who have gone so far beyond human emotion, feel regret? I,
who have the power to change the future and influence the past. . . I,
timeless, ageless, boundless. . .

How can I love?

I, omnipotent, cannot even admit a simple fact to myself, much less to
him. Eternity upon infinity, I have watched him, and wished for more
time. Immortality is no longer enough. I am no longer content to sit
back and watch the universe pass me by. . .

How many times have I fantasized, wished, /nearly/ said something, to
someone? But I cannot. I could not live with myself—and neither could
I die.

Still I mask my emotion with pointless games, futile jokes—I wish for
closeness and for distance, for nothing and for everything, and not
even I can achieve that.

And even I weep when I see him with someone else, a woman—I could
easily make myself female in shape, seduce him, he would not know
me—but the purpose would be defeated, and it would only make it worse,
for me, if that is possible.

I desire him, and at the same time I am repelled by him, because he
reminds me of what I am, of what I have become because of him.

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The End