The BLTS Archive - Good Will Hunting
by Emily S. (sabine@bellatlantic.net)

---

This is my response to the J/Tu challenge, combined with my own
indulgent desire to clear up any misgivings after seeing the ep
"Hunters." So this begins with the end of "Hunters" and carries over
into my own, entirely self-indulgent situation. Please bear with me...

SUMMARY/WARNINGS: Lesbian activity is entertained; breasts are
discussed. Ponn Farr is (briefly!) mentioned. If these concepts worry
you, read no further

DISCLAIMER: The characters, concept, and dialogue (paraphrased) at the
beginning are the creations of the Paramount/Viacom monolith. The rest
is mine.

---
I sat near you in the IMAX with my 3D glasses on.
I watches with rapt attention; you fought the urge to yawn.
The flicker on the giant screen showed squid without emotion;
they could fuck all night, then die,
their broken bodies line the ocean.

And you say there's just tonight;
in the morning passion dies.
No matter, we're better off like this;
any talk of love is useless chatter.

Much later we got drunk, once more I found myself at sea,
guzzling oysters in a seedy bar --
the food was cheap, the buzz was free.
Who recalls that first suggestion of the afterthought that came?
We learned a lesson from the squid -- there's only this, forget your
name.

And you say there's just tonight;
in the morning passion dies.
No matter, we're better off like this;
any talk of love is useless chatter.

But I will not play dead as you would have me do.
You woke up feeling drunk; I woke up feeling you.
I will not be the squid, my broken body on the ocean floor;
I'd rather be the woman who regrets the night she wanted more.

"IMAX" by Rachel Levy ©1997
---

"Want a cuppa?"

Spreading her hand in the direction of the silver tray, Kathryn
Janeway flopped down on the couch, the coffee in her hand sloshing
over the rim of its cup.

"Mm," Chakotay nodded assent, pouring himself a cup and sitting beside
her. "You drink too much of this stuff."

Janeway cackled. "Coffee: the greatest organic suspension created by
man. Coffee's gotten me through some of the toughest times I can
remember. I beat the Borg with coffee."

"Mm," Chakotay said again, not sounding convinced. He took a sip,
searching her face for evidence of the effects of the day's events.
"The crew is taking the destruction of the relay pretty hard. I think
they were beginning to expect mail call to be a regular part of their
day. Neelix has planned an impromptu party to try and get their minds
off of it."

"When?" a smile broke out across Janeway's face.

"As soon as he can get it organized," Chakotay said.

Janeway sucked her teeth, grinning. "Just leave it to Mr. Neelix to
come up with the right idea at the right time!"

Chakotay nodded, took another slow sip from his cup. "How are you,
Kathryn?" His voice reeked concern.

She waved a hand. "Oh, I'm fine," she said.

"You'd say that even if you'd just had both your legs chopped off,"
Chakotay shook his head. "It's hard to believe, even for you, today.
The ship just barely survived a quantum singularity, we almost lost
two officers, the relay was destroyed, we've made *another* enemy that
wants to kill us, and..."

"You can say it," she said. "I got a 'Dear John' letter. I have to
admit I'm upset by it. It *has* been four years, I'm glad he's moved
on -- I expected it -- but I guess I didn't really let myself believe
it. I kept clinging to Mark, using him as a safety net so I wouldn't
have to think about finding another relationship."

"You don't have that safety net any more," Chakotay said, taking a
breath and refusing to meet Janeway's eye.

"Not that I've had much time for a relationship these past four years
even if I'd been looking for one," Janeway put in quickly. "But it has
been --"

"Neelix to the ready room," the Talaxian's voice over the comm
interrupted her thought. "The party's started, and there are only two
people missing."

"We're on our way," Janeway replied. Rising, she extended an arm to
Chakotay, who took it. They started for the door.

"Lonely," he finished her last thought. "I know."

"Sometimes," Janeway shrugged. "Usually I'm too busy to think about
it."

"There's plenty of time," Chakotay said.

Janeway stopped just short of the ready room door. She placed her hand
on Chakotay's shoulder and matched his gaze. "Chakotay," she said.

"Yes, Kathryn?" his eyes widened eagerly.

"You know that you and I could never get involved, right?"

//Say it, Chakotay!// he willed himself. "I don't know if I believe
that," he said finally.

She sighed, tipped her head to one side and blinked up at him, her
expression all pity and affection. "Oh Chakotay," she said. "You have
been *invaluable* to me these past four years, as a first officer and
colleague...and a friend. And -- even aside from the fact that it
would be a vast breach of protocol -- I'm not willing to jeopardize
our working relationship. Not for anything."

"Not even if it meant we might be even closer?" Chakotay was slipping.

Janeway shook her head. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. Please understand."

His heart sank. "Of course," he managed a chuckle. Mustering what he
figured was his best platonic smile, he turned back to face Kathryn.
"Well, may I at least escort you to the party?"

She winked. "Absolutely," she said, linking her arm through his. "I
would be honored."

---

The mess hall was buzzing warm, the crew more than eager to put the
implications of the day's happenings behind them. Janeway swelled with
affection and pride, watching them mingle, gossip, dance. Even her
fosterling Borg was engaged in conversation with the Vulcan engineer
-- what *was* his name? -- recovered completely from her encounter
with the "fishmongers." That, naturally, had been Tom Paris' nickname
for the aliens, an homage to their preference for "gutting and boning"
their victims. Finishing her drink, Janeway sidled up to Seven, gave
her shoulder a squeeze.

"You okay?" she asked, knowing the reply already.

"I am intact," Seven nodded as the Vulcan engineer slipped back into
the crowd after an awkward salute in Janeway's direction.

"Good to hear," Janeway said. "So how are you enjoying your first
party?"

"I did not understand the purpose of such a gathering," Seven
admitted, "but Lieutenant Tuvok explained to me that humans frequently
desire the opportunity to socialize in groups and exchange information
with crewmembers they might not encounter in their normal routine.
Since you do not possess a collective consciousness, it is logical to
engage in these sorts of events, as a way to communicate with the
entire crew at once."

Janeway laughed. "And as a way to relax! Yes, we come to parties to
see people we don't see everyday, but we do it because they're our
friends; we enjoy spending time with them!"

"I have never had friends," Seven stumbled a bit over the word. "I'm
afraid I do not understand."

"You have friends now, Seven," Janeway said. "Look around. You have a
lot of friends aboard Voyager. Including me." //It's true,// Janeway
realized with surprise. //I may be drunk but I'm not delusional. I
like this Borg girl.//

Seven scrutinized the captain for a moment. "You consider me a
friend?"

"Yes I do," Janeway said. "I don't know you very well, but I'm
beginning to. And I would be proud to call you a friend."

"Then why are you refusing to meet my eye?" Seven asked.

//Oh shit,// Janeway looked up, transferred her gaze quickly from
Seven's chest to her face. //Quick cover-up time, Kate.// She chose
honesty. "Seven. You may not realize this," Janeway took a breath,
"but you are a very attractive woman. You've been turning heads ever
since you came aboard this ship."

"Beauty is irrelevant," Seven furrowed her brow. "I do not understand
why my mammary glands are significant. You have mammary glands as well
--" Seven shot Janeway's breasts a look. "Are mine more...attractive
than yours?"

//Here's a question I never thought would come up in my lifetime,//
Janeway flushed. //They didn't cover Borg sexuality at the
Academy.//"Well," she said, "I don't know the answer to that question,
Seven. I suppose it's a matter of opinion." //Off the hook?//

"And what is your opinion?"

//Nope, no such luck.// Janeway chuckled. "I look at my own breasts
all the time," she began. //Oh. Great. *There's* a mental image I want
circulating my crew: Captain Janeway looks at her breasts all day
long.// "What I mean to say is, yes, Seven. I do find you attractive,
and I do enjoy looking at your body. Breasts included." //Done.
*Whew*.//

"I do not understand," Seven shrugged. "I suppose I will learn."

"Yes, I suppose you will," Janeway smiled.

"Shall we proceed to consummate?" Seven asked. Janeway jumped.

//How did we get *here*?// "Well, I don't think that would be
appropriate," Janeway said, putting on her best captainly expression
and pulling herself to her full five-foot-seven.

"This is quite perplexing," Seven said. "You have just admitted that
you find me attractive. Why should you not want to realize that
attraction?"

//Yes, Kate,// Janeway's face was hot, //why not? You're single now,
you've just written off poor Chakotay, why the hell not?// "Because
there's more to a relationship than just sex," she said finally, "and
there's more to sex than simply attraction."

"This makes you uncomfortable," Seven said, cocking her head to one
side.

"Frankly, yes. I'm sorry, Seven. I'm just not used to putting things
so baldly. Can we...change the subject?"

"As you wish," said Seven, without missing a beat. "The shockwave that
destroyed the relay network blew out several EPS links in
Astrometrics. They will need to be repaired."

//Better// Janeway grinned. "Ah. Very well. Ask B'Elanna if she can
spare some technicians to give you a hand tomorrow."

"Yes, Captain," Seven said. She paused for a minute, peering at
Janeway through discerning Borg super-eyes. "Permission to speak
freely?"

//I thought this was over// Janeway bit her tongue. //This will
definitely go down in my personal log as one of the weirder days on
record.// "Yes," she sighed. "What is it, Seven?"

The Borg opened her mouth to speak when Janeway felt a hand on her
shoulder. She turned to meet Tuvok's gaze, and she flashed him a
grateful smile.

"Excuse me, Seven," he said. "I require the Captain for a moment."

"Of course," Seven nodded once. She turned on her heel and disappeared
into the throng.

Janeway collapsed against Tuvok's shoulder, barely stifling a laugh.
"How did you know I needed a rescue!"

"I witnessed some uncomfortable body language on your part," he said.
"I know that you and Seven-of-Nine have had difficulties in the past,
and I sensed your desire to conclude the discussion. Tell me, was she
expressing unhappiness regarding your decision to have me accompany
her in the shuttlecraft today?"

Now Janeway allowed herself a laugh, throwing her head back. "Oh, if
it were only that simple!" she slapped Tuvok lightly on the chest.
"No, no, I'm afraid our discussion was wandering into far
more...delicate territory."

Tuvok waited for the Captain to elaborate. She clicked her tongue,
looked at the floor.

"Sex, Tuvok," she said, shaking her head. "She somehow got me talking
about sex. I don't know what it is about tonight..." she trailed.

"Yes, Captain?" Tuvok raised his eyebrows expectantly.

She shook her head again, raking her fingers through her hair. "I
don't know what Mr. Neelix put in that drink, or if it's just the fact
that I got that letter from Mark, but tonight..." she looked up and
met his eyes, tipping her head to one side. "You're my closest friend,
Tuvok. We've known each other a *long* time. Hell, you're the only one
aboard who's met Mark, who knows our history..."

"You miss him," Tuvok reported.

"Yes," she said. "I really do. But it's more than that. For the first
time in four years, here, among people I'm proud to consider friends,
among this family that I love more than my own life, I am lonely. I'm
lonely, Tuvok. I can't explain it any better than that."

If Janeway didn't know her friend better, she'd swear Tuvok was
blushing. "Captain," he said. "Kathryn. I believe I understand how you
feel. The emotions I experienced during Ponn Farr could only be
likened to loneliness. I missed my wife, but, even beyond that, I felt
an intense desire -- as you know -- for intimate relations. Sex."

Now Janeway blushed. "Yes," she murmured. "I'm embarrassed to admit it
even though I know it's perfectly human, but I'm hungry. I'm desirous.
Oh, I should just go home and go to sleep and put this whole, awful
day behind me!"

"That would not be advisable," Tuvok said. "You have gone without
sexual relations for four years, and I believe that such a deprivation
can only serve to wreak havok on your emotional state."

"So what would you suggest I do?" she snorted. "Go sling an arm around
Seven's shoulder and tell her it's time to consummate?"

"Yes," Tuvok nodded, "that would be one approach. But perhaps not a
logical course of events, considering Seven-of-Nine's already fragile
state, and the precarious relationship you two maintain."

"I wasn't serious," Janeway said. "I would never do that to her."

"That is not a logical statement either," Tuvok said. "'Never' is a
long time. We cannot predict how things will turn out over the next
several years."

"True," Janeway said. "And I'm doing a damned good job reclaiming my
virginity as it is. I'll cash in some replicator credits, indulge my
fantasies a little and end the evening with a cold shower. I'll be
fine."

"I cannot allow you to do that, Kathryn," Tuvok said softly. "As your
friend, it is my responsibility to help you in this time of need. We
have both been alone for a long time. That need not be the case."

Janeway bit her tongue and nearly yelped. "Tuvok, this is ridiculous.
Granted I'm more than a little drunk tonight, but I will not exploit
you just because I got a 'Dear Kate' letter and I'm lonely."

"I am lonely too, Kathryn," he said. "I believe our friendship is
strong enough to survive a physical encounter, and I see no logical
reason to avoid intimacy."

"Sex," Janeway said again, getting the word out onto the table.
"You're suggesting we have sex."

"Precisely," Tuvok said.

//Tonight is not the night I mate for life,// Janeway thought. //I'm
not looking for a partner, or to start another relationship so soon.
But, damn it, I am lonely, I *am* hungry, I need this.// She stared at
Tuvok a moment, letting her eyes trace the ascetic contours of his
familiar face. //Chakotay is a good friend, a great officer, but I
refuse to lead him on. Seven is attractive, appealing in more ways
than one but she'll have to acclimate completely into human culture
before I even think of complicating our relationship. But Tuvok. My
dear, old friend. Why not?// "Well, I'll be damned," Janeway said.
Throwing up her hands, she cracked a wide grin. "Why the hell not?"

"There is no logical reason," Tuvok repeated. "Now, I believe the
traditional question is -- your place, or mine?"

Slipping her arms around his waist and hugging him to her, Janeway
laughed. "Come on over and see my etchings," she said, kissing his
clavicle.

"Etchings?" he repeated in puzzlement, as she gently nudged him toward
the door.

---

The End