The BLTS Archive - On Blurred Lines
by EmilyS.

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Summary: My take on Odo & Kira's "closet conversation" during the
wedding. I'm sure the list sees a lot of these (I'd like to read some
- where can I find any? Please please!), but I think this one is kinda
interesting because of the nature of the argument, which I wrote as a
writing exercise to try and get Kira's voice down.

*Odo and Kira belong to Paramount and I am not trying to steal them,
only trying to maybe communicate with them telepathically and figure
out what's going on in their heads? Hey -- TPTB refused (wisely, IMO)
to show us this scene...but someone had to...;)*

---

"You're drunk," he muttered, after she had flopped down on the floor
beside Dax's yellow divan.

"You don't know how glad you are for that!" she said, tripping over
her words a bit and taking another swig of her orange, frothy drink.

"Hmpf," Odo said. Sitting on the cushion, he pulled his knees up close
and faced the wall. His mind raced, seeking excuses, any reason to get
out of that tiny closet with the inebriated, reeling, challenging
Major. And those eyes, anger smoothed down slightly by the drink but
it still burned, sizzled, he could almost hear it. He refused to meet
her gaze; fixed his eyes on a spot on the door and stared hard.

"We have to talk. You know that," she said. "I suggest you catch me
now while my resistance is down or we might never get past this, Odo.
You know what *I* have to say. It's your turn. Talk."

Odo murmured something unintelligible, knotting his fingers in his
lap. He imitated the humanoid throat-clearing "ahem," buying time. She
touched his shoulder.

"It's okay," she said. "Just tell me. Tell me the whole story. What's
the worst that can happen? I'll kill you. So?" She laughed, snorting a
little, her head resting on her shoulder, eyelids drooping.

//The worst that can happen already has...// Odo tensed. //I let you
down, Nerys. You have no reason to forgive me.// "You have no reason
to forgive me," he said.

"I'll buy that," she said, nodding. "It's a start. But hardly
sufficient."

Odo shifted in his seat only slightly, but enough to slip his shoulder
out from under Kira's palm. If she noticed his discomfort at her touch
she didn't show it, simply stretched her arms, yawned, and curled up
on the floor, leaning against the wall.

He began. "Finally, Nerys, something in my life made sense!"

"The great link," she spat the words as if she didn't want them in her
mouth anymore, rolling her eyes.

"Don't do that," he said. "Don't trivialize it like that. It means a
lot to me, my people's acceptance of me."

"You're right," she said. "I apologize." She sounded genuine. He
continued.

"When I...linked...with the other changeling...it was like nothing
else mattered. A solid's lifespan is only a fraction of how long my
people survive. Wars, alliances, the Cardassians, the Federation..."

"The Bajorans..." Kira put in. Odo ignored her.

"...everything that was going on seemed so trivial! All in a day's
work, from the perspective of a changeling. She made me realize that
caring about solids would only hurt me, in the long run...I'm going to
live on for centuries after you die, after your children die..." He
paused. "I don't know how to say this," he said finally. "I don't want
to hurt you."

"What, more?" Kira said. "I think you've pretty much covered all the
bases in that department." She had sobered up with Olympic quickness,
hoisted herself up and was sitting crosslegged on the floor, eyeing
Odo, her drink beside her forgotten.

//Don't do that!// Odo wanted to shout. //You look at me with those
eyes and it all comes flooding back...I can't afford to let myself
love you; not if it means giving up all I've learned about myself and
my people. Please, just let me go!// She was seething. Odo clenched
his jaw to hold back the words he couldn't say. "Yes," he said. "Yes,
I know. And I'm sorry. But you have to understand...I can't afford to
let myself get involved with the issues that affect solids. They have
nothing to do with me."

"*I* have nothing to do with you?!" Kira snapped.

//You have everything to do with me! This has everything to do with
you! If I were as strong as you are, Nerys...// "Please," was all he
said. "Let me finish."

"Go ahead," Kira sighed.

//Just say it quickly and she'll let you go.// "You...all of
you...you're nothing more than an interesting learning experience for
me. Nothing more than a couple of minutes adventure in a long, long
life," he said. //It's true. It has to be.//

"But...before you linked with her," Kira spat the "her" like a curse,
"you didn't feel that way. We were friends, you cared about me, this
crew...you *loved* me, Odo!"

He lowered his eyes, smiled sadly. "I thought I did," he said softly.
//I though I could afford to...//"I didn't know any better. I didn't
know what my life was supposed to be like. She taught me."

Kira dug her nails into her palm. She took a deep breath. "Odo," she
said. "I *know* you don't mean what you're saying. I have to know
that. I can't let myself believe that this is really you, speaking to
me. You're delusional. You're confused. If I thought you knew what you
were talking about, Odo..." she fought tears, "Prophets, I'd be
furious. I'd have beaten the shit out of you by now."

Odo refused to follow his thoughts as his mind dragged him through
memories of her, that pixie smile, a brush of the hand, briefly, an
"Odo, everything seems simpler when I'm with you," a moment of
watching her, unnoticed as she crossed Ops with that purposeful
stride, that warrior-instinct...Odo shook the images from his mind.
//She *always* had something to believe in. Bajor, the Prophets, her
simple solid-perception of freedom. She, of all people should
understand that I need to find that kind of commitment too...I need to
try. Or else I truly *am* Odo'Ital. Nothing. And why should she love
me for that?// He touched her arm. "It's me, Nerys. I'm more myself
than I've ever been. I feel enlightened, empowered..."

"and empty! And dull, and cruel and emotionless," Kira's voice shook.

//No! Free! Free of the pain of trying to be something I'm not; free
of the pain of being alone.// "Emotions are messy things," Odo spoke
slowly, that patronizing smile playing at the corners of his ice-blue
eyes. "Their only purpose is to blur the lines of pure form. Pure,
unadulterated form, moving, and being, and acting."

"Emotions are why we're *alive,* Odo! Our emotions drag us out of bed
in the morning to fight one more day for what we love and believe in!"
Kira was crouching, now, as if she might pounce on Odo any moment. He
leaned back into the wall, blinked several times at the ceiling and
sighed.

"Changelings don't feel, we *do*, we *become*. When I was in the link
I was filled with intensity. I trembled before its power. I can't
describe it," he said. "I wish I could."

"Intensity! Trembling! Sounds like some messy emotional responses to
me," Kira said. "What if you didn't have that? What if there was no
more trembling...what if you *were* just 'pure form'?"

Odo smiled. "Wouldn't that be beautiful..." he mused.

Bile rose in Kira's throat and she tensed, shaking, her head pounding,
her ears ringing, her heart splashing against the inside of her
ribcage. "No, Odo!" she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "That
would be horrible. Lonely and terrifying and miserable."

"For a solid, maybe," Odo agreed. "You rely on your emotions...my
people have moved beyond the need for such frivolities."

Kira pulled herself to her feet, paced the small room, gripping her
fists. "No, Odo. Uh uh. I don't buy it."

"I'm sorry, Nerys," he said. "It's the truth."

"Then why, *why* in hell did you save me, finally? If this has nothing
to do with you?" She stammered.

After a pause, Odo replied, "I was hoping...we could still be
friends."

That was it. Kira crouched beside him. //He's not going to pin this
one on me...this is *not* my fault! This is not my fault! But if I'd
realized, sooner, how alone he was...// She gritted her teeth, so
coiled and furious and frustrated she wanted to throw something out an
airlock. "You were hoping we could still be *friends*??!" She shouted.
She slapped him across the face, grabbed his collar, threw him against
the wall. "*Friends*, Odo??!" She smacked him, pushed him shook him
furiously, trying to knock free that stubborn hint of a smile that
still lingered, pitying, across his face. He laughed softly, and she
whipped him against the wall one last time and wrested her hand free,
leapt to her feet.

"I'm out of here," she said. "I'm not listening to this anymore." She
turned away, turned back, sat down beside Odo again, staring him down.
//If I walk out that door,// she thought, //this conversation is over.
The last real conversation I'll ever have with the best friend I've
ever had. I'm not ready to let go, not right now...I won't be the one
to turn away.// "No," she said. "We're not done yet. You haven't
convinced me, yet. Try again."

Odo gave her a long look. //She's beautiful,// he thought. //She
deserves to be happy, she has integrity, and strength, even for a
solid. She deserves better than me, some unlinked unloved poor
imitation of a solid. Let me go!// he implored her, silently. //Don't
you understand that all I want is to be more like *you*?//

"I'm sorry, Nerys," he said. "I don't want to hurt you. I do care
about you, but I can't let myself be involved with issues of the
solids." //Let me go!//

Kira nodded, slid onto the cushion beside Odo.She practiced breathing,
forgot to blink. She kept nodding, breathing fire through her nose
from the sound of it.

"You understand?" Odo asked searchingly.

Kira nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I understand." The moment of hung
palpably, something fragile hovering, shimmering, shattered at last
when Kira at last let out a pained bark-scream, and smacked herself on
the forehead, tearing at her hair. Burying her face in her hands, she
collapsed on the floor, pulled herself into a tight ball, biting her
lip and shaking uncontrollably. //Damn it, *damn it*!// she thought.
//He's the one who's supposed to be in love with *me,* not the other
way around! So he's found a life for himself. That's great. I should
be happy for him. Why, why, *why* is this making me so angry?// She
tried to catch her breath, tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't
feel them. //He told me he loved me, and I said no. So he finds *her,*
almost gets us all killed - it's my fault. Poor lonely bastard; I
should have realized...And I missed my only chance. Damn it. Damn it!
Why? WHY?// She pounded a fist against the floor. //If I had said
yes...prophets! Why didn't I realize? I have one friend, ONE friend in
the galaxy who I could count on, who really cared about me. WHY?//

Odo's smile had faded and he surveyed Kira quizzically. //She's
crying,// he thought, absently. //Strange. She rarely does that. In
fact, I don't think I've ever seen her cry before. Over me?// That
last thought sent a shiver through his frame, the taste of some
forgotten memory, and he tried to ignore it. //No,// he commanded
himself. //I'm a changeling. She's a solid. I can't care for her. She
can't care for me.// But there she was, lying there, her tiny, muscled
frame shuddering as she gulped air, sobbing. Her hair stuck sweaty to
her forehead, and Odo resisted the urge to brush it free, to take her
into his arms and hold her, kiss her, tell her it was okay, he loved
her, he would take care of her. He looked away.

For no reason, human words leapt to her mind. //'It was the epoch of
belief; it was the epoch of incredulity.'// She spoke, but her words
were lost in gasps for breath as she struggled to stop crying. "What
was that?" Odo asked. Kira pulled herself up again, swiped a hand
across her eyes.

"Let...let me...catch my breath..." she said, her chest heaving. She
shook her head. Moments passed before she spoke again. "I'm better
than this," she said.

//Yes!// He thought, almost brightening. //You are!//

"I'm tired, Odo. I'm tired of this. I can't take this anymore. Let's
forget this happened. You found clarity? I'm happy for you. Really."
She turned to leave the room.

"Nerys," he called, quietly. "You're the best friend I've ever had. I
tell everyone how important you've been to me. I just thought you
should know."

She flung a shoe at him, but it missed, bounced off the wall. She
snarled. "Shut the fuck up, Odo!" she snapped. "I really, *really*
don't want to hear this now."

He reached out, touched her ankle. His hand trembled. //Not again,//
he thought. //She's just going to leave? Just like that?// She kicked
his hand free. //Of course she's leaving!// he answered himself. //You
expect her to understand, to put up with you any longer? You can't
have it all, Odo'Ital. Choose.// He looked up, and for a moment, their
eyes met, his blue and searching, hers a warm, damp brown, steeped
with pain. But there was a flicker...and Kira looked away. //I can't
do it,// he thought, speaking to someone somewhere, some force that
had beaten him to the ground and left him bruised and alone. //I can't
do this anymore. I can't do this to her.// Silence answered him, the
cold dark vast of space, the emotionless gold of the great link,
lightyears away. //I can't do this to me. She's better than any of
you, better than you'll ever be. And if she'll have me then what does
it matter if I'm nothing? I'm nothing, and I'm *hers.*//

She was leaning against the door, her head buried in the crook of her
elbow. He stood, slipped an arm around her waist from the back and
felt her tense, felt the anger surge inside her.

"I can't lose you, Nerys," he said, his voice shaking. "I tried so
hard to tell myself I could be like them, like the other changelings,
strong and clean and perfect..." he managed a weak laugh. "I've been
with you messy solids for too long. I can't break free of these
emotions, and, right now, I don't want to. I love you, Nerys. I always
have, I always will. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She turned around, slowly, fell into his embrace, burying her face in
the hollow of his neck. "I know, Odo," she said.

"It's hard for me...you'll have to put up with me, my craziness...I'm
an emotional cripple, Nerys. It's a big responsibility. Without the
link, I'm nothing. You don't want me."

She smiled, tears snaking damp trails on Odo's shoulder. //Another
chance,// she sighed. //I won't blow it, this time. I won't let you
down.// She wasn't sure who that last sentence was addressed to. Odo?
Herself? Rom? The Federation? Either way, there was only one thing to
say. "I accept," she said. "I'll take it. I love you, Odo. I do." //I
do, don't I...strange.// The thought surprised her, and she closed her
eyes. //He was so alone, all these years, and I was never there for
him, not really...of *course* he wanted to be with her, with the
others. Prophets, what a jerk I was! Never realizing...//

"I know," he said. He wrapped his arms around her more tightly, buried
his nose in her hair and held her to him, skin against skin, bodies
shaking wet and warm. Love.

He held her until she thought her ribs would crack, and she slid a
hand between their chests, pushed him away gently and blinked up at
his smooth, slender face. She stroked his cheek with a finger, raked
her hand through his home-made hair. He smiled, his eyes glinted, full
of tenderness and passion. She pulled his face toward hers and kissed
him, lightly at first, then hungrily, holding his body to hers as if
afraid he'd disappear if she let go. And he kissed her back, tracing
the contours of her wide mouth with his tongue, enjoying the taste of
her, the feel of her. They slid awkwardly to the divan and she gripped
his hand, kissing him, tears streaming from her eyes. "Just hold me,"
she said, snuggling into the crook of his arm and resting her head on
his shoulder. She kicked off her boots.

"I won't let go," he said. "Not again."

They shared a smile.

"You're not forgiven," Kira said a moment later, her face steeling.
Odo nodded.

"I wouldn't expect to be. In fact, if you forgave me, you wouldn't be
the woman I've been in love with for so long. But...you do
understand?"

She paused. //I can't argue with him. I can't give him the opportunity
to choose *her* again...//"Objectively, yes. It must have been
wonderful for you to finally feel accepted by your people, and I
understand that, after being alone out here for so long, you needed
that. But allowing that to interfere with your responsibilities to us,
allowing your personal *comfort* to take precedence over Rom's
life...!" She stopped. //I shouldn't have said that. Later. Another
time. Tonight I find my friend again.// "I don't want to think about
it anymore."

"And I was so wrong, and I am so, so incredibly sorry, Nerys..." Odo
overlapped her.

"I know," she said. "It's over. Just....hold me."

Odo smiled, kissed her on the forehead, pulling her lithe frame closer
to his own. She purred, painted ribbons across his chest with her
fingertips. He gripped her hand, pulled it to his lips. She pressed
her body even closer to his, slid a hand up his thigh, her gaze never
wavering from his eyes.

"Yes, Nerys," he whispered.

"Really?" she said.

"I think so," he said. She nodded, kissed him, stroked his cheek,
reaching a hand up over her shoulder to unfasten her dress. She let it
slip from her shoulders, wriggled her arm free and sat before him in
her sheer undertunic, searching his face. "Please," he said, sounding
as if he hadn't meant to say it aloud. "Oh, what was I thinking...?"

He reached out a trembling hand, allowed it to cup Kira's breast.
Ripples of electricity pulsed through his body, and he pulled back,
looked at his hand as if unconvinced that it was really his. Kira
smiled, took his hand, placed it back on her breast. Odo groaned with
pleasure and shock.

"Can you...not be wearing your uniform?" she asked. Odo shimmered a
moment and complied, and Kira took in his smooth, naked, Bajoranoid
figure.

"You don't know how long I've..." he began, his voice cracking. He
closed his eyes, his hands exploring Kira's body, sliding under the
thin fabric of her tunic and lifting it gently over her head. Biting
his lip, he allowed himself a long, hard stare at her topless figure,
the round, sturdy shapes of her small breasts casting half-moon
shadows on the pink-brown skin of her ribcage, her tapering waist, the
flat, firm mound of stomach. He slid his hand down her side, gathered
up the rippling material of her dress and slipped it over her head.
//Tomorrow I will not believe this really happened,// he thought. //I
don't believe it now. Prophets, she is exquisite. What the *hell* was
I thinking?//

Kira bit off this last thought with a powerful kiss, the tips of her
nipples brushing against Odo's chest as she leaned in. She slipped her
hands around his back and pulled him closer to her, tossing her dress
to the floor. Odo freed it from her feet, returning the kiss, his
hands chasing one another across the uncharted territory of Kira's
body.

"How do...your people do this?" Kira whispered.

"I'll show you," Odo said. "I'll try, anyway."

He brushed a thumb across her nipple, feeling it shudder erect. He
stilled it with his finger, kept his hand there as he watched Kira
squirm with pleasure and frustration. Gently, ever so gently he
increased the pressure, allowed his thumb to flatten and soften. He
pressed harder and entered her pores, tendrils of changeling-fluid
dancing behind her areolas. Kira moaned, astonished. Odo slid his
other hand to Kira's waist and she twitched, gasped.

"This is...?" she managed.

"An approximation of the link, yes," Odo said.

"Is it pleasurable for you, too?" Kira asked.

"Oh, Nerys, Nerys, you have no idea..." Odo said.

Kira grinned, arching her back. "I have *some* idea..."

Odo smiled back and allowed his hand to stroke her inner thigh, the
soft tops of her labia. She shuddered and tensed. "Please..." she
said. Odo nodded.

He parted her labia with one exploring finger, allowed his hand to
pour inside, fill the crevices and valleys. A waterfall of changeling
slipped over her clitoris, and she gasped, thrashing from side to side
and grinning, her eyes closed. Odo's "hand" slid inside her, filled
her, stimulated her from the inside and outside at once. He danced and
tickled and thrust and stroked simultaneously, and Kira gripped his
body, digging her nails into his back and biting his shoulder,
moaning.

"No wonder you liked this..." she managed between gasps.

"The link was nothing compared to what we're doing right now," Odo
said, somewhat breathlessly. Kira noticed that his eyes were closed,
and he seemed to be struggling to maintain his Bajoranoid shape.

"It's okay..." she said. "You can..."

"You don't mind?" Odo seemed a little embarrassed.

"I'd love it," Kira smiled. Nodding, Odo allowed himself to melt,
envelop Kira in a mesh of shimmering gold fluid matter. She writhed
and gasped as he filled her and held her. She was inside him and he
was inside her, he was everywhere, all at once, her skin screamed, her
muscles clenched, her mind lost focus in the moment.

"Oh, Odo..." she said, wondering if he could hear her. As waves of
changeling crashed around her, she let herself go, and climaxed again
and again, collapsing finally into a pool of warm Odo.

Several moments later she felt him move, grow, return to his
Bajoranoid form, smiling broadly. She kissed him on the temple,
stroked his hair.

//I won't feel guilty about this,// she thought. //It *was* wonderful,
I *do* love him, and he *does* need me.//She wasn't sure who she was
trying to convince. //I won't lose him again. If this is what it takes
to keep him in my life, then this is what it takes...just another way
for me to express my love for my closest friend.// She kissed him on
the clavicle. "Thank you," she said.

"I was about to say the same thing," he said.

---

The End