The BLTS Archive - Beverly's Subject
by Catherine Ellis (catherine_ell69@hotmail.com)

---

As always, the characters belong to Paramount. I'm just
giving them an outing.

This story is set in 2352. Picard is 47 and Captain of the
Stargazer. Jack Crusher is an officer on the same ship. He
and Beverly (28) have been married for 4 years. At the start
of the story the Stargazer is at some starbase where the
crew is taking advantage of the recreational facilities.
Beverly is back on Earth.

---

Jean-Luc slumped onto the floor beside his friend, sweaty
and exhausted.

"It's getting ... really difficult ... to beat you Jack," he
gasped .

"Then why ... don't you ... let me ... win for a change?"
Jack was in no better state.

Picard considered this option while he recovered his breath.

"Sorry, I couldn't do that. When I start losing squash
matches to you I'll have to admit I'm getting old."

"In that case you're welcome to beat me for a few years
yet."

The Captain turned sharply on his companion.

"You don't let me win, do you?"

"No, of course not." Jack was surprised at the emotion in
Picard's voice. "Would it matter that much if I did?"

"Yes!" he snapped. "I don't want to be lied to. Our previous
security officer used to let me beat him at martial arts
contests. The word PATRONISING just doesn't do it justice."

"I wondered why you hastened his transfer off the ship."
Jack put his hand on his heart. "I promise you, Jean-Luc, I
will always try my best."

Rather embarrassed by his friend's oath, Picard responded
with just a quick smile.

"Actually Captain, I rather like it that you beat me."

"How so?"

"Well ... though I'm as fit as you, I lose because you
out-think me. Every time I work out how to cope with a
particular shot you make up a new one. I find that rather
reassuring in my captain. ... Beverly approves too."

When Picard looked puzzled, Jack explained how he had got
into the habit of telling his wife about their matches.

"Why would she want me to beat you?" The thought of Beverly
being interested in his body was exciting, but he managed not
to show it.

"Part of her current work is checking the physical condition
of Starfleet officers who've spent years in space. She's
appalled at how unfit some of the captains are and relieved
mine is up to the job."

Picard coughed into his hand, hiding his amusement at the
double entendre.

"In that case I shall try not to disappoint her." He lay
back, closed his eyes and imagined being given a full
physical examination by Dr Crusher.

"Are you all right, Sir?"

Startled out of his guilty thoughts, Picard rose quickly to
his feet.

"Perhaps I should send her the results of my medical
examinations."

"That would be great! It would really help her research."

"I was joking, Jack!"

"Oh! I wasn't. Beverly needs a group of Starfleet captains
who are willing to wear bio-monitoring devices for three
months. She's trying to collect information on their
physiological responses to the stress of command. One of the
captains in the panel just dropped out so if you'd agree ...
?"

Picard tried to appear calm. Do I say 'No' and offend my
friends or say 'Yes' and risk ... risk what? Surely wearing
her monitoring device isn't going to lead me into
temptation.

"All right. Tell her she's got another subject."

---

Three weeks later Picard sat in his quarters examining the
package he had just picked up at Starbase 23. All it
contained was a message chip and a small padded envelope. He
loaded the chip and settled back to watch the recording.
Beverly's face appeared on the screen and he sighed with
pleasure. He knew this was a standard message for all the
volunteer captains but for now he would pretended it was
just for him.


"I'd like to thank you for agreeing to participate in this
study. As a starship captain you are well aware of the
stresses of the role. This study is to try and identify any
behaviour patterns that help you cope with the pressures of
the job. Now I know you may be a little anxious about this
monitoring. You may be wondering if the information will be
used to show you're not fit for your post. Well, I can assure
you that is not the case. I'm not interested in assessing
your physical condition; that's your ship's doctor's
responsibility.

"Now if you open up the envelope you'll find the monitoring
device inside. It's quite small." Picard was truly amazed;
it was hardly bigger that an old coin.

"All you have to do is to arrange for your doctor to insert
the device through a small incision in your lower left groin
.."


"WHAT! " Picard shouted at the screen.

"Jack you b****** you never told me it was an internal
device." He paced the room hardly able to control his anger.

"Merde!"

A monitoring device you could remove at will was one thing,
but one you wore all day every day for three months! It
would record everything, eating, sleeping, going to the
toilet. Worse still, what if he felt the need for a little
'personal massage'? He knew he couldn't abstain from such
activity for three months and the thought of Beverly
monitoring was unbearable. There was nothing for it, he
would have to back out - but how to do it without offending
Beverly and Jack?

Picard restarted Dr Crusher's message hoping a suitable
excuse would occur to him.


"... Besides the monitoring information I would find it
helpful if you could maintain a daily log giving me a brief
description of your activities. You don't need to include
every trip to the toilet! I do realise how intrusive all
this might seem. I carried a monitor myself for 3 months and
kept a diary so I know what I'm asking. I can assure you I'm
the only person who'll ever read your log."


He replayed the message two more times just for the pleasure
of hearing and watching her. Near the end of the third rerun
the perfect excuse occurred to him - his artificial heart.
His bio-readings would be totally different from the other
captains, surely his data would be worthless. A pity though,
the thought of recording a daily log for Beverly was
beginning to appeal to him - but not at that price.

He touched the computer panel and prepared to record a
"Sorry Doctor" message. The panel beeped and displayed a
list of in-coming messages. Amongst these was a personal
message from Dr B. Crusher. Jean-Luc nervously selected this
entry and her smiling face greeted him. She was obviously
excited about something.


"Captain-" He winced, call me Jean-Luc. "- have you received
the monitoring device yet? I can't tell you how pleased I am
that you've volunteered. Your artificial heart will give me
valuable information I can't get from the other subjects..."


Oh S***


"... I've had great difficulty getting enough volunteers. As
soon as they hear about the internal device and the daily
log, some of them back out. If you're worried what I might
tell Jack, then don't be. I've never told him anything
private about any of my patients or research subjects and
I'm not about to start now. Also, you and I need never talk
about this study if you'd rather not. Just record your log
into the computer and forget that another human being will
ever see it."


Picard gazed at the engaging smile on the screen.

"I could never forget you were there, Beverly. Never."

---

The ship's doctor looked suspiciously at him.

"Why the sudden willingness to be monitored all day long
when you'll hardly let me take your temperature?"

Noble words about the importance of the research study
wouldn't fool this experienced old medic. A more truthful
reply was necessary.

"Jack Crusher asked me to help his wife and, in a moment of
madness, I agreed."

"Oh aye? Don't worry Captain, your secret's safe with me.
Pretty young thing, isn't she?"

Picard pretended he didn't understand.

---

The implant operation went well. The device fitted so neatly
between skin and muscles that he couldn't feel it at all.
Nevertheless he KNEW it was there. Entering the bridge,
Picard found himself moving as if he had a delicate glass
egg inside his underpants. A few crewmembers gave him odd
looks but didn't say anything. After standing behind his
command chair for an unusually long time, he picked up
courage and sat down. Nothing broke and a smile of relief
crossed his face.

During his duty shift he tried to keep his mind on his work
but the day was uneventful and the monitoring device kept
intruding into his thoughts. A new image started to haunt
him - he was a kangaroo-like animal and his underpants were
a pouch. A miniature Beverly was in there peeping over the
edge and observing his world. This ridiculous idea refused
to go away however hard he tried.

---

Jean-Luc was reminded of an affectionate dog as Crusher
entered his quarters. Jack's constant good humour and
obvious devotion were irresistible; it was hard to stay
cross with him. The Lieutenant reported competently on his
current duties and waited to hear why he'd been summoned.
Picard had been intending to remonstrate with him about the
internal monitor, but had a sudden change of mind. He
remembered Beverly's word about not discussing patients with
her husband. //Perhaps Jack doesn't know it's an internal
device? Besides, if Beverly isn't going to discuss this
study with Jack, then why should I?//

"I'm feeling rather sluggish, Jack. I could do with some
exercise. Do you fancy a bit of competition this evening?
You pick the sport."

"Willingly! Pity we don't have a squash court on board, I
feel lucky today. How about a martial art? Can I try and hit
you with a Kendo stick?"

"You can try, Jack. You can try."

---






Beverly's Subject
by Catherine Ellis


Jack Crusher had no more success at kendo than he did at
squash. Picard fought like a man possessed, unwilling to let
his opponent even come close to hitting him. For Jean-Luc
the contest had the desired physical effect of satisfying
his need for energetic exercise. As he lay on his bed that
night he had no strength left for any solo indulgences.
Instead his mind mulled over the issue of the daily log for
Dr Crusher. Should he use a text, voice or a visual
recording method?

//I'm as nervous a teenage boy composing his first love
letter. This is ridiculous! Just get on with it.// Sitting at
the desk he instructed the computer to open a new audio file
and started talking.


"Medical log for the attention of Dr Beverly Crusher only.
Stardate , today. Er ... Hello Beverly... our ship's doctor
inserted the device at 07:30 today. It appears to be working
correctly.

"Er ... I was on bridge duty from 08:00 to 16:00 and spent
most of that time actually on the bridge. It was a very
uneventful day. The main stress was coping with the boredom!

"This evening Jack and I had a Kendo contest so you should
see a few peaks in my heart rate around 20:00. ... I won, of
course.

"The monitoring device is comfortable but I feel very
self-conscious about it. Did you ever learn to forget the
one you were carrying?

"Sorry. I forgot this isn't a letter, I shouldn't be asking
you questions. Well ... Er ... I'm going to bed now. Good
night."


What an appallingly dull entry! Tomorrow, he promised
himself, it would be better.

---

As the days passed Picard found it easier to record the
daily messages. Rather than restricting himself to his own
activities, he strayed into whatever events he felt might
interest her. In fact, he started viewing his life as though
its main purpose was to report events to Beverly. By the
fifth evening he was including random thoughts about his
hopes, fears and childhood memories. Anyone listening to the
recordings would have assumed they were letters to a very
close friend or a personal log. However, despite this
relaxed attitude, he was careful to omit particular topics
and extremely careful to avoid a certain activity.

The daily routine wasn't very eventful during the first
week. The Stargazer was engaged in mapping an uncharted star
system, a routine task the crew could have handled in their
sleep. It wasn't until the seventh day that the stress
levels went off the scale. That evening Picard could hardly
bear to think about the accident as he recorded his entry.


"You'll see a few peaks in my bio-readings today from around
14:00. We almost lost a crewmember. ... " He paused to
recover his composure. "To cut a long story short, I had to
order a young female ensign, Anna Wright, to go on a
dangerous space walk with Lieutenant Arto. She was scared at
the prospect, but tried not to show it. Things went fine to
start with and the pair of them repaired the antenna. Then a
sudden shock wave hit us, dragging them both away into a
dense cloud. We had to go after Arto first as his
bio-readings showed he was injured. Anna was some distance
further on. We could hear her, but she couldn't hear us."
Jean-Luc fell silent as he remembered the moment.

"She started panicking, she thought we would never find her.
... Her screams were heart wrenching. She kept calling for
her mother. ... I had to turn the comm link off ... I
couldn't think with that sound in my ears. ... It was ten
minutes before we reached her. You know the routine, bring
her on board via an air lock. But I kept her in there longer
than usual. I'm the Captain and Captains aren't allowed
normal human feelings. I had to get her functioning again to
'full capacity'. I talked to her over the intercom as if I'd
never heard her screams. I calmly congratulated her on the
good repair job, told her to change into the clothes we had
put to the air lock - I guessed she might have fouled the
others - I chatted away about various matters until her
snivelling stopped and her breathing sound normal. Only then
did I let her out.

"Dear God, she's hardly more than a child! I wanted to give
a hug and let her cry on my shoulder. But that's not allowed,
is it? I'm supposed to turn her into a hardened Starfleet
officer. ... Tomorrow I've got to send her out again ... put
her right back on the horse that threw her ... can't afford
to carry any 'non-functioning' crewmembers on a small ship
like this."


Picard left another long pause before he continued.


"Sorry, Beverly. I shouldn't be dumping all this self-pity on
you ... but it helps. I can't say these things to Jack or to
another of my crew."

For a while Picard sat there considering whether to delete
the entry. No, he'd leave it in, after all she needed to
understand the stresses and he wanted to tell her about
these moments.

---

Life on board the Stargazer was a mixture of mundane routine
interspersed with periods of high interest or danger. To
cope with the tedious spells the crew thought up
competitions. A group of the younger human males started a
beard growing contest. Three female officers would judge the
results after 6 weeks. Jack Crusher entered but was
obviously going to lose. After four weeks all he had to show
was hint of a moustache and some soft down around his chin.
This beard growing and associated jokes about manhood led
to more sexual innuendoes on the bridge than usual. The
Captain had never objected to this type of conversation and
didn't think he could start now; however, he wished they
would stop. The subject matter was exacerbating a personal
problem - after many days of sexual abstinence he felt
increasingly tense and short tempered. He needed some way of
relieving the tension.

An opportunity finally arose when they came across an uninhabited
M class planet. Picard set Crusher the task of organising a two hour
visit to the surface for everyone, including himself. When his turn
came he wandered off on his own leaving instructions that on no
account should he be called unless there was an emergency.

Everyone returned to the ship feeling invigorated and in
fine spirits. With no women on bridge duty that watch, the
young men returned to their favourite topic of conversation.
The helm officer, Michael Hardwick was just declaring he had
never felt 'so frisky' when Picard joined them.

"Captain, may I leave the bridge to take a cold shower?"

Picard froze; his face turned pink.

"Sir, are you all right?"

"Yes! Of course," he snapped. "If you'll excuse me. Mr
Crusher, you have the bridge."

His colleagues watched him about turn and leave, puzzled by
his sudden outburst.

---

Back in his cabin Jean-Luc hit his head against the wall.

"How could I be so stupid? How could I forget? "

It was the change of location that had fooled him. He'd come
to associate the monitoring device with the ship and had
forgotten it would be with him on the planet. The water in
that pool had been warm and sensuous, it invited relaxation.
Relieving his sexual tension had seemed perfectly natural.

"Oh God. What do I do now?"

He spent the rest of his shift irritating the crew with
unnecessary inspections. Anything was preferable to thinking
about his problem. The fretting used up energy and his
stomach ached. Whether it was hunger or anxiety he didn't
know or care. In the ship's galley he loaded a tray and
moved through to the mess tables. Some of the bridge crew
sat, talking at the main table. They paused as he entered,
uncertain if they should continue.

"Carry on." he told them, trying to sound like one of the
boys.

Jack cleared a space for him and Picard sat down neither in
nor out of this group. Hardwick looked cautiously at the
Captain before continuing to give Crusher the benefit of his
advice.

"I tell you Jack, you've got to keep practicing. How are you
going to satisfy your wife if you don't keep it up?"

"Well ...", Jack didn't sound too keen on answering.

"I practice every day, sometimes three or four times."

Disbelieving chuckles came from all round the table, but
Mike was insistent.

"It's true! Put a monitoring device on me if you like."

Jack Crusher glanced down the table towards Picard who had
decided this was a good moment to stare intently at his
food.

---

Recording the daily log entries had been an enjoyable
activity. Usually Picard lay on his bunk bed and talked
about whatever came into his head, but not tonight. Lying
down was out of the question, it had too many ...
connotations. He stood to attention and started speaking, but
his voice sounded strained and over formal. The thought of
Beverly watching his bio-reading and guessing the cause of
the peaks was excruciatingly embarrassing. He tried to
concentrate on describing the day's other activities but the
words wouldn't come. His mind kept returning to events in
the pool.

"God damn it!" he shouted at the walls, "what does she
expect!" Then he stopped and laughed at himself.

"Maybe this is exactly what she DOES expect? Maybe NOT
indulging would surprise her? Hardwick obviously doesn't
feel any embarrassment, why should I? I don't feel
embarrassed while I'm in the toilet, why should this natural
behaviour be any different? After all, I wouldn't want her to
think I was impotent."

The relief was tangible, he felt so light-headed he had to
lie down. Only one problem remained - having told himself it
was all right to indulge he now wanted to -immediately. The
log would have to wait.

---










Beverly's Subject
by Catherine Ellis

The Stargazer's journey continued uneventfully for another 2
weeks. During such period's, Picard's main concern was
keeping the crew occupied and alert. Training exercises and
practice drills were organised to fill their time. The old
hands didn't mind as they enjoyed showing off their
abilities to the trainees. Jack Crusher was assigned the
task of teaching Anna Wright how to steer a shuttle craft
back aboard a fast moving Stargazer without help of a
tractor beam or other aids. His friendly jovial manner
suited her perfectly and she was soon handling a shuttle
with skill and confidence.

Crusher, however, was not handling the situation so well.
One evening he moved nervously round Picard's quarters,
fidgeting with objects and telling Jean-Luc things he
already knew.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong, Jack, or am I
supposed to guess?"

"That obvious is it?"

"Yes."

"Well... " He decided to jump straight in. "Do you think
Beverly trusts me?"

Picard stared at his friend. He hadn't anticipated this line
of conversation.

"Have you given her reason not to?" He watched Jack's face
carefully.

"Of course not! But it's not as simple as that. People make
up stupid stories. Hardwick's been joking about Anna Wright
being my 'girlfriend'. I know she's sort of attached herself
to me, but I did NOT encourage her. I was only doing my job,
training her to fly. I couldn't bear for Beverly to hear any
silly rumour."

Jean-Luc could see the fear in his eyes.

"Look Jack, Beverly might not have lived on a starship but
she can imagine what it's like. She knows the shared dangers
create strong friendships - look at us two. If you're really
worried about this rumour then forewarn her, tell her about
Anna in your next message home. Explain how you think she's
become attached to you."

Jack looked a bit sheepish and none too happy with this
suggestion.

"You do send messages home, don't you Jack?"

"Yes! But mainly when we're near enough for two-way
communications. I never was much of a letter writer. I can't
think what to say. Now if I suddenly send her a message out
of the blue talking about Anna, then she WILL be suspicious."
Jack hung his head in shame. "Please Jean-Luc! Help me out
of this mess."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

"Show an interest in Anna. When we get to the Cryack Nebula
take her with you on some shuttle trips. Dazzle her. She'll
soon lose interest in me once you're in the frame, all women
do. Then Hardwick will forget the Jack's girlfriend jokes."

Jean-Luc was appalled; not at the suggestion he should charm
Anna; he'd done that before to motivate a female crewmember.
No, it was Jack's assertion that any woman would prefer him
that was disturbing. Perhaps he was a greater threat to his
friends' marriage than he'd realised.

"All right. If you think she's impressed by rank, then I'll
take her with me on a couple of shuttle trips, but I warn
you she might consider me too old to be charming."

"She won't. Believe me Captain, she won't."

Jack was looking happier and Jean-Luc should have closed the
subject but couldn't. Before his friend could leave the room
he asked him one more question.

"Jack, do you trust Beverly?"

There was a pause before he replied in the affirmative.

"Why the hesitation?"

The young husband swallowed and started fidgeting again.

"I ... I don't understand why she married me. I'm not
special, I'll never make captain, not even of a customs
cutter. Beverly is special ... more than I ever realised
when I proposed to her. She'll be head of a medical
institute before she's 35. I know it and so do her
colleagues. I've seen the way they look at her. Now why
should a bright, talented, beautiful woman like that stick
with me?"

"Because she likes your company."

Jack made a dismissive snort.

"I'm serious, Jack. She wants you as a husband, as a father
for her child. What's that got to do with making captain?
Yes she's grown in the last few years, but I don't see any
change in her affection for you. She looks comfortable and
happy in your company. Have some faith in yourself Jack or
you will ruin your marriage."

The smile had returned to young man's face. He turned to
leave for the second time. "Yes, Sir! And thank you."

"By the way, Jack, if you ever do give Beverly cause to
distrust you I'll maim you so you're no use to any woman.
Got that?"

"That's what I love about you Jean-Luc, you really know how
to motivate people." The lieutenant ducked as a book
narrowly missed his head.

---

Till now humans had only seen the Cryack Nebula as a distant
image photographed by long-range probes. The Stargazer was
the first vessel to go anywhere near it and the sight was
more spectacular than Picard had ever hoped for. His daily
logs for Beverly were filled with descriptions of the
colours, shapes and textures of this strange formation. His
inability to adequately describe what he saw led him to
recorded pictures especially for her benefit. He wanted her
to share in his experience, to understand his physical and
emotional reaction to such a wondrous sight.

Two weeks of study couldn't do justice to the nebula, but it
would have to suffice. The ship's supplies were running down
and they were a long, long way from support should anything
go wrong. Picard ordered the helmsman to change course and
reluctantly headed the Stargazer back to Earth.

---

Beverly borrowed a friend's house for the first week of
Jack's shore leave. Her medical colleagues had got into the
habit of calling at their own apartment and she feared her
husband would resent their intrusion. The ploy worked well
and after two days of his family's undivided attention Jack
was again confident in his roles of husband and father.

Following the usual pattern, they had invited Jean-Luc over
on the third day. As he approached their house he stopped in
the lane and watched while they sat chatting in the shade of
a large tree. A pang of jealousy hit him. He'd always told
himself he didn't need a family, that his ship was enough.
But this last trip had disturbed things. It was the log for
Beverly that had done it. He had got used to talking to her,
to telling her things he never usually spoke of. When the
monitoring device had been removed he'd felt terribly alone.
There had been no legitimate excuse for continuing the log.
Any future communication would have to be open; Jack would
have to know about it and be expected to see it. Picard knew
he wasn't interested in sending such messages.

The lieutenant greeted him with enthusiasm and Beverly
hugged him briefly and kissed him on the cheek. Nothing odd
in that but he relished the brief contact more than usual.
Jack sat him down while Beverly disappeared to fetch their
guest a drink. When she was out of earshot, Jack laid his
hand on Jean-Luc's arm.

"You remember that advice you gave me when I was worried
about Hardwick's joke? Well ... it was good advice. Thank
you."

He shut up as his wife returned.

"Grapefruit juice! Beverly, you can't give a man this stuff.
Let me get him a real drink."

"No, Jack." Jean-Luc stopped him. "This will do fine, in fact
more than fine. My grandmother used to give me this on hot
afternoons when I walked over to see her. It's very
refreshing and brings back happy memories." He nodded a
thank you to Beverly who replied with a discrete smile. He
now knew the score; she had already read his log and
memorised a particular entry.

"Where's Wesley?"

"He's over at a friend's house," Jack explained." You'll see
him later. Though I'd better warn you, he's become totally
obsessed by the Stargazer."

"We have something in common then," Picard joked but meant
it.

"And a good thing too or you and I wouldn't be sitting
here."

"Shut-up Jack, you're making me blush!"

"Darling, this man has an uncanny connection to his ship. He
can sense problems the ship's monitors can't."

"That's not true, Jack. It's just that after so many years on
board I can spot unusual vibrations. The ship's sensors
weren't positioned to detect those particular
micro-fractures and that's something I should have
anticipated."

"I don't care whether it's magic or familiarity, Jean-Luc,
I'm just glad you're in charge. When we couldn't find a
problem after sitting still for three days most of us wanted
to get going. If you hadn't insisted we stick with the
diagnostics then the Stargazer would have torn herself to
bits in seconds. You won't get any arguments from this crew
in future, however barmy the order."

A strained smile crossed Picard's face and Beverly guessed
why. This man didn't want unthinking obedience. He wanted
the crew to understand his reasoning for how else could they
help him spot his errors?

"That seems a bit hard on Jean-Luc, Jack. What if he wants a
second opinion. Are you just going to tell him he's
infallible? "

Jack sat stroking his invisible beard, unsure how to answer.

"Has Jack told you about the beard-growing competition?"
said Picard, trying to lighten the mood. This was something
he hadn't mentioned in his logs and he hoped it would amuse
her.

"Some friend you are!" Jack squirmed. "OK, I'll tell her. A
group of us had this beard growing competition for 6 weeks
and I joined in, God knows why. As you can probably guess, I
could hardly produce a thing. All you could see was a hazy
moustache and some down on my cheeks. Mike Hardwick grew
this really magnificent full beard and Arto had a stylish
goatee." He stopped there hoping to end the subject.

"Go on Jack, tell her the rest of it." Picard teased. The
young man covered his face in embarrassment, leaving Jean-Luc
to finish the story for him.

"What Jack seems reluctant to tell you was that he won the
competition."

"How come?" Beverly was intrigued.

"The judges were three of the female lieutenants. Now nobody
had dictated the criteria they should use to pick the winner
so they made up their own rules. These three happen to like
a boyish complexion and so .... Jack won hands down."

She reached over and stroked her husband's cheek.

"They obviously have good taste."

If he'd been a cat, Jack would have purred.

---

The afternoon passed with more tales from their journey.
Jack did most of the talking, telling his wife things she
already knew from a different source. Only occasionally did
Jean-Luc butt in to cover missing points and give Beverly an
excuse for knowing something Jack couldn't have told her. He
was careful not to upstage his host's story telling, but had
already done so through his evocative logs.

When it came to describing the Cryack Nebula, Jack just
couldn't do it justice. His enthusiasm came through but none
of the beauty or imagery. After patiently listening to him
struggling to find the right words, Beverly inadvertently let
slip her foreknowledge of the nebula by quoting one of
Jean-Luc's descriptions.

"I don't remember telling you that?" Jack stared at her in
puzzlement. The normally fluent doctor was tongue-tied. She
wanted to turn to Jean-Luc for help but knew she mustn't. An
uneasy silence gripped the three of them before Picard came
to her rescue.

"Must have been an earlier nebula you described" he said
casually, "they all have features in common."

Jack seemed convinced. "There's so much to tell you, but I
can't remember it all."

"Why don't you keep a personal log or send me regular
messages?" A hint of criticism sounded in her voice.

"You wouldn't enjoy it if I did. Even I'm bored by my own
log. I can't talk to a blank screen; I need your presence to
inspire me. If you want eloquent words, you'd better ask
Jean-Luc here."

Picard caught Beverly's eye for a moment before dismissing
the ideas with a laugh and embarrassed wave of the hand. She
quickly changed the subject.

"It's time to collect Wesley. Will you fetch him, Jack, or
shall I?"

"I will. What clothes and toys did he take with him?"

As Jack memorised the list, he absentmindedly slid his hand
along his wife's thigh. The captain watched, captivated. All
afternoon he'd been trying to keep his eyes of her shapely
legs, but now he couldn't resist then. He raised his hand to
rub his temple and hide where his eyes were focused.

As soon as Jack had gone, they stared at one another. They
had been friends for years, but such behaviour wasn't normal
and they knew it. Beverly was the first to break the
silence.

"Come and talk to me while I prepare supper."

"All right." Picard rose to his feet. "But show me round the
garden first."

As they strolled about he took great care not to bump into
her. He had already done enough harm to their marriage and
didn't want to risk more. She might have lied to her husband
just now because of his letters - and they were letters; no
use pretending otherwise.

The conversation stayed on safe subjects such as Wesley and
mutual friends as they moved into the kitchen. Picard leant
against the doorframe while she chopped vegetables just an
arm's length away. At last Jean-Luc felt brave enough
mention her work.

"How's your job going."

"Challenging." She fingered the knife blade. "It's mainly
surgery at the moment plus that research project. The
surgery's pretty gruesome as it's in an emergency receiving
hospital. ... The first couple of operations I had to leave
the theatre to throw up. Then my supervisor took me aside
'Your patient doesn't need this now.' " She repeated his
words." 'She doesn't want your tears, your sympathy or your
shock. She wants an efficient, ice-cool surgeon who can look
at the mess that was once her leg and reconstruct it. If you
can't be that doctor, then you had better run and hide in a
nice cosy research lab.' ... I decided I'd feel guilty
hiding in a lab."

The doctor chopped a few more vegetables with obvious
expertise. Picard wasn't sure where this conversation was
headed until Beverly continued. " You know Jack told me
about Anna Wright's spacewalk. He admires the way you
handled the whole incident. Doesn't think he could have done
it himself - too soft."

Jean-Luc gave her a brief smile of thanks and whispered,
"It's not easy being heartless, is it?"

"No," she whispered back. " But someone HAS to do it."

Her understanding of his life lifted a great weight from his
shoulders. He might never be able to write to her again but
she would understand. His whole body relaxed and he felt
able to touch the subject they'd been avoiding.

"I'm sorry my daily logs were so long. It must have wasted
your time ploughing through them."

"On the contrary-" Her look showed no sign of guilt or
embarrassment. "they were very useful and interesting. I've
learnt more about Jack's life on the Stargazer from your
logs than I ever have from him." Picard appreciated the
careful phrasing - she had kept Jack the centre of events.

"Have you spotted anything useful from all the information
you've gathered?"

Beverly hesitated.

"I need your opinion on something, Jean-Luc. My captains
seem to fall into two distinct groups. It has nothing to do
with gender; there are men and women in both camps. One
group is coping well with the pressures of command; the
others are developing health problems that I'm sure are
stress related. There seems to be one particular activity
that helps the first group to cope."

"And that is?"

"They all enjoy ... how shall I put it? They enjoy a
physical workout in the shower in the same way you do."

Picard froze and blushed deeply. But when Beverly smiled, he
burst out laughing.

"Are you serious, doctor?"

"I'm quite serious. Now my problem is this - can I go to
Starfleet HQ and tell them they should recommend to their
captains that ...."

Jean-Luc laughed so hard he had to sit down; tears ran down
his cheeks as he imagined how certain admirals would react
to such a suggestion.

"No Beverly. You can't do that."

At that moment Jack put his head round the door.

"What are you two talking about?"

Picard struggled to regain his composure, but Beverly just
bit the end off a carrot.

"Personal exercise routines" she replied innocently," I've
found they're very important to a captain's well being."

---

The End