The BLTS Archive- L'hal Bitora/Sincerest Thanks
by Donna (moongirl527@yahoo.com)

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NOTES: Takes place between "Extreme Measures" and "Dogs of War"

FEEDBACK: Totally welcome, just be gentle

DISTRIBUTION: BLTS (others please ask first)

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Commander Kira Nerys stared upward, murmuring words that she hadn't
thought of...they just seemed to roll off of her tongue. It was
useless to try to sleep. She hadn't slept in days, not since she had
left Odo's bedside.

The words were Old Bajoran and they were weak, and muffled. She didn't
care what the Cardassians thought, but dammit, she would pray for Odo.

Odo would have smiled at that, would have said, "Nerys, please get
your rest."

She would have turned to him and smiled, asking for him to join her.
They would have worn each other out and she would have slept in his
arms with the secure weight of his chin against her hair, his cheek
periodically nuzzling her forehead as she slept.  That's what she
needed right now.

Kira was desperate. She had to save him somehow. And since he had sent
her away–had pleaded with her to return to this hell hole to fight for
Cardassia–prayer was all she could do.

The words "I love him" and "Please save him" were repeated constantly.
Even in her mind as she set about her "mission." She needed him. He
was the other half of her pagh.

Kira was angry that it had taken her so long to discover that. All the
years she had walked into his office and discussed business with him
could have been spent as she and Odo had spent the last
year–blissfully.

Even more so, she was angry with Odo. It hurt to admit it, but that
was the truth. *How could you send me away? How can you leave
me...after the way we've been together? Dammit, Odo! This never would
have happened if you hadn't linked with her!*

She knew that he felt her anger, at least a little bit, after they
learned that he had been infected. That first night, the grief at
facing the fact that he might die was too much and she had snapped at
him. It wasn't just Rusot she wanted to hurt. She wanted to hurt the
Founder that had done this to him.

Rusot and his cronies had decided to start a fight by intimating that
Odo was a collaborator during the Occupation.  It was the only way the
Cardassians knew to raise her infamous temper.  Immediately, she rose
to defend her lover and nearly ended up killing Rusot...but Odo
stopped her before she could swing a punch. With all that angry
energy, she made a polite comment to diffuse the situation and stormed
off, punching anything in her way.

Odo was right behind her and came upon her in storage area, the voice
of reason in her ear. *Nerys,* he said patiently, *the Dominion is our
enemy, not Rusot.*

Kira whirled around and snapped at him, confronting him with the anger
she felt about his illness. *I don't need YOU to remind me of that.*
He looked as if she'd slapped him and she immediately regretted the
comment. *I'm sorry...it's just I'm–It's just so hot in here.* She
almost told him how she felt, but realized it wasn't the time. She
would blame it on the damn heat. She was relieved when he let her get
away with it, though she was sure that he knew and allowed her retreat
from the situation.  Very typical of Odo.  He always cared more about
her than for himself. It was endearing at times, and frustrating at
others.

It was happening again. The last man she was happy with, that she told
that she loved him had died. She hadn't made it back before he walked
with the Prophets, but dug his grave. *Papa.* After Papa's death, she
swore that she would never verbally tell her feelings again. Bareil
was already dead before she told him that she loved him. Always
implied, never spoken. She and Shakaar never said "I love you" to each
other. Besides, their relationship was a joke anyway.
 Then Odo. Odo. Her friend. Her lover. Her confidante. Her paghmate.
For the first time, she had known true love. She had known it when
they had danced for the first time. She felt pure passion in their
first kiss. And the first night they made love, promising themselves
to each other in every possible way, had shown her what paradise was.

Their first night was endless. They made love more times–more
ways–than she could name. Fierce desire couldn't be–wouldn't be–denied
any longer. Their first loving was frenzied, urgent. They didn't make
it to the bed until much later, around the middle of the
night to be exact. They had finally sated each other (temporarily) at
the time she would normally wake up. After she showered, he was
gentlemanly enough to bring her the towel, which escalated into
another passionate coupling against the bathroom wall. They couldn't
stop touching each other.

Their relationship was extraordinary.  The best of both worlds.  Odo
as a lover.  And as a friend at the same time.  Their relationship had
only intensified as they became romantically involved.  Days spent
working side by side, casual smiles.  Nights spent making love.  He
was always there for her.  Her rock.  Her everything.

But now Odo wasn't here with her. He was on the station. Dying. And
without him here, she felt the same way.  *I love you, Odo.*

*I love you, Nerys.*

*Please. Stay with me, Odo. I need you.* She only hoped that he could
hear her all the way from Cardassia Prime.

"Commander?"

She turned to see Garak standing in the doorway. She hoped her
agitation didn't show that he had interrupted her thoughts and
prayers.  "Yes?"

"There's an incoming message for you from DS9."

 *Oh Prophets. Here it is.* She felt numb. This was the message she
had hoped and prayed would never come.  *It's over.*

Julian would tell her what time it had happened and all the details,
ask her what she wants to do with Odo's...body. And she didn't know.
*Oh Prophets.*

She nodded and followed Garak out into the main room, looking around
discreetly and nodding at the other officers that she wanted to be
alone. Nobody would see her cry. She was determined. Garak left with
the other officers. At least he understood the situation. Perhaps he
had even shared enough information with the others so that they
wouldn't ask her about Odo's situation. She was grateful.

With a deep breath, she pressed the "receive" button on the console
and sat in the chair. Preparing herself.

And saw Odo staring back at her. "Hello, Nerys."

She almost fell out of the chair.

Any residual anger at the situation vanished as if taken by a
transporter.  "Odo," she said with a smile, her voice cracking with
emotion. Relief. Joy. Sadness that they were apart.
Love. Slowly, she brought her hand to the screen and was touched when
he did the same thing, as if they could still clasp hands through
space. Happily, she noted his "skin" was as healthy as it had been
weeks ago before they had left the station.

Odo looked to her with a gaze that always made her feel as if she was
the only woman in creation who knew what love was. "Are you all
right?"

Kira raised her eyebrows. "I was about to ask you the same thing."
"The cure was administered last night. From the data Julian has
gathered, my morphogenic matrix has re-stabilized. The pain is gone,
but I'm still ordered to remain here for another twenty-six hours for
observation." He rolled his eyes and added his usual Odo-style
harrumph for good measure.

She nodded. *Thanks for living up to your promise, Julian.* "Good,"
she said with a smile.

There was a long silence, a comfortable silence as they stared at each
other.

"Are you all right?" he asked again, softly.

She knew she couldn't lie to him–he knew her too well. She could try
to say "fine" but all he would have to do is look into her eyes.

She had tried to remain on the station with him, but he wouldn't have
it. *You'd be surprised how well I can hide my feelings...when I need
to.* It was a hollow lie and they both knew it.

*Not from me.*

Kira swallowed. Hard. All the emotion she had suffered through came
over her like a tidal wave. Holding his deteriorating form in her
arms, hoping that by sheer will she could protect him and keep the
pain at bay. The image of him in the infirmary. The kiss she gave
him...her lips wet with tears. His face. His changeling "skin"
weathering away. The only thing that resembled "her" Odo were the
eyes...which revealed pain. Illness. And
yet, love. Holding his decaying hand as they told each other the most
important words they could share before she left. *I love you.* Tears
threatened to surface.

No. She wouldn't cry. Odo was okay now.

She blinked hard and looked away for a moment. "I was afraid I'd lose
you." It didn't work entirely. Her voice still cracked.

She wished she could wrap herself around him and feel his embrace. "I
love you, Odo."

Odo inclined his head and smiled. His eyes sparkled, exactly as they
had the first time so many months ago she had said those words to him.
*Just tell me you love me. That's all I ever cared about.* She never
knew how much joy she could bring to somebody until she had said those
words. But it was reflected in his eyes. "I love you, Nerys."

Somebody cleared his throat from the entryway and she turned. Garak.
*Dammit.* It was a lot more "fun" to work when Odo was right there
with her. Without him, it was tedious...and...well, just work. Even on
the station, when she would walk along the Promenade when she knew he
was on duty.  She nodded her acknowledgement and the Cardassian left.

She sighed. "I have to go."

Odo nodded, accepting this. Yet there was another long silence. "I
love you, Nerys." He brought his hand to his lips and kissed it, then
brought it to the screen where, she knew on his monitor, her lips
would be.

"I love you, Odo." She did the same and held her hand there.

He smiled. "And Nerys?"

"Yes?"

"Keep your head down."

She laughed and then replied, "Make sure you do the same. See you
soon, Constable."

Kira could trace amusement in his eyes. "I look forward to it,
Commander," he replied.

Then the connection was terminated.

She stared for a long moment at the Cardassian insignia. Already she
was looking forward to their next communication. Whenever that would
be. "So do I."

*L'hal bitora.* Words of sincerest thanks to the Prophets for
answering her prayers.

Then Commander Kira got up from the chair and left for her next
mission. With a smile on her face and a very important reason to
survive.

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And on the space station known as Deep Space Nine, Odo stared at the
screen too. Desperate for their next communication.  "Take care of
yourself, Nerys.  Please."  *And try to get some rest.*  He didn't
mention it to her, but he could tell she was exhausted.

All he could do was wait. And hope.

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The End