The BLTS Archive -  The Letter
by DocBevCulver (docbevculver@gmail.com)

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Disclaimer: 'Star Trek' is owned by Paramount. I just claim the plot
to this story. No infringement intended.

Author's  Notes: This story popped into my head one night and I had to
get it down. Hope you enjoy!

Archive: ASC and BLTS, all other's please ask first.

Feedback of all kinds, is welcomed, but flames will be used to light
my cigarette.

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Dear Jean-Luc


I needed to write this to you before I left. So here it goes.

We never look at each other anymore, or at least, not like we use to.
We only do it because of our duties, to be able to perform them to our
best abilities.

Why? Why have we drifted so far apart? Has our friendship finally come
to an end?

Even without furthering our relationship, our friendship has suffered.
I know we did't mean for this to happen, but it has.

We can't place blame on one or the other, because we are both at
fault. We both stopped working on it, letting the hurt and fear become
the rulers of our destiny.

I'm at fault, due to my fear of loving you fully, then losing you
suddenly.

Yes, I know the old saying, "Better to have loved, then never to have
loved at all", but that doesn't stop the grip of fear that takes over
my heart at the thought of us being more then friends.

My rational mind also reminds me that, even as friends, the loss of
you would kill me. Leave me a empty shell of the woman I am, but in
our friendship, I feel safe. I don't have to give up my demons to you,
to let you see the TRUE side of me. The scared, helpless woman, who is
not the pillar of strength that everyone thinks she is.

You know little about me. Yet, you know more then anyone else and the
same holds true for me, I suppose.

I know that my indecision has hurt you, but you too, have your demons
that you have never let me witness. So I suppose we both have our
secret half we wish to keep hidden from the other. So that keeps us
from showing our love to each other.

If we are unwilling to share these secrets as friends, how can we
possibly show them in a loving relationship, one of lovers or
marriage.

Oh, how I wished you were here right now. To hold me, to comfort me,
to chase away the demons, to see the other half of me. I know it's too
late to tell you that, I too, wanted to futher our relationship, but
I've waited to long and now you are on another world with her.

I hope she gives you what you need, what I couldn't give you. Love!
Love without fear, without hesitation. I hope she makes you happy,
truly happy!

I'm not writing this letter to make you choose me or change your mind
about Anji. I just wanted to tell you this, the one thing that I could
never tell you face to face. Now that I'm leaving for my own starship,
I thought it was time I did.

I love you, with all my heart and wish nothing but happiness for you.

Well, it's time for me to leave for my ship. I hope that I can do half
as good a job at captain, as you do.


Sincerely and with love,

Beverly
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The End