The BLTS Archive- Reflections by DocBevCulver (docbevculver@gmail.com) --- Author's Notes: This little tidbit was wrote in about 10 minutes. I took some personal matters into the story as well, and realized that it fit my favorite couple. I wrote this sometime back and it was lost on my hard drive. I thought it fit my mood and I thought I'd throw this out here too. It's not been beta read, so as the earlier, if you have any suggestions, please e-mail me. Thanks. Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters, not the idea of this story. 12/17/99 --- Who knows what the future may hold. At least that's what I keep telling myself and I've been doing it for the last 30 years. Years I've wasted asking myself, 'What if it doesn't work out? What if he doesn't feel the same?' Oh, all the what if's... If only I had paid more attention instead of wondering maybe I could have seen all the signs earlier, maybe made things turn out different. Yet, I let it all slip from my fingers. I lost my chance to be with the one true person that could make me whole and to love life again. But here I sit, lonely and feeling sorry for myself. I guess I deserve it. I had my opportunity several years ago. But no, I simply sat there and said the one thing that shouldn't have been said, "Maybe we should be afraid." What in hell was I thinking? Yes, I was scared to death, but he would have chased all the demons away, made me feel like a woman, time and time again. Why did I walk away and let it continue to slip from my grasp? I don't know, but I do know that, if I could go back, I would change that one thing, nothing else. But only Q could help in that department and I sure as hell don't want to owe him. Well, it's time to go to work. I just hope that today is better than it was yesterday. Maybe he will tell me that they have called off the wedding and that he's not leaving StarFleet. Who am I kidding? He had told me the news with the biggest, brightest, smile I had ever seen. "She accepted, Beverly. Anij and I are getting married in two weeks." What do I do? I simply smiled and said, "Congratulations. I'm so happy for you two." Stupid me. Maybe I should have got down on my hands and knees right there and told him, "No, you can't marry her. I'm the one that you should marry." Or maybe I should have laughed right in his face and said, "You're an idiot to marry that metaphasic whore. Why settle for second best, when I'm right here." God, I've lost my mind. Yet, he gives me a friendly hug and runs off to make his wedding plans and to send in his resignation. Resignation. Boy, I never thought I would see the day when the Captain's Chair was going to be surgically removed from that man's behind. But I guess things really have changed. Well, I think I had better get to work. Maybe I can find happiness again, but I know now it will never be with Jean-Luc Picard. --- The End