The BLTS Archive- All or Nothing
by DocBevCulver (docbevculver@gmail.com)

---

Disclaimer: Paramount owns the characters. I just claim the story.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Archive: Yes, ASC, anyone else, let me know or ask.

As before, no beta reader for this part of the story either, Thanks to
Not Sharon for noticing a few typo's and grammar problems in my first
posts of this story. I'll be reposting with revisions. Here it is,
enjoy.

---

Beverly stood, her gaze directed to the stars that streamed by at warp
three, her thoughts on nothing more then her loneliness. She spoke
softly, "Why have let my life become so empty? Why have I let myself
become so isolated?" She sighed as she ran a shaky hand through her
auburn hair. "Why did I let him slip from my grasp so long ago?"

She slammed her fist against the view port. "Why do I continue to let
him slip away?" She laid her forehead against the cool surface. "Why
am I here asking all these questions anyway?"

The tears began to stream down her face. She turned to the bulkhead
next to the view port and slid down to the floor, letting the sobs
overtake her.

---

Jean-Luc stood outside her door, saying a silent prayer as he pressed
the door chime with a shaky hand.

His trip to Ba'Ku had been cut short, due to his lack of interest in
the planet now that the immediate threat was over. He really thought
he had feeling for Anij, but she had helped him to see the error of
his ways.

---

They had sat on the small blanket, gazing at the stars. They sat there
for several moments, enjoying the silence when she had turned to him
and asked him a simple question. "Have you ever loved someone so much
that it hurt to be in their lives yet never really there?"

Jean-Luc nodded his head. "Yes."

Anij looked to him. "Was it someone that you see on a daily bases?"

He nodded once again.

"Do you still love her?"

Jean-Luc turned his hazel eyes to her. "Yes. I still love her. I
always will, but it can never be."

"Why?"

Jean-Luc dropped his chin to his chest, adverting his eyes from her
gaze. "Because we have let too much come between us. We have let what
we had slip from our fingers." He sighed, "We have hurt one another
far too much to repair the damage now."

"Why?"

A single tear dropped from his eye. "I really don't know."

Anij took his hand. "Have you told her that you still feel the same?"

Jean-Luc wiped the tear from his cheek. "No."

"What is stopping you from doing that?"

"I really don't know."

Anij squeezed his hand gently. "Why don't you go to her now. Tell her
that you still feel this way. That you want to change things."

Jean-Luc brow creased. "Why are you doing this?"

Anij shrugged, a small smile gracing her face. "Maybe I just needed a
sounding board." She placed her hand upon his right cheek and placed a
small kiss on his left, "You are not the only one cursed with a love
that you feel is forever out of reach."

Jean-Luc smiled. "I understand."

He left the next day to return to the Enterprise and to finish what he
had started over 30 years ago.

---

Now he stood outside of Beverly's cabin and was receiving no response
from the door chime. He called to the computer, "Location of Doctor
Crusher?"

<"Doctor Crusher is in her quarters.">

Growing concerned, he used his over-ride command and entered her
quarters. The only illumination came from the stars that streaked by
the view port.

He started to call for the lights when he spotted her form on the
floor directly next to the view port.

He rushed to her side. "Beverly, are you all right?"

She sniffled and tried to speak. "I'm...fine...Jean...Luc..."

"Have you been crying?"

"Yes."

He pulled her to him, holding her tightly against his chest. He began
to rub her back in small circles. Kissing the top of her head, he
spoke, "Would you like to tell me about it?"

Beverly just shook her head.

"Please, tell me...let me help you."

She squeezed him tightly. "Just hold me."

They sat on the floor for what seemed like hours, just holding each
other tightly, until they both feel to an exhausted sleep.

---

He had risen sometime in the night, carrying her to her bed. He had
begun to leave her quarters when a soft plea came from the bed.
"Please, don't leave, Jean-Luc."

He stopped his motion and turned back towards her bedroom. "If that is
what you wish," he spoke softly. As he made his way back, she patted
softly next to her on the bed. As he began to lie down on the covers,
she pulled the covers back to allow him into the bed and he smiled at
the gesture.

She moved towards him, wrapping her arm around his waist and beginning
to nuzzle his neck. "Thank you."

He smiled and kissed her forehead, wrapping his arms around her. "My
pleasure."

He really wanted to know what had happened last night and decided
he'd find out what had caused her so much pain, "Beverly?"

"Hmmm...."

"What happened earlier?" Jean-Luc asked softly.

"What?" Beverly asked her mind still clouded by sleep.

"What happened to cause you to cry, to be in such pain?"

Beverly rubbed her eyes with her hand, "Can we talk about this in the
morning? I'm really tired."

"Please, tell me. I want to help you," he pleaded.  He decided he
would just let his feelings be known and to live with the outcome. "I
love you and I hate to see you hurting."

Beverly smiled and her stomach churned as she heard his
declaration, "You've helped me more tonight by just holding me and
being here for me." Her face darkened as she spoke. "I was hurting
because I thought I'd lost you forever. I thought I'd finally pushed
you away and there was no friendship either." Tears began to stream
done her face again, "I never should have walked out that night after
Kes-Prit. But I was still afraid of committing to you or to anyone,
but I didn't want to lose you either. After the D crashed, we began to
spend less time together."

She lowered her gaze. "When you decided to take your leave on Ba'Ku, I
thought my chance had gone. I saw the look in your eyes for Anij when
you thought she was dying in that cave. My heart broke and I just knew
I'd never get the chance to say that I wasn't afraid anymore. That I
wanted to try, if nothing else."

He smiled, pulling her chin up he began to wipe the tears from her
cheek. "You could never lose me, no matter how long I'd have to wait.
I've loved you for nearly 30 years. I don't think I could stop for one
second. I might stray, but you are the one that has my heart and soul.
No one else can touch that."

He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. Both deepened the kiss
with tongues struggling for power over the other. His hands began to
caress her back slowly until her reached her hair, entangling his
hands in the soft tresses. Her hands were not idle for long as she
began to caress his back as well.

She stopped long enough to shift her weight until she was on top of
him, her hands moving from his back onto his chest in the process.
Unbuttoning his jacket, she moved her hands inside to feel his skin.

Jean-Luc broke the kiss as he felt her warm hands on his chest. He
needed to ask one simple question. "Are you sure?"

Beverly's eyes burned with passion as she responded, "Yes, I'm sure."

That was all he needed to hear as he pulled her lips back to his and
began moving his hands to undress her, as she did the same to him.

---

Beverly smiled contently as she felt strong arms wrap around her when
she moved. 'Why did we let things go for so long?' she thought as she
placed her arms on top of Jean-Luc's, squeezing them gently.

She lay there for several minutes, staring at the chronometer beside
her bed. Listening to his slow breathing, feeling his heart beat
against her back. As she continued to stare, she realized that the
time was approaching for her shift in sickbay. She snuggled closer,
enjoying the warmth of his body pressed to hers for a few minutes
longer when Jean-Luc began to mumble something in his sleep. She
strained to hear what he was saying when he moaned a few times and the
sounds remind her of the events that had transpired just a few hours
before. A few words became clear and they where not what she expected.

"Anij...thank you."

Beverly's mouth dropped, 'How dare he. He's thinking about her while
he's holding me.' She huffed, prying his arms from around her and
sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling the blanket around her body.

At the sudden loss of heat, Jean-Luc's eyes fluttered open, "Beverly?"

"Don't Beverly me."

Jean-Luc rubbed his eyes, his confusion growing at the venom coming
from her words. "Beverly, what's wrong?"

"How dare you think of her while you lie in my bed," Beverly spoke
as she stood and began to pace the room, pulling the blanket tighter
around her body.

Jean-Luc laughed. "Beverly, what are you talking about?"

Beverly spun, pointing a finger at him, her eyes blazing. "You said
Anij's name just a few minutes ago. I just can't believe that you
could even *think* of her after the night we just spent together."

Jean-Luc's laughter caused her anger to grow. "How you can laugh about
that. It's insulting."

Jean-Luc raised upon one elbow, extending his hand to her. "Come back
to bed, Beverly."

"No." Her mind began to churn with ideas. "Did you come back early
from your *vacation* because things didn't turn out the way you
planned with Anij?" She threw her hands into the air, "Maybe all of
this was because she turned you down and you thought 'I'll give
Beverly another try'."

Jean-Luc's face fell at her words. "Why would you think that,
Beverly."

"I don't know. Maybe it was the way you spoke her name or the moaning
beforehand. Maybe it's just the fact that it wasn't my name you
spoke."

Jean-Luc sat up in the bed, gathering the sheet around his
waist. "Beverly, it was only a dream. A man cannot be held..."

"For what his mind does. Yeah, I've heard that before," Beverly
spat. "It's a bunch of bull, Jean-Luc."

When she turned to walk from the bedroom, Jean-Luc called out, "The
only reason Anij would even be mentioned is because she reminded me of
what I had here and what I was letting slip away from me." When she
turned, he continued, his eyes filling with tears. "You, Beverly. You
are the reason I came back. I realized I still love you and
that I only want you. Anij simply gave me the kick in the ass to get
me back here to you."

Beverly's eyes began to brim with tears at the token of love he had
just given her. She stood in the door way for a few minutes, numb and
feeling ashamed for her outburst. She walked slowly towards the bed
and sat down carefully. Removing her hands from the tight hold on the
blanket, she placed them on each side of his face. "I'm so sorry. I
was being a real jerk." She laughed, "And if you can't tell, I'm an
extremely jealous lover of anyone that takes my place in your life.
Real, imagined, or just simply in your dreams." Leaning in, she kissed
him fully on the lips, feeling her tears mingle with his.

Breaking the kiss, she spoke, "I love you, Jean-Luc Picard and I don't
want to miss any more moments. I've wasted too much time and I don't
want too any more. Forgive me?"

Jean-Luc smiled, placing his hand on her cheek, stroking it softly.
"Yes, I forgive you. I think I can live with your jealousy as
long as I never lose you. I love you."

He leaned forward, pulling her towards him. He kissed her deeply and
their morning shifts where forgotten once again as they made up for
lost moments and their fight.

---
One week later...
---

The senior staff where the first to notice the little changes. Such
as the Captain's hand lingering just a little longer on the CMO's hand
on the table at meetings. The fact that both showed up to the poker
game together, laughing and carrying on together, until the looks
would stop them dead in their tracks. But the first thing that was the
true indication of how things had changed were the smiles that
brightened their commanding officers' faces.

The entire crew was happy that things had finally changed for the
better and that the couple were finally together after all these
years, but none were happier the couple themselves.

Jean-Luc took the time that he normally spent in his ready room with
Beverly and vice versa. They didn't want to miss a minute of time
together.

---
Two weeks later....
---

"So, where are we going?" Beverly asked.

Jean-Luc smiled. "I think we need to see a friend and thank her."

"Ba'Ku?" Beverly asked wrapping her arms around his neck from behind.

He chuckled, placing his hand over her crossed arms and squeezing
gently, "Yes, I think Anij needs to see that we have took that final
step."

Beverly placed a light kiss on the tip of his ear and whispered
softly, "I totally agree." She released her hold and moved to the co-
pilot chair beside him. "I think she would like that."

"Well, it will be a few hours." He smiled. "How about we have some
dinner and then *desert*?"

Beverly slapped him playfully on the arm. "Oh, you're incorrigible."

---
Three hours later....
---

Their shuttle landed softly on the small hill just outside the Ba'Ku
village. As the doors opened, Beverly could make out a small crowd
gathered to meet them, Anij and Artimin were among the crowd.

Jean-Luc stepped out first, followed shortly by Beverly. Anij walked
up and enveloped Jean-Luc in a warm hug, then moved to Beverly and did
the same, whispering in her ear, "You're glowing. I'm glad you decided
to take that final step with him."

Beverly smiled and hugged Anij back. "Thank you, but it was an all or
nothing situation."

Anij stood back, keeping her arms on Beverly's shoulders and
smiling, "My pleasure and I'm glad you choose all."

The all began walking towards the small village. They spoke about the
treaty between the Federation and the Ba'Ku. It was agreed that the
Federation could place a resort in the southern hemisphere that was
only to be used for vacations and nothing more. Jean-Luc agreed to
this and felt that the Federation would be happy with this decision.

That night they celebrated with wine, food, and dancing. Anij smiled
at the couple that gently swayed with the music. She was truly happy
that they had come together. She could tell, even at a distance, that
their love made them extremely happy. She smiled as Jean-Luc lead
Beverly off the dance floor as the music ended. 'Love and cherish each
other for all eternity', she thought as they disappeared into the
night.

---

"Congratulations to these two wonderful couples. May their days
together be happy and very fruitful. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you,
Captain and Doctor Picard and Commander and Counselor Troi."

The couples kissed once more and then broke apart reluctantly as they
began to shake hands with friends and collegues.

Beverly smiled at Deanna as she spoke, "Okay, so maybe this was a good
idea." She leaned closer and lowered her voice to a whisper, "At least
we get *separate* honeymoons."

Deanna laughed, "I TOTALLY agree there."

Their conversation broke as the music began to play. Everyone joined
the couples on the dance floor, all thankful that there was happiness
in their lives.

---

The End