The BLTS Archive - The Host(ess)
by DianeB

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Written in 1998, and revised a teensy bit in March, 2005,
this story is set immediately after the Next Gen episode
"The Host."

A/N: Here's my attempt to reconcile some of the information
we learned about Trills in that episode with subsequent info
we learned later from Jadzia Dax. It will never match, of
course – especially those darn spots and that rule about
"reassociation" – but we do what we can. Besides, I wanted a
better ending. In doing so, if I muddied the Trill waters,
so be it!

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"Odan, I do love you. Please remember that," Crusher said,
struggling  to keep the tremor from her voice.

Kareel Odan reached over and took Crusher's hand, holding it
palm up and pressing her lips to the inside of her wrist,
the way she knew Tilor Odan had done. There was so much
Humans did not know about Trills.

"I will never forget you." Kareel turned and walked out of
the office, feeling Crusher's eyes on her back. Damn! She
fought with herself all the way to the turbolift, wanting to
turn around, but knowing she could not. She entered the
lift, deep into remembering the conversation of the past few
minutes. No matter what Crusher had said in tones of
dismissal, Kareel had felt the doctor trembling when she
kissed her wrist, had seen Beverly's cheeks flush with the
kiss. Perhaps she should have lingered there and let her
breath play longer on that slim wrist. Perhaps she should
return – and decided right then that she would return. She
even went so far as to step forward and open her mouth to
ask that the lift doors reopen. At that same moment, a
disembodied voice, impatient for her to make a decision
about her destination, requested one.

This abrupt intrusion into her sudden silent determination
brought Kareel spiraling back to reality. She would gain
nothing by going back to Beverly. Instead, she backed up and
thumped hard against the wall of the lift, obliging the
persistent voice by requesting the forward lounge on Deck
Ten. As the turbolift began to move, she began to reflect on
her feelings, Kareel's, not Odan's, as difficult as it was
to make the distinction.

She knew Odan loved Crusher with an intensity the symbiont
had not felt in many years. And that was exactly the
problem. Normally, a recently-transferred Trill symbiont
would easily be able to hold back some of its emotional
baggage until the new host was fully acclimated,
particularly if the new host happened to be fresh out of
initiate training and of the opposite sex from the previous
host.

But because of the circumstances of Odan's transfer,
including its time spent inside Will Riker and the
subsequent night with Doctor Crusher, the symbiont was
unable to hold anything back. It flooded Kareel with the
memories of every taste of Beverly Crusher, every passionate
moment, every heated touch. The instant Kareel awoke from
the joining, she knew it all. And she was utterly powerless
to do anything but allow the symbiont's memories and
feelings to become her own. She was completely, blindingly
in love with Beverly Crusher and had no idea how she was
going to leave her, even though she knew it was the only
choice she had.

The turbolift stopped. She exited, still lost in her
thoughts, and literally ran smack into Commander Riker.

"Whoa there!" Riker favored her with his trademark grin as
he steadied her.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Commander. I wasn't paying attention to
where I was going." Kareel swallowed hard against the sudden
tightness in her throat. Tears were much closer than she
wanted.

"It looked like you weren't paying attention to where you
were, period, Odan." Riker paused, on the verge of
chuckling, and studied her, his mood changing suddenly and
his brow crinkling with concern. "Hey, are you all right?"

"Please call me Kareel, Commander." That came out sharper
than she intended so she smiled to soften it. This man had
risked his life to save the Odan symbiont and had helped to
prevent a political disaster to boot. In spite of her best
effort to prevent it, a single tear escaped and she wiped it
away with her fingertips. There would be no sense in denying
anything to this man.

"I was just thinking about Doctor Bev. . .Crusher. . .
Beverly." She sighed and looked down at the Starfleet-issue
carpeting. "I was just thinking about Beverly." Lifting her
head back to Riker, she found to her relief that this simple
admission eased the ache in her throat and pushed back the
threatening tears.

Riker had the courtesy to look away a moment, obviously
realizing from which direction she had come. "My turn to
apologize, Kareel. And please call me Will." Though he had
originally been off to see if his lungs were up to a
practice session on his trombone, he turned and motioned
towards Ten-Forward. "Would you join me for a drink?"

Kareel smiled. "I would like that very much, Will."

They stepped into the lounge and took a seat across from one
another in an alcove by a small circular window. Ben came to
their table and stood by quietly as they made their
decisions.

"Risan spring water, please," Kareel requested, staring
vacantly at the little patch of starfield beyond the window.

"I'll have the same, Ben. Thanks."

Ben smiled and drifted towards the bar to get their drinks.

Riker looked over at the Trill. "Kareel, I don't need
Deanna's empathy to sense how painful this must be for you.
I know how much Odan loved Beverly, and how much she loved
him. It's just that it's never been easy for us Humans to
accept change – and the kind of change the Trill make is
almost beyond our comprehension." The corners of his mouth
turned upward briefly at this, as he reached across the
table to place his hand over hers. "Is there anything I can
do for you?"

Kareel dragged her gaze from the window. "You have already
done more than your share for me, Comman. . .Will. The
dispute between Peliar's moons has been settled, and I could
not have done it without you." She looked away again, but
not before Riker saw the tears she could no longer keep at
bay.

Ben returned at that moment, placed the drinks in front of
them, and departed, all in one smooth, silent maneuver.
Guinan was teaching him well.

"Well, thank you," Riker said with a hint of amusement,
taking back his hand to encircle his drink. "But that's not
exactly what I was referring to." He took a short swallow of
the cold water and put the glass down carefully on the
napkin it had come with.

She could no longer look at him, but spoke thickly. "I love
her, Commander. Me. Kareel. Though I speak for Odan, and
there's no question of the symbiont's love, I am speaking
now just for myself. Even if I wasn't joined with Odan, I
know I could love her. Would love her. Being joined with
Odan has only made it worse. Oh, no, I don't mean worse, I
mean more intense, no, I. . .I mean. . ." Words abandoned
her, replaced with the tears that overtook her. She brought
her hands up to cover her face, her slight frame shaking
with noiseless sobs pulled from deep within her.

Riker stood and came around to kneel in front of her. As he
rose again, he gathered her into his arms and moved deeper
into the alcove, to protect her from curious eyes. She stood
in the circle of his arms, dampening the front of his
uniform with her tears. Finally, after some moments, she
took a deep, ragged breath and stepped back from Riker,
dabbing at her eyes and nose with the napkin from beneath
her drink.

"Thank you, Commander," she said with a bleak smile and a
sniffle, patting his wet uniform. "You've rescued me again."
She wadded the napkin into a tight little ball and
continued. "There's really nothing I can do now except move
on. I knew when I was chosen to be Odan's host that this
kind of thing could happen, though I admit I didn't expect
it to be quite so consuming. It was all covered in my
training. Time will pass, and my love for Beverly will fade
to a bittersweet memory that I will pass on to the next
host. It's all part of who we are, Commander.

"The best thing for me is to return to the Trill Homeworld
and get on with my life and my career, even though right now
it hurts like a son of a bitch." She reverted to her native
tongue to spit out that last, but Riker had a feeling he
could translate without the Universal Translator. He was
about to suggest they sit again when his commbadge beeped.

"Number One, I hate to disturb you while you're off duty,
but I need you on the bridge."

He cast an apologetic look at her. "Kareel, I'm. . ."

"It's all right, Commander, I understand. Go do your job.
I'll be okay." At his raised eyebrow, she took his hand and
squeezed it. "Really, I will." She released his hand and sat
down, dropping the balled-up napkin onto the table, and
reaching for her drink. She turned again to the window as
Riker moved away.

Riker was walking out just as Crusher was walking in. They
stopped and spoke a moment. Riker turned and pointed
discreetly to the shadowed alcove. Crusher touched Riker's
arm and they parted.

Beverly approached the alcove without a sound, but with
great trepidation. She looked down at the Trill, who had
obviously not realized she was there.

"May I sit down. . .Kareel?"

The Trill looked up, startled by the unexpected sound of the
familiar voice. Her "Doctor Beverly" was standing there, as
unbelievable as that seemed. Crusher was holding a
long-stemmed, dark red rosebud, and she was smiling
tentatively, as if she were afraid she would be rejected.

As if Odan, in eight lifetimes, would ever reject her.
Kareel reached out and took the rose, returning the smile
twofold. She started to rise, but Crusher shook her head,
her beautiful copper hair swaying with the motion, and
instead pulled Riker's chair around and sat beside her.

In the dim light you could just see two heads bending
towards each other.

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The End