The BLTS Archive - Full Speed Ahead
Third in the In Private series
by Daughter of Lilith (daughter.of.lilith@gmail.com)

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Published: 10-26-08 - Updated: 10-26-08

Disclaimer: Not mine, which is perhaps a good thing. No
material profit is made from this (but I do get a little
emotional satisfaction out of it). Pairing: Same characters
as in my other two stories "In Private" & "Behind Closed
Doors".

Timeframe: Somewhere in the sixth or seventh season

Reviews: are always welcome and I'm curious to see whom you
guys expect the woman to be :)

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"You know," She stilled mid-bite and he waited for her eyes to
meet his before he continued, "I never thought I'd be here."
With just a twinge of anxiety, he tried to spot a reaction
in her face.

His companion smiled and continued chewing on her food.
"These are your quarters." Perhaps his meaning had eluded
her? He considered the possibility for a second, then
discarded it. She knew him too well. So why the joke? Was
she trying to discourage him, perhaps because she could see
where this conversation would head if he stepped through the
door he'd just opened? Not likely either; she didn't play
games like that.

"And yet you're here." If you can't beat them, join them.
The anxiety he felt faded, mirth shining in her eyes. She
liked it when he played these verbal games with her. Hell,
he enjoyed them too. She played different from other women
he'd known. Her jokes didn't bite and she never let them
make light of serious or disturbing situations. He
appreciated that, considering himself to be a serious man.
Her smile widened. "That's not what I meant, though I do
appreciate your presence."

She nodded. "I know."

Of course she did, it would be silly to expect otherwise. He
sighed, this wasn't as difficult as he'd expected, but still
he would rather take on a Romulan warbird or two. Her smile
faded from her features, but not from her eyes. It put him
at ease. "I received a communiqué from an old-" The
appropriate word escaped him.

"Flame."

He nodded. "I suppose." He hadn't meant to bring the
communiqué up at all. It had little to do with what he
wanted to discuss. Her expression didn't change and showed
nothing but genuine interest.

"What did she have to say?"

For a second it surprised him that she knew who this flame
was, but then it occurred to him there hadn't been many
women in his life since he'd met her though that was more
of a coincidence than anything else. Yet his feelings for
the woman at the opposite side of the table were exactly
what had prompted this rather uncomfortable conversation. He
put his utensils down and rubbed his scalp, stalling for a
few seconds. "Not all that much." As he remembered, this
particular old flame spoke a lot, but said little, not that
it took away her appeal. "It was more of a proposition."

The smile returned, congratulatory this time. Frankly, it
was the kind of "good going, man" grin he would've expected
from one of his women-chasing friends. It didn't suit her.
"She fascinates you."

"She used to," he pointed out, perhaps a bit too strongly.

His companion shook her head. "Still does." Did that bother
her, he wondered. He knew it didn't, that was part of the
reason why their relationship - insofar it could be
classified as such – worked so well. No expectations, no
claims. After five years, it wouldn't be that strange if she
started to feel a little territorial – he did. That was
really the crux of the conversation, or at least he'd meant
it to be.

"What did you tell her?"

"Nothing yet."

"Perhaps you should accept her offer."

"What?"

Miss matchmaker slowly chewed on what remained of her food
before answering. "It's been a while since you've been off
the ship, it'll do you good. In more ways than one." She
winked and he marveled at how easily she'd lightened the
mood.

He feigned hurt. "I thought I was doing rather well in that
department."

His lover laughed, mirth dancing in her eyes. "I certainly
have no complaints." To emphasize her statement, her foot
found his under the table. "A little variation never hurt
anyone though."

"Speaking of variation, I liked your outfit last night." She
blushed, just a little, and he couldn't help but grin
triumphantly. Her foot climbed higher, effectively wiping
the grin off his face.

"You don't want to go," she concluded aptly, still teasing
him under the table.

"No."

Unexpectedly her expression changed, grew serious. She
pulled her foot back. He wanted to, but couldn't break away
from her eyes boring into his. "We're too old to play these
games," he guffawed at that.

"Are we?"

"Jean-Luc." Hearing his name, he suddenly couldn't see the
humor anymore either. He wondered what had sparked her
sudden change of mood. Her body language changed. She was
done playing games. "What did you really mean to say?"

He sighed. Why did she have to know him so well? "A year, or
maybe even six months ago I would have taken Vash up on her
offer," he admitted. "She was, and most likely still is
exciting, different."

"Challenging."

"That too," he acknowledged. "I just felt no desire, no need
to rehash old romances." She nodded and took a sip of her
wine without taking her eyes off him, undoubtedly aware
there was more to come. He took a deep breath and exhaled
slowly. Just to be sure she wasn't angry, he looked for any
sign of emotion in her eyes, but found only encouragement
and acceptance. He would've preferred anger – to tell him
she didn't want to hear his next words, or affection – to
tell him that she did. Either was better than not knowing at
all. All her eyes told him now was that she wasn't going to
influence his words and thoughts in any way. He was on his
own.

"I've been enjoying... Well," he struggled internally for a
neutral way of voicing his thoughts, but had to give up.
Full speed ahead. "Well, you." She smiled at that. Hell, she
was probably laughing herself silly over his awkward
approach. He hadn't felt this awkward since kissing Nicole
Santié when he was ten.

"That's good, I'd hate to think you put yourself through the
last six years just for my pleasure."

"Oh, it wasn't just for your pleasure." Six years, merde. He
knew, of course, but neither of them had ever said the
passage of time aloud. "I have no intentions of altering our
arrangement, but I enjoy your company, as I have enjoyed it
for the last six years." She looked positively scared now,
but he knew he couldn't stop, or these words would never be
said at all. "I'm quite happy continuing this way, but
received that message from Vash has made me realize I don't
need anyone else in my private life."

He hoped she understood what he was trying to say. She
satisfied him, provided a listening ear or sparring partner
when he needed it. He could be himself around her; they
could share comfortable silences and heated arguments. He'd
fallen in love with her and that was enough for him. The
core of their arrangement had always been freedom and though
his feelings for her had grown, he had no desire to take
that freedom away. He wasn't a jealous man by nature.

Her expression hadn't changed much. Wide eyes regarded him
with shock and little else. Surprisingly enough, he was
completely at ease. The ball was in her corner now.

"Oh."

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The End