The BLTS Archive- P/K Valentine by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- Disclaimer: Everything Trek belongs to Paramount/Viacom. Valentine is sung by Belinda Carlisle and can be found on her album Runaway Horses. Please do not distribute, archive, etc, without my permission. May be archived on the ASC archive, the VSPS archive (if there is one), the PKSP archive and R'Rain's Slash Archive only. Others *must* ask. Please do not link to the story without my permission. Yes...another post-Chute. But the lyrics *demanded* it! Really, how could I *not* make a story with this song post-Chute? Besides, *I've* only written one. Spoilers for The Chute, but nothing that hasn't been revealed in other stories. Told in first person from both guys' (at different times ) POV. My Valentine's present to PKSP and all the other P/Kers out there. --- I made a rule about you... I made a plan... For getting my feet back on the ground... --- I nearly did it. I nearly blew everything that I've achieved over the last two years. Gods, that place was *horrible*. I thought Auckland was bad, and it's only by sheer luck that I wasn't raped or beaten to a pulp there. Luck and a few well-placed bribes, be they monetary or...otherwise. Harry was the only thing that got me through it. I got *so* close to telling him how I really feel about him. If I weren't so determined not to bring him down to my level, I think I would have. When I thought I was going to die...I nearly let it all out then. I nearly told him that I love him. --- Bury my face in clouds for hours on end... But time only flies when you're around... --- Oh, Tom. You were so close to death. I couldn't have borne it if you'd died. I couldn't have borne it if I'd never had the chance to tell you how I feel. That time in the prison was so horrible, and when it was happening, it seemed to take so long. Why does it seem so short now? Because it's the only time I've ever really felt that I might have a chance with you. The only time I've ever come close to telling you that I love you. --- It was cold and dark the last time I saw you... Your hair was long and falling in your eyes... You said my hands were warm and that I was special... To you Valentine... --- Here come the memories again. It was so cold in that place. No blankets, no warm clothing, we didn't think we'd need it. Akritiria is a desert planet. From what I saw, it was beautiful, though. But gods, that place was so dark and cold. I have this image in my mind, the only clear one from when I was delirious. I see Harry (big surprise there). His bangs are falling into his eyes. I have to physically restrain myself not to brush them back, but that's been the case just about since I met him. Then he touches my hands, says that they're the only part of me that's really warm. I don't understand, I can feel myself burning up, and I tried to tell him so. That's when he said it. He whispered it, so I almost didn't hear, but my hearing seemed somehow sharper. I don't know why. "I won't let you die, Tom. I'll give my life first." No one ever said something like that to me before. I suppose he wasn't really saying it to me, but it was about me. I have that to hang on to and remember. And to wonder...what might have happened next? --- You know that I'm fighting this love in vain... The sun's been shining for a week... But it just feels like rain... Valentine... I know that you're not mine... You're somebody else's flame... But when those hearts and flowers fade... Oh my darlin' look my way (yeah...)... --- I tried to fight it for so long. First there was the possibility of getting home to Libby, but as time went on, I accepted that for the false hope that it was. But now there's more standing in my way. Much more. I know how B'Elanna feels about Tom. I know that she's in love with him. How could she not be? And I'm not going to deny him the chance to find happiness with her. There is a part of me that doesn't think it'll last. I don't know if that's just wishful thinking, though. I'll be there for him, always, no matter what. And for B'Elanna too. I love her as much as I do Tom, even though it's in a different way. There's a part of me that would be happy if two people I love so much found happiness together. I wish it was as large as the part of me that wants Tom. Still...if Tom and B'Ela don't work out...maybe. --- You say that it's complicated... But baby you're wrong... There's nothing more obvious to me... That we're on a trip together... 33,000 light years long... And I'm, I'm hurting so bad 'cause you don't see... --- I tried to talk to him. Just after we got back, after we gorged ourselves on the meal we'd been promising ourselves for what seems like forever. He said that he couldn't, that things were too complicated, that he needed time to process the feelings from our experiences in that place. Gods, I can understand that. In that place, I finally realised how long this trip is going to take. Oh, I knew it in the abstract, but I never got that feeling of time, of distance. I wonder how the Captain feels, knowing that it was her decision that left us with that time. It wouldn't surprise me if it hasn't hit her yet, she's so determined to *get* us home. I don't know how she'll react when it hits her if it hasn't yet. I just hope that she'll have the right person to help her get through it. It made me realise what I really want, though. I want Harry. Or at least to tell him how I feel. I don't know...I *can't* know...how he'll react. I just know that it's the only solution. I know it's impossible, but there's a part of me that would like Harry to make the first move. Talk about the impossible dream! I'll be lucky if he doesn't run screaming for the hills as it is. B'Ela keeps telling me to just say something. Like she says, it's not as if he can run away. That's true, but if someone's avoiding you, it's suprising how big this ship can be. B'Ela's been so great to me over this whole thing. I would have gone crazy without someone to talk to about how I feel about Harry. Then again, she's cried on my shoulder about Tuvok often enough. After I get this thing with Harry sorted out, one way or the other, I'm going to have to see what I can do for those two. --- The night you walked me home I gave you a picture... Of Eden's trees falling to the ground... And now I feel, I feel like your perfect stranger... Without you Valentine... --- I remember that night, the first one back on the ship. Tom insisted on walking me back to my quarters. I tried to tell him that I was old enough to walk there by myself, but the man is impossible to resist when he smiles and asks. At least he is to me. But I sometimes prefer it if he doesn't walk me back to my quarters. Then I can pretend that we walked back to my quarters together. And that he didn't stop at the door. Technically, he didn't stop at the door that night, either. I think we both needed the company, so I asked him if he wanted to listen to me practice, as he's done so many times before. I played one of the most melancholy pieces I know, and he...he acted like he didn't know what to say, that we were strangers. I still don't know if it was because of the things we'd just been through or not. --- You know that I'm fighting this love in vain... The sun's been shining for a week... But it just feels like rain... Valentine... I know that you're not mine... And I don't know why you stay... But when those hearts and flowers fade... Oh my darlin' look my way (yeah...)... --- Sometimes I don't know why Harry stays around me. I must be such a puzzle to him, one minute almost all over him, the next backing off...I know *I* wouldn't be able to cope with it. I just saw Ayala carrying roses to Chakotay's cabin. Being the nosy person that I am, I asked why, of course. I had no idea. It's Valentine's day, February 14 from the pre-Stardate era. That's either a good sign or a bad sign. St Valentine *was* a martyr, after all. Miguel grins and rings the doorchime, while I beat a hasty retreat. I think he and Chakotay deserve to be alone for that moment. Here I am at Harry's door. What will I say? Maybe it'll be better if I just ring the doorchime and say it. Okay, the door's opening. "I love you, Harry." Okay...he's not rushing to close the door. Good sign. He's pulling me inside. Better sign. He's kissing me like there's no tomorrow. This is *really* a good sign. Gods, he tastes so *good*. Like sandalwood and vanilla and something else, something uniquely *Harry*. I pull back, reluctantly. A questioning look, and he whispers to me. "Yes. I have wanted this...so long. Since we met, I think. I love you, Tom. I wanted to tell you...there. And so many other times." It is a surprise, but somehow, not a shock. We have been connecting on one level or another for so long, it's like we've been building toward this forever. "Bedroom?" he asks, not shyly, but as if afraid to assume, even after the kisses and the bulge I know I mirror. A smiled affirmative, a short walk, and we're locked in another kiss. Gods, I could come from this alone, but I want more. Our clothes seem to dissolve or evaporate, I don't *remember* parting to unbutton or slide off, although we must have. The blend of hot kisses and skin against skin at *last* seems to overwhelm everything else. I pull back from him when we are bared to each other, wanting to see and be seen. He's more beautiful than I could have ever imagined, and I know that I am as beautiful to him. I have to ask, though. "Have you ever...?" "Yes. Before Libby. It was brief, but no less special for that. And you? I'm making a hell of an assumption that you might have done this before." "Oh, yes," I smile, remembering James, "I've done this. It was always with love, although there were those in Auckland who weren't so lucky. I'm sure it happened...there...too." "I think it did. But you were too weak to interest most of them, and...you claimed me. Oh, gods, was *that* why?" I realise what he must be thinking. "No. Not at *all*. Maybe a little, but Harry, it's been as long for me as it has for you. I wasn't letting *anyone* else get their hands on you. No one." His voice is soft as he answers, "Only you." I move to hold him again, feeling our twin hardnesses brush together. Silver shadows dance on the edges of my vision, and I know I won't last much longer. I'll have to be verbal now, which is *so* annoying when I can think of *much* better uses for my tongue, like tasting Harry's neck, for example. "Mmmmm," he moans in appreciation. "Sweetheart, I am not going to last much longer," I manage to gasp out, "And I want to feel you come inside me." Oh, he likes that. I can tell by the way his erection twitches and grows even harder and hotter under my exploring fingers. I lie on the bed, surrendering completely to him, knowing that it will be the other way one day soon. Maybe even later tonight, it's only 2000 hours and neither of us is on duty tomorrow. The thoughts that I had of getting drunk if this went badly are very far away now. Harry kisses me all over, those beautiful lips sending waves of sensation through my nerve endings, making my entire body tingle. He's playing me like he plays the clarinet, and I'm making almost as much noise. I'd worry that Batehart can hear us, but I have the feeling that he's in Henley's quarters tonight, or they'll be making more noise than we are. Maybe...that scream was pretty loud, but I've never had someone's tongue tease my ribs before. I didn't know I was ticklish. Ohhhhhh yessssssss. At *last* a slick finger slides inside my waiting body, caressing the puckered skin, teasing me. I don't have to wait long before a second, then a third finger slide inside me. I'm moving on the fingers, begging him to take me, and he withdraws them, just for a moment. He wipes the lube on his fingers onto his weeping erection, gasping as the sensations become just a bit too intense. He positions me on my back, and I smile up at him as he begins to move inside me. Slowly, almost too slowly, then he increases speed a little as I make impatient moans to that effect. Soon we are moving with each other, building to a peak. We reach and tumble over the peak together, screaming each other's name. Then the world goes dark. A moment later (we're still too warm for it to be more) I wake, and look at the treasure in my arms. I know, now, that I'm home at last. "Me too," a soft whisper, and I realise that I spoke aloud. "Happy Valentine's Day, Harry," I whisper, kissing his forehead as I drift to sleep. --- The End