The BLTS Archive- Unexpected Gifts by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- DISCLAIMER:  Everything you recognise belongs to Paramount/Viacom.  They keep refusing to come up with an arrangement about Tom or Chakotay . All original ideas and characters are the sole property of the author.  The song For The First Time is sung by Kenny Loggins, used without permission, etc, etc. This one is based on one of Amirin's lovely images on the CPSG list, and also on the idea that someone had of someone giving one of the boys to the other as a gift.  I've chosen Christmas rather than a birthday, because I couldn't think of a reason Tom wouldn't be at Chakotay's birthday party that made sense to me, but I'm thinking of Christmas as more a celebration of life and family in this case.  This is also a non-angst universe.  Just lots of lovely romantic mush. This story takes place early in the third season of Voyager, a short time after The Chute, but before Future's End.  This is mainly to do with Baby Wildman's age.  In this universe, Baby Wildman's name is Serena, and Kathryn Janeway and Samantha Wildman are romantically involved. I have no idea if K'Tarians (or half-K'Tarians) are telepathic, but they are in this universe. //denotes telepathic or unspoken communication. ASC archive:  Yes. BLTS:  Yes. R'Rain's archive:  Yes. Anywhere else (except personal use, sharing with friends, etc):  Ask first! I'll probably say yes. For anne, who has been waiting *very* patiently for me to use this song in a story.  Sorry it's not a "morning after" story as you asked, but I think it fits. This is, for those who haven't realised yet, slash, which means that it contains sex, in intimate detail between two men. If this turns you off or you're under eighteen, don't read it, 'kay?  And if you do read it, don't bother flaming me, 'cause I warned you. --- Now I wonder how I could have been so blind. And for the first time, I am looking in your eyes. For the first time, I'm seeing who you are. I can't believe how much I see, Kenny Loggins, For The First Time. --- So, it was Christmas eve according to the old calendar.  Harry and B'Elanna had arranged a party in holodeck one, but Tom hadn't wanted to attend.  He didn't have particularly wonderful memories of past holidays, and he just didn't want to bring everyone down. He'd have volunteered for a bridge shift, but he had logged too many hours at conn for that, so, searching almost desperately for an excuse, he'd volunteered to babysit Serena Wildman so that Samantha could attend the party.  Luckily he'd managed to get to Sam before Harry had, and she'd accepted with a smile.  It wasn't only to get out of the party that he'd volunteered, he genuinely loved babysitting Serena, and he'd been developing quite an attachment to the baby since her birth.  He had been surprised, a few years, even a few months before Serena's birth, he'd never have considered her as more than a sweet child, one that he might have held once or twice, but his friendship with Samantha had led to him becoming, if not a father figure, most certainly a beloved uncle.  Tom regretted that Serena didn't know her father, but he tried to fill that role as best he could, without going too far. He decided, that as it was Christmas, he'd give Serena and Samantha a nursery holoprogram as a present, and he'd spend the time of the party with Serena in holodeck two. No one would think to look for him there unless Samantha told them where he was, and he wanted to be alone with Serena. "So, it's just you and me, kid," he said, affectionately to Serena as they entered the holodeck.  The program was already running, and he'd decorated the nursery in soothing shades of green, on researching K'Tarian/human fusions and discovering that green was a colour that soothed them.  He liked green, too, especially olive green, on Chakotay... "Oh, gods," he groaned, as his thoughts went in that direction again.  He had to get over this...crush he had on Chakotay.  Even though he knew Chakotay had developed a respect for him, and they were forging a friendship, he knew that the First Officer would *never* be interested in him, not as long as he could have Kathryn Janeway. Hell, if *he* weren't interested in Chakotay he'd be going after the Captain himself. "Pity you aren't a little older, sweetie, I think you're about the only woman on this ship I could consider a relationship with," Tom said, cuddling Serena. //Uncle Tom, even if I were old enough, I still wouldn't be enough to get your feelings away from Uncle Chakotay.  I wish I could tell you about Aunt Kathryn's late night visits to our cabin, and her leaving in the very early morning.  I think she wants to be with my mother all the time, too, especially after the time she and Uncle Chakotay went away, and she will be, soon.  I think she and my mother want to tell everyone tonight. Tom was unaware of Serena's thoughts as he replicated some formula for her, yawning as he did so. "Must have spent more time than was good for me in the gym," he mused, half to Serena, half to himself, knowing damn well that he'd spent so much time in the gym trying to sweat out those feelings. The replicator beeped, and Tom got out the formula. He settled down in the rocking chair near the fireplace, settling Serena into the crook of his arm, giving her the bottle that her little hands reached for. She finished it in record time, and he carefully positioned her over his shoulder, burping her the way Samantha had taught him. Unfortunately, she let go with a flow of refluxed milk just to one side of the towel he'd carefully placed over his shoulder. Tom grimaced at the feeling of the wet, sour-smelling fluid, and put Serena on the floor for just a moment, removing his shirt, then picking Serena up again, cuddling her to his naked chest, sitting back for just a moment, letting Serena snuggle into him, then falling asleep, still holding his precious bundle. //Uncle Tom, you have been doing far too much, trying to forget Uncle Chakotay.  And you shouldn't.  He'll make you happy, and you'll make him happy. I want to give him to you for Christmas. Maybe if I try to send him a thought, like my mother says I can, I can do it. Serena concentrated, sending Chakotay the message, //Holodeck two// over and over, knowing that Chakotay was coming off duty soon. --- Chakotay was tired, he didn't want to go to the party Harry and B'Elanna had arranged, but he didn't want to go back to his cabin and be alone, either. Maybe the other holodeck was free, he thought, thinking that he might run his program of his home planet. When he got to the holodeck, the doors were open (Serena had learned to "think" to the computer very early), and he realised a program was running. He was about to turn away from the lovely setting, when he saw Tom Paris, asleep, cradling Serena Wildman in his arms.  He didn't think he'd ever seen a more beautiful sight. Serena was reaching one hand towards Tom's face, tangled in some of Tom's firelit chest hair, and Tom was holding her protectively even in sleep. "Dear gods, he's almost ethereal," Chakotay thought.  "How could I never have noticed? What didn't I see?" Serena knew Chakotay was there, and started crying, not loudly. "Little One, don't wake Uncle Tom," Chakotay whispered, moving silently over to take the baby from Tom's arms.  Serena didn't let go of Tom's chest hair, though, and Tom jerked awake, suddenly. He was still half-asleep, and in that state, he pulled Chakotay to him, kissing him passionately.  Chakotay, although startled, responded eagerly, making sure he didn't crush Serena. Tom came to his senses with a start when Chakotay tried to gain entrance to Tom's mouth with his tongue. "Chakotay?  You-you're *real*?" "As real as you are, Tom.  Didn't you think I was?" Tom flushed, and said, "I was...dreaming." "About me?" Tom couldn't stay sitting down, and made to stand up.  The older man moved back to allow him up, reaching for Serena when Tom swayed unsteadily. "Tom, what is it?" "Nothing.  I...just stood up a bit too fast." Tom prevaricated, not quite willing yet to tell Chakotay that it was the effect of having him so close to him that was making him not quite himself.  Or more himself than he wanted to admit, perhaps. "Tom, what were you dreaming?" "Do you need to ask, Chakotay?  Really?  And I'm sorry." "What on earth for, Tom?  I certainly can't tell you what to dream. Or blame you for not realising it wasn't a dream when I woke you." "I'm sorry you found out.  What are you doing here, anyway?  I thought you'd be at Harry and B'Elanna's party." "I didn't feel like going there.  Too many people.  But I didn't feel like going to my quarters, either, so I thought I'd see if this holodeck was free. When the door was open, I turned to leave, but I noticed you and the baby....Tom, I've *never* seen a more beautiful sight than you in the firelight with Serena in your arms.  Then the baby started to cry, and I tried to take her so she wouldn't wake you, but her hand was tangled..." he trailed off, realising that Tom was still shirtless, and the fire's backlit glow was making him gleam like something from ancient myth. "Ahem," an amused voice came from the door.  The two men turned to see Samantha and Kathryn Janeway entering the holodeck. "Sam, Captain, I'm sorry," Tom was blushing furiously, still holding Serena, trying to get to the replicator to create something to wear and not able to tear his eyes from Chakotay. "For what, exactly, Tom?" Samantha asked, amused, stepping forward to take the baby who finally let go of Tom. //Serena what have you done to Uncle Tom? //I just aimed a little to the left of the towel when he was burping me, mother.  Did you and Aunt Kathryn tell everyone tonight? //Yes, honey. We're going to be together for always now, in Aunt Kathryn's cabin.  How did you get Uncle Chakotay here? //I wanted to give him and Uncle Tom each other for Christmas.  So I sent him a thought, to come here when he finished duty. //That's so sweet.  Did it work?// //I don't know yet.  But maybe if you and Aunt Kathryn tell them....// //Of course, Tom still thinks Kathryn might want Chakotay.  We'll tell them now.  And you, young lady, are going to sleep!  Christmas eve or not, it's *way* past your bedtime. //'Night, mother. And Serena was asleep, knowing that her family was to be as she wanted it. Two mothers to love and two uncles to love each other. Tom had managed to replicate a sweatshirt during this exchange, and Kathryn and Chakotay were talking quietly. "So, Tom, are you finally getting up the nerve to talk to Chakotay?" Samantha asked. "No, Sam.  I can't do that, and you know why." "Tom, there's something that I think you need to know.  You remember I told you that although I loved my husband dearly, and prayed that we'd make it home soon after we were stranded out here that if I entered into a relationship with anyone on this ship, it would be a woman, because I'm more attracted to women than men?" "Of course I do.  It's one of the reasons you weren't interested in dating me. You haven't changed your mind?" he teased. "No.  But I have found someone.  Someone very special." "Who?"  Tom asked, wondering if it could possibly be Sue Nicolletti, who he knew had been spending a lot of time working with Samantha lately. "Kathryn." "Kath-the Captain?" Tom almost shouted, remembering in time that Serena was asleep. "Yes, Tom," Kathryn Janeway replied, "Are you shocked?" Tom thought for a moment. Both of these women were passionate about science, they were both committed professionals and they were a heck of a lot more vulnerable than they admitted. "Not really," Tom said,  "I hope you'll be very happy. Do you mind if I ask how long this has been going on?" "Since soon after Serena was born.  We just started spending more and more time together.  Then of course there was that time we were separated...." Tom remembered visiting Samantha soon after that whole thing had begun, and being sure she had been crying.  That explained it, he thought. "I'm happy for you both," Tom said, wondering if this meant that maybe.... "Thank you, Tom," replied Samantha. "Now," Kathryn said, "I think it's time we went back to our quarters. This progam is lovely, Tom.   I'm sure we'll all enjoy spending time in it." And with that, the new family left the holodeck. "Tom, I want to talk to you." "It wasn't a shock to you, was it, Chakotay?  You knew about Sam and the Captain." "Kathryn told me when we were on New Earth.  It's one of the reasons we didn't take our relationship further." "One of the reasons?" "Probably the only reason, if I'm honest with myself. I did want her, Tom. I'm not going to lie about that.  But I know now that it would never have worked between us, because even if we'd been together right now, I'd still have come in tonight and seen you." "Seen me?" "Tom, I know it's sudden, I know it's out of the blue, but when I saw you tonight, it was like I was seeing you for the first time.  Your beauty, your tenderness, your heart. And I fell in love with what I saw." "Chakotay, are you serious?" "I've never been more serious about anything in my life, Tom.  And I'm scared, but not so scared that I'm about to let this get away. Unless this is too fast for you?" "Chakotay, I'm in love with you.  I have been for a long time, maybe even before I saw you on this ship.  It couldn't be too fast for me. But are you sure?" "Tom, I am not about to enter into anything lightly, I want you to know that.  This is not just a fling. If that's all you want, we stop this here and now.  I mean it." "Chakotay, the reason I haven't settled down with anyone on the ship is because the only person I wanted to enter into that kind of relationship with is you.  I'm in this for as long as it lasts, and that will be a very long time for me." Chakotay moved over to Tom, taking a moment to appreciate how beautiful Tom was in the fire's glow. "Chakotay, I think we'd better change the program.  I don't think I can say what I want to say to you in a nursery." "Of course, Tom.  Sandrine's?" Tom had been about to suggest another program, but agreed, he loved Sandrine's, and he didn't really care which program was running, he just wanted to be with Chakotay, to talk about this.  He still didn't quite believe this was happening. Tom gave the order for the program to change in a slightly distracted voice, which wasn't lost on Chakotay.  He moved to take Tom in his arms, kissing him gently, letting him know that this was really happening, whatever this was. "Tom," Chakotay began, hesitantly, "There's something I want to do. It's a way of showing you my feelings far better than I could on my own." "Of course, Chakotay," Tom said, puzzled. Chakotay sat down at the piano, and began to play a song Tom didn't recognise. Are those your eyes? Is that your smile? I been looking at you for ever, Yet I never saw you before. Are these your hands? Holding mine? Now I wonder how I could have been so blind. And for the first time, I am looking in your eyes. For the first time, I'm seeing who you are. I can't believe how much I see, When you're looking back at me. Now I understand what love is, Love is... For the first time... Can this be real? Can this be true? Am I the person I was this morning? And are you the same you? It's all so strange. How can it be? All along this love was right in front of me! And for the first time, I am looking in your eyes. For the first time, I am seeing who you are. I can't believe how much I see, When you're looking back at me. Now I understand what love is... Love is... For the first time. Such a long time ago, I had given up on finding this emotion, Ever again. But you're here with me now, Yes I found you somehow, And I've never been so sure. For the first time, I am looking in your eyes, For the first time, I'm seeing who you are, Can't believe how much I see, When you're looking back at me. Now I understand what love is... Love is... For the first time. For the first time. "Gods, Chakotay, I understand," was all Tom said. "Yes?  Maybe you can explain it to me?" "I don't think I can, Chakotay.  It's something that you'll have to find in yourself." "I think I already have, Tom.  I still can't believe it.  It's amazing." "Isn't it?  But it's good, isn't it?" "Better than good, Tom.  I've never felt this way before." "Neither have I," and Tom kissed him again, then pulled back, gently, "Your quarters or mine?" he asked with a roguish grin. "Neither.  I want," Chakotay blushed, "To make love to you in front of the fireplace.  If you want to, of course.  That's why I suggested Sandrine's. You were so beautiful in the firelight earlier..." Tom kissed him again, and said, "I couldn't have come up with a better place for our first time if I'd tried.  But, as it's the holodeck, let's make it comfortable," and Tom ordered the computer to dim the lights of the tavern, delete the pool table, piano, holocharacters and bar, and to create a mattress in front of the fireplace, as well as a tube of lubricant. "Prepared for anything, Lieutenant?" Chakotay teased at the last item. "Well, if we do it this way, one of us doesn't have to get up to replicate it," Tom said. Chakotay didn't reply to this, he just picked Tom up and carried him to the fireplace.  He placed him gently on the soft mattress the computer had created, and followed him down, kissing him all the while.   "Mmmmm," Tom moaned when Chakotay began exploring his ear with his tongue. "You like that?" Chakotay asked, ceasing just long enough to ask. "Gods, *yes*, 'Kotay.  Please don't stop." Chakotay had no intention of stopping his assault on his new lover's senses, and continued tonguing his ear, moving one hand down to slip his sweatshirt over his head, baring Tom from the waist up. Chakotay gasped at the sight of Tom in the firelight.  He seemed almost unreal, glowing in the soft flickering light of the flames. "What?" Tom asked, wondering what had caused that look of pained ecstasy on Chakotay's face. "You.  You're so damned beautiful, Tom.  And you're mine. It's just..." "Shhh," Tom leaned up for a gentle kiss, "We can take this as slow or as fast as you need to.  But don't rush *anything* on my account. I feel like I've been waiting for this forever, so a little longer won't make much difference.  This is all for you, Chakotay.  All of it. It's enough for me that it's happening, at last, and I know you need time to feel it all.  I understand that.  Hell, I've had *time* to get used to it, even to hide it when I thought I needed to.  You've just started feeling it, 'Kotay.  You need some time to get used to it." "I like that." "What?" "Well, all of it.  But I meant you calling me 'Kotay.  No one's ever shortened my name before.  Not like that.  Some people have called me Chak, but that's all." "I've always thought of you as 'Kotay.  I'm glad you like it." "I think I'd like anything you called me, Tom.  I hope I didn't scare you when I said you were mine." Tom chuckled.  "I don't think that you telling me something that I've been dreaming of you saying for all this time is going to scare me. Besides, you're mine, too, right?" "*That* is something that I can assure you of, Tom." "I'm glad," Tom said, slightly pensive. "What is it?" Chakotay asked as a shadow crossed Tom's face. "I can't help but remember the last time that I said someone was mine. In that prison, with Harry.  I thought that I might have to...make sure the other prisoners knew I meant it, and that would have meant....and I couldn't have done that to Harry, feeling the way I do about you.  I could never...not to Harry." "You never know what you might do under a set of circumstances, Tom.  But I would hope that you would never do that." "I don't think I could be capable of it.  But you never know how you'll react to something unless you've actually gone through it, either." "True.  You never know until or unless you go through a set of circumstances how you'll react.  But let's talk about something else, Tom.  Something a little more...exciting." Tom took a deep breath at the look in Chakotay's eyes.  He rather thought the older man was starting to get over his earlier hesitancy, and he was all for that, he thought, feeling his erection tighten.   Chakotay smiled, and leaned in for another deep kiss, moving his hand between them to work on the fastenings of Tom's trousers, while Tom started to work on Chakotay's shirt. Tom moaned when Chakotay curled a hand through his chest hair, searching for his nipples. "I've wanted to do this since I saw Serena's hand on you tonight, Tom," he whispered. "Oh?  Gods, *yes*," Tom groaned as Chakotay started to lave one of his nipples with his tongue, until it was a hard point, then moving to do the same to the other.  Tom was just able to keep control enough to remove Chakotay's trousers and underwear, allowing the other man to do the same to him. Chakotay slipped Tom's boxers off carefully, freeing his hardness, then wrapping a hand around it, causing Tom to moan so loudly that it echoed in the holographic tavern.  Chakotay liked Tom's responsiveness, and told him so, kissing him gently, then more deeply. "'Kotay," Tom drew the name out on another moan. "Yes, Tom?" "What do you want?  How do you want to...." "How do you want to do this, Tom?  What do *you* want?  What did you dream about?" "'Kotay, the list of what I *haven't* thought or dreamed of us doing is shorter.  It's not easy to decide where to start.  That's why I asked you." "And it's why I asked you.  I don't know how I want to do this, either. There seem to be too many choices, don't there?" "Chakotay, I think...I *know* I want you inside me. Please." "You only had to ask, Tom.  But I would have liked to feel you inside me." "Something to look forward to, 'Kotay.  We have a lot of time, and I *want* this." Chakotay didn't answer in words, he just kissed Tom again, one hand working down the smooth, pale back, searching for the entrance to his body, Chakotay's mouth capturing the sharp exhale as his finger found the puckered opening, moving inside just a little. Chakotay's other hand groped for the lubricant, which had somehow ended up under the pillows at one end of the mattress.   He could *swear* it had been halfway down the bed when they'd started.  But that wasn't important now, and he squeezed some onto his fingers, moving one into Tom, who gasped and moved back into him, almost more quickly than he was ready for, and he soothed Tom's trembling with his other hand, gently moving on his back.  Tom calmed, just enough for him to slip a second finger in without incident, and Tom began moving with his thrusts.  Chakotay added a third finger, causing Tom to gasp, stroking across his prostate to a muffled cry of ecstasy. Chakotay smiled, and Tom made to turn over. "No, Tom." "What?" "I want to see you." Tom sighed with pleasure, and moved onto his back, pulling his knees into his chest, then raising his legs over Chakotay's shoulders. Chakotay stretched him carefully once more, then began entering him slowly.  When he was all the way in, he began thrusting, gently at first, then speeding up as he found his rhythm, Tom arching up into his hardness. Chakotay moved a hand between them, capturing Tom's erection, moving on it faster and faster as he could feel his climax approaching.  Tom came first, and the muscular contractions on Chakotay's erection were too much, driving him over the edge, and he came, deep inside Tom, collapsing forward onto Tom, making sure he kept his weight off his lover. "Wow," Tom said. "Wow indeed.  That was....amazing.  Just incredible, Tom." "I have *never* felt like this before.  I love you, 'Kotay." "I love you, Tom.  Can we sleep here?" he asked, feeling his lover snuggle in beside him. "Probably not," he said, "Let's beam back to our quarters." "Yours or mine? I'm *not* letting you go tonight, Tom.  Or ever if I have anything to say about it." "Yours.  More room." "What for?" "Oh," Tom smiled, teasingly, "You'll find out." Chakotay gave the order for them to be beamed back to his quarters, still holding Tom in his arms. --- The End