The BLTS Archive-Shameless by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- After watching First Contact and seeing the absolutely delectable new Enterprise pilot Lieutenant Hawk, I just had to write this! As a nod to Neal McDonough's (Hawk) love for TOS, and Captain Kirk in particular, as well as my own liking for it, I have chosen to give Lieutenant Hawk the first name of James. DO NOT call him Jim! Characters copyrighted by Paramount, used without permission. Story copyrighted May 1997 by Joanne Collins. Garth Brooks' song Shameless and Kris Kristofferson's song For The Good Times are also used without permission. The original character, Miranda Paris, is mine. This is part of an unrelated series of stories, mostly Trek crossovers, based on Garth Brooks' album The Hits, and one from No Fences. Some will be slash, some not. It is not necessary to have read any of the other stories in the series, although one or two may have sequels, or be sequels to other stories. Posted so far: The Dance. Chakotay/Sisko. A Debt Repaid (We Shall Be Free). Voyager/Sentinel crossover. Chakotay/Blair. Comments and feedback welcome (and craved). No flames about my taste in music (even though it is country music) please. Please post comments to the above addy. I give my permission for this story to be posted to ASC and to be archived at the ASC archives. It may also be posted to BLTS. It is also to be posted at R'Rain's archive. Please don't distribute elsewhere except for personal archiving. Do feel free to share the story with friends, just keep my name and the headers on it. This was inspired by First Contact and what happened to poor Hawk . But, we never did see the body, did we? This is VERY significant in Trek, esp. fanfic ;-). Very minor Lifesigns spoiler, which arises out of the question, why would you EVER dump Tom Paris? I provide one possible answer . Takes place while Tom and Hawk are at the Academy. Angst? Yes. Mush? Uh-huh. Other characters? Someone we all know and love to quote Cameron Burnell and appearances by a few other familiar names. Dedicated to Anita for suggesting that I use this song in a story, and to Neal, for actually being able to distract me from Patrick and Brent during the movie. --- I could walk away from anyone I ever knew, But I can't walk away from you. Garth Brooks, Shameless. Make believe you love me one more time, For the good times Kris Kristofferson, For The Good Times. --- Tom Paris couldn't believe it. Susie Crabtree was dumping him. HIM! Tom Paris, known far and wide as the best lover at Starfleet Academy, and she was dumping him for one of his best friends, Julian Bashir. At least Julian had the grace to look embarrassed at the lecture Susie was currently giving Tom, enumerating the virtues he lacked that Julian had in abundance. "...and he LISTENS to me!" she finished, noticing Tom's attention wandering. Tom didn't know how to reply to that, he had to admit he hadn't been listening to her after about the fifth fault she had gone into excruciating detail about, which had been something along the lines of how he thought more about flying than about her. "Perhaps you should find someone who is as obsessed with flying as you are, if such a person exists, and then you might have a chance at a mature relationship." Actually, maybe she had a point. If Tom could find a woman who thought as much of flying as he did, it might help a potential relationship. But it seemed that Susie still had more to say to him. "Julian and I would like to be alone tonight, Tom, so we'd appreciate it if you'd find somewhere else to stay. Julian did it enough for us, after all." Yes, but Julian had usually spent the night at his parents' home on those occasions, and Tom would be damned if he'd spend the night at his father's house more than he had to, now that he was old enough to make that decision. Susie walked over to talk to a classmate, and Julian leaned in to talk to Tom. "I really am sorry, Tom." "Don't be, Julian. She decided she preferred you, and if you can put up with her attitude, then I wish you luck. Now all I have to worry about is finding somewhere to stay tonight." If you really can't find somewhere, Tom, don't be afraid to come back to our room. But not too early, eh?" "Thanks, Julian. I'll keep that in mind. Now, I have to get to class." "See you tomorrow if not before, Tom." "Sure, Julian." Tom walked across the courtyard of Starfleet Academy, pausing to say hello to the groundskeeper, Boothby, who was an institution at the Academy, and a friend to many of the students. "Hello, Tom. I hear you're getting a new addition to your squadron today." "Yes, Boothby. Since Selrek graduated last month, we've needed a fifth, and James Hawk is supposed to be a great pilot." "Good luck, Tom. Keep practicing. You'll need it." And with that cryptic remark, Boothby turned back to his plants Tom was as baffled as he usually was by an encounter with Boothby, and shook his head over the remarks as he almost collided with someone who was heading for the flight simulation building. "Sorry," Tom apologised, distractedly. "My fault," replied the young man he'd almost collided with. "I'm Tom Paris." "James Hawk. I think I'm actually here to meet you." Tom took a second look. The man was gorgeous. He couldn't believe he'd been too distracted to notice him. He was as tall as Tom, with brown hair and blue eyes Tom could get lost in. Tom realised he was staring, and looked away quickly, opening the door. James was enthusiastic, talking about his time at the various branches of the Academy in London and South America, relating an amusing anecdote about a Betazoid cadet who had not realised the difference between a Magna Roman and a Romulan and had almost had his roommate arrested for treason. Tom began laughing and told him one about a particularly stuffy admiral, one of his father's acquaintances and an encounter with an Orion slave girl. After that they got serious and began talking about flying, eventually going into the simulators to begin training exercises. Tom began with a deceptively simple encounter with a Romulan ship, that was backed up by a cloaked Warbird that was literally undetectable, but James was able to anticipate the Warbird's appearance. Once they got through that, Tom knew James was as good as the reports, but he had to know if he was better. "I have a simulation that's a little more...advanced. Want to try it?" "Sure. Tell you what, if I get the last shot, you buy dinner, and vice versa." "Deal. But I'm warning you, I wrote this sim." "Well, then, I guess I'll just have to outthink you, won't I?" Tom gave the command to begin the simulation. An hour later, James triumphantly fired the last shot, just beating Tom by a split second. Both men were flushed, and breathing hard from the adrenaline rush. "Damn, you're good! I never thought you'd be able to live up to your reputation." "You're not bad yourself, Tom. I certainly see where yours comes from." "My reputation. Admiral Paris's brat, legendary womaniser and all around jerk?" "No, actually. You are supposed to be the best pilot to come out of the Academy in years. Next to me of course." "Of course," Tom smiled at that. "Well, I'll tell you what. Seeing that you're paying for dinner, I'll let you pick the place. I'm new here anyways, so I'll bow to your expertise in local cuisine." "Well, at least I'll be out of the way for a while." "Out of the way?" "My roommate, Julian, has a...visitor tonight." "Oh, I see," James nodded understandingly. "Do you need a place to stay? I'm staying at my grandfather's house, he's on Mars for a week at some conference or other." "That would be great! Just let me stop by my room to pick up some things, and I'll meet you at the main gate in fifteen minutes." "See you then, Tom." Tom headed back to the room he shared with Julian. Thank the gods it was deserted, Julian must still be in class. Tom shook his head, he had no idea how Julian studied so much. But he sure was a dedicated medical student. Not for Tom, though, he got queasy at the mere idea of performing surgery, although he had had some field medic training. Tom gathered a shirt, jeans and a robe together, picking up socks and a couple of pairs of boxers as well and stuffed them haphazardly into a bag, deciding not to add shoes, his uniform boots would do. He turned as he heard the door open. "Julian, I won't be back tonight." "Thanks, Tom. I'm sorry about all this," Julian apologised again. "Julian, stop apologising. To be honest, I think I'd have dumped Susie soon if she hadn't gotten in first. I'm not at all disappointed." . "I am sorry, Tom." "I'll survive. It's not the first time I've had a relationship end." "Where are you staying tonight?" "With that new pilot, James Hawk. His grandfather's house." "Hawk? The James Hawk everyone says is as good a pilot as you are?" "Yeah. He is nearly as good as I am." "Oh, yes? Never thought I'd hear you say that, Tom." Tom laughed and said, "Enjoy the privacy." "Thanks, Tom. See you tomorrow afternoon in class." "See you then, Julian." And Tom quietly left the room, heading for the main gate. As he walked, he thought about his reaction to James Hawk. He'd never been attracted to another man before, although he'd had his share of propositions from them, But he'd felt an almost immediate reaction to James, one so intense that he almost shook with the memory. He wondered why this was, if it was because James was so attractive, but he'd known men as attractive as James, and hadn't felt the slightest spark of attraction for them. Julian, for instance, had once suggested that maybe they could be more than friends, but Tom hadn't felt the same way, and Julian had not pushed the matter. Then Tom saw James waiting at the gate, and all of his thought processes stopped. James was so attractive in the red and black uniform, he hadn't really noticed earlier how much it suited him, he'd been too busy concentrating on James' beautiful eyes, and his flying ability. This was going to be a very interesting evening, if nothing else, Tom thought. James caught sight of Tom, and smiled at him. His blue eyes lit up, and Tom's heart rate stopped for a second, then sped up. He'd never had a reaction like this to ANYONE, it was the most wonderful and terrifying feeling at the same time. "Whoa," thought Tom, "I don't even know if he feels the same way, or if he's just being friendly. I'd better play it cool, in case I scare him off." "So," James asked casually, "Do you want to beam, or walk? It's not too far, a kilometre or so." Tom was about to answer, when his communicator chirped. "Paris," he said, tapping it. "You requested a notification call at this time," came an artificial voice. "Oh, gods, I forgot about Zig." "Zig?" "My dog, Ziggy. This is the time I usually spend with her each day." "Would you like some company? I love dogs." "Yes, I would. And I think Zig would like it too." "So, where do you keep her?" "On campus. I'll just let the transporter chief know that it's two instead of one to beam over." A moment later, the two young men materialised outside of the area where students' pets were kept. "I had no idea that there was a place like this on campus," James said. "It's not likely that you would, if you don't keep a pet," Tom replied, "It's not an area open to just anyone, especially as some of the animals are extremely valuable, both monetarily and sentimentally." "Good afternoon, Mr Paris," the attendant said, opening the gate of the enclosure. "Good afternoon, Lewis," Tom replied, "How is Ziggy today?" "Her usual boisterous self," he replied. Tom smiled, and ushered James ahead of him. He smiled as he entered the enclosure, seeing his beautiful gold Labrador licking James' hand. "She likes you," he said, moving over to pet her. "The feeling's mutual. Tom, she's gorgeous." "Isn't she? The only woman who has my heart unconditionally, as yet anyways." James didn't say anything to that, but he looked at Tom speculatively, who didn't notice as he was petting Ziggy. "Want to take a walk?" Tom asked James. "Sounds good. Anywhere particular in mind?" "There's a park area near here for that purpose. Or we could go to a holosuite?" "I prefer the real thing if I've got a choice, Tom." "So do I. The park it is. It's just past those buildings," he pointed. The two men chatted casually as they walked with Ziggy to the park, finding that they had several mutual acquaintances. James was shocked when Tom mentioned his father's name, not having made the connection before. "Admiral Eugene Paris? THE Admiral Paris?" "Yeah. We...don't get along." James didn't push, he could tell that that was an understatement from Tom's stiffening posture, but he wondered why Tom hadn't simply spent the night at his father's home, rather than take up a stranger's offer. It was only one night, after all. They arrived at the park, finding it nearly deserted. "It surprises me that there aren't more people here, Tom. It's a lovely area," James said, stepping off the concrete path into a puddle. Tom couldn't help laughing at him, he looked so surprised, and then Ziggy came up and splashed through the puddle, sending muddy water all over James. James looked at Tom, then started to laugh as well. Tom moved over to help James, extending a hand to help him out of the puddle. Unfortunately, Ziggy chose that moment to jump up on Tom, who tripped over the leash, and ended up face down in the puddle. He was vaguely aware of something pulling at his uniform, realising after a moment that it was James. Tom pulled himself out of the mud with a sucking noise, completely covered in the gooey muck. Now it was James trying to control his laughter, and not doing a very good job of it. Tom didn't even try, it really was too absurd for words, and he was just imagining what he must look like. After a moment, James got his laughter under control, pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket, and stepped over to offer it to Tom, who was having difficulty holding Ziggy's leash with the slippery mud covering his hands. James smiled, and began gently cleaning Tom's face. It was an oddly sensual act, removing the layer of mud to reveal Tom's fair skin. James leaned forward, to rub a little harder near Tom's ear, and almost before either knew what they were doing, their mouths met in a passionate kiss. James was confident and assertive, but not aggressive, and Tom felt his insides melting. 'This is incredible,' he thought as he responded to James' tongue caressing his, 'I can't believe how good it feels.' The two men simply stood there, kissing for endless moments, until Tom slowly came to awareness of anything other than James' hands caressing his hair, and his lips and tongue. Tom pulled back slowly from James, who looked irresistible, desire darkening his eyes, his skin flushed. "I have never been kissed like that in my life," Tom grinned at James. "You liked it? I-I wasn't sure, you DO have quite a reputation with women..." "I've never had any inclination towards men. Not until I met you. This might sound crazy, but do you believe in love at first sight?" "If it's crazy, we're both certifiable, Tom. I think I fell in love with you when you nearly collided with me this afternoon." Tom didn't say anything to that, as Ziggy chose that moment to remind them that she was with them as well. "James, I think we have a lot to talk about. Let's take Ziggy back, go to your grandfather's house and get cleaned up and take it from there." "Sounds good, Tom. Had you thought of where we might go for dinner?" "I hadn't thought about it - I'd rather not go out, actually." "Well, I'd kind of like to stay in myself. But you owe me dinner, Paris." "Maybe you could...take it out in trade?" And with that, Tom flashed a wicked grin, and began walking Ziggy back to her home. James allowed Tom to return Ziggy, exchanging a few meaningless remarks with Lewis as Tom hugged Ziggy and assured her he'd be back the next day. After that, however, James dragged Tom into a secluded area, pulling him close to him, kissing Tom with a passion that surprised him, after all, they WERE in public. "James," Tom gasped, "We'd better get out of here before we're arrested." James relented for a moment in his sensual assault, to gasp an agreement, tap his combadge, and say "Energise," having relayed their coordinates earlier. After that, he began kissing Tom again, slow, deep, passionate kisses that were unlike anything Tom had ever experienced. "What do you do to me?" Tom murmured against James' neck as they materialised. "Whatever it is, you're doing it to me as well," James whispered, following the whispered words with his tongue, exploring Tom's ear. Tom was about to pass out from sheer need, when he realised that they were being watched. "James, we've, uh, got company." James looked up, and noticed the extremely dignified older man, who didn't look in the least surprised to see James climbing all over an attractive man. Tom hoped that it was the butler, and not his friend's grandfather, this day had had enough odd situations without meeting someone's grandfather just after having his grandson's tongue down your throat. "Hendricks, this is Tom Paris. Please show him to the guest room, he will be staying here tonight, and, as you can see, he needs a shower and a change of clothes." "Of course, Master James. If you will follow me, Mr Paris, and please try not to drip on the carpet." Tom followed, still stunned by the events of the day thus far, and he wondered what the rest of the day would bring, not to mention the days to follow. --- Half an hour later, having taken a long, hot shower, Tom stood in front of the replicator, trying to decide what to replicate to wear. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, and was still flushed and warm from the shower. The door chimed, and he turned, expecting Hendricks, only to be confronted by James, wearing a white shirt and black jeans. "What?" asked James, flushing under Tom's intense regard. "Just - gods, I want to come over there and kiss you like we were earlier. What have you done to my inhibitions?" "I didn't know you had any, Tom." "Gods, James, I've never acted this way before. It's like...I'm not ashamed of anything we do, I want to shout it to the world. I've never ever felt like this about a lover before, I've always held back, not kissing a lot in public, keeping things...between us. But with you, I don't care who knows, or doesn't know. It's wonderful, and frightening at the same time." "Tom, I don't know what to say." "Then don't say anything. Just...show me how to be with you." "But, I told Hendricks that we'd be having dinner in an hour." "How long do you think it would take?" "Longer than an hour. But I suppose I could give Hendricks the night off, and we could just replicate something.""Well, what are you waiting for?" "I already did. I hoped this was how you'd feel," James grinned. "You made me go through all that-" Tom was cut off by James' lips on his. James kept kissing Tom, deeply and passionately, before tearing his lips from Tom's. "Gods, Tom, this is...it's never been like this for me either. I have never wanted anyone like I want you. It's like I've been waiting for you to unlock all of these feelings inside me." Tom looked deep into James' eyes, knowing that his feelings were returned, and kissed James. It was the first time he'd initiated a kiss between them, and he realised that he was kissing James differently than he would a woman. It was more intense and passionate than it had ever been before. Tom moaned as James pulled him closer, feeling his erection brush against the towel as it slipped off him, then gasping as he was pulled against James, fully naked, while James was fully dressed. It was incredibly erotic to feel the textures of the clothes James was wearing. Tom was dimly aware of James' arms moving around him, caressing and stroking, and he thought that there was something he should say or do, when... "Tom? What is this?" James was looking at an area on Tom's back, a rather large tracery of scars, touching it gently, as though to touch it more roughly might cause pain, although the physical pain had vanished long ago. Tom didn't answer immediately, and James was just about to ask him again, when he began, in a distant, detached voice, to speak. "Everyone thinks my father's this great guy. Brave, but not foolhardy, diplomatic, but not afraid to do what has to be done, a hard man, but fair. With everyone except his family." "Your father did this?" "It was a rainy afternoon. I couldn't go outside, I couldn't stay in my room all day, much as I'd've liked to. So I went down to the kitchen to get something to eat. I poured some milk, when the vidphone rang. I picked up, found out it was for my sister, punched it through to her, and went over to pick the glass up. Unfortunately, I dropped it. The milk and the shattered glass was everywhere. I didn't realise that he was there until he yelled my name so loudly that I thought he'd done some permanent damage. Then he hit me, not all that hard, not like he'd done before, but I was in an awkward position. I went down on my back, and landed in the middle of the glass. I couldn't get it fixed, because he'd've had to explain how it happened, and it wasn't important enough to him to make up a lie to cover it up," Tom couldn't face James. "Hey," James said, pulling Tom close to him, "It's all right, Tom. You're with me, you're safe." "James," Tom was astonished, "This doesn't make you feel...different about me?" "Why would it?" "James, I always thought if I ever told anyone the truth about this, that I'd lose them, that they'd feel like I wasn't good enough for them -" James placed a finger against Tom's lips, stilling the words. "Tom, I've already told you how I feel. Hell, if you told me you'd committed a murder, I'd give you a chance to explain before calling Security. Nothing could change how I feel about you. I am in love with you." "I just...it's like this can't all be happening. I keep - what's that expression - waiting for the other shoe to drop." James looked puzzled at this, and Tom explained, "It's an old expression. It's like, what's the catch?" James realised that Tom was insecure, and it didn't surprise him, not after what Tom had told him about his father. James didn't know the words to reassure Tom, so he took him into his arms again, just holding him, letting him deal with the emotions that he could feel running through him, stroking his shoulders and back gently. "Tom, I can't predict the future, no one can. But I can tell you that I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here with you for as long as possible." "In that case," Tom grinned at him, a little shakily, "Do you think maybe you can do something about this?" pointing downwards. "Oh, I suppose so," James teased back, slipping out of his clothes. Tom gasped, he was even more beautiful nude than he was clothed. He was almost completely hairless, except for the pubic patch framing his erection, and the tufts under his arms, and Tom, who had a light dusting of reddish-blonde hair over his body found the contrast exciting and different. Tom just looked at him for a moment, wondering how someone so beautiful could actually want him. "But he does," his thoughts whispered, as James pulled him close again, and they were touching everywhere, skin on skin, even more arousing than before. Tom began a tentative exploration of James' chest, so different from his own, yet so similar. James moaned as Tom's lips followed his fingers, teasing his shoulders, moving to take a nipple into his mouth. James pulled back with a moan, and said, "Tom, I want to touch you." Tom looked at James, deep into his blue eyes, and felt the connection that had sprung up between them. It was shockingly intimate, and Tom felt that if he kept looking at James, he'd come without James even touching him. With difficulty, Tom pulled his gaze away, and lay down on the bed. "I'm yours, James. Touch me, or don't, but I'm yours." James lay down beside Tom, kissing him gently. He traced Tom's face with his lips, not missing a single centimetre of his fair skin. He moved down, to his neck, kissing, and gently biting it. Tom shivered with desire, wanting more, but not knowing how to ask for it. James moved down Tom's chest, licking and biting at his flesh, tonguing his nipples into hard points until Tom was almost screaming with need. James kissed further down, over Tom's flat, muscular stomach, dipping his tongue into his navel, tracing Tom's hipbones with his tongue, moving down Tom's leg, licking behind his knee, tonguing his ankle, sucking each of his toes, then repeating the process in reverse on his other leg. Tom was raising his hips off the bed, wordlessly begging for a touch in that one place James had avoided, when finally, finally, James took him into his mouth. "Oh, gods, yes," Tom screamed. James smiled around him, exploring him with his tongue. Tom began thrusting into the wet heat of James' mouth, and was shocked when James took all of him down his throat. "What...Oh, gods," he murmured incoherently as James began exploring his buttocks, slipping a finger inside him gently, moving it in and out in the same rhythm he was moving his mouth on Tom's erection. When James added a second finger, Tom thrust once more into his mouth, clenched around his fingers, and came in long, hot spurts at the back of James' throat. James moved back up Tom's body, kissing everywhere he had already kissed earlier, eventually meeting Tom's lips again. Tom noticed an odd taste on James' tongue, then realised that he was tasting himself, which was an interesting sensation. He pulled back gently, smiling at James. James gasped. Tom was so beautiful like this, with all of his insecurities and defences stripped away, only love, desire and satisfaction showing in his eyes. "What?" "You're beautiful." Tom blushed, and tucked his head into James' shoulder. James pulled him closer, holding him like he would never let him go, and Tom just nestled against him, feeling secure and loved. Then James moved, and Tom became aware of his unsatisfied erection. He tentatively moved a hand down to stroke him, unsure what to do, but knowing what he liked helped a little, and James bucked and thrust into Tom's hesitant hand. Tom smiled, and kissed James again, never letting up on the rhythm he had found. "You like this, James?" "Oh, yes...but Tom, I want to..." he trailed off as Tom's hand moved down his heated length to cup his scrotum. "What?" Tom asked, teasing. James gently, but firmly, removed Tom's hand from his crotch. "Tom, I want to make love to you." "You mean, you want to..." "Yes." Tom looked at James, seeing the look of utter passion and love in his eyes, and nodded. He knew James would never hurt him, and he wanted James as much as James wanted him. James reached into a drawer in the bedside stand, pulling out a tube of lubricant. He reached for Tom again, kissing him deeply, exploring his mouth, their tongues meeting. James opened the tube one-handed, and squeezed a generous amount of lubricant onto his fingers. He reached underneath Tom, finding his opening, pushing one lubricated finger gently inside him, gently stretching him, moving in and out of him, adding a second finger as Tom's muscle began to relax, moving in and out of Tom's body. He added a third finger briefly, causing Tom to moan more loudly, then removed them, gently moving Tom over onto his stomach. James lubricated his straining erection, then moved over Tom's body. He gently stretched the opening once more, using his fingers, and then moved slowly into Tom. "Are you all right, Tom?" James asked when he was all the way in. "Much better than all right," Tom moaned, "Oh, gods," he added, as James began to move in him. James gently pulled his hips up, thrusting in and out of him gently, then moving one hand, still coated in lubricant, down to pump Tom's renewed erection in time with his thrusts. After a short time, that seemed to last forever, and not long enough at the same time, James exploded, deep inside Tom, shouting Tom's name as he came. A moment later, Tom came too, and he shouted James' name, and "I love you." James pulled out of Tom's body, rolling him over to take him into his arms. Tom snuggled closer, and before they knew it, both men were asleep. A few hours later, Tom stirred, and opened his eyes. He smiled, James was still asleep, and he kissed his lips. James came awake slowly, to the feeling of being kissed by Tom. "Mmmm," James murmured, "Evening, beautiful." "Evening," Tom replied, still kissing James. "This is wonderful," James said, "But I'm starving!" "Me too," said Tom between kisses to James' neck and shoulders. "I meant for food, Tom." "Oh, that," Tom said, dismissively, still kissing James. "Yes, that," James said, pulling away from Tom, gently, "We've got all night to make love, but I need to build up my strength again." "Oh, all right," Tom said, reluctantly getting up, "You know, I never did get around to replicating some clothes," and he moved over to the replicator. "I'll lend you something," James offered, moving over to the closet and pulling out a white shirt and a pair of loose white trousers. "Thanks," Tom said, slipping into the clothing while James pulled on the shirt and jeans he had discarded earlier. Soon, they were both standing in front of the kitchen replicator, and James asked Tom what he wanted, immediately regretting the way he'd phrased the enquiry when Tom's eyes gleamed. "I MEANT food-wise, Paris," James said, putting a counter between them to be safe. "Oh, all right," Tom mock-pouted, "Tomato soup. Plain, hot tomato soup with a white roll and coffee." "Make it two," James added. Tom grinned, as James carefully kept his distance from him as he ordered the food. "What about some oysters as well?" Tom asked, coming up behind James to whisper in his ear. "Tom, you're shameless!" "You bet I am when it comes to you, James." James just shook his head in amused frustration, and pulled the steaming bowls out of the replicator. "Get the coffee and rolls, would you, Tom?" Tom grinned, and decided that maybe he'd teased James enough for the moment. He was hungry too, for food, after all. He went over to the replicator and ordered the rolls and coffee. "James?""Yes, Tom?" James asked, resignedly. "Could we just talk for a while? I know I've been a rotten tease, but I'd like to." "Yes. I'd like that. Do you know, I know almost nothing about you?" "And vice versa. If this is going to be more than one night, which I hope it will be, I'd like to know the person I'm having a relationship with." James felt his body warm all over at Tom's use of the word relationship. It wasn't a sexual warmth, although there was an element of that to it, and James realised once again how quickly they'd connected, that he loved Tom and wanted to be with him all the time. Tom noticed the flush that spread over James' fair skin, and felt his own face grow warm, with an unnamed emotion, that he thought just might be love. "So, James," Tom began, "Other than flying, what do you like to do? Read? Listen to music? Play tennis? Run? Play music? Holoprogramming? Chase women, or men? What's your favourite colour?" James smiled at the last, and said, "Pretty much all of the above. I like to read, listen to and play music, I play guitar. I play tennis, don't run much, except if I'm late for class. Holoprogramming is something I'm not great at, but I've got a few programs that I've modified. I chased women a lot a couple years ago, and most of them stuck around to be caught. As for the men, I've had one male lover, other than you. He was a friend of my father's, and I stayed with him in South America. To be honest, I'd never have considered him as a lover, even if I'd ever thought of being with a man, but one night, we were talking, and...it just happened. It was good, he taught me a lot, but he's married, to a woman, and I'd never interfere in his life. We've seen each other since, as friends, but the sex is over, for what it's worth. And my favourite colour? Sorry to be boring, but blue. What about you?" "I like to read, play tennis, run occasionally. I love holoprogramming, and I'm not too bad at it if I do say so myself. I have been known to chase women, but I've never had a real relationship with one. You know I've never considered men before you. My favourite colour is...blue-green. I like to listen to music, and I play piano." "Really? I'll have to show you Gramps' piano. It's an antique. Finished eating?" Tom took the last mouthful of coffee, and nodded. James took his hand, and led him into a part of the house he hadn't been into before. "This is the music room," he pointed, ushering Tom inside. Tom just stood there for a moment, awed. The room was beautiful. There were comfortable chairs and couches scattered over the floor. A state-of-the-art playback system was built into one wall, the other walls were glass, and Tom could see the lights of San Francisco shining through them. The lights were low, but not so much so that it was difficult to see. Tom turned around, and gasped. In front of him was the most beautiful piano he had ever seen. It was made of a red- brown wood, and was polished brightly. Tom walked over and touched it, it felt beautiful to him. He looked at the lid over the keys, and noticed the craftsman's name, Steinway, on the wood above the lid. "Go ahead," said James. "What?" "Play something. You know you're dying to." "Are you sure?" "I wouldn't have offered, otherwise." Tom smiled, and sat down on the stool, lifting the lid. He ran his fingers appreciatively across the keys, and began playing a Strauss waltz. James sat on a chair near him, and just listened, enjoying the music. Tom grinned, and played the opening notes of Are You Lonesome Tonight, and began to sing, softly, not wanting to disturb the peaceful atmosphere too much. When he finished the song, James came over to him, and kissed him, gently. "That was beautiful, Tom." "Thank you," Tom smiled, "Now, do you remember what you called me earlier?" "A tease? Beautiful? My love?" Tom shook his head to each of these. "Uh, I can't think - shameless?" "Yeah, and I am when it comes to you. That made me think of a song I heard a long time ago," and Tom began to play. I'm shameless when it comes to loving you, I'll do anything you want me to, I'll do anything at all, And I'm standing, here for all the world to see, Oh, baby, that's what's left of me, I don't have very far to fall. You know now I'm not a man who's ever been insecure about the world I've been living in, I don't break easy, I have my pride, but if you need to be satisfied, I'm shameless. Oh, honey, I don't have a prayer, Every time I see you standing there, I go down upon my knees, And I'm changing, I swore I'd never compromise, Oh, but you convinced me otherwise, I'll do anything you please, You see, all my life, I've never found, What I couldn't resist, what I couldn't turn down, I could walk away from anything I ever knew, But I can't walk away from you. I have never let anything have this much control over me, I've worked too hard to call my life my own, And I've made myself a world, And it's worked so perfectly, But it sure won't now, I can't refuse, I've never had so much to lose. Oh, I'm shameless. You know it should be easy for a man who's strong, To say he's sorry or admit when he's wrong, I never lost anything I ever missed, But I've never been in love like this, It's out of my hands, I'm shameless. I don't have a problem now, I don't want it anyhow, So I've got to let it go, Oh, I'm shameless. Shameless as a man can be, You could make a total fool of me, I just wanted you to know, Oh, I'm shameless. I just wanted you to know, Oh, I'm shameless, Oh, I'm down on my knees, Shameless, You say, I do, Shameless. "That's exactly what I feel about you, James. Whatever you ask me to do, I'll do. I love you." "Tom...I don't know what to say. Yes, I do. I love you, and I'll never ask you to do anything that would hurt you." Tom smiled at James, and got up from the stool. He moved into James' waiting arms. James' lips were on his immediately, and Tom moaned into his mouth. James pulled back gently, seeing the look of renewed desire on Tom's face, and smiled. He gently removed Tom's clothes, and allowed Tom to do the same for him. To James' shock, as soon as they were naked, Tom pulled a pillow off the couch, and was on his knees in front of him. He took James' growing erection in his mouth. "Tom..." James gasped, and then Tom began exploring him with his tongue, and he couldn't form a coherent thought. Tom licked and sucked tentatively at him, driving him insane with his gentle, unsure movements, until he was able to form enough rational thought to place his hands gently on Tom's head, and hold it still while he pumped gently in and out of the wet heat of his mouth. Tom kept using his tongue, moving one hand to touch James' opening lightly, just brushing over it. A few minutes later, James exploded into Tom's mouth, and Tom eagerly swallowed his essence. As he came down from the heights, Tom pulled him into his arms. "Oh, Tom..." "Yeah?" he asked, teasingly. "That was...incredible. You sure it was your first time?" Tom just smiled at the look of satisfaction on James' face. He liked this, just lying there with James, feeling things he'd never felt before. He drifted away on a thought, only to become aware of James exploring his body with his hands and lips. He made a wordless enquiry, only to have James place a finger on his lips, murmuring, "Your turn," and he gave himself up to the gentle caresses. After a few minutes, James captured his erection in one hand, bringing the other up to caress Tom's face as he kissed him deeply. James began moving his hand on Tom's erection, pumping him gently, and Tom began to move his hips involuntarily in time with James' movements. It only took a few minutes before Tom came, calling James' name. James gathered Tom close, kissing him again, and gently pulled him up. "Come on, Tom, you don't want to fall asleep on the floor." Tom complied, and lazily put an arm around James' shoulder, leaning on his lover. Soon after, the two men had taken a shower, and were in bed, drifting off to sleep in each other's arms. "James," Tom murmured. "What?" James asked, sleepily. "I love you." "I love you, Tom." "I can't wait for you to meet my sister, she's going to love you! I never asked, do you have any family aside from your grandfather?" "No, my parents died a few years ago, and I have no other living relatives." "I'm sorry." "Don't be, Tom. I've got a lot of friends, I love my grandfather very much, and now I've got you." "You have, James. For as long as you want me." "That just might be forever, Tom." "I don't know if that would be long enough," Tom yawned. James just smiled, and pulled Tom closer, loving the sound of his heartbeat under his ear. Soon after, the only sound in the room was the muted breathing of the two men in sleep. --- Some three months later... --- Tom came awake slowly, becoming aware of the familiar warmth next to him. He turned to kiss his lover. "Good morning, love," he said. "Morning," James replied, deepening the kiss. Tom moaned, and moved a hand between them, searching for James' growing erection. James moved onto his back, and spread his legs, to make it easier for Tom to get at him. Tom pounced on his lover with a mock growl, covering James' body with his. He started kissing his neck, and moved his hips so that their erections met. They often made love like this in the morning, ever since James had moved into Tom's room, in Julian's place. Julian had been on Betazed for the last few months, and he would not be back until just before Tom and James graduated. Julian still had a few more years of study before he would be "let loose on unsuspecting patients" as he put it. James had eagerly accepted Tom's invitation to move into the room in Julian's place, and they had spent the last few months getting to know each other intimately in many ways. Tom kept thrusting his hips, meeting James' erection with his, causing gasps and moans from his lover that matched his own. The thrusts began to become more irregular as the pleasure began to build up in both of them. A few more movements of their hips, and both men were coming, all over each other. James moved down to lick Tom's stomach clean, but Tom pulled him away gently. James looked at Tom enquiringly. "You know how that always goes, and we're meeting Miranda for breakfast. You know she won't forgive us if we're late yet again." James smiled, he knew that Miranda Paris would forgive her brother a lot more than being late, but reluctantly pulled himself out of bed, stretching gracefully. Tom's breath caught, he would never get used to that sight, James stretching with feline grace. James had told him the same thing about himself, but Tom thought that James was perhaps exaggerating slightly. James looked at him, and smiled, and Tom was lost in those eyes as he always was. "Out of bed, Tom, unless you want me to ravage you senseless. You know that if you look at me like that that I'm not responsible for my reaction." Tom laughed, but complied. He didn't want to be late to meet his sister, the only member of his immediate family that he cared to acknowledge since his mother's death. If it were up to him, he'd never see his father again. He had no idea, and less interest, if his father knew anything about himself and James, the only thing he did know was that Miranda would never tell him. Half an hour later, Tom and James beamed to the cafe they usually met Miranda at. As they materialised, they looked over the usual morning crowd, searching for her. James saw her first, she was standing by the counter. She was a female version of Tom, almost indecently beautiful, blonde and tall. She wore a blue cadet's uniform, as she was training to become a Ship's Counselor. She turned then, and noticed them. James nudged Tom, and both men smiled at her. Miranda launched herself at them, "as if you didn't just see us last night," Tom remarked, breathlessly. "It's called being glad to see you, even after such a short time. I love you guys." "The feeling is mutual," James replied. "Don't say that in front of Tom," Miranda teased, "He might get the wrong idea." "Never," Tom said, seriously, "I'll never want anyone else, and I know James won't either." "That's right," James said, pressing a kiss to Tom's palm. "You guys can get sickening at times. Remember, we're in public." Tom grinned, and got up to get three cups of coffee from the replicator. "So," James asked, "How are you doing? I didn't get to talk to you much last night." "Really well, thanks, James. You're so good for Tom, you know that?" "I know. When I remember how he was when we first started seeing each other, I find it hard to believe that it's the same Tom who's next to me. I know I shouldn't speak about someone that I've never met like this, Miranda, but I think that your father has a lot to answer for." "I know he has, and not just with Tom. Why do you think I chose to go into psychology?" "I wondered if that was the reason. Did - did he hit you too?" "No, he had the decency not to hit a young girl. He just chose to use words as his weapon with me, rather than his fists. Some of the things he said to me hurt me as much as being hit." "If I ever do meet him..." "James, it's over. Tom and I have cut him off for all intents and purposes, except in public. We still make our appearances at family gatherings, and so on, but we never spend more than an hour in his company if we can help it. And that's the way we want it. I think if he could get away with it, he'd disown both of us, but he can't, it wouldn't look good. I wonder how he'd react to you and Tom? As far as I know, he doesn't know about you two." "It doesn't matter to me or Tom, and I know it doesn't matter to you or Grandfather. That's all the people I care about." "Me, too. You know, sometimes I regret that Tom saw you first. I'd give anything to have what you two have." "You will, Miranda. The right man - or woman - is out there for you. You just have to give it time. But if I'd seen you before I met Tom, who knows?" "You are a charming liar, James." They were still laughing when Tom returned. "What did I miss?" "Just me telling your sister that if I'd seen her first, I'd probably have been attracted to her." "Lucky you saw me first, then, isn't it?" "It was meant to be," Miranda said. "And she called us sickening," Tom stage-whispered to James. "How do you put up with him?" Miranda asked. "He's great in bed," replied James, at which Tom blushed beet red, and turned his attention to his food. Miranda and James followed suit, as they would be late for class if they didn't eat quickly. "Well," said Miranda when they had finished eating, "Is it today that you find out your assignments?" "Yes, it is," said Tom. "What are the chances of your being posted together?" "Reasonably good. We've asked to be, and Starfleet does have the policy of assigning couples together if they're in a long-term relationship." "Well, I hope you will be. See you tomorrow for breakast as usual? I've got plans with Jadzia tonight." Jadzia Dax was Miranda's roommate and close friend, a beautiful Trill. "Sure, see you then," Tom replied, casually, pulling James up by his hand. "Let's go, handsome." James pulled Tom to him for an affectionate kiss, and the men headed for the transporter pad. An hour later, Tom was called out of his mathematics class, just when the instructor had called on him. He looked apologetically at the professor, who waved dismissively at him to leave, and called on someone else. Tom headed for Vice Admiral Nechayev's office. "Mr Paris?" asked Nechayev's assistant, as he stepped into the reception area. "Yes, I'm Tom Paris," he replied. "Go right in," said the young woman, smiling at Tom invitingly. "Tom, it's nice to see you again," said the Admiral. "And you, Ma'am," Tom said, moving forward to take her hand. "Tom, I know that you and James Hawk have asked to be assigned together if at all possible, because you are in a relationship. I do have two places available on the An-Lex..." "So, we would be very happy with that, ma'am. What's the problem?" "The problem is that there is a position available on the Enterprise. Captain Picard has asked for James specifically, because of his training at the London and South American branches." Tom was silent for a moment. The Enterprise was the ship James had dreamed of serving on. Most cadets did, it was one of the most famous ships in the Fleet. "Ma'am, why are you telling me and not James?" "I have told him, and he asked me to tell you about it. He didn't think that he could be objective about this with you in front of him." "Gods, how can I tell him not to do what he wants. I wish I could, but I can't. So, do I still get the An-Lex?" "If that's what you want. There is a position available on the Exeter, and it would be more likely to cross paths with the Enterprise than the An-Lex." "Then I'll take that. It doesn't really matter if I can't be on the same ship as James. And isn't the Exeter home-ported at Caldik Prime?" "Yes, it is. It's a beautiful world, although the weather patterns can be unpredictable." "That's what I hear," replied Tom, distractedly. "Well, then. James Hawk will be assigned to the Enterprise, and you will be assigned to the Exeter. Good luck, Tom." "Thank you, Ma'am." "Dismissed." "Yes, Ma'am," and Tom was very proud of himself for being able to get out of the office and to the rest-room before he broke down. After crying for several minutes, he managed to compose himself, and washed his face with cool water. "I can't let James know how horrible I feel. I'm happy for him, I know this is the best thing for him, and that's more important than my hurt," he thought, "But gods, I know we're not breaking up, but ir feels like an ending." Tom tapped his combadge and informed the computer that he would not be returning to class for personal reasons. He then beamed back to his room, not wanting to see anyone. As he materialised, he noticed that James was asleep on the bed. He moved quietly over to watch him as he slept. He noticed detachedly that it had started raining. "Great timing," he thought, listening to the sound of the rain falling. James stirred, and turned over. He opened his eyes, and saw Tom. "Tom...you know?" "Yeah." "I CAN'T turn the chance to serve on the Enterprise down, Tom. I wish I could." "James, I wouldn't ask you to. We'll get through this somehow. It won't be easy, but we'll manage." "I know I'll miss you, love. But there'll be vacations, and shore leave...I want to take you to Risa, and we'll drown in pleasure for a month. Where are you going, the An-Lex?" "No. Admiral Nechayev offered me the Exeter. It's more likely to cross paths with the Enterprise, and it's home-ported on Caldik Prime, which is supposed to be a really beautiful world." James looked sad, and Tom knew that he was hiding his sadness as much as Tom was. "Hey, we've still got a few months before graduation, you know? It's not like we're being separated tomorrow." "That's true. Gods, that rain is starting to come down, isn't it?" "Yes, it is," Tom had an idea, "Computer, play piano selection Paris-GT." James looked puzzled, he hadn't heard this selection before. The music started, and Tom began to sing. Don't look so sad, I know it's over, But life goes on, And this old world will keep on turning, Let's just be glad we had some time to spend together, There's no need to watch the bridges that we're burning. Lay your head upon my pillow, Hold your warm and loving body close to mine, Hear the whisper of the raindrops blowing soft against the window, And make believe you love me one more time, For the good times. I'll get along, You'll find another, And I'll be here if you should find you ever need me, Don't say a word about tomorrow or forever, There'll be time enough for sadness when you leave me. Lay your head upon my pillow, Hold your warm and loving body close to mine, Hear the whisper of the raindrops blowing soft against the window, And make believe you love me one more time, For the good times. "I know that you're not leaving me forever, James, but it won't be the same again. That's what I mean by remembering the good times." "We could get married," James said, "They'd have to assign us together then." "James, you and I both know that we're nowhere near ready for a commitment like that. Someday, I'd love to be your husband, but we both know that we're too young." James nodded his agreement to this, knowing that he had had to ask. "So," Tom said, "Why don't you take the advice of the song, and hold your warm and loving body close to mine?" James gently lay Tom down on the bed, removing his clothes gently, then removing Tom's. He kissed his way over every inch of Tom's skin, causing Tom to gasp in pleasure whenever he hit a particularly sensitive area. Tom wanted to do the same to James, but he was stopped gently. "Later. I want to memorise everything about you, for all those times that I'll only have the memories. And I want you to do the same, but not right now." Tom complied, and lay back, giving himself up to James. James continued his slow, gentle exploration, kissing and touching everywhere. He kissed Tom's feet, sucking each of his toes, which sent waves of pleasure shooting through him. This always drove Tom insane with pleasure, he'd never known his toes were such an erogenous zone, but one time, he'd come just from having them sucked. James moved up Tom's legs slowly, moving closer and closer to his straining erection, and Tom was moaning and begging, "pleasepleasepleaseJames," until James finally took him in his mouth. A few firm pulls, and Tom was exploding in James' mouth, shouting in ecstacy. "That was incredible," sighed Tom. "I know. You damn near blew my head off when you came, Paris." Tom grinned wickedly, and flipped James over, repeating the same torturous exploration of his body that James had inflicted on him, leading eventually to the same mindblowing conclusion. "We'll be okay, won't we?" asked Tom, as they lay together afterwards. "We'll always be okay, Tom. All we have to remember is that we love each other." The two men drifted off to sleep, knowing that they would eventually have to part, but that it would not be forever if they could help it. --- The End