The BLTS Archive- The Song Remembers When
by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com)

---

Disclaimer:  Chakotay and Ro Laren belong to Paramount/Viacom and TPTB
of Star Trek: Voyager and TNG.  Richie Ryan belongs to Rysher,
Panzer/Davis and TPTB of Highlander: The Series.  The Chigs belong to
Morgan/Wong and TPTB of Space: Above And Beyond (very brief mention
only, but I thought I'd better cover myself).	Everything else in the
story, except the songs, of course, is mine. The Song Remembers When
is sung by Trisha Yearwood on her Songbook CD, and I Need To Be Loved
Too Much is sung by Ty Hearnden., not mine, used without permission,
etc, etc.

First story in my Trisha Yearwood series.

Well, here I go, boldly going where no one has gone before with
another unusual crossover.  And as HL doesn't screen in Australia at
the moment <pout>, on network television, anyways. I'm in denial of
anything past Tessa's death and Richie's immortality (and I only
accept Tessa's death because I saw it).  Of course, I'm also in denial
that Hawk died in First Contact <g>.  This is my first HL story of any
type, and my second crossover outside the Trek universe. My
characterisation of Richie is based mainly on the first season, so any
changes made since then probably won't be reflected.

I know Richie is *technically* older than Chakotay, but when I refer
to Richie as the younger man, or Chak as the older man, I'm seeing it
from Chak's perspective, 'kay?

Special thanks to, of all people, my mother, who asked me the
perfectly innocent question of whether Stan Kirsch and Robbie McNeill
were the same person.  That question led me to writing this story.
Not that she'll ever know, of course <G>.

This story takes place after Chakotay joins the Maquis, and has a
romantic relationship with Seska, but before he meets Tom Paris for
the first time. This story contains a very small amount of consensual
d/s (small letters for a small amount), and an intimation of a past
encounter between two Star Trek characters (Chakotay and Garak) that
will form a later story.  I have also made a few personal assumptions
about just what *exactly* Garak might *really* be up to on DS9.  Also
there is some non-graphic discussion of m/m rape.

Archiving:  ASC Archive, R'Rain's Slash Archive, HLX.

Lists:  BLTS, CPSG, HLX.

No downloading or printing for other than personal use, and no other
distribution without my express permission.  This does *not* include
passing the story on to like-minded friends, however.

This is, for those who haven't realised yet, slash, which means that
it contains sex, in intimate detail between two men.  If this turns
you off or you're under eighteen, don't read it, 'kay?  And if you do
read it, don't bother flaming me, 'cause I warned you.

For Mona, because I wouldn't have gotten into HL fanfic if it weren't
for her page.  It's all the fault of that lovely picture of Methos.

---

Another seedy bar on another backwater planet.	How many had he been
in in the past seven months? Chakotay asked himself. Too damn many.
At least this one was cleaner than the average.  It didn't seem to
affect the general seediness of the clientele, though. Oh, spirits,
was that Klingon giving him the eye, or just spoiling for a fight?
Chakotay didn't know which prospect frightened him more.

The Klingon didn't seem to be ready to push whichever issue he was
interested in, as he was served with more blood wine, so Chakotay
decided that it would look worse from either point of view if he left
just yet.  He sipped at the beer he'd ordered, remembering the past
few months with a mixture of pride, horror and sadness.  Pride,
because he'd managed to bring a ragtag group of freedom fighters
together into a cohesive unit.  Horror, because he'd caused more death
and injury than one man should have to cause in a lifetime. And
sadness, for two reasons.  The first was that his father hadn't lived
to see him take up arms to defend their homeworld.  The second was
that he'd been foolish enough to become involved with someone in his
unit.  If it had just been sex, that would have been one thing, but
he'd felt himself developing ever deeper feelings for Seska, and he
knew that he wasn't anywhere near ready for a romantic commitment at
this stage of his life, everything was in way too much turmoil for him
to become so closely involved with someone he relied on to be there
for him in battle.

So, reluctantly, he'd ended the relationship, choosing to salvage
friendship and comradeship rather than allow the relationship to
deteriorate into indifference or hatred.  Of course, the time that
he'd been imprisoned by the Cardassians had been the final blow to the
relationship.  He hadn't been able to think about making love to
*anyone* for months, even Seska, and that had brought home to him the
fact that he and Seska really weren't meant to be, because if they
had, he would have relied on her support during that time.  But he
hadn't been with anyone in a long time, and he was starting to
consider his options.

His contact didn't seem to be here yet...he'd been assured that he was
human. "A reputable trader, and a good friend to us, so don't assume
he's a spy," had been the information Ro Laren had given him.
Chakotay smiled as he thought of his dear friend, so similar to him in
many ways, down to being ex-Starfleet.  It was a pity that she hadn't
been the Bajoran he'd become involved with, but she knew as well as he
the pitfalls of becoming involved in a relationship at this point.
She was also casually involved with a woman in another unit.  Maybe he
should look for someone outside of his unit too, he mused.

"Of course, there's always the Klingon," thought Chakotay, grimacing
at the thought.  Then the door of the bar opened, and a tall human was
silhouetted against the golden light of the planet's two suns.

Chakotay was aware of red hair, blue eyes, slender, but strong build,
and before he knew it, he was swept into an embrace.

"Play along," was whispered into his ear, "And the name's Richie."

Chakotay was confused, but the name Richie was the one Ro had given
him, so he tightened his arms around the younger man.

"I've *missed*  you," the young man said, pulling back to look into
Chakotay's eyes.  Spirits, his eyes were the colour of the sea.

"I've been waiting for you," Chakotay said.

"I would *hope* so.  I mean, if you can't be faithful to me for a
week, we're in real trouble, aren't we?"

"I-I guess so," Chakotay said, still trying to process what was going
on.

"Let's go up to our room, and you can *show* me how much you've missed
me," said the young man.

"Wait a minute," Chakotay said, then remembered the whispered, "Play
along."

"How much longer do I have to wait?" asked the young man, pouting.

"Uh...I...just want to finish my beer," Chakotay said, inspiration
hitting when he noticed the unfinished drink.

"Come on, I'll buy you another, later.  But the drink *I* want most
can't be found in a bottle," Richie finished, smiling wickedly.

Chakotay led him out of the bar, very close to decking the teasing
young man.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked as soon as they were out of the
room.

"Not here.  You *do* have a room?"

"Yes, but if you think..."

"Look, this *isn't* a come-on, okay.  I need to explain what's going
on, and I can't do it where anyone might hear."

"I'm sorry...I..."

"Hey, if circumstances were different...you are a damned attractive
man, Chakotay.  But we have other things to be concerned about."

They had reached the small room Chakotay had rented.  It too was
cleaner than he would have expected, and he stood aside to let the
younger man enter the room first.

After they were satisfied that they were alone, Chakotay asked again,
"What's going on?"

"Starfleet's cracking down on border patrols.  There's no way you can
get out of here for at least a couple of days.	I just thought the
"lovers" cover was the most plausible."

"Well..thanks.  Sorry I acted so..."

"Hey, you did better than I would have with the amount of preparation
you had."

"So, how long are you staying?  And where?"

The younger man blushed.  "We have to look like we're lovers,
remember?  I'll have to stay here.  I'll sleep on the couch," he
indicated the small sofa in one corner of the room.

"There's no way you can fit on that.  You take the bed, I'll sleep on
the floor."

"*I'll* sleep on the floor.  It's only for a couple of nights."

"We'll alternate nights, and I won't hear anything more about it,"
Chakotay finished as Richie looked about to protest once more.

"Okay. Well, the supplies are safe, I can get to them whenever
necessary. We'll have to...stay in here for a while.  I mean, if I am
supposed to have just come back to you after a week, I certainly
wouldn't be going downstairs again for a while."

"No, I suppose not," Chakotay agreed dryly, "So, how does a young man
like you become a trader with the Maquis?"

An odd expression came into Richie's eyes at the use of the word
"young", but Chakotay didn't catch it.

"I've seen too many fights like this, where both sides are right, but
can't admit it.  So I help who and how I can."

Chakotay frowned, the kid was no more than twenty-five at the outside,
how could he speak of such things as if he were a veteran of the Chig,
Eugenics, Romulan and Cardassian wars?  He started to ask, when Richie
noticed his guitar in the corner.  It was the one thing, apart from
his gish, that he refused to give up, battered as it was.

"You play?"

"Yes, of course.  Why else would I have it?"

"In the Maquis, who knows?  I...knew someone once who played."

Chakotay picked it up, and started playing, softly.

You say you love me a little, You say you want to stay friends, You
say you don't want no strings attached, No one on you to depend.

You see love as a prison, I see love as a key, You think a little is
more than enough, It's not that way for me.

I need to be loved too much, I need to be held too tight, I need to
hear someone say at the end of the day, I'll make everything right.

The rest of the world goes on, I need to feel someone's touch, I've
been alone too long, Now I need to be loved too much.

Too much sun could burn you, Too much rain, you'll drown, Too much
cold will freeze you, Too much wind will blow you down.

But love is something different, It disregards the rules, You call me
a dreamer, But sometimes dreams come true.

I need to be loved too much, I need to be held too tight, I need to
hear someone say at the end of the day, I'll make everything right.

When the rest of the world goes home, I need to feel someone's touch,
I've been alone too long, Now I need to be loved too much.

I need to be loved too much, I need to be held too tight, I need to
hear someone say at the end of the day, I'll make everything right.

When the rest of the world goes home, I need to feel someone's touch,
I've been alone too long, Now I need to be loved too much.

Oh, I need to be loved too much, Yes I need to be loved too much.

Chakotay had noticed Richie's expression when he began playing, and by
the end of the song, the younger man was openly crying.

"Richie, what is it?"

Richie sniffed, then seemed to pull himself together.

"That song...it meant a lot to me and the person I told you about."

"The one who played guitar?  She was special to you?"

"Not she.  He.  It was...a long time ago."

Chakotay wondered again how long ago that could possibly be.  There
was no way that it could be more than ten years at the very most, and
Richie would have had to have started *extremely* young for it to be
that long.  Unless it had been unrequited love, of  course.

"So this...man," Chakotay hesitated, but couldn't think of another
term.  "He was young?  Is he still alive?"

"It was five...years ago," Richie said.  "He died.  And no, he wasn't
young, but it was...too soon."

"Was it...an accident?"

"You could say that.  I didn't want him to leave me, but I didn't have
a choice.  If I had...."

"We all have things in our life that we'd change if we could, Richie."

"Yes, we do.  Joe was....special, in so many ways.  Every moment of
life was special with him, because we knew it wouldn't last forever.
He played that song for me on a very special anniversary.  When you
played it, all the memories came flooding back."

"The song remembers when?"

"Exactly."

"I can relate to that.	There are many songs that remind me of people
and places in my life.  Some good, some bad.  But all I have to do is
hear the song, and I'm back at that point in my life."

"Music can evoke powerful memories and emotions, Chakotay."

"Yes, it can," Chakotay was overcome by an inexplicable urge to hug
the young man sitting next to him, and he gave in to the impulse.  To
his pleasant surprise, Richie held tightly to him, emotions still in
turmoil.  Chakotay drew back, looking into those blue, blue eyes, then
moved forward, claiming the young man's lips in a deep, passionate
kiss.  Richie returned it eagerly, mouth opening to welcome Chakotay's
tongue inside.  Chakotay pulled back for a moment, but was unable to
resist the pull of emotion connecting him to the younger man.  He
*didn't* normally do things like this, not so soon, but Richie's
remarks about life being short had affected him, and there was no way
of knowing if he'd ever see Richie again after these few days spent
acting (but maybe not, a part of his mind whispered) as lovers.

"Oh, yes," Richie moaned, as Chakotay began kissing his neck.

"You're sure?" Chakotay had to ask, not wanting to do anything the
young man didn't want.

"Chakotay, I want this.  Very much.  To be honest, although we need to
maintain some kind of cover, the reason I chose to act as your lover
was because the moment I saw you, I wanted you.""Really?"

"Yes, Chakotay.  You're one of the most beautiful men I've ever seen.
I don't think I've been attracted to another man as much since...."

"Since Joe?"

"Yes.  But I don't want to think about that, Chakotay.	I want to slip
your clothes off, feel you hot and hard on me and in me, and I want
you to scream and then pass out when you come."

"Well," Chakotay breathed, "That's certainly direct."

Richie smiled wickedly, "I believe in the direct approach.  Always
have," and he was kissing Chakotay again.	He began working on
the fastenings of Chakotay's clothing, quickly removing his shirt,
then Chakotay removed his, pulling the younger man to him, feeling
skin on skin, but needing more contact.  Chakotay reached for the
fastenings on the younger man's trousers, feeling Richie doing the
same to him, and soon both men were naked.  Chakotay stood up, urging
Richie to do the same, then gently laying him down on the bed, moving
to lie on top of him, being careful not to lean too much of his
weight on the slighter man.

"Beautiful," Chakotay whispered, kissing him gently, eliciting a soft
moan as he began swirling his tongue in Richie's ear.  He began
kissing a long, slow, wet trail down Richie's jawline, nipping gently
at the tender skin underneath, causing his new lover to writhe with
pleasure.  He kept doing that, obviously Richie liked it, and he
wanted to make the younger man as insane with passion as he was.
Richie moaned again, moving his head out of Chakotay's reach, not
teasingly, but because he wanted his lips on Chakotay, and he couldn't
get to him from that position.

"What?" Chakotay asked.

"I want to get to you," Richie gasped.

"I think you already did," Chakotay mused, before moving back and
allowing Richie to take the lead.

"Oh, Spirits," Chakotay said at the first touch of Richie's hands on
him. Although he was only touching Chakotay's shoulders, the bigger
man was hypernaturally sensitised by the earlier touches and kisses,
feeling every sensation in every sensitised part of him.

"Richie," Chakotay gasped, as the younger man found a brown nipple,
moistening it with his tongue, then blowing gently on it, causing it
to pucker into a hard point.

"You like that?" asked Richie, grinning impishly.

"Spirits, *yes*.  Don't stop," he added, not that the younger man
seemed likely to.

"Well, since you ask so nicely," and with that, Richie was performing
the same magic on his other nipple, then moving over Chakotay's
muscular chest. Chakotay's hands caressed Richie's chest, tangling
occasionally in the light dusting of hair, till his fingers found what
he was searching for, gently rolling and pinching the younger man's
nipples till they were as hard and aching as his own.

"Richie...." Chakotay moaned again.

"What?"

"Richie, I want...I want you inside me."

"But I thought..."

"No, I want *you* to take me."

A wicked gleam appeared in the blue eyes, and Chakotay wondered what
he'd gotten himself into.  But he trusted Richie implicitly not to
hurt him in *any* way, or he wouldn't have turned control of the
lovemaking over to him.

Richie pulled back, and stepped away from the bed.  Chakotay wondered
what he was looking for, then realised, or thought he did.  Richie
fumbled in the small bag he'd brought with him, and removed a small
tube, and something wrapped in a black cloth.  Chakotay couldn't make
out what it was, and waited for Richie to return to him.

"Chakotay, if you have *any* problems with *anything* I do, just
say...phaser, and I'll stop, okay?"

"Okay..." Chakotay agreed, wondering exactly what Richie had in mind,
but still feeling that implicit trust that the young man had
engendered within him from the moment they met.

Richie returned to kissing the older man, clasping Chakotay's hands in
his, gently drawing them above Chakotay's head, and kissing him so
deeply, Chakotay was unaware of the coolness of metal closing around
his wrists until he heard the click of the cuffs closing.

"Richie...what are you *doing*?"

"Tying you up," Richie said, in the tone of someone pointing out the
blatantly obvious.

Chakotay shivered, not with desire, and Richie reached up to remove
the cuffs.

"No, Richie, it's all right.  I was just shocked, that's all."

"Haven't you ever...?"

"The last time I did this...it wasn't exactly something I had a choice
about. But I know if I say stop, you'll stop.  And I want this to be
good again."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Richie asked.

"Not now, later.  There's only one thing I want to do right now."

Richie looked at his new lover, wondering if this *was* a good idea,
but he could see the need and desire in the other man's expression,
and decided that if Chakotay *really* wanted him to stop, he would
tell him to.	He began kissing him again, letting the pleasure build
again slowly, wanting this to be good for the other man.  A part of
his mind recoiled at the thought of what his remark about not having a
choice the last time could mean, and he started kissing Chakotay's
neck, light, teasing kisses, deepening into gentle bites as the older
man began moaning and shivering under his tender assault.

"So beautiful..." Richie whispered, almost reverently, "It's been so
long....Chakotay....you feel so good under me."

Chakotay was too incoherent with need and desire to respond with
anything but moans and gasps as Richie began kissing down his chest,
stopping to tease the aching, swollen nipples again, moving over the
muscular chest, down over the flat stomach, blowing gently on the dark
curls, then engulfing the hard erection with the soft heat of his
mouth.  While Richie licked and sucked the length of his lover's
erection, he reached for the tube, fumbling to open it,  squeezing
some lubricant onto his fingers, and bringing the fingers to
Chakotay's opening, moving one finger in, and almost choking as
Chakotay thrust forward before he was ready, but just managing to keep
his breath.  He moved back before adding a second finger, brushing
lightly over the small nub of the prostate, causing a strangled scream
from Chakotay.  Richie added a third finger, then removed all of his
fingers and his mouth from around Chakotay, pulling back to look at
his lover, gauging whether he *really* wanted this.  The look of
intense heat in Chakotay's eyes was  oddly reassuring to the other
man, and he applied lubricant to  himself, moving into Chakotay with
slow, careful strokes, not wanting to hurt the other man in *any*
way.

"Are you sure?" Richie asked, just as he started to move, gently.

"You wouldn't....have gotten...this far...if I weren't," Chakotay
gasped almost incoherently, lapsing back into sighs and moans as
Richie began moving inside him, pulling almost all the way out, then
plunging back into him, both of them constantly moaning, Richie
feeling Chakotay's heat and tightness around him, Chakotay feeling
Richie's hand grasp his erection, not moving on it, just letting the
movements of their bodies provide the friction needed to grant him his
release.  Soon, Chakotay was on the edge, waiting to tumble over, then
Richie's fingers brushed almost casually over the weeping head of his
erect hardness, and Chakotay felt the intense orgasm seize his body,
crying out with pleasure and joy as he felt Richie fill him again and
again, calling his name as he climaxed.

Richie moved out of Chakotay and unfastened the cuffs from his wrists.

Chakotay pulled the younger man's head onto his shoulder, and sighed
with happiness when Richie wrapped himself around him as if they were
made to fit together like this, then the two men drifted off to sleep.

---

Chakotay and Richie spent the next few days together, exploring each
other's bodies and minds.  The connection between them had grown and
nurtured in a surprisingly short amount of time, perhaps because they
knew that they would only have this short time together, possibly not
seeing each other again for months, although they had made plans to
meet again as and when they could, they didn't have even a notion of
when that would be, so they had to make the most of the time they had
together now.

The second night, Richie insisted that, before making love again,
Chakotay tell him what had happened to him that had made him freeze up
when he'd put the restraints on him the night before, adding that if
Chakotay didn't want to share this with him, he would understand.

"I think I need to talk about it," Chakotay said, looking into
Richie's trusting, compassionate blue eyes, knowing that he could
trust this man with his life if need be.

"It was a few months ago.  The ship I was flying, alone, on a
high-risk mission, was, as we suspected it might be, captured by
Cardassian forces.  I wasn't shown any quarter, being a Maquis
operative, and I was interrogated by Gul Evek."

Richie paled at the mention of that name, Gul Evek was one of the most
feared Cardassians in the quadrant, and he was particularly renowned
for his lack of mercy to Maquis prisoners.

"I see you recognise the name.	His reputation is in no way
exaggerated, and is actually probably toned down."

"Dear gods, Chakotay, did he...."

Chakotay's voice was detached, obviously he couldn't relive this with
any emotion, or he'd break down.

"Yes.  He tied my arms above my head, turned me towards a wall, and
forced himself on me.  Raped me," Chakotay's voice was steady, but his
body was trembling with emotion.

Richie moved to take Chakotay in his arms, soothing the bigger man's
trembling with soft words and caresses.

"Do you want to continue, or get some rest?"

"I need to talk about it all, Richie.  After Gul Evek had...satisfied
himself, or asserted his power, whichever it really was, he gave
orders for me to be reclothed and put into a cell until that night,
when I was to be taken to his quarters and, well, I didn't need to
guess what would happen there.	I don't think I would have survived it
if the rumours were true.  Gul Evek liked to strangle his partners
after he was done with them, and I put so much resistance up, I would
have been dead by the next morning."

"So what happened?" Richie asked, his long, slender hands rubbing
gently over the older man's back.

"Well, I waited in the cell, and when a Cardassian I hadn't seen
before came in, I thought that this was my escort to Evek's rooms.
He had kind eyes, though, something I hadn't seen before on a
Cardassian.  He said that he was under orders to take me to Evek, but
that he would get me out of there if I did something for him.	And
no, it wasn't what I thought.  I must have looked horrified at the
thought of...that happening again.  He wanted me to send a message to
someone when I got somewhere where I could do it.  Nothing more. I
thought, as it was in Cardassian, that there was probably more to it,
but I thought that whatever it was, it would be a small price to pay
for my life. The Cardassian got me out of there, and we travelled
together for several days, heading for a place he said we could find
some way to get off Cardassia.  He - his name was Elim, that's all I
ever knew, I don't even know if it was his first or last name.  We
spent that time talking, he was very intellectual, and....we..."

"After what you had been through?"

"I wanted it.  He did too, of course, and he had healed...what he
could...with a dermal regenerator, so it was...possible, and good."

"Chakotay, have you been with anyone since then?  Before me?"

"Only Seska, briefly, before I realised that it was best to call that
whole thing off.  Other than that, I haven't had the time, or the
inclination for casual sex."

"So I'm the first since that time?"

"Yes."

"Chakotay, I don't know what to say.  You have put so much faith and
trust in me.  I don't know if I love you yet, but I think I've fallen
deeply in like with you," and Richie smiled.

Chakotay returned the smile, feeling drained of all energy.  It had
been difficult for him to relive that time, but it had been important
for him.  He felt that even if by some twist of fate he never saw
Richie gain, this meeting with the younger man had been one of the
most significant of his life.  He groaned in appreciation as Richie
started rubbing his neck, the stress of reliving his ordeal had caused
all of his muscles to tense, but Richie seemed to know exactly what to
do to make him feel more relaxed. Richie continued his ministrations,
fingers moving over the knots in Chakotay's back.

"Take your shirt off," Richie whispered in Chakotay's ear.

"Is that an invitation?"

"Not yet, but later," Richie smiled, "I think I know *exactly* what
you need right now, and it's not what we shared last night...yet."

"Well, if you're sure," the older man removed his shirt, lying down on
his stomach, and Richie resumed massaging the tension out of
Chakotay's muscles. He rubbed relentlessly but gently, removing more
tension with each gentle but firm movement of his fingers.  After a
while, Richie was caught up in the pure sensual feeling of his lover's
skin.  Chakotay had certainly lost the tensiion he had been feeling,
and was moving into Richie's motions rather than away from them.
Chakotay groaned, and turned over, pulling Richie down into a
passionate embrace, turning the massage into something else
altogether.  Neither said anything more for a long time as they
explored each other's body, finding out where the other was most
sensitive and responsive.

---

The next morning, Richie looked apprehensive as they shared a simple
breakfast of fruit and something that claimed to be coffee.

"What is it?" Chakotay asked.

"I have to leave today, it's more dangerous for me to stay in one
place for longer than a few days than it would be for me to fly out
now, but I don't want to leave you yet."

"We knew it couldn't last, Richie.  I'd love for you to stay too, but
I'm going to leave today too, whatever you do.  We have to do it."

"You're right.  Well, I'll need to beam the supplies to your ship, so
I'll go first.  I think I'd better do it now, or I won't have the
strength," Richie stood up.

Chakotay pulled him down for a bruising kiss, knowing that it would be
the last for a long time.  Richie responded hungrily, but pulled away,
breathing hard. He turned for the door, not able to look back, and
whispered, so softly that Chakotay could hardly hear, "Remember me
when you play The Song Remembers When, Chakotay."

Just as the door closed, Chakotay whispered back, "Always," and
remembered playing that song for Richie the night before, after they'd
made love more times than he'd ever have thought he was capable of in
one night.

Chakotay gathered the few possessions he had kept with him during his
time in the bar, and went downstairs to settle accounts with the
proprietor of the establishment. Suddenly, he heard something odd in
the space traffic above the planet.  Finishing his business with the
proprietor, he ran outside to see what was happening.

He gasped in shock as he realised that a Cardassian ship was over the
planet. Then he realised that the ship wasn't firing on the planet,
there was a smaller ship in front of it.  Chakotay could make out the
name "McLeod" on the hull, and realised that this was Richie's ship.
He looked on in horrified fascination as Richie executed impossible
maneuver after impossible maneuver in the small ship.  But, as was
inevitable from the beginning, the bigger ship's sensors eventually
overrode the skill of the pilot, and a shot found its target,
destroying the smaller ship.

"NO!" Chakotay screamed, not wanting to accept the evidence of his
eyes.  Chakotay broke down in tears, thinking of the beautitul young
man who had only a few hours ago made such passionate, tender love to
him, and how terror-filled his last few moments alive must have been.
He was so upset, he completely missed the momentary sparkle of a
personal transporter in the green sky.

After a few hours, Chakotay was recovered enough to fly back to his
ship, avoiding Dalby, Ayala and Seska's questions about his time away,
shutting himself in his cabin, not wanting to see anyone right then.

He lay down on the tiny bed in his tiny cabin, remembering the large
quarters he had called his own on a Starfleet ship, then allowing the
feelings of loss and grief to finally overwhelm him, crying himself to
sleep.

He was woken a few hours later by the chirp of his communications
console. He groaned, and sat up, holding his head in his hands,
feeling a headache begin to pound behind his left temple.

"What is it?" he asked, irritatedly.

"Well, if sending you on missions affects you *this* way, Chakotay,
I'll have to *seriously* rethink doing it again," a feminine voice
replied.

"Sorry, Ro.  This one went badly."

"You didn't get the supplies?" she appeared suddenly on the
viewscreen, the picture flickering into existence at last.

"It's not that.  Our-my contact was killed."

"I heard.  But surely you barely met?"

"We spent two nights and one day together.  Together..."

"Oh, Chakotay, I am so sorry.  Well, I have found you another pilot.
I know you've been desperate for one, and this one's a real find.
Ex-Fleet, can do *anything* with a ship, and more experience in his
little finger than most Maquis "pilots" will *ever* have.  And I'm
sending him to you."

"Who is he?"

"Thomas Paris."

"Thomas *Eugene* Paris?  I don't *think* so.  Son of an admiral?  Ro,
are you out of your mind?"

"Actually, no I'm not," she replied, sounding a little irritated, "I
know you've been out of Fleet for a while, but surely you heard?  Tom
Paris was cashiered out of the service, because he covered up an
accident he was involved in."

"No, I hadn't.  Is he really committed to the cause?"

"Not so's you'd notice.  He *really* wants to fly, and because Fleet
is closed to him, he's willing to sell his services to whoever will
buy them.  And we're buying, because he's *good*."

"Okay.  So where do we find him?"

And Ro gave him the coordinates, and switched off the connection.
Sighing, she turned to the man sitting just out of sight of the visual
monitor.

"You couldn't tell him?" she asked.

"Chakotay wouldn't believe me if I told him," Richie replied, then
turned to the other man in the room.

"Tom, please, do what you can to help him.  But remember, you can
never ever tell him that I'm still alive.	Never. He has to think
that I died in that crash, because I don't want to burden him with the
injuries I suffered," and he indicated the wheelchair he was sitting
in.

"I'll do my best, Richie," Tom Paris replied, shaking the hand of the
young man who he'd befriended over flying in only a few days of
acquaintance, then leaving the room for his flight to the planet he
was to meet Chakotay on.

Richie and Ro looked at each other, resignation written over both
their faces, and Ro helped Richie stand up, steadying the chair as he
eased himself out of it.

"I wish I hadn't had to lie to Chakotay," Ro said.

"I wish I hadn't had to pretend to die, but I knew that if I weren't
shot down, Chakotay would be, and he wouldn't have survived.  I'd
rather he were alive, and thought I was dead than the other way
around.  And maybe he and Tom will..."

"That's not likely, you know.  Chakotay's still mourning you."

"But there will be a time when Chakotay isn't mourning me, and
hopefully Tom will be in a position to help him then."

"I wish Chakotay could know what you gave up for him to live."

"He will die too soon as it is.  I wasn't about to let it be any
sooner than it had to be."

Ro smiled, and turned back to the work she had let accumulate while
sorting out the problem of the dead man who wasn't, and speculated
idly on the outcome of the first meeting between Chakotay and Tom
Paris.

---

Chakotay entered the seedy bar with a bizarre feeling of deja vu.
He'd swear that Klingon in the corner was the same one from the planet
he'd been on only a few days ago.

He moved over to the bar, and ordered something non-alcoholic,
refusing to allow the strange feeling to take over his thinking enough
to order the same drink he had in that other bar.  He looked around
for Tom Paris, but could only see the Klingon, who appeared more
interested in his blood wine than Chakotay, and an Orion woman.  She
looked at him in blatant invitation, but was discouraged by a polite
shake of the head from Chakotay.  He drank deeply of the juice he had
ordered, not looking around too much, and so missed the door opening,
and a young man entering the bar.  The first he knew of someone else
being there was the sound of soft music from the piano he'd noticed
earlier, and he gasped in shock as he looked at the young man playing.
He'd swear that he was Richie's brother if he didn't know better.  His
hair was blonder than Richie's, but his build was similarly slender
but strong, and he thought that he'd caught a flash of blue eyes for
an instant before he'd had to look away.

Then the young man began to sing:

I was standing at the counter, I was waiting for the change, When I
heard that old familiar music start, It was like a lighted match had
been tossed into my soul, It was like a dam had broken in my heart.

After taking every detour, Getting lost and losing track, So that even
if I wanted, I could not find my way back, After driving out the
memory, Of the way things might have been, After I'd forgotten all
about it, The song remembers when.

We were rolling through the Rockies, We were up above the clouds, When
a station out of Jackson played that song, And it seemed to fit the
moment, And the moment seemed to freeze, When we turned the music up
and sang along, And there was a God in Heaven, And the world made
perfect sense, We were young and were in love, And we were easy to
convince.

We were headed straight for Eden, It was just around the bend, And
though I have forgotten all about it, The song remembers when.

I guess something must have happened, And we must have said goodbye,
And my heart must have been broken, Though I can't recall just why,
The song remembers when.

Well for all the miles between us, And for all the time that's passed,
You would think I haven't gotten very far, And I hope my hasty heart,
Will forgive me just this once, If I stop to wonder how on earth you
are.

But that's just a lot of water, Underneath a bridge I burned, And
there's no use in backtracking, Around corners I have turned, Still I
guess some things we bury, Are just bound to rise again, For even if
the whole world has forgotten, The song remembers when.

Yeah, even if the whole world has forgotten, The song remembers when.

The Orion woman applauded enthusiastically, blatantly transferring her
attentions from Chakotay to the man who must be Tom Paris.

Chakotay was so shocked by the combination of *that* song, and the
young man's almost uncanny resemblance to the lover he'd known so
briefly and lost, that he turned to walk out of the bar, not knowing
how to approach the young man.

"Leaving so soon?" drawled the younger man as he passed by the piano.

"If you're Paris, come on, we have better things to do than hang
around in a bar.  And if you're not, who the hell are you and what are
you doing here?"

"I'm Tom Paris.  You're Chakotay?"

"Yes.  Let's go."

"Not so fast.  I'd like to have a drink first."

"No time, Paris.  You should have thought of that before you showed
off your vocal skills."

"I was surprised that a place like this would have as fine
an...instrument as that," Paris replied, pausing ever-so-briefly
before saying the word instrument.

"Now, dammit!" Chakotay responded irritatedly, not wanting to play
fence-the-innuendo games with this irritatingly beautiful young man
who reminded him far too much of Richie for comfort.

As Tom followed him out of the bar, he couldn't resist needling the
older man.

"So are you *that* desperate to get me alone?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a reply, Paris.  Now, show me what
you can do."

Tom was *not* about to let that remark pass without taking full
advantage of it, and drew Chakotay into his arms.  Silencing the
bigger man's protests, he leaned down slightly and captured his lips.

Chakotay was too stunned to do anything at first, then surprised
himself by responding briefly to the kiss.  After a moment, he
realised what he was doing, and pulled himself away from the taller
man.

"NO!  Not yet.  I can't *do* this again!"

Tom was about to quietly accept the situation, knowing that Chakotay
wouldn't be nearly over Richie yet, when he remembered that the *last*
thing he would really feel right now was quiet acceptance.

"Not good enough for you?" he asked, with just enough real feeling
behind the words to make the older man wince, "I suppose I should have
known that you'd be above getting into *my* bed, the bed of someone
who lied to cover up his own mistake."

"No, Paris, it's not that," Chakotay tried to take the younger man's
arm, but Tom pulled away.

Chakotay didn't try to say anything more, just leading the way to the
transporter pad.

Tom whispered too low for Chakotay to hear, "I hope you know what you
let me in for, Richie," before joining the older man on the
transporter pad.

---

The End