The BLTS Archive- Read My Mind by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- Disclaimer: Everything Trek belongs to Paramount/Viacom. Read My Mind was written by Keith Thomas, Melissa Coleman and Rod Moore. It's sung by Reba McEntire on several albums, including Read My Mind. Please do not distribute, archive, etc, without my permission. May be archived on the ASC archive only. Posting to BLTS and ASC/EM only. Anything else, please ask first. I will probably say yes, but I'd prefer to know about it. I will send it to the J/P archive myself. This is the first in a planned three-part series of J/P stories. The second and third stories will have adult content, but I will consider posting PG versions, depending on the feedback I get on the idea. This story is told from Kathryn's POV, but the future stories will not be, due to the sexual content. Please send me feedback. I know that I'm stepping into some awfully big (and good) shoes with this pairing, but I do love the idea of these two together. Takes place in late third season. --- Sandrine's again. We have been coming back here more lately, I don't know why. I'm glad we are, though, I've missed this place. I think part of it is because I know it's *his*, and that's one of the reasons I love this place so much. Even more so than the link to home. He's teasing Tuvok and B'Elanna. You know, if anyone had ever told me that those two would end up together, I don't know if I'd have believed them. But Vorik's Pon Farr...I think that helped a lot of us realise who we really wanted. Tom knew that he and B'Elanna weren't right for each other after that and Tuvok helped her through it. And then they realised that their dual natures complemented each other. Tom's leaving them, smiling of course, well, B'Elanna is, anyway. Tom's heading to join Harry and Kes, I think. I wish I could ask him to join me... He's coming here... What is a penny? He noticed that I seemed rather deep in thought. If only I could tell him what about. --- A penny for my thoughts you say... You want to know what I could be thinking... --- Should I? Should I tell him? He'd probably be shocked, but I don't know if he'd be surprised. --- But as I speak the music starts to play... And the words just somehow slip away... --- Oh, the pianist has started. What excuse will I think of next time, I wonder? I keep wondering, would it be so bad to tell him? I know that he is ready to move on, at last. All those late night talks we had, when B'Elanna politely but firmly told him that although she found him attractive, she was in love with Tuvok. It hurt him, and I don't think she knows how badly. He needed someone to talk to, and I was often on the holodeck at those times, playing my holonovel. I know people wonder why I chose that one, but I admit it, I have a romantic streak. That's why I chose it. But I always chose to turn it off, and talk to Tom when he needed me. --- Read my mind... It will tell you that I love you and... You're all I ever wanted in a man... --- I sometimes think Tom can read minds. How can he know who needs a joke, who needs a tender smile, who needs a hug, every time he sees them. I always wanted someone like that. Someone who would make me feel safe, but able to take risks, too. And that's Tom. Sometimes, he reminds me so much of Justin, I almost cry. Justin had so many similarities to Tom, I wonder what would have happened if he had lived. We probably wouldn't be out here, though, and I'd probably never have met Tom. I can't imagine that at all. I think I'd only feel half alive if I'd never known Tom. --- You'd see how I feel... What my head won't let my heart reveal... If only you could read my mind, read my mind... --- But...if Tom can read people so well, surely he'd see what my head keeps my heart from telling him? I would love to throw command protocol to the wind, and tell him how I feel, to hell with the age thing, I'm not that much older than he is. Oh, my, he's looking at me. I wish he could see what I'm thinking... --- One look from you and look at me... I'm trembling like a little girl... --- Why do I feel like a schoolgirl every time he gives me that smile? It makes me tremble, something I've never felt before, with anyone. --- I tell myself if I can just believe... Any day now you'll fall in love with me... --- I keep telling myself, if I wish for it, for you to fall in love with me, that I can make it happen. Someday, I keep thinking. Someday you'll realise how I feel, and that you feel the same way. I wonder if Chakotay once had thoughts like this about me? I am so sorry I had to hurt him, I know he had deep feelings for me, but I know I could never return them. I don't know if I'd ever want you to say things like that to me. Maybe keeping the belief that maybe we could be together is better. I don't know. --- Tell me if you feel the same way I do... And tell me that I'm not mistakenly taken with you... --- Still...I wonder. He's so kind, so tender with me. And I know it's different to how he treats other people. He seems to be more concerned about me, but is that just me projecting my feelings onto him? How can I know if I don't ask him? --- You're all I ever wanted in a man... You see, all I need is everything you are to me... --- If I told him how I feel, would I lose what we *do* have? I'd hate to lose my confidante, my friend, if he couldn't return my feelings. I remember how long it took for Chakotay and I to regain what we lost when I told him we couldn't be together, and I need what Tom does for me too much to risk losing it for more. And if that means I never tell him how I feel, I'll just have to live with it, hard as it is. --- If you could somehow read my mind... You would see what I can't seem to say... If only you could, if you would read my mind... Read my mind... --- If you could somehow see how I feel, Tom, if you could read my mind, would you want me? Would you smile at me, kiss me, make love to me over and over? Lost in thought, I didn't hear him come up to me again until I heard his voice saying my name softly. I love the way he says Kathryn, I'd love to hear it first thing in the morning. That might be arranged? Oh, gods, I said it out loud. But...he's not running away. He's sitting down. He's taking one of my hands in his. He has wanted to approach me, he didn't know how to go about it. Oh, Tom, I wish I'd known, we could have had longer. He shushes me with a finger across my lips, and I can feel the heat. He leans forward, kisses me, lightly, says that he's on duty in two hours, but we'll talk later. It turned out that he didn't need to read my mind after all.... --- The End