The BLTS Archive- Friends And Lovers: Take A Look At Me Now by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- Disclaimer: Everything Trek belongs to Paramount/Viacom. Against All Odds belongs to Phil Collins (no relation). Please do not distribute, archive, etc, without my permission. May be archived on the ASC archive, the PKSP archive, the VSPS archive and R'Rain's Slash Archive only. Others *must* ask. Please do not link to the story without my permission. FEEDBACK: Yes, please! Good, bad, tell me if you *really* think it sucked (but be gentle). Well, it's taken a long while, but I finally got an idea for this story. It's now a series, the Friends And Lovers series, which kind of gives away the song for the fourth and (possibly) final story in the series. Yes, there is another story following this one: And I Forgot..., which is Tom's POV of the events in this story. And there's still no sex. Harry isn't allowed to until he suffers enough (this story should do it). NOTE: Do not read this story before reading Your Heart's Not In It, it probably would make some sense, but I don't try very hard to explain what's happened before. --- How can I just let you walk away... Just let you leave without a trace... When I stand here taking every breath with you... --- Damn, Tom. How *could* you? How could you let yourself and me down like this? I can't let you go. Not now that I've finally...gods, *finally* realised what I feel for you, and what I need from you. How can I let you disappear into the Delta Quadrant now that I know how much I love you? --- You're the only one who really knew me at all... --- You knew. You knew, even when I didn't. It took me a long time to know that. Too long, maybe. But I can't allow myself to regret that. If it had been right...gods, I wish it had been. But you knew that I wasn't ready to be with you that night when I asked. How could I be? It was too soon. Way too soon. I think I realised it in the alternate timeline. Not because I didn't feel anything for Libby, there was a part of me that wanted to stay with her, forget Voyager. But I couldn't. I knew it when I saw you. I knew that if I didn't come back, you would probably end up the same way, only on this ship. And maybe, if you did, you'd kill everyone on this ship, and I couldn't live with that/ And I knew, even then, that Voyager was *home*. It had become home without my ever realising it. --- How can you just walk away from me... When all I can do is watch you leave... --- Maybe I should say something, but I can't. All I can do is sit here and wait for you to leave. --- 'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain... We even shared the tears... --- Why are you leaving after all that we've shared, Tom? All those nights laughing in Sandrine's. Hell, all those nights *crying* in Sandrine's. I kept joking with you that you and I needed extra duty pay for acting as each other's counselor. Until you brushed me off the other night...god, *why* Tom? Why? All I wanted to do was *talk*. --- You're the only one who really knew me at all... --- Hell, talking's all we did a lot of the time. People always thought we were running some hugely elaborate holoprogram, but there were so many times we just talked in Sandrine's. I couldn't do that with anyone else. Only you, Tom. Only you, and you can't even talk to me any more. --- So take a look at me now... There's just an empty space... There's nothing left here to remind me... Just the memory of your face... --- If I had another chance, I know exactly which night I'd change. Three weeks ago...just after you started acting...differently. That's the word for it. It's not really...strange, just...different. Almost like it's not really you, although I know that's just me trying to figure you out again. Three weeks ago. The night I asked you to make love to me. The second time I've asked that of you. Only this time you didn't let me down gently. That's about the furthest thing from what you did. Gentle was what you did before. The shoulder to lean on, the sympathetic ear, the alcohol, knowing what I needed. But three weeks ago...gods, Tom, to say *that* to me. To accuse me of using you to forget home? How *could* you? I'll never forget the way you looked at me when you said that, Tom. I'll never forget your face at that moment. --- Take a look at me now... There's just an empty space... And you coming back to me is against the odds... And that's what I've got to face... --- You wouldn't even *look* at me, Tom. I don't think you've met my eyes once since that night. I wish I knew if it was because you couldn't face me, or if it's that you don't want to. If you don't want to face me because you think I blame you. I don't, Tom. I just think that timing is a real bitch sometimes. And I don't think we've ever gotten it right. --- I wish I could just make you turn around... Turn around and see me cry... There's so much I need to say to you... So many reasons why... --- I wish you'd talked to me, Tom. I wish you'd told me how unhappy you were on this ship. I wish you'd let me take the unhappiness away. It would be so much better than crying over you. Of course, you don't know about that. --- You're the only one who really knew me at all... --- Dammit, how did things screw up so much? Was it when I asked you to make love to me before? But you knew then. You knew what I needed. You knew *me*. You knew me better than anyone else. Even...even Libby, much as I loved her. There were so many things I couldn't tell her that I had no trouble telling you. --- Take a look at me now... There's just an empty space... But to wait for you is all I can do... And that's what I've got to face... --- And the most pathetic thing is that I'm going to wait for you. I don't think you'll ever come back to the ship, but that doesn't make a speck of difference. All I can do is wait and hope that...maybe. Slim as the hope is. Hell, non-existent as the hope is. Maybe I should ask Tuvok what the odds of you coming back to the ship are? But then I'd have to face the odds of you *not* coming back, and I don't think I can do that. --- Take a good look at me now... 'Cause I'm still standing here... That you're coming back to me is against all odds... It's the chance I've got to take... --- I want you to look at me, Tom. Look at what you're leaving behind. Maybe you'll change your mind and stay. I know the odds are against that happening, but, hell, maybe it's time I became a gambler. I know that if I don't take the chance I'll regret it. --- Take a look at me now... --- You're not going to look at me, Tom. I guess I'll have to take matters into my own hands. Damn, Neelix and Kes. I love them, but right now...hell, at least someone else is here to see you off. Maybe that'll help a little. Oh, hell, I don't care if you reject me, I'm going to hug you. If you can hug Kes... I can't say anything...and only a small part of it is because we have company. I finally say the only words I can to you right now. "Goodbye, Tom." --- The End