The BLTS Archive- Jealousy And Rats by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- Disclaimer: Everything Trek belongs to Paramount/Viacom. Please do not distribute, archive, etc, without my permission. May be archived on the ASC archive, the PKSP archive and R'Rain's Slash Archive only. Please do not link to the story without my permission. This has *got* to be a classic YKYRTMTS moment. I'm sitting there, watching Party Of Five, and Sarah (Jennifer Love Hewitt) utters a line that I just *had* to turn into a first line challenge (see separate post)..Then I had to put the story I was working on aside to write an answer to my own challenge. --- "Seven thought she saw a rat," Harry Kim explained to his extremely suspicious-looking lover. Tom Paris raised an elegant eyebrow, speculatively glancing over the tableau before him. Harry had Seven Of Nine, the beautiful blonde former Borg, clutched to his chest, and she was hanging onto him for dear life. "It is *not* irrelevant to be repulsed by those creatures," Seven was saying as she tightened her grip on Harry's shoulders. "Harry...there *are* no rats on Voyager. Maybe a lab mouse escaped, but there are no rats." "Unless someone's been doing genetic experiments with rodent genes. And has *made* a rat from a mouse." "I think Science would have let someone know." "If Science was doing it. Maybe someone's doing scientific experiments somewhere...else," Tom grinned wickedly. "Tom, I don't think Voyager *has* a basement. And how could anyone make a more perfect woman than this?" indicating the blonde who was still hanging on for dear life. "Ex*cuse* me?" "Tom, I'm committed to you, but I'm not *dead*. I'd have to be that way not to appreciate Seven's...qualities." "Yeah, well, I remember you nearly *gelding* me when I made a remark about B'Elanna's *qualities*. So it's okay for you to appreciate other people's *qualities* but not me?" "Lieutenant, Ensign, I do not understand what you are talking about." "Tom was making a veiled reference to a twentieth-century vid, one of his favourites, called Weird Science. The story has two young men creating the perfect woman...I replied that you were the closest I had ever seen to the perfect woman...Then Tom became...offended that I found you attractive. I replied that although I am committed to him, I am not immune to the pleasures of looking at a beautiful woman. Then I made a veiled reference to your breasts, as Tom did about my threatening to geld him when he made a similar remark about Lieutenant Torres." Seven's face was a perfect combination of bewilderment, disgust and pride. Tom thought it best to leave the situation as it was. "Gentlemen, what is going on here?" came a familiar voice of authority. So much for leaving things. "Captain, Seven thinks she saw a rat." "Indeed," the eybrow arch was a perfect match for Tom's earlier. "I *did*, Kathryn," Seven replied. "There *are* no rats on Voyager." "No, but Crewman Raines looks *just* like that character in The X-Files holoprogram that everyone calls Ratboy. That's who I saw." "Seven?" Harry stumbled under the weight, and, at last, let her down. "Seven?" Tom looked bewildered. "Seven?" Kathryn placed a hand on her lover's shoulder. "I believe I have just played my first 'practical joke'," Seven smiled. Three pairs of eyes nearly bugged out of the heads they were attached to. "I could have broken my back!" "I could have broken up with Harry!" "I could have broken your heart!" "I am sorry, was the joke not funny?" Three pairs of eyes met again. Then the laughter began. "Yes, Seven, it was *very* funny," Harry replied, as he was the first to compose himself. "Come on, Seven. I'll show you how much fun leather can be," Kathryn led her lover away. "And as for *you*," Tom grinned, "Getting taken in by *Seven*?" "I guess I just have a tendency to *believe* people, Tom. Remember the Leola Root Surprise?..You told me the surprise was that for once it didn't taste too bad." "I didn't think it did. But let's not go over that again, okay?" "What do you want to do, then?" "Oh," leaning over for a deep kiss, "I'm sure we'll think of *something*, Harry." --- AUTHOR'S NOTE: For those who didn't get the in-joke, Cory Raines is the Immortal character in Highlander played by Nicholas Lea, who is perhaps better known as Alex Krycek on The X-Files. Is my Crewman Raines Cory? I leave that up to you to decide. --- The End