The BLTS Archive- I Honestly Love You by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- Disclaimer: Everything Trek belongs to Paramount/Viacom. Please do not distribute, archive, etc, without my permission. May be archived on the ASC archive, the CPSG archive, and R'Rain's Slash Archive only. Please do not link to the story without my permission. WARNING: To P/Ters and J/Cers who read this. Those relationships are taken for granted in this story, but it is primarily a C/P story. Do not read if you do not see that relationship as possible. I try in this story to illustrate a little of my personal policy about fanfic, in that it takes place in myriad alternate universes. No one universe is right, they are all possible. That's what I enjoy about fanfic. This is sort of a vague, a/u third season, only because I mention the Delta Flyer. The song lyrics are from I Honestly Love You, the earlier version recorded by Olivia Newton-John. --- When did this start? Was it the long months and years of proving to myself and others that I am a different person than when we got out here? Was it all the time we've spent working on the Delta Flyer recently? Or did it start many years ago in a bar in France? I don't know. All I know is that I have to tell him what I'm feeling. No matter what the consequences. I can't stand *not* telling him any more. "Chakotay, I love you." Well, at least he didn't leap up and hit me. "I know." Okay...that *wasn't* what I was expecting to hear. Gods, I never thought this would be the way that things would end up after we started working together. And there are two other people to consider here... But at least it's out in the open. --- Maybe I hang around here a little more than I should... We both know I've got somewhere else to go... But I've got something to tell you, that I never thought I would... But I believe you really ought to know... I love you, I honestly love you... --- I remember the times you used to tease me about seeing more of me than you saw of Kathryn some days. And I'd laugh and say that it was the same for me and B'Elanna. Oh, gods, B'Elanna. I could never hurt her more than she's already been hurt. I do love her, but if there was a way we could be together without hurting her or Kathryn... "Maybe if they were together," you smile. "Yeah, but that's about as likely as me and Harry being more than friends." "You never know..." "What about you, Chakotay? You know how I feel about you, but how do you feel about me? No, on second thought, don't answer. I'm not sure I want to know. Either way." --- You don't have to answer, I see it in your eyes... Mabye it was better left unsaid... But this is pure and simple, and you must realize... That it's coming from my heart and not my head... I love you, I honestly love you... --- I'm letting my heart rule my head again. You'd think I would learn, after the times that it's gotten me into trouble, that it's the *last* thing I should do. But I had to say it. I just had to. It couldn't *not* be said. But...what if he isn't comrfortable with it being out in the open? I mean, it's one thing for him to know it, and quite another for me to say it. Oh, *hell*. --- I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable... I'm not trying to make you anything at all... But this feeling doesn't come along every day... And you shouldn't blow the chance, when you've got the chance to say... --- "Damn, Chakotay, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I want you to know that I don't expect anything from you. I don't expect anything to change. I just...the feelings I have for you don't come along too often, and I wanted you to know. I couldn't be the only one who knew this." "I would have wanted to know, if you could have asked me." Oh, gods, he is so damn beautiful. I would love to be with him, just once. I want to know what it would be like. But we just *can't*. If things had been different, maybe, but we can't now. I love you, I love you, I honestly love you... If anyone had told me that it was possible to love two people at once, I'd never have believed them, but I know now that it's true. I love B'Elanna and Chakotay. I can't even wish that I didn't love them both, easier as it might be for me. --- If we both were born in another place and time... This moment might be ending in a kiss... But there you are with yours, and here I am with mine... So I guess we'll just be leaving it at this... --- I thought he was going to lean forward and kiss me then. If it were somewhere else, some other universe, maybe...but here and now it's just not in the cards for us. Oh, that's my combadge. No, it's his. No...it's both. B'Elanna. And his is Kathryn. Both with the same suggestion. A foursome for an evening at Sandrine's. We can't refuse. It would look odd. After all, we've gotten over the resentment from early in the trip. Pity we didn't keep the facade up at times like this. But I'm glad that we didn't, too. I would never have realised how I felt if we had. I love you, I honestly love you, I honestly love you... I say it one more time. Just to remind us that it's true. "I love you, Chakotay." He answers, "I love you, Tom." And for now, it is enough. --- The End