The BLTS Archive- How Do I Get There? by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- Disclaimer: Everything Trek belongs to Paramount/Viacom. The songs Count Me In and How Do I Get There are from Deana Carter's CD, Did I Shave My Legs For This? and are also not mine. The first time I heard the song How Do I Get There, I *knew* I was going to write a P/K story around it. It was simply a matter of when. Then I got the CD and realised that Count Me In sounded *exactly* like what Tom would want to say to Harry. So we have this story. This story contains spoilers for some third-season episodes of Voyager, particularly The Chute and Alter Ego. There may be references to any and all episodes prior to Alter Ego. For the unititiated, this is slash. Sex between two men. Described in loving detail, I think is the term. In this case the lucky two are Tom Paris and Harry Kim..If any of the above offends you, I politely suggest you stop reading now. I am not responsible if you read any further, I think I've warned..you of the content sufficiently. I'm not going to tell you to stop reading if you're under eighteen, because I think that either you have permission to read adult material, or you won't listen to me anyway, and I've supplied the above information, you know if you're supposed to be here or not. Feedback, comments, constructive criticism (flames politely ignored) welcome at the above address. Distribution: PKSP story archive, R'Rain's archive, ASC archive. Posting to PKSP, ASCEM and BLTS. If you wish to archive this story anywhere else, you must ask me first. Feel free to pass on to anyone who might enjoy the story. Linking, also please ask first. For anne, who gave me a slight (?) nudge back in this direction. --- Harry left the holodeck after his Kal-to game with Tuvok, an event that had become regular after that strange situation with Marayna. He was still puzzled over something the Vulcan had said to him. "What did he mean that maybe I fixated on Marayna and let my emotions get into such a confusing tangle because it was easier to do that than face the real emotions I was feeling? I thought I'd hidden it so well..*Tom's* certainly not noticed...Maybe I'm so busy keeping the act up around Tom, I let it slip when I'm not around him. I've certainly been keeping it up long enough. Too damn long, I think sometimes. Maybe I *should* just tell him. If it weren't for B'Elanna...I know how much he wants her. If that's what he wants, it's what I want for him. Even if it means that I won't be able to have him." "What's up, Starfleet?" came a voice. "B'Elanna," Harry smiled, being careful not to let the turmoil he was feeling show. Especially considering the glowing smile on her face, that was so rare, "What's going on?" "Something I can't tell you about. Not just yet. But I've finally...finally, Harry! Gotten something I've wanted for a long time." 'Tom,' Harry thought. "That's wonderful, B'Ela. I hope you'll be able to tell me more soon." "Well...let's just say that it's something I never thought would really happen. I thought that our friendship was too close to become more. But he told me...Harry, this is just between us, right?" "Of course. You know me, B'Ela. I'm happy for you," 'and miserable for myself, but if it's what you both want, I'm *not* going to interfere.' Harry noticed the Talent Night announcement on the information screen they were walking past. "You're playing, aren't you, Harry?" B'Elanna asked, noticing the same announcement. "Actually, I thought I'd sing, for a change," Harry replied, "Something romantic, and kind of sad." "After the last few weeks, I'm not surprised," B'Elanna smiled, "But at least you're moving on. I thought you'd stay faithful to a memory, which, we have to face, is what the Alpha Quadrant is starting to become, for longer than you have. Maybe there's someone on the ship who can help you move on. Someone who isn't," she smiled again, "A hologram. Or an alien pretending to be one." "Maybe. If they don't move on with someone else first," Harry couldn't help saying. "Harry, there *is* someone?" "Kind of. I don't know if they're interested or not. I also have the feeling that they might be involved with someone else." A thought occurred, "Harry, I could be making a total idiot of myself, but I have to ask. It's not me, is it?" Harry almost laughed aloud, but managed not to, "Oh, B'Ela, no. Not that there haven't been times, especially late at night in Sandrine's when I haven't wondered, what if I did lean over and kiss you, or say something, but it never seemed...right, you know?" "Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I had some of those moments myself, but it just never seemed the right time. Guess it was destiny telling us not to move too quickly." "Must have been." "So, come on, who is it?" "B'Elanna...I'd like to tell you, but..." "I'm sorry, you're not ready to discuss it. I can understand that. If I hadn't been asked not to tell anyone about me and... I'd be telling you now, but he wants to make the 'formal announcement' such as it is, tonight." "B'Ela, the other...person, doesn't even know I have feelings for them. I think I should tell them first, if I ever do," 'which I probably won't, as I'm sure that your 'formal announcement' tonight will be the end of my hopes, but I'll try my best to be happy for you both,' and Harry realised with relief that they were at his quarters...He went inside, but couldn't help noticing B'Elanna heading in the direction of Tom's cabin. She buzzed the door when she arrived. "Well?" Tom asked, with that teasing smile she loved. "Well, what?" "B'Ela..." "It was what I was hoping for." "You mean he actually said something?" "Well, he didn't say much, he was too busy kissing me." "I didn't think Chakotay would have that in him." "You'd be suprised," B'Elanna smiled wistfully. "So..." Tom began slowly, "Any signs from Harry?" "You know, Tom, I think you should just *say* something to him. It's not like he'll run screaming from you, and wouldn't you rather *know* if there's any chance?" "I don't know, B'Ela. I've been hurt too many times. It's just not something that I can take a chance on." "Well, I know he's interested in *someone*. But he thinks that person is involved with someone else. Oh, and it's not me, I asked him that." "Then there's a chance that it could be me?" "Or Jerron, Tuvok, Ayala, Wildman, Carey, Dalby or anyone *else* who's started a relationship recently. I got the impression that it was someone who had been available until recently." "Well...we did start this whole flirtation thing to see if jealousy would work, seeing that subtle hints hadn't done the job. Although from what I can remember of that prison, I don't think my hints then were exactly subtle..." "I often wonder why you didn't just say something then." "Why didn't you say something in the shuttle in 1996?" "Okay, rehashing why we didn't do things before is *not* going to help. What are you going to do, Tom?" "Talk to him. After the festivities tonight. It's all I can do. You're right." "I often am," she smiled, and took her leave of him to dress for the evening. Two hours later, Tom walked into the holodeck. He saw B'Elanna sitting with Chakotay, and walked over to greet them. Chakotay gave him a rare smile. "So, Tom, it appears you have deceived me again. I would hope that all such deceptions will be for such pleasant reasons, rather than the time before." "I hope so, sir. And I hope that my reason for the deception sees things the same way you do." "I do as well, Tom. It did take me thinking I'd lost all chance with B'Elanna to make me realise that I loved and needed her. And if Harry doesn't realise what he could have, then, Tom, it's his loss. Really." "How did you know it was Harry?" B'Elanna asked in shock, "I never told you." "Please, B'Elanna, it's been obvious nearly since we started this journey that Tom is in love with Harry. At least, obvious to everyone who's spent more than five minutes observing them." "It's not obvious to Harry," Tom replied, sadly. "Oh, I don't know," Chakotay replied, remembering a few unguarded looks he'd caught Harry directing at Tom from his Ops station. Tom took his leave of the couple, and walked down to sit in the front row with the other performers. He wondered for a moment if he could get his feelings for Harry across in a song, but he didn't know of any that said what he wanted to say. He knew Harry was first to perform, and he had been lucky, or unlucky, enough to be chosen second. He did like Harry's clarinet music, and looked forward to hearing more. Harry peeped through the curtains and was shocked to see Chakotay kissing B'Elanna's hand. "It's *not* Tom," was all that Harry could think before the curtains opened. He heard the beginning bars of the song he'd chosen to sing, How Am I Supposed To Live Without You, and he knew he couldn't sing that song, not now. What could he...of *course*! "Computer," he ordered, "Play musical selection, Kim-Paris1 instead of Kim-Paris2." The music changed, Harry took a deep breath, and he began to sing, looking directly at the man he wanted to be more than a friend. We've always been the best of friends No secrets and no demands But suddenly from out of the blue I see a different light around you One thing I haven't told you, I just want to hold you And never let go, I just want to know How do I get there from here How do I make you see How do I tell you what my heart's been tellin' me Lost in your lovin' arms that's where I want to be You know I love you How do I get there You probably think I've lost my mind Takin' this chance crossin' that line But I promise to be truer than true Dreaming every night with these arms around you I can't wait any longer this feeling's gettin' stronger help me find a way How do I get there from here How do I make you see How do I tell you what my heart's been tellin' me Lost in your lovin' arms that's where I want to be You know I love you How do I get there I know the shortest distance between two points is a straight line But I'll climb any mountain that you want me to climb The perfect combination is your heart and mine Darlin' won't you give me a sign How do I get there from here How do I make you see How do I tell you what my heart's been tellin' me Lost in your lovin' arms that's where I want to be You know I love you How do I get there "Well?" Harry said at the end of the music, "I think that I've given enough of an indication, so I hope that the person I want to reach with this song has heard me." --- Tom was stunned. He had had no idea that it really was him that Harry was interested in, no, that Harry *loved*...Oh, he'd flirted (and that had been all it had been, he'd never even kissed her) with B'Elanna, hoping that Harry and Chakotay would see...but he'd never really thought, not after all the disappointments, the bad times, the casual relationships, that he and Harry really had a chance. But if Harry really wanted him, and it seemed he did... "Computer," Tom whispered, "Play musical selection Paris-CMI," knowing that the lovely ballad said his turbulent thoughts much more coherently than he could ever hope to. The music began. Could there be a different ending to the same old story? Cause you're not the first to say you'll be there for me, I need to know what's in your heart, can you finish what you start? How can I be sure I won't be sorry? If heartaches and tears and shadows of doubt, Are part of the deal, you can count me out, But if you're talking about a game I can win, You can count me in. When you tell me you're the one I've always needed, You don't know how much I'm wanting to believe it, But I've heard it all before, now I'm needing something more, A promise is no good if you can't keep it. If heartaches and tears and shadows of doubt, Are part of the deal, you can count me out, But if you're talking about a game I can win, You can count me in. Tom finished the song, and was unaware of the applause. All he could see was Harry. He looked straight at him, and mouthed, 'My quarters,' Harry nodded, and Tom withdrew to the backstage area. "Wonderful performance, Tom," Kathryn Janeway smiled at him, getting ready to go on-stage for a reading of Byron's poetry. Tom made polite excuses to leave, and walked back to his quarters. He was surprised to see dim light spilling from the open door, and he realised that Harry had gotten there first. "How did you get here so quickly?" was all he could think of to say. "Beamed," Harry smiled, realising that Tom was nervous. "Oh," Tom said. He wondered if he'd be capable of speaking in more than one syllable if Harry didn't *say* something. "Tom, what is it?" "Is it...true?" "Yes. I know I should have told you before now, *long* before now, but I thought..." "Thought *what*, Harry?" "That you were in love with B'Elanna." "B'Ela? Gods, Harry, no. Oh, there were a few times, late at night in Sandrine's, when I wondered what would happen if I kissed her, or something, but something stopped me." "I also wondered if maybe you and Chakotay..." "Harry, Chakotay and I *hated* each other at one point. With a passion. But not *that* kind. We have managed to get past it, though, and I think we might become friends, especially now, but it was never anything...more." "He is a very attractive man." "I suppose he is, but I'm not attracted to him. There's only one person, man *or* woman, that I'm attracted to on this ship." "And that is?" Harry teased. "Neelix," Tom teased back, slightly more relaxed. "I think Kes would have something to say about *that*," Harry smiled, "Tom," he said, seriously, "Is there...any reason that you might have a problem with our...expressing our feelings physically?" Tom was honestly puzzled, "What do you mean, Harry?" "Well, two things. First, I've heard about some of the things that can go on in prisons, even today, even in Federation prisons. Tom, did *anything* like that ever happen to you?" "Harry, the people who had that happen to them were usually people who were too weak to defend themselves against larger aggressors, or who hadn't gone through Starfleet physical training. One thing to be grateful to my father for, at least." "Okay, well, the second is...have you ever...been with another man?" "Have you, Harry?" Tom asked. "Yes, once, well, one man. It was while I was at the Academy. Before I met Libby." "Harry, I've been with two men. One was my roommate at the Academy, a medical student. The other was a pilot, who I did some advanced training with...that adrenalin rush of getting a sim right can lead to some...interesting positions," Tom smiled in memory. "Well...we shouldn't have any problems with the physical side," Harry almost blushed, "But Tom, is this *just* sex?" Tom finally unfroze, and moved to take one of Harry's hands in his. The contact, small as it was, sent waves of heat through both men. "No, Harry. If I wanted just sex, I could find a willing partner any night in Sandrine's...I love you. I don't know how long for, because no one does, but I know I'll love you until you stop loving me." "That could be a very long time," Harry whispered, bringing Tom's hand to his lips and gently kissing his fingers. "Good," Tom whispered, standing up, leading Harry into the bedroom. Now they knew what was happening here, time seemed fluid. Not slower, but more that he *felt* each moment pass, individually, rather than all at once. A hand tracing an eyebrow, a brush of lips on his forehead, kisses to his eyelids, a hand running through his hair, moving to unbutton his shirt, then lips moving over his neck, nibbling along his collarbone, then moving lower, nibbling his nipples into sensitive peaks. Tom gasped, and moved back, still feeling each moment, each movement, each twitch of a sensitised nerve ending individually, kissing Harry's eyelids, his cheeks, his nose, his beautiful lips, then he removed Harry's shirt, and they embraced, skin to skin, feeling the heat moving under each other's skin. They broke apart, when they could stand to, to remove the last of their clothing, and both smiled, seeing that neither wore underwear. Tom took in the sight of Harry, almost hairless, except for the thick, dark curls that surrounded his hardness, and felt himself growing harder, which he hadn't thought was possible. Harry could *see* Tom's hardness swelling, and he knew that if they didn't get to the serious end of things quickly, neither of them would last, so he gently led Tom to the bed, pausing to retrieve the tube of lubricant he'd replicated while he waited for Tom, hoping that he hadn't read Tom's signals incorrectly. Tom was incapable of thinking, he could only *feel* what Harry was doing to him, the kisses, caresses, gentle bites, and then, a single, slick finger, pressing against him, asking for, and receiving entrance to his body, a second, then a third finger quickly joining the first. "You're so beautiful, Tom," Harry whispered, and Tom thought that Harry was the one who was beautiful, especially now, but he wasn't capable of forming words, especially when those moving fingers found his prostate, and he screamed in passion. "I'm...not...going...to...last...much...longer..." Tom managed to gasp out when he finished the cry. "Then I'd better do something about it, don't you think?" Harry's grin was tender, but wicked, and he positioned Tom on his back...Tom smiled, he wanted to see Harry, too, but he hadn't known how to ask without seeming cliched. Not that that would have mattered, but...then he moaned, at the loss of those thrusting fingers. It was a brief loss, though, as Harry slowly and carefully eased his hardess into Tom, moving slowly at first, to allow him to adjust, then more quickly as Tom readily accepted him. He moved, gently at first, but when Tom whispered, "More," he knew what his lover wanted, and he moved faster, and faster, in and out of him, his hand moving on Tom's hardness with the same movements. Tom couldn't hold back the climax he felt rushing towards him, and he exploded with a hoarse cry. The contractions around him sent Harry over the brink, and he roared with his release, collapsing onto Tom. After a moment, he pulled gently out of Tom, and settled beside him for a moment, before moving to get a washcloth, dampened with warm water, to clean them both. After he returned the cloth to the bathroom, he settled down into Tom's embrace again, feeling the connection that was more than just their bodies still there as they wrapped up in each other so tightly, they weren't quite sure where one began and the other ended, and they drifted into sleep entwined that way, the way they wanted to be forever. --- The End