The BLTS Archive- The Fantasy series: This River by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- DISCLAIMER: Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager, and everything you recognise belongs to Paramount. I'm just playing with them for a little while (and doing things with them that Paramount can't or won't). They can have them back when I've finished (unless they want to come up with an arrangement about Tom or Chakotay ;-)) The song This River is copyrighted by Michael Bolton. COPYRIGHT Joanne Collins June 1997 This is almost a PWP, but it grew slightly, inspired by the recent discussion on ASCE about what other clothes our characters might have in their closets. Taffy brought up black leather pants on Tom, and I found that thought rather...inspiring. Also inspired by Sue's Conclusions, in which Tom says that he used to ride a Harley, and Kim Gasper's Sentinel story, Get Your Motor Running . Vague inspiration also from Robin's latest re: drinking, and the reason for the grey t-shirt? I was just watching Caretaker again, and Tom REALLY looks good in that grey prison jumpsuit... And I also felt like writing C/P again (have had lots of requests for more, and as the sequel to That Wasn't Me has changed direction more times than DS9, TNG and Voyager combined....but I'm still working on it.). M/M sex, a sort of plot, lots of mush, some Paris-angst (couldn't resist ;-)) and snugglebunnies. Those under eighteen/offended by m/m sex should please leave now if they haven't already. I haven't actually seen the movie The Wild One, it was the only one I could think of that had motorcycles in it. Oh, and any comments made on colourising black and white movies are ENTIRELY the opinion of the author . Comments and feedback of all kinds (except flames) are most welcome (and craved). ASC archive: Yes. BLTS: Yes. R'Rain's archive: Yes. Anywhere else (except personal use, sharing with friends, etc): Ask first! I'll probably say yes. Dedicated to Taffy, because she planted the seed. --- You're every beat within my heart, You are in my blood, Nothing could keep me from your arms, Where you are is where I'll always be. Michael Bolton, This River. --- "Commander?" "Yes, Lieutenant?" "Would you care to join Harry, B'Elanna and myself this evening? We're going to watch vids in my quarters. If you don't have any other plans, of course." "I don't, and thank you, I'd like that very much. Can I bring anything?" "Just yourself," and Tom thought, 'That's all I want-' and cut it off, knowing that although his and Chakotay's relationship was much less strained than it had been at the beginning of their journey, it would never be possible for it to be more than friendship. Chakotay would never think of him that way, no matter how much Tom wanted him to...but maybe they could become friends, which was why Tom had issued the invitation. Later that evening, as the second vid finished, the group started talking. "So, Tom, did people actually make films like that a lot?" asked Harry, who had never seen a non-colour vid before Tom had shown him Casablanca and The Wild One that evening. "Yeah, they did, Harry. Right up until the nineteen-forties or fifties, black-and-white was more common than colour, and they were still made that way up until at least the late nineteen-eighties, although it became increasingly rare when colour was so much easier. But when I see movies like those, I sometimes think that maybe colour photography wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Then again, I love movies in colour as well. Do you know, in the nineteen-nineties, they actually colourised Casablanca?" Tom sounded disgusted at the idea. "I remember seeing a colourised version of The Maltese Falcon a few years ago," Chakotay said, "It looked so obviously fake, I had to ask the person showing it to turn the colour off. Luckily it was someone who I could...persuade to do it." "Oh, I saw that once," Tom replied, "And I don't blame you. Why in the name of the gods they ever did that..." "Agreed," said Chakotay. "More wine anyone?" asked B'Elanna, moving to pour herself another glass. "Not for me," said Harry. "Yes, please," Tom replied. "Yes," Chakotay held his glass up as well, causing a lifted brow from B'Elanna, which prompted Tom to ask if she had been taking lessons from Captain Janeway. That sent Harry into a fit of the giggles for some obscure reason, probably the several glasses he had already consumed. Chakotay raised an eyebrow also. This was a side he rarely saw of this trio, teasing, friendly. He supposed that it was because they didn't often socialise together, something that he would change from now on, this had been a very pleasant evening. He thought of how he had actually managed to have a frank, uncompromising discussion of the pros and cons of the vids they'd watched with Tom Paris. Although he had known of Tom's interest in the twentieth century, he hadn't realised that their tastes and opinions were so similar. 'I suppose that was because I was too busy seeing him as he was, not how he is,' thought Chakotay, and looked again at Tom. 'He really is beautiful,' ran through Chakotay's mind, and he nearly dropped the glass of wine B'Elanna had handed to him with a wry smile. 'Where did THAT come from?' he thought, knowing very well where it had come from, he had desired Tom Paris from the first moment he'd seen him, over three years ago now. That had been part of the reason for the animosity he'd felt, that someone who he wanted would betray him the way that he'd thought Tom had. It had taken him a long time to work through those feelings of betrayal, and he had thought that the sexual part of the feelings had been transferred, first to Seska, who had betrayed him in even worse ways, then to Kathryn Janeway, who, he acknowledged to himself, had really been his idea of who he was *supposed* to fall in love with. Oh, he had been attracted to her, she was a beautiful woman, and he was only human, and he had thought that if he had been forced to spend the rest of his life with her, isolated on that beautiful planet, it would have been no hardship at all, but he knew that he would never have been able to give all of himself to her, he would have held something back from her. But Tom Paris...he would never be able, or want, to hold anything back from him. If only Tom felt the same way...but Chakotay didn't think that that was possible. Tom was much more likely to end up with B'Elanna, or Harry, he'd never think of Chakotay as a lover. Chakotay was so deep in thought, he barely noticed Harry and B'Elanna saying good night, and he was startled when Tom asked the computer to play a Beethoven piece that he was particularly fond of. "Fur Elise?" Chakotay asked. "My mother used to play it for me. It brings back a lot of memories." "Good ones?" "Of course. She used to play it on an old piano at my grandfather's cabin, on the Mississippi River. I spent a lot of time there when I was younger, up until I was seventeen. That's when he died. He was her father, and the only relative I had that wasn't in Starfleet. He used to say, the rest of the family can teach you to be a Starfleet officer, I'm going to let you be a kid. I could just be myself, not the playboy, not the hotshot pilot, just me. He had a bike just like the ones in the movie, I used to love riding that thing....wore a leather jacket and pants." Chakotay's mouth went dry at the mental picture of Tom in black leather. Tom continued, not realising that Chakotay wasn't paying him his full attention. "I learned to ride horses, mucked them out, that was fun, fed cows and sheep, brought crops in. It was like life used to be, hundreds of years ago. Chakotay?" He realised that Chakotay's attention wasn't on what he was saying. "I was just thinking about how similar we are in some ways, Tom. I always thought you were-" "A playboy pilot, who had no sense of right or wrong, who coasted through the Academy on family connections, the only thing worth knowing about me being my flying ability?" Tom threw Chakotay's words in his face. Chakotay was shocked, he'd had no idea Tom had heard him say those words to Captain Janeway soon after the decision had been made to meld the crews. It had been how Chakotay had felt at the time, he wouldn't deny it, but he had been reacting more to circumstances than to how he truly felt about Tom. "Tom..." Chakotay reached a hand out to him in apology, "I'm sorry you ever heard that. It isn't how I feel now, and it wasn't really the way I felt then, it was the circumstances..." Tom was standing too far away to take Chakotay's hand, he was still cleaning up the debris from the evening, so he spoke, "Chakotay. Let's call a spade a spade. You and I have clashed since the day we met. I hope maybe we can become friends, but if you don't think that's possible, I want to know." "I don't think it's possible for us to be friends." That quiet statement hit Tom hard. He'd had no idea how much it meant to him to at least have a friendship with Chakotay, but as it was all he'd dared to hope that he could have, perhaps that was what made Chakotay's clear refusal so devastating to him. Tom mechanically finished the tidying up, and when he was finished, not knowing, or caring, whether Chakotay had left, he began to cry uncontrollably. His entire body shook with emotion as he let out everything that he had been holding in. It didn't matter now, he wouldn't have Chakotay as a friend, let alone anything more. He became aware of a voice calling his name. "Tom!" Oh, Gods, it was Chakotay. So now he knew how much effect he had on Tom. Could this situation possibly get any worse? Tom felt strong arms come around him, holding him, supporting him as he cried his heart out. He didn't know why Chakotay was still here, if he had no interest in being his friend, but he just leaned into that strong embrace, thinking that if he didn't have anything else, he'd have this to remember. Tom's cries of sadness eventually quieted, and he stiffened, expecting Chakotay to withdraw from him. He was shocked when Chakotay didn't let him go, in fact, he tightened his arms around him. "Chakotay, why are you doing this? I thought you had no interest in me." "That's not what I said, Tom. I said that I didn't think it was possible for us to be friends. The reason I don't think it's possible for us to be friends, is that I want more than friendship from you. I want to be more than your friend, Tom. I want to be your lover," and he brought his mouth to Tom's in a kiss of tenderness and healing. Tom was startled at first, not believing the evidence of his own ears, or the fact of Chakotay's mouth on his, even. But after a moment, he began responding to Chakotay with all the passion and love he felt for him. Chakotay's lips were moving over him, over his cheeks, nose, eyes, and back to his lips. "Tom..." Chakotay groaned his name. "Chakotay," Tom said, pulling back, "What is this? Just a momentary desire? You want me for a night?" "No, Tom. I want a lot more than one night. In fact, I don't want to make love tonight." "You don't?"Well, I do want to make love to you, tonight, tomorrow, yesterday and forever," Chakotay smiled at Tom's grimace at his flowery words, but knew that Tom needed the reassurances. "Then why shouldn't we?""Because I want you to know how much you mean to me, Tom. That you're not just a willing body, not just a 'momentary desire', but the person I want in my life permanently." "Chakoktay...I wish you didn't have to leave." "Who said I was leaving?" "Well, if you don't want to make love..." "I do want to stay with you, Tom. I want to hold you, and kiss you, and talk to you tonight, and tomorrow, I want to make love to you until you drown in sheer pleasure. I happen to know that both of us have the day off," he finished with a wicked smile. A look of inspiration crossed Tom's expressive face. "What?" Chakotay asked. "If I have to wait until tomorrow to make love to you, Chakotay, I don't just want to do it in my cabin, or yours. Let me set something up on the holodeck, I promise, it'll be...worth the wait." "Well, Tom, I think it'd be worth the wait even if we made love as soon as we wake up in the morning, but if you insist..." and he was cut off by Tom's mouth on his. They kissed, and held each other, and talked, and slept all that night. The next morning, Chakotay awoke alone, and was momentarily disappointed, until he remembered. Tom had left him a note, and he smiled as he read it. Chakotay, I've gone to the holodeck to set up. Have some breakfast on me, then come to Holodeck One. And don't skip breakfast, you'll need the strength. I love you, Tom. Chakotay obediently ordered fruit and coffee from the replicator, and ate quickly, he didn't like being in Tom's cabin without him, it seemed to lack something without his vital presence. After he finished eating, he took a shower in Tom's bathroom, and as he stepped out of the shower, drying his strong body, he noticed a set of clothes sitting on the edge of the bathtub. There was a pair of blue jeans, and a matching denim shirt. The note on top instructed him to get dressed in them, and to hurry. Chakotay smiled again, but complied. A few minutes later he was standing outside the holodeck doors, which wouldn't open for him. He was starting to get concerned, what if something was wrong, and telling himself not to over-react, which he couldn't really help with Tom, he wanted to hold him and protect him from the world. He knew that the tough shell Tom faced the world with was as fragile as an eggshell, and that Tom was more vulnerable than most people, even his closest friends, would ever have expected. He remembered some of the things Tom had told him last night, his father's withdrawal after he was tortured by Cardassians when Tom was fifteen, the good and bad experiences with lovers and the bad times, Caldik Prime, the Maquis, prison. He was startled out of his thoughts by the door finally opening, and stepped inside the holodeck. He gasped in pleased surprise. It was a beautiful setting, there was water in the distance, a river he thought, and there was a cabin not far from where he stood, and Chakotay wondered if this was a program of Tom's grandfather's cabin and farm, he'd told Tom last night of how...enticing he found the images Tom had evoked when he'd talked about it, not saying in so many words that the image of Tom in black leather left him weak at the knees, but Tom's teasing reference to the Harley had caused such an obvious...reaction (there had been a distinct disadvantage to their holding each other so close, as pleasurable as it had been), that Chakotay would have been shocked if Tom hadn't realised how attractive he found the image of him on a motorcycle, wearing black leather pants and jacket, with a grey t-shirt....Chakotay noticed with no surprise that he was starting to become hard. Where was Tom? Inside the cabin? Chakotay began to walk towards it, and realised that he could hear music coming from it. He smiled, it was Fur Elise. He stood at the doorway, mesmerised by the sight of Tom at the piano, he was, to Chakotay's surprise, still wearing the boxers and robe he'd worn last night, and Chakotay wondered why for a moment, but Tom finished the music then turned to him and smiled. "Morning." "Good morning. I had no idea you played, Tom." "I get it from my mother. She was wonderful, and I was lucky enough to inherit her talent. So," he looked a little shy, "How do you like the program?" "Tom, it's wonderful. Is this your grandfather's place?" "Kind of. I've made a couple of changes. It wasn't so close to the river in reality, and I've left out the animals. Other than that, though, it's as close as I could make it." "The river is beautiful, Tom." "Want to take a swim?" "Now?" "Not right now...maybe later?" "Maybe. What do you want to do now? Or do I need to ask?" "Actually, I thought I'd keep playing for a while. Then maybe you can guess what's next," Tom grinned wickedly. Chakotay sat down at Tom's invitation, and Tom began to play a new tune, one Chakotay didn't recognise. To Chakotay's surprise, Tom began to sing, in a beautiful light tenor. Oh this river runs, Oh this river runs. Can't tear my heart away from you, You are in my soul, Can't tame this love I feel for you, Can't escape what is meant to be, It's endless as the heavens, It's timeless and it's strong, It's faithful as an angel, It's right there right or wrong, There's no end to this emotion, It goes on and on. This river runs, This river runs so true, This river runs, This river runs to you, This river's deep as the ocean, Runs on blind emotion, This river runs, Oh, this river, Oh, this river runs. You're every beat within my heart, You are in my blood, Nothing could keep me from your arms, Where you are is where I'll always be, As long as there are mountains, And stars still fill the sky, As long as there's forever, I'm right here by your side, There's no end to this emotion, Till the end of time. This river runs, This river runs so true, This river runs, This river runs to you, This river's deep as the ocean, Runs on blind emotion, This river runs, Oh, this river, Oh, this river runs. This river runs, So deep in my soul, Flows forever, And for the rest of all time, It will be there, Always be there, This river runs. This river runs, This river runs so true, This river runs, This river runs to you, This river's deep as the ocean, Runs on blind emotion, This river runs, Oh, this river, Oh, this river runs. "Tom, that was..beautiful," Chakotay's voice was hoarse with emotion. "Thank you," Tom said, and smiled, "Now, I think I'd better get some clothes on." "I was kind of hoping that we'd be taking them off." "Later, later. I told you that if you made me wait, we'd do this my way." Chakotay was pondering the wisdom of his actions the previous night, knowing in his heart that waiting had been the right thing, but he wanted Tom so badly now that he could hardly think straight. Then Tom emerged from the bedroom, and his thought processes shut down on him totally. He was wearing black leather pants that fit him like a second skin, and Chakotay could see the outline of his erection clearly, which caused his own erection to tighten. The jacket was looser, but the sleeves still moulded his muscular arms, and he was wearing it open, with a grey t-shirt underneath. He looked like every fantasy Chakotay had ever had come to life, and it was all the older man could do to remember to breathe. "You approve?" asked Tom, knowing full well the effect he was having, Chakotay's jeans didn't hide much. "You know I do," Chakotay managed to say, before Tom leaned over him and kissed him. Chakotay sucked eagerly on Tom's tongue, exploring his mouth, and they only broke apart when they needed to breathe. Tom pulled his body gently back from Chakotay, never losing eye contact, or letting go of his hand. With gentle motions, Tom pulled Chakotay out of the chair, and to Chakotay's surprise, led him out of the cabin. "Tom? What's going on? I thought we were going to..." "We ARE, Chakotay. There's just something I want us to share first, and a place I want to make love with you for the first time. Please?" And he looked so appealingly pleading, Chakotay would have jumped out of an airlock if he'd asked him to. "What is it that you want us to share, Tom? You've given me so much already, even before we found each other. When you saved my life, when we first got out here, the times you helped me over Seska, going undercover to flush out the spy, getting Voyager back from the Kazon, the help you gave me when we were put into that prison under suspicion of murder..." "Well, this is a bit less dramatic," Tom smiled, "Look," he indicated in a direction Chakotay hadn't looked in before. "Is this what you want us to share? A motorcycle?" "Not just a motorcycle, Chakotay, it's a Harley. Well, a hologram of one. It's almost exactly like the one I used to ride as a kid. It's in slightly better condition, though," and Chakotay had to agree, it shone black and silver in the artificial sunlight. "Come on," Tom said, and straddled the motorcycle, stabilising it as he adjusted it's position. Chakotay was a little nervous, but settled himself behind Tom, holding him lightly. "Chakotay, I know we're on the holodeck, and it's not likely that you'll hurt yourself if you fall off, but I think it might be a good idea if you hold onto me a little more tightly," Tom tossed over his shoulder. Chakotay complied, wrapping his arms around Tom's waist, leaning into his back, his erection brushing against Tom's leather-clad buttocks, which caused the younger man to shiver at the contact. Chakotay couldn't help a moan as Tom pushed back against him, rubbing gently but, Chakotay knew from the teasing contact, deliberately. "Like that?" Tom teased. "Tom, if you keep doing that, I'll fall off this motorcycle no matter how tight I hold you...mmm," he moaned again as Tom moved forward slightly, stopping the teasing pressure. Although they were on the holodeck, and therefore could even go without the usual protective headgear that Tom had had to wear when he was younger, it would not be a good idea to test the safeties of the holodeck when all he wanted to do was make love with Chakotay until they were both so exhausted that they'd need to be beamed back to one of their quarters later. They rode along the river for a while, enjoying the scenery, Chakotay slowly growing used to the noise of the engine, then Tom stopped the motorcycle. "We're here," he smiled at Chakotay over his shoulder. "We're where?" "Where we're going to make love for the first time...and the second...and the third?" "Tom, I think you have me confused with someone much younger," Chakotay laughed. Tom smiled back at him and led him down a slight slope. Laid out on the shore of the river was a blanket, with several comfortable pillows dotting it. There was a picnic basket beside the blanket, and a couple of bottles of syntheholic wine chilling in ice buckets beside the picnic basket. "Do you think of everything, Tom?" "I just want everything to be right for us, Chakotay. I've had a lot of experience with sex, a lot of good first times, but this is the first time I'll make love to someone, and I want it to be memorable." "Well, Tom, that outfit you're wearing should help that. Do you know that one of my favourite fantasies about you is to slowly slip off everything you're wearing, kissing every part of your skin as it's revealed, then making love to you till we're both screaming in ecstacy." Tom shivered, and said, "Mine, too." "So," Chakotay said, closing the distance between them, "Maybe we should make the fantasy a reality," and he covered Tom's mouth with his. "Chakotay," Tom moaned his name. Chakotay feathered his hands up Tom's arm, kissing him deeply, then unfastened the zipper of the leather jacket. He kept up his assault on Tom's lips, then moved down to kiss his neck, meanwhile Tom was managing to undo the buttons on Chakotay's shirt, then they moved apart for a moment so that Tom could slip off the jacket, and Chakotay could slip off his shirt. They weren't able to keep apart for long, and came back together, Chakotay's naked chest rubbing against Tom's t-shirt. Chakotay moved his hands underneath Tom's thin shirt, tracing sensual patterns over the smooth skin of his back, pulling him close, so their erections were touching through the layers of clothing. With another heartfelt groan, the men separated so they could remove the remainder of their clothes. As soon as they were both naked, Chakotay leaped on Tom with a roar, pinning the younger man down with his body, feeling skin touching skin everywhere. Tom moaned under Chakotay's loving assault, Chakotay was kissing his neck, moving down to tongue his nipples, moving down his stomach, then engulfing his erection in his mouth. "Oh, yes, Chakotay, PLEASE!" Tom screamed. Chakotay kept sucking and tonguing Tom's erection, until the younger man screamed and exploded into his mouth. "That was..." Tom said weakly, not finishing the thought, but Chakotay had a reasonable idea of what he meant, he felt the same way. He kissed a trail back up Tom's body, ending at his lips again. Tom responded, tasting himself on Chakotay's lips and tongue. "I love you, Chakotay," Tom said when they separated. "I love you, Tom. I can't believe it took me so long to talk to you about it." "I don't want to think about that. We've got now, and that's all that matters, not what's gone before." "You're right, Tom. But don't forget, what's gone before is what's led us to here, we don't want to forget it, even the bad times have made us what we are now." Tom just snuggled closer to him, and then he realised that Chakotay was still aroused. He moved a hand down to wrap it around Chakotay's erection, and Chakotay groaned as he began tracing patterns on his heated flesh, moving his hand up and down the heated length. Chakotay thrust into that experienced touch, and moaned when he stopped. "I want you inside me, Chakotay." Chakotay looked at his beautiful young lover, lying there, asking him to take him, and he thought that he would explode on the spot, if he didn't think of something other than how much he wanted Tom right now. "Lubricant?" "There's some in the basket," Tom gasped, as Chakotay leaned over him to get it. Tom started to turn over, but Chakotay stopped him. "No, I need to see you." Tom looked at him, eyes filled with passion and love, and remained on his back. Chakotay moved a hand over Tom's body, teasing here, lightly pinching there, brushing over the younger man's renewed erection, then moving to stretch his opening, removing the first finger and squeezing some lubricant onto his fingers, inserting the first one inside Tom again, then adding a second and a third. He then lubricated his straining erection, and entered Tom, moving slowly, then as the younger man got used to the feeling, he started thrusting more and more rapidly in and out of him. Tom's moans were nearly constant, Chakotay's even louder, and then he reached a hand between them to pump Tom's erection in time with his frantic thrusting into his body. It took only a few pulls, and Tom was coming again, all over both of them. His muscular contractions milked Chakotay's erection inside him, and Chakotay was coming too, screaming Tom's name, then collapsing forward and blacking out. He came back to himself a few minutes later, to find Tom looking into his eyes, not worried, just completely sated, and he grinned at him. "So, what's to eat?" Tom laughed, and helped him to clean up with some towels he'd had the computer create, and they ate a leisurely lunch, before making love again, then they rode the motorcycle back to it's place beside the cabin and left the holodeck. "So, what other programs have you got to show me?" asked Chakotay, as Tom had promised to show him all of his private programs. "Weellll, there's the Orion orgy, the Klingon mating rituals, the Andorian joining blues..." Tom was laughing at the expression on Chakotay's face, when the older man realised that he was being teased. "Very funny, Paris," but Chakotay was smiling too, and the halls echoed with the laughter of the new lovers. --- The End