The BLTS Archive- Does He Love You? by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- Disclaimer: Everything Trek belongs to Paramount/Viacom. Does He Love You, written by Sandy Knox and Billy Strich, sung by Reba McEntire and Linda Davis. Please do not distribute, archive, etc, without my permission. May be archived on the ASC archive, the PKSP story archive, and R'Rain's Slash Archive only. Posting to BLTS, PKSP, ASC/EM only. Anything else, please ask first. I will probably say yes, but I'd prefer to know about it. I've always associated this song with P/T and P/K, and I have figured out a way to write this story that does not involve *marital* infidelity, something I've always sworn I will *never* write. However, this story does involve implied *relationship* infidelity, as well as an implied m/m relationship, however, nothing is graphically described. --- I've known about you for a while now... When he leaves me he wears a smile now... As soon as he's away from me... In your arms is where he wants to be... --- When did I realise? When did I know that all that time Tom was spending with Harry wasn't just friendship? Was it *ever* just friendship, or was the wool pulled over my eyes from the beginning? No...that's one thing I do know. There's no *way* Tom would have ever started things with me if he'd already been with Harry. So I know that it started after...after the whole Pon Farr thing with Vorik...Oh, gods, it was after that whole incident with the women on that planet. It had to have been then. Tom was so concerned for Harry during all of it. Does he have to make it so obvious, though? He *rushes* to those damn pool games (and I'll *bet* it's in a privacy-locked holodeck in case they can snatch enough time to...and I'm *not* going to think about that). It's just so obvious that every time he gets to spend time away from me that he wants to be with Harry. And yes, dammit, I'm jealous. I want Tom to look at me like he looks when he's going to see Harry. I think I'd even accept their continuing this if he'd just look at me the way he looks then. --- But you're the one he rushes home to... You're the one he gave his name to... I never see his face in the early mornin' light... You have his mornings, his daytimes, and sometimes I have his nights... --- So, Tom's left again to go back to B'Elanna, leaving me here in the holodeck, alone again. She gets the time I'd really love to have with him. Waking up in the morning, the snatched moments in their shared quarters. I'd give up every single snatched moment of lovemaking, beautiful as it is, for one morning where I can wake up next to Tom, see that beautiful face as he catches the last couple of minutes of sleep, but all I ever get is the occasional night when he can give an excuse to B'Elanna, or if she's too busy with the engines...and that doesn't happen often enough now. Could it ever, though? -- But does he love you... -- Do you love him, Tom? Is it Harry you really want? Will you leave me for him? -- Does he love you.... --- You must love her, Tom. I couldn't bear it if you didn't, if you only stayed with her out of loyalty, or if you felt you couldn't leave her for me. --- Like he loves me... --- I know he loves me. He wouldn't still be with me if he didn't, he'd have left me for Harry long ago. But what does that *say* about his feelings for Harry? Did he honestly *not* realise until after we were together? I think...if he had known before, we wouldn't be together now. I don't think Tom would have started things with me if he were the least bit unsure of how he felt about me. --- Like he loves me... --- He's never said the words, but I do know he loves me. He has to, or he wouldn't have ever started things with me. Not after he was seriously together with B'Elanna. We both respect her too much to do that to her, aside from any other feelings he has for her. But what does that say about his feelings for both of us, that he would start this...whatever I call it...with me after he started a relationship with her. --- Does he think of you... --- Does he think of your brown eyes when he looks into mine? Does he think of your shoulders while he caresses my breasts? Does he imagine I'm Harry when we're making love? --- Does he think of you... -- Does he think of you when we're together? Does he imagine my smooth forehead is your ridges? Or does he imagine he's kissing your beautiful breasts when he's tonguing my nipples? --- When he's holdin' me... --- Who is he making love to when he's with me? --- And does he whisper... --- Oh, gods, does he *talk* to Harry like he talks to me? Does he tell him his hopes and fears, that he worries that his father's going to disown him again when we get back home, does he tell him about his fears of *not* getting back home? Is the affair emotional as well as physical? Damn. Of course it is. Tom wouldn't just use Harry for casual sex. He respects him too much. --- Does he whisper... --- Does he talk to her about prison? Does he tell her about the bad times between Caldik Prime, about the Maquis...hell, they've probably exchanged war stories. I know damn well that it isn't just sex. They wouldn't still be together if that was the case. --- All his fantasies... --- It can't be just physical for them. So how do we both have a relationship with the same man? --- Does he love you... --- It's so damn difficult, maintaining the composure in front of the rest of the crew. Do any of them know? I can't confide in anyone about this, because I'd have to admit that I thought Tom was cheating on me, and I don't know if he is. That's weird, that it doesn't feel like cheating.... --- Does he love you... --- I don't think that I'm cheating on B'Elanna and Tom's relationship. But I don't think I could tell anyone about this, either. So we go on in this...conspiracy of silence, each knowing what's going on, but not being able to talk to each other about it... --- Like he's been lovin' me... --- Is his love the same for both of us? -- But when he's with me he says he needs me... And that he wants me... That he believes in me... --- Tom has said that he *needs* me, though, and that he wants me. I would like for that to be enough...and it is. But I know it's not going to go on this way forever, and I don't know how it's going to end. --- And when I'm in his arms, oh, he swears there's no one else... Is he deceiving me... Or am I deceiving myself... --- I remember Tom telling me that there was no other woman. I suppose he didn't consider it a lie...I guess it wasn't really. And I did manage to deceive myself for a while. I could pretend that he was tellling the whole truth. But that only lasted so long. And I don't know how this whole things's going to end. --- Oh, I should not lose my temper... --- I can't hate Harry, though. I can't even hate Tom. Part of me wishes I could lose my temper, destroy some holographic furniture or something. But I know it wouldn't help. I don't know if anything can help. --- Oh, and I should not be ashamed... --- I'm not ashamed. Some people might think I should be, but I'm not. I love Tom, and I don't want to feel that it's wrong. I'd like to talk about it, though. Damn, if it were anyone else, I'd talk to B'Elanna or Tom. But they're the ones involved in the whole mess. Gods, life gets complicated sometimes. --- Cause I have everything to lose... --- I don't want to lose Tom. I love him, and I want to be with him forever. Marriage and children, even, if that's what he wants too. And if I confront him, try to talk to him...no, I can't. I wish I could. --- And I, I have nothing to gain... --- I wouldn't want to confront Tom, make him choose between us. I wouldn't be any better off, because if he left B'Elanna for me...I wouldn't *want* that. And he might choose to give what we have up if I ask him to choose between us. And I'm not strong enough to do that yet. If I ever will be. --- Oh, does he love you... --- Is he with Harry now, whispering to him? Does he love Harry or me, or both of us? When will this blow up, and where will it all end? I just know I won't be the one to make it blow up. And I don't think Harry will either. Who knows, maybe this'll just go on forever. Until one of the three of us has enough courage to end it. And I think that will have to be Tom. --- The End