The BLTS Archive- Chakotay (Nikita)
by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com)

---


DISCLAIMER:  Star Trek, Star Trek: Voyager, and everything you
recognise belongs to Paramount.  I'm just playing with them for a
little while (and doing things with them that Paramount can't or
won't).  They can have them back when I've finished (unless they want
to come up with an arrangement about Tom or Chakotay ;-))  The song
Nikita belongs to Elton John, and the changes made to it belong to me.

COPYRIGHT Joanne Collins July 1997

Well, here it is.  It's not too long, but I think it fits the song
better like this.  This story is a little different to my usual, but
experimenting is fun.

Time span:  Between Macrocosm and Fair Trade.  Or what the hell
happened in Season Three?

ASC archive:  Yes. BLTS:  Yes. R'Rain's archive:  Yes. Anywhere else
(except personal use, sharing with friends, etc):  Ask first!  I'll
probably say yes.

This one is for Joni, who suggested a few changes to this song would
fit Tom and Chak perfectly.

---

It had been a long day.  Tom had had to take a double shift, as so
many crew members were still recovering from the viral invasion, and
it was late, ship's time, when he finally got some time to himself. He
was in his quarters preparing for bed, as he had been unable to find
anyone who wanted to go to the holodeck with him.

Harry was asleep, or at least not answering his comm link.

B'Elanna wasn't talking to him, again, just because he'd said
something to her, and she'd taken it the wrong way.

Then Chakotay had chewed him out, *again* over some minor rule
infraction that nobody except Chakotay would *ever* pay attention to.
Gods, that man was infuriating!  *And damned attractive* a voice
whispered in the back of his mind.  Tom shook his head, he did *not*
want to go there again.  He'd finally accepted that Chakotay would
never like him, even though he'd finally begun to tolerate him, even
to trust him in his capacity as an officer on the ship.  But he never
talked to Tom outside of duty (except for the odd game of pool in
Sandrine's, and most of those 'conversations' consisted of called
shots) and he never showed any interest in Tom as a *person*, not the
pilot of the ship.  Tom knew that Chakotay would *never* feel for him
what he felt for the darkly handsome first officer.

"Fuck it," he said, knowing that if his thoughts kept going along
those lines he'd never get to sleep.

He decided that as it was so late, there wouldn't be anyone using the
holodeck, so he thought he'd run Sandrine's for a while, at least he
could improve his pool game, maybe he'd indulge in holo-sex with
Ricki, she'd *never* turn him down, and she'd always treat him well.

*Yeah, because that's how you programmed her* whispered the voice in
the back of his mind.  *You programmed her *that* way so that you'd
always have *someone* who'd do *anything* for you.  But it's not like
it used to be, is it Tommy?  Since you got out here, and were forced
by circumstances to be near Chakotay every day, it's not the same at
all.*

Tom pulled on a pair of loose-fitting black pants, and a white shirt,
not wanting to feel constricted, he wore that confining uniform for
too much of his life as it was.  He walked quickly out of his
quarters, intent on losing himself in the fantasy of the holodeck,
thinking that at least fantasy never disappointed him, unlike reality.

Chakotay was also having trouble sleeping.

He was trying to remember exactly why he'd been so hard on Tom Paris
earlier.  He'd treated him out of all proportion to the *extremely*
minor mistake he'd made.  And it wasn't the first time, he'd been
treating Paris more harshly than usual for the last few weeks.  He
didn't understand it, Paris hadn't done anything to him lately, in
fact, he'd thought that maybe they were on the way to a friendlier
relationship, after that whole debacle with Tom's going undercover to
expose the spy on the ship, then Seska's death, Paris and Harry Kim
being thrown into that alien prison, the encounter with the swarm of
aliens, after that, he'd thought that he and Paris were starting to be
able to trust each other, especially after the away mission with the
Ferengi, and B'Elanna's encounter with the Enaran telepaths, not to
mention that whole fiasco with, Chakotay groaned at the memory, Q.

He was tired, but not in the way that would make him able to sleep, he
felt completely drained of energy.  It was, The Doctor assured him,
simply an aftereffect of the virus, this constant feeling of having no
energy, but that didn't help him to feel any less exhausted.  That
was, he admitted to himself, probably part of the reason for his
uncharacteristic shortness of temper, he'd even snapped at Kes this
morning when she'd asked him what was wrong, but that still didn't
explain why he'd reamed Tom Paris out the way he had.

He recalled the circumstances of that shouting match (conversation was
*far* too genteel a term for more than the first two or three
sentences) once again.  He'd discovered the minor bending of the
rules, and had gone to find Paris and ask him the exact circumstances
behind it, wanting to give Paris a chance to explain before writing up
a report.  Paris had been on a break, so he'd had to ask the computer
for his location, he'd been in the Mess Hall.  When Chakotay had
arrived, he'd seen Tom flirting with Sue Nicolletti.  Not that *that*
was an unusual occurrence, it was common knowledge that he'd been
trying to initiate a relationship with her for months.  But this was
the first time, Chakotay realised, that he'd seen Nicolletti respond
to Tom's overtures, she'd placed a hand on his arm, and *smiled* at
him.  And that had, Chakotay realised, disturbed him.  But he hadn't
thought about it, and Nicolletti had taken her leave of Paris, saying
that maybe she'd see him later at Sandrine's.  Realising that he was
eavesdropping, Chakotay turned to leave, planning to talk to Paris
later.

"Looking for me, Sir?" Paris asked lazily.

"As a matter of fact, I am, Mr Paris.  Would you care to explain
this?"  he indicated the report on his PADD.

Paris had made a flippant remark, then something had seemed to spark
between them, and it had escalated into a shouting match that had
required Tuvok's intervention to break it up, and if that hadn't
happened, Chakotay didn't know how it would have ended.

"Why?  Why was I so furious at Paris?  I just don't know what it *is*
lately with him.  If I didn't know better, I'd swear I was jealous of
his interest in Sue Nicolletti.  But I've got no interest in her at
all, I haven't wanted any woman since Kathryn. And when that just
didn't work out....Gods," he exclaimed, as he realised the import of
his thoughts, that he hadn't wanted any *woman* since Kathryn Janeway.
"No, I haven't wanted a woman since Kathryn.  But why?  There are
certainly enough attractive, available women on the ship, the Delaney
sisters, a few others, but I haven't felt so much as a flicker of
interest in *any* of them.  And Megan Delaney has made no secret of
her interest in me, if I'm interested, and she's certainly a lovely
woman, but I just have no interest in pursuing a relationship with
her, or any woman on this ship.  Oh, *gods*, of course, that's it," he
suddenly realised what his subconscious had been trying to tell him,
that there *was* a reason that he hadn't been interested in a woman
since Kathryn Janeway, "I *am* jealous of Paris's interest in Sue
Nicolletti, but I'm not jealous of Paris, I'm jealous of Sue.  How
could I not realise this before?  I don't want Par-Tom as a friend, I
want him as my lover, or maybe even-" he cut that thought off before
he could complete it, he didn't want to go there just yet, it was
*way* too soon to think of *that* kind of thing, although Chakotay was
not a man to do things halfway, and he *certainly* wouldn't enter into
a relationship with *anyone* that would not have the possibility, no,
probability, of a more permanent commitment down the road.  Chakotay
suddenly realised how ridiculous his thoughts sounded, he hadn't even
*approached* Tom yet, and here he was thinking of whether there was a
chance of permanence?  "I *really* have to get my thinking in the
right order," he thought, "And there's one way to do that, isn't
there?"

"Computer, location of Lieutenant Paris?"

"Lieutenant Paris is in holodeck two," came the feminine voice.

"What program is currently running?"

"Program Sandrine's, Variation Paris Delta Nine."

Chakotay didn't recognise the extension on the program, although he
knew that Tom had some private additions to Sandrine's which weren't
part of the public version of the program.  At this time of night,
especially with so many crew members still sick from the viral
invasion, it was possible that Tom was alone in the holodeck, with his
own version of Sandrine's, and Chakotay might not be able to access
the holodeck.  He pondered leaving well enough alone, and approaching
Tom the next day, or evening, but he didn't want to miss this
opportunity, it was probably one of the few times he'd be able to get
the pilot alone without having to make lengthy explanations.

"Is the privacy lock on the holodeck initiated?" he asked, deciding
that if it was, he would wait, but if it weren't he would take that as
a sign.

"Privacy lock is not initiated," replied the computer.

So be it.  He would go to the holodeck now, and if things went badly,
he'd come back here and open that bottle of bootleg whiskey some of
the Maquis crew had gifted him with after a particularly stressful
mission, and lose himself in the alcohol.

"Nothing like being optimistic, Chakotay," he chided himself, as he
buttoned a green shirt and pulled on a pair of loose-fitting brown
trousers, then walked out of his quarters, heading for the holodeck.

Meanwhile, Tom was finding that fantasy, while not as disappointing as
reality, was damned boring and predictable.  He was losing a game of
eight-ball to Gaunt Gary, Ricki was trying to *distract* him in her
usual blatant fashion, and having no effect on his libido whatsoever,
so he knew *that* would be a waste of time and energy to consider
pursuing tonight.  What he really wanted, that was *possible* he
added, was to talk to someone about Chakotay.  And who better than
Sandrine?  She'd always understood him, and really, the programmed
version, as close as she was to the real thing, was his best bet.
Making up his mind, he conceded the game to Gary, and said a polite
goodnight to a pouting Ricki, then requested the computer to delete
the holocharacters, except for Sandrine, requesting that her memory of
the last hour be deleted, and that she react as if he were just
entering the bar for the first time that evening.

"Hello, Thomas," Sandrine greeted him, as the computer reset the data.

"Good evening, Sandrine."

"You look so unhappy, mon petite, what is wrong?  The Commander
again?"

"Isn't it always?  I keep thinking, what if I'd never joined the
Maquis?  Gods, I still remember the first time I saw him, on that
freezing, snow-covered planet, drilling Maquis recruits, then he
turned and looked at me, gods, those eyes were on fire.  I knew as
soon as I saw him, Sandrine, I knew he was going to be important in my
life.  I thought, no, hoped that it would be as a lover, but it wasn't
meant to be.  He's not interested in me, and he never will be.  And I
have no interest in anyone else while we're forced to be in such close
proximity to each other.  What can I do?"

"Thomas, you ask me this every time.  And I say the same thing every
time.  Either tell him how you feel, or accept that you can't, and go
on with your life."

"Easy for you to say, Sandrine," Tom muttered.

"Yes, it is.  It would be easy for you to do, if you weren't so
afraid.  That is it, you know, Thomas.  You are afraid to tell
Commander Chakotay how you feel, and because of that, you cannot go
on.  It's going to come to a head one of these days, you know."

"Yeah, but how, Sandrine?"

"If I could tell you that, I would, Thomas, but I am not psychic."

"Neither am I.  If I were, and could see what the results would be,
maybe I could do it, but I *can't*, not yet.  I think I will have to
talk to him, but not tonight, especially after today.  And he's
probably asleep."

"That is quite likely," agreed Sandrine.

"Thank you Sandrine.  May I?" he indicated the piano in the corner of
the bar, facing away from the door in this particular variation of the
program.

"Of course," she nodded.

Tom sat down, and began playing an old song that he'd modified the
words of to fit his situation.  He was completely unaware of Commander
Chakotay entering the holographic bar, as he was so intent on his
playing.

  Hey Chakotay is it cold   In your little corner of the world   You
could roll around the world   And never find a warmer soul to know

  Oh I saw you by the wall   Ten of your tin soldiers in a row   With
eyes that looked like ice on fire   The human heart a captive in the
snow

   Oh Chakotay    You will never know anything about my love    I'll
never know how good it feels to hold you    Chakotay I need you so   
Oh Chakotay is the other side of any given line in time    Counting
ten tin soldiers in a row    Oh no, Chakotay you'll never know

   Could you think of me    Do you ever wonder what I'm thinking   
When you look out through the window    Chakotay do you count the
stars at night

   And if there comes a time    You could ever think of me    And if
you really could love me    Just look in front of you and you'll find
love

   Oh Chakotay    You will never know anything about my love    I'll
never know how good it feels to hold you    Chakotay I need you so   
Oh Chakotay is the other side of any given line in time    Counting
ten tin soldiers in a row    Oh no, Chakotay you'll never know

Chakotay was stunned.  He'd known about Paris' singing ability, in
fact, during the short time he'd been with the Maquis, some very
pleasant evenings had been spent around a battered old piano, with Tom
playing and the rest of the Maquis singing with varying degrees of
talent.  But this song...Tom had played the original version so many
times over those few days, it was called, Chakotay remembered, Nikita,
about an impossible love.

"Dear Gods," he thought, "Tom does feel something for me.  But I
can't, not tonight.  I thought I could, but after the way I treated
him earlier, I *can't* do this to him," and Chakotay turned to leave.
Unfortunately, he was so intent on getting out of the holodeck before
Tom saw him, that he wasn't looking at the bar, and before he could
make his way out, Sandrine said, clearly, "Good evening, Commander.
Would you like a drink?"

Tom whipped around on the piano stool so fast, Chakotay would swear
he'd left friction burns in the air.

"Chakotay?  What the HELL are you doing here?"

"Lieutenant-Tom, I..."

"Didn't you say enough earlier?" Tom asked, bitterly.

Chakotay was hit hard by those words.  He felt each one like a blow to
the feelings he'd discovered earlier, but maybe not early enough.  The
way Tom was able to say those words, so soon after he'd been singing
so tenderly made Chakotay realise  how badly he'd affected the younger
man.

"Please, Tom, hear me out."

Tom realised then that Chakotay was using his first name.  'There must
be a reason for that, maybe I should hear what he has to say.  Maybe
he at least wants to apologise for earlier.'

"All right, Commander, I'll listen to what you have to say.  You've
got five minutes, then I'm going to my quarters to sleep."

"Thank you, Tom.  The first thing I want to do is apologise for the
way I treated you earlier.  It had, I have realised, nothing to do
with the irregularity."

"Apology accepted.  Is that all?"

"No, Tom, it is *not* all."

Tom sighed, he knew that he wouldn't be able to get away with that,
he'd *have* to discuss what Chakotay had so obviously heard.  If only
he hadn't given in to the impulse to play *that* song, but it was too
late now, he'd have to deal with it.

"Commander, I think you should know..." he couldn't continue.

"Tom, I realised something this evening.  It's why I came here.  This
afternoon, it wasn't about the rule infraction.  It was about
jealousy."

'Oh, dear gods, he's interested in Sue, and he's going to warn me off
her.  That's what it's all about.'

"Tom, I'm in love with you. And," he grinned, slightly ironically, "I
think you feel something for me."

"Chakotay....are you sure?"

"Tom, I'm absolutely certain.  It's why I came here."

Chakotay moved toward the younger man, who stood to meet him halfway.
They almost collided in their urgency to get to each other.  Chakotay
moved his arms around Tom's waist, while Tom gripped his shoulders,
not painfully, but Chakotay was intensely aware of him.  Tom bent his
head slightly, and their lips met.  The kiss was sweet, and tender,
Chakotay not wanting to hurt Tom any more, Tom wanting to please
Chakotay.  Chakotay opened his lips slightly, deepening the kiss.  Tom
moved his tongue into Chakotay's mouth, found it's counterpart, and
gently teased it, licking and gently biting.

Chakotay had to move back to catch his breath, but Tom didn't stop
kissing him.  He kissed his cheeks, the tip of his nose, nipped along
his jawline, moved his lips along the side of his face, then started
tracing Chakotay's tattoo with his tongue.  Chakotay moaned with
pleasure as Tom reverently traced the lines with his tongue, he'd
never realised how erotic this could be, none of his other lovers,
even those who'd said that they liked his tattoo, had done this.  He
could feel his arousal growing more urgent.

"Tom," he rasped harshly.

"Yes, Chakotay," he asked, with that cocky smile Chakotay would have
found infuriating under any other circumstances.

"I want to make love to you, but *not* in a bar.  Your quarters or
mine?"

"Mine.  I want to know that you're with me because you want to be, not
just because I followed you to  your quarters."

"Tom, I'm only with you because I want to be, but we'll go to your
quarters if that's what you want."

"It is.  Computer, beam myself and Commander Chakotay to my quarters,"
Tom commanded.

Chakotay looked startled, then they were caught in the transporter
beam.

Materialising in Tom's quarters, Chakotay claimed Tom's mouth again,
hands moving to remove his shirt, Tom's hands unbuttoning his shirt,
slipping under to caress firm bronze flesh, moving up to tease his
nipples, then Tom slipped the shirt off his shoulders, and moved his
mouth down to take a nipple into it, caresssing it with his tongue.

Chakotay was gasping and moaning with pleasure, Tom was electrifying
his senses.  He brushed a hand against Tom's groin, feeling his
growing response, moving to undo the pants, Tom's hands undoing his
pants, then they were naked, as neither had bothered with underwear
earlier.

They both smiled at that, wondering if it was serendipity, or
something else.  Then Chakotay moaned again, Tom had wrapped a hand
around his erection, and was stroking gently.

"Bedroom," Tom whispered, releasing his lover.

They made their way into the bedroom, stopping periodically to kiss or
caress.  That short journey seemed to take hours, and yet be over in a
moment.  Tom gently lay Chakotay on the bed, taking the initiative,
kissing him everywhere.

"You're so beautiful," Tom said, wonderingly, as if he still couldn't
quite believe Chakotay was with him.

Chakotay took his mouth in a bruising, but not violent kiss,
determined to show him that he was, that he was here, with Tom,
touching him, kissing him, loving him.  Tom responded eagerly,
flicking his tongue into Chakotay's mouth, laving his teeth and
tongue, then pulling back, blue eyes dark with arousal, looking down
into Chakotay's endless brown eyes.

"How do you want this, Chakotay?  Do you want to..."

"Tom, I want you inside me.  I want to feel everything you are, and
then I want to be inside you and to have you feel everything I am."

Tom didn't answer, but his eyes darkened even more.  He reached into
the bedside table, and found the tube of lubricant he kept there.
Squeezing some onto his fingers, he reached down to Chakotay's
opening, inserting a finger, thrusting it in and out, adding a second
as he got used to the feeling, then a third, carefully stretching him.

Chakotay squeezed some lubricant onto his fingers, and smoothed it
over Tom's straining erection, causing Tom to buck his hips forward,
gasping as he felt the cool gel on his heated flesh.  Tom stopped the
caressing fingers, knowing that if Chakotay kept this up, he'd come
before either of them was ready.  He positioned himself carefully,
thrusting just inside that tight ring of muscle, thrusting slightly
deeper, then continuing until he was buried completely inside his
lover.  Chakotay smiled at him at the moment they were fully joined,
and that almost sent Tom over the edge.

"I love you," Tom gasped, knowing now what it meant.

"I love you," Chakotay echoed, knowing that it was more than just a
response to Tom's words.

Tom began thrusting in and out of his lover, moving slowly at first,
then speeding up a little, then a little more, until he was thrusting
in and out of him more quickly than he would have believed possible.
He moved a hand between them, grasping Chakotay's erection, and
Chakotay thrust into his hand, matching the movements Tom was making
into his body.  The tempo increased, they were gasping and moaning
constantly, then Chakotay came into Tom's hand.  The bigger man's
orgasm triggered Tom's, and he came with a roar of pure pleasure, so
loud it echoed in the tiny room.

Tom collapsed on top of Chakotay, holding his lover tightly, as if to
be sure he'd stay with him.

Chakotay didn't mind, he liked that Tom wanted him with him.

Tom began to laugh, softly.

"What's so funny?" Chakotay asked.

"Well, Big Man, if *anyone* had told me this afternoon that *this* is
where I'd be tonight, I'd have suggested that they get some
psychiatric help.  Not that I'm disappointed, or anything."

"I would hope not.  Tom, can we take a raincheck on me making love to
you?  I'm so tired, all I want to do is sleep."

"Are you okay?  You look wiped out."

"Just the aftereffects of the virus.  The Doctor says I should be back
to normal in a few days."

"If this is below normal, I'm not sure I'll survive you being up to
par," Tom teased, moving to lie next to his lover.

"Just you wait, flyboy.  I'll show you tricks you never even knew
existed," and the promise of future pleasures in Chakotay's voice
warmed Tom like a caress.

He snuggled into his lover's arms, and moments later, both men were
asleep, their even breathing the only sound in the quiet of the cabin,
in perfect synchrony, just as their lives would be now.

---

The End