The BLTS Archive- American Pie: He Stopped Loving Him Today by Joanne Collins (luchenbackoutlaw@gmail.com) --- This one is the fault of my local radio station . I turned the radio on just after watching Deadlock again, and it was somewhere in the middle of How Am I Supposed To Live Without You, ie, the line playing was "I built my world around the hope that one day we'd be so much more than friends", and this story idea came to mind. I was still writing The One, as readers will probably realise . This is a prequel to American Pie and The One. Please post comments or email to the above addy. No flames about my taste in music please. Characters copyrighted by Paramount, used without permission. Story copyrighted March 1997 by Joanne Collins. Michael Bolton's song How Am I Supposed To Live Without You is also used without permission. I give my permission for this story to be posted to ASC and to be archived at the ASC archives. It may also be posted to BLTS. It is also to be posted at R'Rain's archive. Please don't distribute elsewhere except for personal archiving. Do feel free to share the story with friends, just keep my name and the headers on it. Although Deadlock was the inspiration for this story, I couldn't set it during that episode, as I thought Tom and Chakotay would be far too busy to go to the holodeck when the ship was practically falling to bits around them . The next logical episode to set it during was The Thaw, so that's where it's set. The majority of the story takes place after the staff meeting which ends with Janeway saying "We'll have to find a safer means of communication." Angst? Buckets, it's before they got together. Mush? Of course. Other characters? Chakotay and Sandrine. Spoilers for Deadlock, Investigations and The Thaw. Dedicated to Voywriter for Conclusions (I'm looking forward to reading Part Two) and James Kythe Walkswithwind for The Stuff Dreams Are Made On, even if it did make me cry. Also to the nice people who sent me feedback for American Pie, I hope this clears a few points up . --- I built my world around the hope, That one day we'd be so much more than friends. Michael Bolton, How Am I Supposed To Live Without You. --- Tom smiled at his lover, thinking, as he always did, how beautiful Harry was. Harry smiled back, and kissed Tom deeply, exploring Tom's mouth with his tongue, and Tom's body with his hands. One of Harry's hands teased at Tom's nipples, while the other travelled down to wrap itself around Tom's erection, pumping him slowly at first, then speeding up as Tom became harder. Tom was thrusting into Harry's hand, building up to the peak of arousal, as Harry kissed him more deeply. Tom kept thrusting into Harry's hand, then he came, shouting Harry's name, and "I love you," and then.... His alarm went off, and he woke to find his own hand on his penis, and his sheets sticky from his orgasm. "Another dream about Harry," he thought as he removed the sheets from the bed and pushed them into the 'fresher. Tom was surprised to notice how matter-of-fact that thought was, he could still remember a time when he'd been shocked to realise he was dreaming more and more frequently about his best friend. It had started soon after his breakup with Megan Delaney a few months ago, and he'd thought at first that it was just his body adjusting to the change in his sex life, giving his sexual dreams a familiar face. A face that Tom was becoming more and more convinced that he wanted to spend the rest of his life waking up with. Tom knew he was in love with Harry, had been since soon after they had met, but he also knew that Harry was convinced that they'd get back to Earth soon, and that his fiancee, Libby, would have waited for him. Tom had tried to forget Harry, with Megan Delaney, and more recently with Susan Nicoletti, but he hadn't let go of his feelings for Harry through one reasonably serious relationship and one determined flirtation, so Tom knew that his feelings for Harry were real and lasting. Tom sighed, and headed for the shower. A few hours later, Tom was sitting in Harry's cabin, while they were on a break, listening to him play his clarinet. Tom pretended to read from a PADD, but he was really watching Harry caress the clarinet with his mouth, and imagining that mouth caressing him, loving him the same way he was caressing the musical instrument. Harry mentioned that he and Nicoletti were planning a musical performance, and Tom pretended to be interested in the performance due to Nicoletti. As Harry continued to play, the ensign in the next cabin banged on the wall, and Tom and Harry exchanged some jokes about Harry having an excuse not to practice. Then their comm badges chirped, and they heard Chakotay's voice: "All senior officers, report to the bridge." Tom had had a bad feeling about the situation from the start, when the recorded message had said that the people on the planet had been meant to wake up years before now, and it had been all he could do to restrain himself from volunteering to go on the away team in Harry's place. He wished he had when Harry had gotten trapped in some weird alien computer program. Tom was in his cabin again, and he tossed and turned in his bed, completely unable to sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about Harry, and that he might never get a chance to tell him how he felt. He groaned in frustration, and finally gave up on sleeping. "Computer, half lights." The cabin brightened immediately. "Is there an opening in holodeck use at this time?" "Holodeck two is currently unoccupied and unreserved for the next six hours." Tom thought for a moment, and decided that he needed to talk to a friend. "Reserve the holodeck for two hours, and run program Sandrine's. Delete all holocharacters except for Sandrine." "Complying. Do you wish to be transported?" "Yes, in ten minutes," Tom replied, deciding to change clothes first. Tom changed into a white shirt and jeans, an outfit the real Sandrine had always said made him look more handsome than ever, and waited for the transport. He materialised in front of the outer doors, and pushed them open. "Thomas," Sandrine greeted him from behind the bar. "Hello, Sandrine." "What brings you here, petite? You look so unhappy." "Harry is trapped somewhere that I can't get to him," and Tom told her the entire story. "My poor Thomas, and you have not told him yet, have you?" "No, I haven't. How can I tell my best friend that I'm in love with him?" "As I have said before, Thomas, just tell him. The worst he can do is say he is not interested." "No, Sandrine. The worst he can do is recoil at the thought and never speak to me again. At least I can spend time with him and talk to him now." "I thought you were going to tell him after the time when he died." "I had planned to, but we were practially rebuilding the ship, and there just wasn't the right time to do it, Sandrine. I know this is going to end badly, and I'll never have the chance to tell him now." "Would you like a drink?" Sandrine asked. "No, thank you. I don't know what I want, I just had to get out of my quarters, and to talk to someone." "Would you play for me? I haven't heard you play in so long, Thomas." "All right, I think I can do that. Computer, delete pool table and run program subroutine Paris-L." The pool table disappeared, to be replaced by a piano. Tom sat down and began to play, a Mozart piece that he had always loved. Then he moved on to twentieth-century music, starting with American Pie, one of his favourites, then Elton John's Sacrifice and Crocodile Rock. Then he said, "I can't stand it any longer," and he began playing a haunting melody. He was so absorbed in the music, he didn't notice Commander Chakotay standing at the door. I could hardly believe it, When I heard the news today, I had to come and get it straight from you, They said you were leavin', Someone's swept your heart away, >From the look upon your face I see it's true, So tell me all about it, tell me about the plans you're makin', Then tell me one thing more before I go. Tell me, How am I supposed to live without you, Now that I've been lovin' you so long, How am I supposed to live without you, How am I supposed to carry on, When all that I've been living for is gone. I didn't come here for cryin', Didn't come here to break down, It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end, And how can I blame you, When I built my world around The hope that one day we'd be so much more than friends, And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreamin' When even now it's more than I can take. Tell me, How am I supposed to live without you, Now that I've been lovin' you so long, How am I supposed to live without you, And how am I supposed to carry on, When all that I've been living for is gone. And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming, Now that your dream has come true. Tell me, How am I supposed to live without you, Now that I've been lovin' you so long, How am I supposed to live without you, And how am I supposed to carry on, When all that I've been living for is gone. "Oh, Harry," Tom sobbed when he finished the song. "Paris, what are you doing here, you should be sleeping," Chakotay said to him, gently. "Commander, how long have you been here?" "You were singing something about crocodiles when I walked past and noticed the holodeck was occupied. I assumed that someone from another shift had run Sandrine's." "Oh, gods, you heard-" "I heard you sing a haunting song. Anything else is none of my business, unless you want to talk about it." "You would be willing to listen, after I deceived you the way I did?" "Par-Tom. I understand why you did it, and I forgive you for it." "Thank you, Commander." "Chakotay. I don't think you need to talk to a superior officer, I think you need to talk to a friend." "Thanks, Chakotay. I really thought I'd blown my chances for friendship with you." Chakotay thought, "If you only knew what I really wanted from you, Tom. But I know now that that's impossible." Chakotay was listening to Tom talk, telling him how he'd fallen in love with Harry soon after they had all been flung across the galaxy, how his relationship with Megan Delaney had faltered because of his feelings, and his attempt to redirect them towards Kes and Susan Nicoletti. Chakotay shuddered when Tom told him about the experiences in prison which had made him hesitant to initiate a relationship with any man, even Harry. Tom talked about how devastated he had been when Harry had died, and Chakotay thought of how pale and sad Tom had seemed, he'd put it down to Tom's mourning his friend, never suspecting it was more, perhaps because Chakotay had been having similar feelings for Tom. Chakotay knew now that Tom could never return his affections, that even if the worst happened and Harry didn't come back, he would never be able to love Chakotay in the same way, and Chakotay wasn't about to settle for being anyone's second choice, not even Tom's. "Thanks for listening to me, Chakotay. I think I've needed to say these things for a long time." "You're welcome, Tom. But I think there's someone else you should be saying them to." Tom's expression darkened. "If we get him back - no, when we get him back - I'll bring him in here, initiate the privacy lock, and tell him. I have to do it, I can't keep living like this." "Tom, I don't think you'll be able to do it immediately. He's going through something down there, and he won't be ready when he comes back. But the first chance you get, Tom, you must tell him. For your own sanity if nothing else." "You're right, Chakotay. Thanks for everything. I think I'll go back to my quarters and try to sleep, now." "Goodnight, Tom." "Goodnight, Chakotay." Tom stood and walked out of the holodeck, not noticing Chakotay's eyes on him every step of the way. Chakotay turned to the bar, and Sandrine spoke to him. "That was very brave, cheri. Not many people could tell the one they love to go to another." "I know he could never love me in that way, so I want him to be happy and have that love.""But what about you?" "There's someone on this ship for me, I know it. I just haven't realised it yet." Sandrine replied, "Perhaps they are closer than you think." Captain Janeway walked into the holodeck then. "A game of pool, Captain?" "I would love to, Commander, but shouldn't you be getting some rest?" "I could ask you the same thing." "I don't think either of us is going to sleep much until we get Harry back." "Rack the balls, then." The Captain called her first shot, and glanced at Chakotay. Sandrine was observing them from behind the bar, and said to herself, "Closer indeed than you think, Commander." --- The End