The BLTS Archive - Season V: No Signposts in the Sky
by Bridget Cochran (bjcochran@aol.com)

---

© 1999 

Number 8 in the Season V Series which includes The Way of All Flesh, A
Friend in Need, A Friend in Deed, Pride's Cloak, The Moon is Nothing,
Molded Out of Faults, Conscious Betrayal. Spoilers for Gravity.

Warning: This story involves a relationship between two men that now
involves consensual sex. If that sort of thing offends you, move along
home.

Disclaimer: I own the ideas, Paramount owns the rest. Archive at will,
including ASC/EML, BLTs, R'Rain's, and AllSlash.

Thanks to my beta buddies: Karen, Mike and Monica. They keep me from
making egregious errors in spelling, grammar and usage. And try to
keep me focused on the angst--like I need focused on the angst. Also
thanks to Anita and envoy.

---

Tom leaned against the bulkhead outside Transporter Room One waiting
for Tuvok to say a private good-bye to Noss. Although he managed to
swallow his tears, he hadn't been unaffected when he said good-bye to
the alien that had made their survival in gravity well hell possible.
She was wonderful--so strong and resilient--that she reminded him of
Kes. He could have fallen for her himself, but there were too many
things in the way.

One was Tuvok. Tom had no doubt the Vulcan had strong feelings for the
woman who helped them make that miserable desert their home for two
long months. Tuvok had reacted to her the only way a Vulcan, a very
married Vulcan, could--with the shield of suppressed emotions. Tom had
liked Tuvok since he had championed him in that Baenaen murder case. A
man with that much self control had to be admired. Tom didn't envy
Tuvok the turmoil that must be roiling in his Vulcan soul.

He leaned against the wall, arms folded, waiting for his friend when
Chakotay came around the corner. Tom couldn't help it. His face lit up
with planet melting radiance. The smile stopped Chakotay dead.

"Holding that wall up, Ensign?" A smile slipped onto Chakotay's lips.

Tom straightened. "You bet. It's what we ensigns do best, sir."

Chakotay clapped Tom on the back, resisting the effort to pull the
pilot into an embrace. "Glad to have you back, Tom. Bet you have more
stories to tell than your de-briefing."

"Lots of stories."

"How about a cup of coffee in the Mess Hall?"

Tom shook his head. "Can't. I'm waiting for Tuvok." Tom's face became
very serious. "He might need somebody to talk to. I want to be here
for him."

Chakotay was silent. He observed Tom, feeling jealousy uncurl within
his stomach, his smile dimming somewhat. Tom was nothing if not
perceptive. "How about supper at my place tonight?" Tom asked. "I'll
buy the pizza, you buy dessert."

It worked. Chakotay's smile brightened and he nodded. "Your place at,
what, 1730 hours?"

"Perfect," Tom said, his head turned as the Transporter Room slid
open.

"Commander," was Tuvok's passive greeting.

Chakotay nodded. "Commander." He turned to Tom. "See you at dinner."

Tom and Tuvok watched Chakotay move down the hall. A dark brow rose
when the human sighed. "I think tonight's the night, Tuvok," Tom said.

"Indeed."

---

Tom had taken a bath, taken a nap, taken a shower, then laid down
again. He was pinky clean for the first time since the shuttle smacked
into Planet Dust. No more grit in his hair or his ears or the crack in
his backside.

His head rested on his hands as he lay on his bed and stared at the
ceiling. Brahms played on the music system. It was usually a sonic
sleeping pill, but soon Chakotay would be here and Tom was as keyed up
as he could ever remember. He wouldn't be sleeping any time soon.

In the last two months, Tom had missed everyone. Two months that
turned out to be two days on this side of the temporal distortion. He
had honestly thought he'd seen the end of Voyager. Christ, the whole
idea sent him reeling. Never see Voyager, his crew mates. B'Elanna.
The Captain. Neelix. Everybody.

Tom sighed. Yeah. He loved B'Elanna. Cared for her more than she cared
for him. Missed her feistiness. Missed her ability to make a warp
drive out of patchwork. Missed her. Period.

But Chakotay. There wasn't a word for what he felt for Chakotay. The
emotion was way too complicated to put a word to it. It was a living
and breathing thing that encompassed life itself. Christ, what a
crock. Tom got up from the bed and went to brush his teeth again.

He stood in front of the mirror applying toothpaste to his newly
replicated toothbrush. His face was still cracked and dry. The harsh
air and sunlight had not been good for his fair skin. Squinting into
sunlight for hours on end had given him headaches, and forged creases
around his eyes. They were probably permanent, another souvenir of the
Delta Quadrant.

He examined his face without reservation as he recleaned his already
clean teeth. It wasn't the same face he had brought with him from
Auckland. That face had been prettier, if somewhat more cynical. He
always felt as if he carried the chip on his face instead of his
shoulder in those days. His mouth was so tight then, like an adder
ready to spring. Always ready with a flip or nasty comment to anyone
in the line of fire.

Probably why Harry was the perfect best friend. He knew that Tom was
just scared and stupid and protecting himself. He had missed Harry
like hell. When he saw his fellow ensign at the transporter controls,
he nearly started to bawl. Tom rinsed his toothbrush and tossed it on
the shelf above the sink.

Now it was time to lay on the couch. It was too short to be
comfortable, but Tom curled into a fetal position hugging a pillow.
His toes curled up in his fresh clean socks, and he sighed. How many
times had he listed to Tuvok all the things he missed? The food--not
leola root and, definitely not spiders--he missed. The creature
comforts--water showers, clean underwear, pillows, soap, music--every
thing that was not on that shit hole they were stuck on.

Tom was glad Tuvok was a Vulcan. Any other species would have killed
him and eaten him, just to shut him up. And, cripes, he had told Tuvok
to give up hope on Voyager ever finding them, of ever getting back to
the Alpha Quadrant, and go ahead and cheat on his wife. Tom cringed
even now at the memory. Just when he thought he was getting older and
wiser, he got stupider. Such an adult, cosmopolitan view of the world
he had: love the one you're with.

What an asshole he could be at times. He always thought of himself as
a pragmatist. Must be a synonym for asshole in some language. No,
egotist was the synonym of asshole. Tom closed his eyes.

But Tuvok had changed in the last two months and he had helped Tom
stay rational. There was something to Vulcan-ness. Something that Tom
was just beginning to understand. To restrain your impulses. To wait
until you had all the facts. He wondered if he would ever be able to
operate that way. Probably not. He was stuck being human.

---

Chakotay sat on the very edge of the small couch watching Tom sleep.
When Tom hadn't answered the door, the older man checked for his
location. The computer assured him that Tom was indeed within. Using
his override he entered the cabin to find the pilot asleep curled on
the sofa.

Gingerly, he sat and studied the pilot to his heart's content.
Although sleep smoothed his face, the time spent on the hard planet
had marked his fair skin. Chakotay resisted touching the flaky
surface, and settled for rubbing his hands on his own knees as he
watched Tom sleep. For all that his fair hair was close cropped, it
was obvious that he had gone to sleep with it wet. It stood up spiky
and a mess the whole way around. That Chakotay couldn't resist. The
blunt tips of his fingers slipped through the soft spikes and watched
them spring back into place. It was so soft and he moved closer to the
scalp and sifted the strands through his fingers. Definitely different
from his own hair. Chakotay would die with as much hair as he had
today; Tom wasn't gonna have the hair he was born with. Still, balding
well was the best revenge.

He flicked his eyes from the hair between his fingers to the sleeping
face. And the wide open blue eye of Tom Paris.

His hand jerked back, but Tom caught it. "I'll give you an hour to
quit it," Tom said through a smile and Chakotay relaxed letting his
hand move again into Tom's hair.

"Been awake long?" Chakotay felt the color move up his neck.

"Since you got here."

Chakotay gave the strands between his fingers a sharp tug, eliciting a
yelp.

"Hey, watch it. I cherish what's left up there."

The tugging fingers relaxed, smoothing the tuft he'd just abused. "You
want to turn in early? We can schedule dinner for tomorrow night."

Tom frowned up into the dark eyes. His eyes crossed as he watched
Chakotay's fingers work to smooth the crease between his eyes. "Are
you asking me if I want you to go?"

Chakotay frowned himself and it was a long time before he looked down
at Tom. "Yes."

Tom moved behind Chakotay to sit up on the other side of him grasping
his shoulders as he went. "It's good to be back. Ready for pizza?" he
asked, already on his way to the replicator. His actions were his
answer.

Tom handed the tableware to the commander and the table was set when
Tom set the pie onto the table. "Can I get you a beer?"

Chakotay shook his head as he sat. "Just water."

Tom smiled, "You sure are a cheap date."

"That a compliment?" Chakotay said as he cut their supper right down
the middle and into more manageable pieces.

"Nah. Just an observation," Tom said as he placed the water in front
of the older man. He placed a frothy beer in front of his place after
he sucked some foam off the top. "Synthbeer tastes like piss," he
sighed. "God, I missed it, too."

Chakotay served and Tom was eating before he set his plate down. "Did
you miss me?" he asked with a mouth full.

"Uh-huh," Chakotay said through his own full mouth.

"B'Elanna didn't miss me," he stated after a swig of beer.

"Oh," Chakotay brought his droopy slice back up to his mouth.

"Yeah, you know I really missed her when I was gone. Realized a few
things about whatever that was we called a relationship." He chewed
and swallowed. "I love her, Chakotay. But it's different from what I
thought it was. I thought that if she was in love with me, that was
all I needed to have a life together. But what I felt for her was the
love of companionship. It was nice to have someone to hang out
with--romantically. But I guess she wanted more than what she got.

"Anyhow," Tom shook himself out of his musings and looked at Chakotay.
"So, I went right to engineering as soon as I was presentable, and she
kind of blew me off. Said what was the big deal? I was only gone two
days." He picked up his beer and looked into it. "That's when I
realized that we were never really together. We always wanted
different things with our off time together, could never agree on
which meal we would eat together, who would be on top." He shrugged
and looked at Chakotay. "It was always just a little bit too hard."

Chakotay set the crust of his pizza on his plate, no longer hungry. He
sipped his water as he looked at the table top.

"What?"

Chakotay set the water glass down, and stared at it. "OurÖfriendship
hasn't been easy." Getting to the point where they could sit and eat
dinner as more than friends was not by any means smooth.

Tom was quiet, too. "No," he admitted. "I did a lot of thinking about
us--you and me--for the last two months."

The older man looked at the bowed head. "The last two days seemed like
two months to me."

The head rose slowly like a sun, the smile spread gently like the
light of dawn. "I was hoping **someone** would think so."

Chakotay relaxed, and picked up his second piece of pizza, not really
wanting it, but not wanting to give Tom any more reason to examine his
soul. The younger man was turning out to be more perceptive than was
sometimes comfortable. Right now, he just wanted to enjoy Tom's
company.

"Is Tuvok going to be alright?"

Tom smiled. "Nothing a few years of meditation won't cure." Tom
sobered. "Tuvok and I went through some personal things down there.
He's complex, you know. Well, hell, yeah--he's a Vulcan." Tom twisted
his mouth at the stupid statement. "But there's a lot more there than
meets the eye. He's absolutely committed to his wife. Whether he sees
her again or not, she's the one in his life forever. It was kind of
humbling. There I was waffling between what I didn't have with
B'Elanna and what I was moving toward with you. I honestly believed we
were there forever. For-fucking-ever. Not that damn Tuvok. He was
certain that you'd work on our rescue forever. I hate Vulcans the most
when they're right."

Throwing the crust on the plate, Chakotay sat back and watched Tom
devour the remainder of his pizza, trying to figure out what the pilot
had just said. Much like the younger man's trip through life, Tom did
not think in a straight line. He just told him that Tuvok gave him a
lesson in fidelity to his chosen mate. Okay. He said that much time
was spent deciding with whom to throw in his lot--B'Elanna or Chakotay
himself. Tom vaguely admitted it was Chakotay he wanted. And Tom had
given up hope of being rescued.

"You really didn't think we would try to rescue you?"

"That's not it." Tom reached across to scarf Chakotay's crusts. "I
knew you'd try, I just didn't know how you were going to get through
the gravity flux, still can't figure out how the transporter could
work through the temporal distortion."

Chakotay's smile twisted. "Don't ask me. I'm not the engineer."

Tom shrugged, but kept chomping on his crust. He washed it down with
the last of the beer. "So, you missed me?"

The question was asked in the mildest of manners, Chakotay relaxed. "I
did."

"You want to wait for dessert until later?"

"What do you have in mind?"

Tom laughed. "Jet skiing."

The smile disappeared.

"Chakotay, you are a goof," Tom headed to the replicator with supper
remnants. He turned back. "Race you to the bedroom."

Chakotay didn't race. He strolled. There was Tom standing beside the
bed trying to take off all of his clothes at once. His shoes were
slipping off even as his pants were using the gravity provided by the
ship to head toward the floor. But he was caught up in, and under, his
shirt.

The older man shook his head as he sat on the bed to remove his shoes
and socks. He watched Tom's struggle while he unfastened his shirt,
unable to help the smile on his face. Far be it from him to slow Tom
down. It was always fun to watch the man plunge ahead into the great
unknown.

That was a sobering thought. He was plunging into the great unknown
with Tom this time. He pulled the shirt from his shoulders just as Tom
ripped his tee off and flung it across the room. Chakotay smiled up
into the irritated, flushed face. Tom wasn't smiling as he kicked his
pants in the general direction of the 'fresher. The whole effort of
Tom's irritation amused Chakotay as the older man slid his pants over
his own butt.

"You think it's funny?" Tom snapped, obviously embarrassed at his
inability to get undressed like an adult.

"Uh-huh," Chakotay said as he admired the naked body of the man in
front of him. It was bright with color and soft with a light coating
of hair, so very nearly perfect.

"Well, I don't think it's very funny," Tom said as he took Chakotay to
the mattress with a full body slam. The wind went out of the commander
with a huff as Tom covered his body easily, both sets of feet still
touching the ground.

"Too bad," Chakotay managed to say.

Tom's face was nanometers from Chakotay's. The look of irritation
turned serious as Tom lowered his mouth to kiss the lips so close to
his own. The kiss started gently, but the gentleness could not last.
Not after all this time. He had been waiting six months to get here.
Well, four to six months, depending on which time frame you operated.
Tom had never been good at waiting for anything, especially sex.

He wasn't surprised that Chakotay's mouth opened under his insistence.
He wasn't surprised that Chakotay tasted as good as he did. He wasn't
surprised that Chakotay was letting him set the pace. He was surprised
that he hadn't prematurely ejaculated.

He dueled with the other tongue, lapping at the piece of skin that
held the organ to the floor of his mouth, darting around it, tasting
everything.

Chakotay did not lay immobile. His hands gripped Tom's shoulder blades
for an instant before he ran his fingered over the curve of Tom's back
to rest easily on the rounded buttocks. The surface was furred too and
fit perfectly into his hands as he pulled Tom firmly into his groin.
Grinding his groin into Tom's, he felt the younger man's groan, the
sound muffled and captured within his mouth.

Tom made finger prints on Chakotay's shoulders as Chakotay printed
Tom's butt. Tom moved his mouth along the solid jaw to behind his ear,
his tongue flat as he traced the stubble. "I don't think I'm gonna
last long," he groaned into the occipital bone.

"You're not the only one," Chakotay chuckled, nearly out of breath.
His fingers dipped between the crevice that separated the handfuls of
backside to brush the sensitive bud, made more sensitive by Tom's
arousal. The younger man bucked into Chakotay, making the most
delicious sounds while rubbing his erection against Chakotay's.
Chakotay was making his own delicious sounds, losing any coherence he
may have had earlier. It was just too much: the feel, the sound, the
smell.

But it had been the waiting. The waiting that had gone on for months.
Longer than even Tom knew. Longer than Chakotay admitted to himself.
Now the hot body on top of him wanted what he wanted, evidence of that
desire rested against his own desire.

Rested was not the right word. The two erections were hot and twitched
against each other with a heat Chakotay hadn't felt in years. Chakotay
had felt the heat of two penises touching before, but the sensation
had never been accompanied with the emotion he was feeling now. It
added to the tension and hit him deep in his soul.

Tom was moving now in rhythm to his heart beat, moving the taut, hot
flesh against the dark wiry hair of his groin and belly. Chakotay
matched Tom rhythm for rhythm, stroke for stroke with the added
advantage of stroking fingers applying subtle, arousing pressure to
the convulsing ring of muscle hidden inside the cleft.

"You are-not-fair," Tom hissed as he arched away from the questing
fingers and into the groin that was as aroused as he was. "Uh. Ah."
Tom stopped making verbal sense as Chakotay began to gently twist his
index finger within the relaxing membrane. Chakotay felt Tom stiffen
under the pressure as he hunched into Chakotay, hot moisture smearing
between them as Tom kept moving.

Chakotay nearly shouted when a semen covered hand engulfed his
hardness, pulling with firm pressure made slick from the liquid heat.
Another hand gently fondled his balls, moving from one to the other in
a beat matching the pumping hand. The older man stiffened, stiffened
again, rearing into Tom's ministration, calling his name as he came.

It was hard to breathe with the dead weight on top of him, but
Chakotay wasn't caring much. Every breath he took in was tinged with
the scent of Tom and their lovemaking. Like a whisper, he let his
hands glide over Tom's back savoring the twitch the gentle touch
elicited. This is what he had waited for, wanted for so long. Now Tom
rested on him, recovering his breath, just like Chakotay was himself.

"Thank you," Chakotay sighed as his hand moved to rub the still
flushed neck, rubbing it with the pads of his fingers.

"You're welcome," came a mumble from his shoulder. Tom rolled from
Chakotay then, an arm flung over his eyes. "That was pretty fast."

Chakotay turned to Tom resting an arm on his belly. "Too fast," he
admitted. "It was bound to be."

Tom lowered his arm to smile at Chakotay. "It was pretty hot, though."

Chakotay moved toward the smile like it was a magnet, easing himself
into Tom's embrace. "It was very hot."

"Worth waiting for?" Tom teased, but looked deeply into the brown
eyes. He was extremely serious.

Chakotay swallowed. How could he answer without blubbering and
sounding like a sap? He couldn't. He burrowed deeply into Tom's chest,
wiping his face into the damp curls he found there. "Yah," he said,
finally. His voice didn't even sound like his own. "It was worth
waiting for."

Tom hugged him back. "Good. Because I haven't even got started yet."
He pushed Chakotay away and bounded off the bed. "Time for dessert.
How do you feel about fudge ripple pudding?" he asked as he moved
through the door to the bathroom.

The older man cringed. "I don't care much for pudding," he said as he
headed toward the bathroom to clean up, too.

"Okay," Tom answered, "How about apple pie?"

Chakotay looked at the silly grin reflected in the bathroom mirror.
"I'd like that just fine," he said. Just fine.

---

The End