The BLTS Archive - Season V: Trust Comes With Effort
by Bridget Cochran (bjcochran@aol.com)

---

Number 11 in the Season V Series which includes The Way of All
Flesh,  A Friend in Need, A Friend in Deed, Pride's Cloak, The
Moon is Nothing, Conscious Betrayal, Molded Out of Faults, No
Signposts in the Sky, Moving Forward.

Spoilers for The Disease.

This story is part of a series that explores an on-going
relationship between two men that has involved consensual sex.
If that kind of relationship bothers you, move along home.

Disclaimer:  I own the ideas, Paramount owns the rest.  Archive
at will, including ASC/EM, BLTs, R'Rain's and AllSlash.

Special thanks to Karen/s.  Without her George, I am not Ira.
Without her Tiffany, I am not Brittany.  Without her Spike, I am
not Butch.  Et cetera, ad nauseum.

---

"Mr. Paris, my office.  Fifteen minutes."

Tom's shoulders could not drop any further.  "Aye, sir."
Chakotay was pissed.   Turning his eyes to the ceiling,  he
committed  a silent prayer to the gods for leniency.

Isn't gonna happen though, he thought as he worked the helm,
keenly aware that the lift doors had opened.  "Tuvok, you have
the bridge."

The doors shut and Tom's shoulders did drop further.  Christ.
He'd done it now.  Lied to Tuvok and Chakotay about the
communication signal from the alien ship.  Of course, he knew the
signal originated from Harry's cabin.   Harry couldn't be more
obvious in his attraction for the pretty engineer than if he
glowed green.  He must really have it bad, because his best bud
would never have tried an unauthorized transmission to the other
ship, secured channel or not.  Not with Tuvok on duty.

Tom sat with his gut clenching, running diagnostics totally
unnecessary for a docked ship until Tuvok announced it was time
to meet Chakotay.  Tom nodded to his replacement and shared a
long, measured look with Tuvok before heading to the lift.  Yep.
Tom was in deep shit.

---

If Chakotay had thought fifteen minutes would calm him down
enough to face Tom Paris, he was woefully mistaken.  He had
paced, sat, and paced again.  He had resisted the urge to slam a
padd against the wall.  Too many finite resources on Voyager to
waste good equipment.  And it wouldn't have made him feel any
better.

Chakotay threw himself into his desk chair and scrubbed his face.
The chime went.  "Come."

Tom entered the room stiffly and slowly, stopping a few paces
from the desk.   He stood at attention, his eyes trained at a
spot somewhere high above Chakotay's head.  A man on the way to a
firing squad couldn't have looked more uncomfortable.

The older man sat staring up at the unyielding ensign.  Stiff
necked pride.   He could relate to that.  Courage and
resourcefulness.  More sterling qualities that Chakotay strived
for in himself.

But Tom lied.  Chakotay had known it in the moment Tom heaved the
sigh when the connection was lost.  He didn't need to see the
eyes or the face.  The release of tension had given it away.
Tuvok saw it, too.  When was Tom going to learn that he didn't
know how to lie anymore?

Right now.  "At ease."

Tom relaxed only marginally.  His hands moved behind his back.
Parade rest. He was not going to make this easy. Rubbing his
forehead to forebear the tension that was building behind his
eyes, Chakotay ordered, "Look at me."

The younger man did so.

"I'm disappointed in you."

That was it.  That was all Chakotay could bring himself to say.
He was angry and disappointed in Tom, yet he had no desire to
express his disappointment in a tirade.  As it was, the look was
enough.  Tom swallowed, his eyes filled, but he didn't say a
word.

"A note will go into your file.  You're relieved of duty for the
rest of the shift."

Tom blinked.  "But--"

"Tom, there's no discussion.  You obstructed an investigation.
You know it and I know it."

"Yes, sir."  Tom lowered his eyes.  "I'm sorry, it's just that--"

"Tom, I am too angry to listen to your excuse.  Tuvok is tracking
down the signal that  was 'lost'."  Chakotay paused.  "Unless you
want to tell me where the signal was coming from."

Tom raised his chin, and focused again on the wall behind him.

"Didn't think so."  He looked at the face that was trying so hard
to be stony.  "Dismissed."

Chakotay stared at the closed door long after Tom left the room.

---

Spirits, Harry's little episode of lust in space was getting to
him.  He'd had a fight with Janeway about the tryst.

She was becoming harder and harder to understand, and Chakotay
was becoming uncomfortable with her all or nothing approach to
the return to the Alpha Quadrant.  They were going to get to
home, come hell or high water.  That was the euphemism that
applied in this case.  Except he was afraid hell would come
first.

It was easy to realize that his heart hurt.  Reading, personal
logging, meditating.  None of it helped.  Chakotay sighed.  He
missed Tom.

The pilot wasn't in his own quarters.  Not yet.  Not until 0200
or so.  Tom was sitting  with Harry, helping him over the rough
spots of withdrawal.   Sitting in the Mess Hall or working out in
the gym or on the holodeck.  They would spend several hours
together, then Tom would retire alone.

Chakotay wasn't getting over this, and lying in bed staring at
the ceiling was ridiculous.  "Computer, locate Lt. Torres."

"Lt. Torres is in engineering."

Chakotay sighed as he climbed out of bed.  He exchanged his sleep
shorts for sweatpants and a pair of moccasins and headed for
B'Elanna.

She frowned when she saw him enter her dominion.  "What did I do
now?"  she growled.

His brows came together.  "Nothing.  I need advice."

Her frown deepened as she looked up at him.  "This is about Tom?"

He shrugged and she turned back to her console.  "Aren't you
asking the wrong person?"  she said, softly.

"No.  I don't think so."

They stood in silence.  B'Elanna kept working as she waited for
Chakotay to speak.  He sighed again.  "When did this get reduced
to being about me?"  he asked looking at the warp core as if it
held the answer.

B'Elanna's face twisted, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I keep telling myself  that Tom lied again.  He lied for no good
reason.  To protect Harry like some adolescent.  And he'll lie
again."

B'Elanna was wildly skeptical.  "And this is keeping you up
nights?"

Chakotay's eyes narrowed, but he continued to stare at the
glowing core.   "The truth is very important to me, B'Elanna.
You should know that."

"Oh, I know that, Chakotay.  It's important to me, too.  But you
gotta cut Tom a little slack here."

"If I cut him slack with this lie, will he lie about important
things?"

B'Elanna's dry laugh made Chakotay look in her direction.  "He
lied about Harry in an illicit relationship, not about a mutiny.
Didn't you ever lie to protect your friends?"

Chakotay thought.  "No, I don't ever remember lying to protect my
friends."   It was true.

The look B'Elanna gave him scared him.  "But you killed to
protect friends."

Chakotay drew a breath in.  He had.  More than once in his
unexalted Maquis career he had killed and maimed Cardassians to
save him and his crew.  His compatriots meant everything to him.

B'Elanna now stared at him in that direct, angry way she had.
"So, what you're saying is Tom can't lie to protect a friend, but
you can kill to protect a friend."

"B'Elanna, it's not that simple."

She snorted.  "Of course, it isn't."  She shook her head at his
stupidity.   "Go and talk to him."

Chakotay stared at her, before shrugging.  "Alright."  He turned
to leave.   "I'll let you know how it turns out."

She was still shaking her head as the doors shut after him.
"Thanks," she sighed, "Looking forward to it."  She accepted a
padd from the silent Vorick.

---

Tom and Harry were in the darkened Mess Hall, alone since Neelix
had closed up for the night.  Tonight they sat in silence,
neither of them wanting to discuss the mess their love lives were
in.  Harry's stomach upset had stopped, but he still wasn't
eating.  He drank tea though, liters of sweet, weak tea.  Tom
just watched, not hungry or thirsty.

They both looked up when the far door slid open, and they both
gasped.  Harry looked at Tom who now stared at the table top,
head in hands.  "Do you want me to leave?"

Too late.  Chakotay had pulled up a chair and sat across from the
two.  Harry and Tom were silent and tense under the scrutiny,
neither could look at him.   "I'll go," Harry said after several
moments.  He was stopped by Chakotay's grip on his forearm, and
he sat back down.

"How are you feeling Harry?" Chakotay asked, as he loosened the
grip but did not leave go of Harry's forearm.

"Better."

Chakotay nodded.  "You're a pretty brave man."

Harry's face darkened and twisted at the words.  "I don't feel
brave, I feel nauseous."

Chakotay smiled, and ran his palm along Harry's forearm.  "It'll
pass."  He flicked a look at his estranged lover.   "You're lucky
to have a friend like Tom."

Both men lowered their heads in study of the table top.  Chakotay
couldn't resist a small smile at their discomfort.  "Either of
you remember Kurt Bendera?"

The dark head came up, question in his eyes.  "He was Maquis.  He
worked with B'Elanna  in engineering."

"Among other places.  He was with me almost as long as Ayala.  He
came from a colony in the DMZ.  Saved my life, saved B'Elanna's.
Always there when you needed him."  Chakotay stopped reveling to
get back to the point.  "When he was killed, a part of me died,
too.  He was the closest I ever came to the friendship you two
have, but it wasn't nearly like this."

Chakotay was silent then.  He realized that Tom wasn't going to
say a word.   And he didn't blame him.  This parable thing wasn't
the best way to say he was sorry.  Sighing, he sat back in his
chair.  He exchanged a long look with Harry.  After a moment, a
small, weary smile tipped the younger man's lips.

Closing his eyes to offer a small prayer, Chakotay turned his
attention to Tom.  He studied the still bowed head before taking
a deep breath.  "I'm sorry, Tom.  I overreacted."

The blond head shook a negative, but the blue eyes still stared
at the table top.  Out of the corner of his eye, Chakotay saw
Harry try to escape again.   A quick brown hand stayed him, as
did a quick look and shake of his head.   The hand dropped away
when Harry dropped back into his seat.

"Tom, the truth is so important to me.  You know that."

The head nodded.

"You lied to your senior officers.  And you obstructed an
investigation."

Another nod.

"But you did it for your friend."

"It was still wrong," came a quiet voice, tinged with pain.

Chakotay rubbed his face.  "Yeah, it was.  And so was I.  I saw
the lie as an isolated incident, and not in the big picture."

Tom twisted his mouth into a smirk, but didn't raise his head.
"Care to clarify that?"

Chakotay smiled now.  "Lying to protect a friend is still lying.
But having a friend you're willing to cover for is a gift."
There he said it.  He just hoped he made sense.

The bowed head raised slowly to fix the blue lasers on Chakotay.
"I accept your apology, but--"  Tom licked his lips, what he had
to say wasn't going to be easy.  "But if we're going to be in
this together, if we're gonna have a relationship, you have to
let me talk."

Nodding, Chakotay sat back to listen like he should have last
week. He was glad that Harry was here for Tom because, in an odd
way, Harry was here for Chakotay, too.  Giving them both support
as they felt their way along.  Tom would know that Chakotay
wasn't going to shy away or hide from his feelings if he worked
them out in front of company.

"Whether you like it or not, our dynamics have changed," Tom
continued.  "If we're gonna be lifelong mates, as well as junior
and senior officer, you have to let someone else take care of
discipline."

Chakotay nodded.  He and Tuvok had already discussed that
necessity.  It did not escape Chakotay's attention that the
Vulcan had developed a soft spot for the ensign, and readily took
on responsibility for Tom's future transgressions.  The first and
second officer were both aware that there would be future
transgressions, it was just in the younger man's nature.

"Tom," Chakotay sighed, "this isn't the first time I've handled a
relationship badly.  It won't be the last time I screw something
up.  My high **principles** engage before my brains sometimes."

Tom snickered.  "Your principles and my mouth."

Humor was good.  Chakotay sat up and forward.  "Can we move on?"

Seriousness invaded Tom's face.  "This hurt, Chakotay.  I don't
want to go through this kind of separation again.  I want to know
that I can go into your quarters and yell at you, if I need to."

Swallowing under the intensity, Chakotay nodded.  "I shouldn't
have cut you off."  He raised his gaze to the ceiling, blinking a
few times to clear the irritation at the waste of time.  Seems
like wasting time is what he and Tom did best.  He looked into
the blue eyes that had darkened with emotion.   Lord, he had
treated him badly.  "I love you."

Those three little words.  Tom sighed deeply, now relaxing
totally.  "I know you do."  He reached out a hand to Chakotay,
squeezing it when it rested in his.  "We both have a long road to
go in this give and take thing.  But if this is forever, we have
forever to get it right."

Chakotay changed the grip of their hands to bring Tom's knuckles
to his lips.  "Forever," he agreed.

Harry cleared his throat, and Tom broke his stare from the
entwined hands to look at Harry ruefully.  "Think I'm gonna leave
you now," Tom said.

"I hope so," the younger man said, as he smiled his first real
smile in weeks.

---

The End