The BLTS Archive - How To Admit Your True Feelings
by Cinnamin-chan (robin_kun33@mail.com)

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Hey there, readers! Robin here, with another fresh TOS story! I hope
it doesn't sound too rushed or generic, and I really hope it's not too
sappy! It's slash, so if you don't like it, then begone! If you do
like it, however, feel free to stick around. Again, it's something
short and sweet (I hope?), and I felt the need to write a Chekov/Sulu
fic, so I did. And again, the title has "How To..." in it, so I get
the feeling that this is turning into a series. I've actually started
writing a few other things with the "How To" title, so I guess it is.
Attention, Spock/McCoy fans: look out for my next fic! It's
(hopefully) coming soon, so please keep an eye out for it.

Anyway, if you do read this, please review! And if you like it, let me
know!

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"Hey, Sulu..."

The tall Asian turned to face his friend. "Yeah, Chekov?"

"Do you ever vonder... vat it vould be like to get married?"

Sulu paused. "I imagine it would be wonderful. But I'm not ready to
settle down yet, and I still haven't found the girl for me..."

"Oh, really..." Chekov commented, trying to sound like his heart
hadn't sank at the word "girl".

"Yeah. It's just so hard to find someone, you know?"

"Mm-hmm..."

"How about you? Got your eye on someone?" he laughed, nudging the
Russian and winking.

"Vell... kind of." Chekov set his hands on the table, tapping his
fingers nervously. "But it doesn't matter..." he added quietly.

"Sure it does. Who is it?"

"I... it is a secret."

Sulu smiled. "You know I'm good at keeping secrets, Chekov. I won't
tell a soul."

"But... I still can't tell you..."

"Why not?"

The ensign blushed. "Vell... um..."

"Aw, come on. At least give me a hint."

"Okay. It's somevun aboard the ship."

"Is it someone I know?"

"... Yes."

"Is it Uhura?"

"No..."

"Nurse Chapel?"

"Not her, either."

"Is it one of those new ensigns? I heard some of them are pretty
hot..."

"No!" cried Chekov. "Now please stop guessing."

"Heheh. That just means I'm getting close, huh? Now, who could it
be... There really aren't that many women on the Enterprise."

"Yeah..."

Sulu glanced at Chekov, giving him an odd look. "It is a woman...
right?"

At this, the Russian turned bright red and started twiddling his
thumbs. "Er... not exactly," he mumbled under his breath, keeping his
gaze fixed on the table and lowering his head.

The helmsman gave a reassuring smile. "If it's not... I don't mind. To
each his own, you know? Love is love."

"Thanks..." Chekov muttered.

"So who is it? Captain Kirk? I'm sure lots of people have crushes on
him."

"The Keptin? Eh, no... Besides, he is too promiscuous."

"Haha, you've got that right. I bet he's bi; he seems like he'd date
anyone... How about... McCoy?"

"Too old."

"Spock?"

"Too logical!"

"Scotty?"

"Of course not! His heart belongs to the ship!"

"Well... is it... me?"

Chekov didn't answer but instead kept staring at the table. His heart
started beating faster than it ever had.

"Chekov?"

"Um..."

"Pavel..."

The Russian turned a darker shade of red. "I..."

"Is it me?"

Chekov nodded slowly. "Yes..."

Sulu was slightly taken aback. "You... really? You like... me?"

"Yes!" blurted out the navigator. "I like you, okay?! I ken't help it!
Ever since ve met, I knew that you vere a respectable person... You
just... the vay you can be so cool under pressure, how dedicated you
are, how nice you are... I've alvays admired you. And recently, I
realized... that it vas more than admiration. Ve have been good
friends, though, so I didn't vant to say anything... because I didn't
think you vould still be my friend if I did. I didn't vant to ruin vat
ve have now... I know I could not go on vithout a friend like you."

Sulu paused before responding. "Pavel, you should know that nothing
like that could ever ruin our friendship. Friends care about each
other, and I care enough about you to accept you no matter who you
are. If you're gay, that's fine... If you like me, well, that's fine,
too. But why didn't you tell me before?"

"I told you, I vas afraid that you vould get mad at me... and I knew
it vould hurt for my feelings to not be returned. So I tried to hide
it and thought that maybe it would go avay if I pretended that it
vasn't true..."

"True feelings never die, Pavel." Sulu looked at his friend seriously.
"You can't pretend to be something you're not. I know that from
experience..."

"Vait... Sulu, do you mean..."

The helmsman nodded. "I've actually been hiding it for a while now...
so, I know how you feel."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But, you know... it was getting really hard hide around someone
as cute as you." He offered a small smile, placing his hand on
Chekov's.

Chekov's heart was beating so hard that he thought it might explode in
his chest. "M-m-me?!" he stuttered.

"That's right. Actually, I'm glad you said something. Because
otherwise I would've kept this inside, too. I really should've taken
my own advice earlier, but I was too scared. I've seen others get
rejected and hurt because of their differences, and I grew up learning
that homosexuality was supposedly wrong. I always wondered, though,
how could something like that be wrong? It's love, regardless of
gender... so why should it be treated differently?"

"How... how did you know that you vere... gay?" he said carefully, as
though the word was forbidden.

"Well, for years, I had crushes on just girls. However, as I got
older, I started to realize that I wasn't really attracted to them
anymore... I started noticing the wonderful things about the male
body. Don't get me wrong, women have lovely bodies, but a man's...
there's just no comparing. My first crush on a guy was in high school.
I made the mistake of spilling my guts to him, and the only thing I
got in return was a disgusted look and a punch in the face.
Thankfully, he never told anyone. Once I got to Starfleet Academy, I
fell for someone else. We were good friends, and he seemed to like me,
so even though I knew what could happen, I decided to go ahead and
tell him how I felt."

"Vat happened vith him?"

"He said he'd try it, for me, but I could tell that he didn't feel the
same. He apologized that he couldn't make it work, but after that, our
friendship sort of... disappeared. I didn't want that to happen ever
again. That's why I didn't say anything about it to you before. From
then on, I decided never to tell anyone, especially not my family. So
for years, I kept it a secret, and I never dared to look at another
guy for too long."

"Did anyone ever suspect it?"

"I don't think so. It was hard to keep up the charade as a single guy,
so I started dating random girls. It didn't feel right, because I
didn't really love any of them, and it hurt to purposely break their
hearts just for my sake. I didn't know what else to do, though. I
didn't know where to turn or who I could talk to."

"Vell... if it makes you feel any better... now you do." Chekov
grinned shyly.

"It does. It really does. Finally, I've met someone who I can relate
to... someone who truly feels the way I do."

"I guess it vas a good thing that you are so persistent, then, da?"

Sulu laughed, his deep, rich voice sending shivers down the Russian's
spine. "Heh, I guess so."

"I'm glad you vere, or else I probably never vould have admitted it...
But, Hikaru..." Chekov decided to use his friend's first name now. "Do
you mind if ve... keep this just between us for now? I'm still anxious
about... coming out... to the other members of the crew..."

"My lips are sealed, Pav."

"Not for long, I hope," Chekov whispered, and before Sulu knew what
was happening, their mouths were pressed together. Sulu's tongue
gently pressed against Chekov's lips, which he parted eagerly, and he
allowed the Asian to explore his mouth. Sulu licked at his teeth,
tilting Chekov's head up with his fingers. Chekov gripped his other
hand tightly, squeezing it when he felt a sudden tightness in his
pants.

"Hikaru..." he breathed heavily, pulling away from the kiss for a
moment.

"Is there a problem?" asked Sulu, a little worried.

"Sort of..." He gave a nod towards his crotch.

"I think I can fix that," he chuckled softly. "Come on, let's go back
to my quarters." He gave his friend another kiss before he stood up,
motioning for Chekov to follow.

The young navigator couldn't help but smile. Such a warm feeling,
Chekov decided, could never be wrong.

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The End