The BLTS Archive - What Could Have Been
by CheetahLiv (CheetahLiv@excite.com)

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AN: Hi everyone! *waves* This is my first VOY fic, although
certainly not my first fanfic. Please review and let me know
what you think. I've seen loads of episodes but am always
nervous about characterizations. :)

Disc: I do not own ST:VOY. I wish I did, but alas, I do not.

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He watches her pace, wearing circles in the rug. He's not
used to seeing this side of her; this insecure woman before
him is not the same Kathryn Janeway he's known for seven
years. Or perhaps she was always this anxious, but she had
never been able to share the burden of the captaincy with
anyone. The thought saddens him, though he's not entirely
sure why.

He's very busy, and she knows this, but as she's still
pacing he can't bring himself to be the catalyst that breaks
the silence, giving her time to gather her thoughts.
Abruptly, she turns to face him, red hair swinging down her
back and glinting in the sunlight streaming in through the
open window. He smiles as her hands come up to rest on her
hips in her typical captain's stance.

"Chakotay," she begins, her all-business tone betrayed by
the hint of something in her eyes. "As Voyager's mission
drew to a close, I had the opportunity to reflect on our
seven years together. And, well," and now the insecurity is
back, and Chakotay hates it, hates waiting to hear what she
could possibly be bringing up now, on this day of all days,
"I was thinking about New Earth."

His eyes snap to hers, and he's shocked and she's surprised
that he would be. "Kathryn, that was a long time ago."

"I know, Chakotay. But. . . " she trails off, looking down
at the floor, and Chakotay realizes belatedly how harsh he
must have sounded. He opens his mouth to apologize when she
lifts first a hand then her gaze to silence him. "Please,
let me say this." He nods. Even after all these years, he is
unable to deny her.

"We were both despondent about leaving Voyager, I know. But,
there was potential there, Chakotay. Potential for a new
beginning, a new us. It was so tempting to give in, to
forget about Voyager and being stranded in the Delta
quadrant, to just 'carpe diem' and live in the day, the
moment. But it was so hard, it was damn near impossible, for
me to give up the security of the command structure, to give
up my captaincy. And then Voyager was back, and we resumed
our duties and our professional, strictly professional,
relationship. And now. . . well, now things could be, could
be now like they never could have been then. I was
Starfleet, you were Maquis. I was captain, you were first
officer. It never would have worked. But now that we're
back. . . " she lets the rest of the thought remain unsaid,
although the both of them know exactly what she was trying
to say.

Once again their gazes lock, and he is startled to see tears
shimmering in her eyes. "Oh, Kathryn," he whispers. She
clenches her jaw, forcing a smile.

"I'm sorry for bringing all this up, Chakotay. But I had to
let you know, before. . . " she breaks off, glancing to her
pocketwatch, and his heart nearly breaks—the same silver
watch he'd given her as a birthday gift several years
ago—and she says, "I should go, leave you to finish getting
ready."

He says nothing and watches her walk to the door. Turning
the handle, she pauses, looks back. "Congratulations,
Chakotay. I'm sure you'll make Seven very happy." And with
that, she was gone.

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The End