The BLTS Archive - Destiny: Invisible Man
by Kate Carter (starlightstables@gmail.com)

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Time: The night after the end of "Caretaker"

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Personal log, supplemental:
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I can't believe it. I haven't seen her in so many years. And
now she's my captain. She'. More beautiful than ever. She's
so beautiful it takes my breath away.

If she knew I said that, even in my logs.

Ever since that trip in the wilderness, when we were both
cadets. I came back from that trip with a new sense of
leadership, and knowing what they mean by "Love at first
sight".

Even the grubs we were forced to eat as part of our training
tasted like candy, knowing she had touched them, that she
was sitting right next to me, just a couple feet over.

It was incredibly hard to keep her from knowing what I was
thinking. But she wasn't even noticing me. She was talking
with another cadet the whole meal.

Afterwards, we'd gone into the shelter for some sleep. It
was a small shelter, hastily built and close quarters. Sleep
was our goal. Everyone got it but me.

Again, she was next to me. Hearing her slow, deep breathing
as she slept. Seeing how sweet she looked while sleeping. I
stayed up all night, just watching her. At least, it felt
that way. Eventually I fell asleep, from sheer exhaustion.
When I woke up, she was still asleep. She'd been moving in
her sleep though, because one arm was across my chest and
she'd rolled over next to me. I was trapped by a sleeping
Kathryn Janeway, and I couldn't have been happier.

When she woke up, I pretended to be asleep so she wouldn't
be embarrassed. I knew already how prideful she was.

We kept meeting each other on the campus,
accidentally-on-purpose, at least for me. There was the time
when what seemed like the entire Academy was in the
courtyard. And who should trip but Kathryn Janeway. She fell
right into me. I grabbed her and held her, perhaps a couple
seconds too long. Then I helped her pick up her padds. She
gave me her sweet smile, said thanks, and was off. Seemed
like she couldn't get away fast enough.

And now, she's my captain. We're in the Delta Quadrant. With
virtually no hope of getting home anytime soon.

I'll be sitting beside her on the bridge. I'll walk into her
ready room to take care of business. Ship's business, of
course. I have quarters right next to her.

I would love to see her hair down again, like she had it in
the Academy. It was beautiful.

I've followed her career ever since she graduated from the
Academy, with honors of course. I never expected anything
less. I kept a picture of her in my quarters for years,
through my Starfleet career and throughout my Maquis career.
It was destroyed when I crashed the ship, I'm sure. Probably
a good thing. If she were to find that out.

But now I have her to see. I'll see her every day. But it's
like Pygmalion's statue. She's stiff. Professional. That's
as it should be, I suppose.

I'll have to be the same way. If only Kathryn knew.

No. It's no good wishing. I'll always love Kathryn, even if
she doesn't love me. I guess that's why I've never married
anyone. Came close a few times, but didn't. Because I love
her.

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End log