The BLTS Archive - Ship Tales Not Everyone Looks Good in Orange by Cait N. (caitn@bellsouth.net) --- Copyright: October 2007 Author's Note: Written for the asceml "ShipTales" challenge - there's a costume, something orange-colored and the word "trick". Mandy requested EMH/anyone. --- "Mr. Kim, I don't have all day. The party started ten point seven minutes ago." The EMH folded his arms, clearly impatient. "It's embarrassing." Kim's face had gone from its usual flesh colored to pink, to red over the few minutes since entering Sickbay. The doctor uncrossed his arms and put his hands in the pockets of his white lab coat. For Neelix's mandatory Halloween party, he'd somehow been convinced to go as a mad scientist. B'Elanna had tweaked his program and as a result his head was covered with copious amounts of hair and stood on end. His eyebrows were dark and bushy and he had a wicked looking scar running along the right side of his face. He personally thought he looked like an escapee from the Eugenics Wars, but (as usual) no one had asked his opinion. "I'm a doctor, I assure you there's not much I haven't seen. The door to the office is locked and Sickbay is deserted. I assure you we have complete privacy." Flipping his cape over his shoulder, Kim reached for the fastener on his trousers. In one fluid motion, he dropped his pants and underwear and gestured to his groin. "Please tell me you can fix this." The EMH stared in fascination at Kim's penis. It was a bright orange color, close to the color of the pumpkins Neelix had found pictures of and subsequently decorated the mess hall with. "Hrumph." "That's all you have to say?" Kim was near hysterical. He pushed up his Zorro mask to where it rested atop his head. "It can't be orange! I've got a date with Jenny Delaney tonight. What if by some miracle I get lucky? One look at..." he glanced down and then quickly away again, "...that and I'll be the laughingstock of the ship." The EMH grabbed a tricorder and started taking readings. "It appears only the skin pigmentation has been affected. Have you eaten anything different lately, used any unusual lubrication?" Kim groaned. "Tom gave me a tube of something called 'Multi-Lube.' He told me it was the best thing he'd ever used. . . . Of all the low- down, dirty tricks!" "Calm down. I'll be right back." He left the office and returned a short while later, hypo in hand. "What's that for?" Kim asked suspiciously. "I suspect one of the ingredients in the lubrication has interacted with the melanin in your skin. This should lessen the effects within an hour or two and things should be their normal color by tomorrow morning." He pressed the hypo against Kim's hip. "Why didn't my palms turn orange? And why didn't it affect Tom like this?" "One, the same reason they don't tan the way the rest of your body does. And two, because of differences in skin tones - he's Caucasian, you're not." "Great. Thanks, Doc. I guess if I do manage to get lucky tonight, I'll keep the lights off." Kim started to pull his pants up. The EMH put a hand out and stopped him. "There's one other thing I can do to help." He dropped to his knees and took Kim's penis in hand. "Wh-?" Words failed the young ensign. "This isn't necessary for treatment, but it'll help you relax." The doctor smiled up at him and, just before Kim's penis slipped past his lips, added, "It'll also help insure your 'encounter' with Miss Delaney this evening won't end prematurely." --- The End